I've been avoiding Lily for a little longer than a week, not bother her or anything and Pretty Boy (he's actually ugly; really, really, really, really, really ugly) Ravendrew just decides to "accidently" stop by the library while I was studying (okay, you got me, I was actually reading The First World Cup (it was pretty awesome)) and "talk" to me.
And, you know, I really haven't been shoving him around or hexing him. Only a few (hundred) evil eyes and ice glares have been thrown at him. That's all. . .Okay, so maybe I called him Ravendork as we passed each other in the corridor the other day. . .oh, and that other time the words "obnoxious git" rolled off my tongue while he was standing in hearing distance. Other than that, I really haven't been messing with him. . .well, there was that other time-
Besides, he really didn't have any right to come into the library and start messing with me. That was a bad choice, it was. No one messes with James Potter.
He sat down across from me at my table, right? Right. And went, just bluntly,"Potter, you're being an idiot, you know that?"
I had just left History of Magic with Binns. No one handles being called an idiot well just after leaving that boring place. So, I kind of snapped,"You shouldn't be talking, Ravendork."
"What? I'm not the one who messed around with a girl just to try and win a bet."
"First of all, I didn't "mess around" with Lily and second of all- Would you mind buggering off? I can't read when there's a moron sitting across from me." Oooh. Good one, James.
"Andrew" ignored me. "How can you be so selfish? You've ignored Lily all week and haven't apologized."
"You know, you're quite nosy, it's really annoying. Would you mind putting your overlarged nose in someone else's business?" He had been nosy. He still was. What was going on was between Lily and me. Not between Lily and me and him.
"Do you not care if Lily's hurt because of you? I suppose not; you don't have any feelings anyways."
That wasn't nice. And I did care that I'd hurt Lily. "You seem to care a lot about what's happening with Lily, don't you, Ravendork?"
That threw him off. He didn't say anything. Actually, I know I saw his ears go pink. He was blushing. Oh, how cute. Not. That was so pansy-ish. Ravendork is not only a git, but also a fairy.
"Yeah, everywhere Lily is, you just seem to pop up. Huh, funny, isn't it? It's almost as if you fancy her-"
"Oh, shut up, Potter." He said hastily, before turning back to Mr. Macho. Yeah, right. More like Mr. Fairy "I don't want to bicker all day. I just came to tell you to apologize to Lily. She, at least, deserves that." And, Mr. Fairy exits the library.
Oh, how sensible of him. He only wanted to tell me what to do; not fight. How Ravenclaw and responsible of him. How bossy of him.
Okay, so I snapped. Right after Ravendrew left the library, I snapped.
And, no, I didn't snap because what Ravendrew so bossily told me to do, was just that inspiring. It wasn't inspiring at all, actually.
What happened was that Lily walked past my table, didn't acknowledge me, then continued walking to sit down at a table a few bookshelves away. And then, I snapped. Don't ask me why, I don't know why. It just happened.
How exactly did I snap, you ask?
Well, I grabbed my bag, stuffed The First World Cup in it (the bag) and walked straight to Lily's table. I sat down across from her, pulled out The First World Cup and started reading it (of course, I didn't actually read, I was trying to see what Lily would do).
She didn't stand up and start yelling at me (surprise, surprise, I know), nor did she throw her book (Grindylows: Friends or Foes?) at me (surprise, surprise, once again). Instead, she just glanced at me before continuing with Grindylows: Friends or Foes?
I sat for a while (okay, two minutes, if you must know) before shifting in my chair uncomfortably. I was sort of hoping Lily'd get the picture that me sitting down with her meant an unsaid apology or truce. But, no, she didn't. Of course. Things couldn't be easy for once. Pfft, something easy? Please.
I was regretting ever leaving my table now.
So, the minutes passed by. I didn't know what to say; Lily just wouldn't say anything (surprise, surprise). I let out a sigh and shifted again in my seat. For some reason, the library chairs had all of a sudden become very small and uncomfortable. Actually, the whole library was becoming small and uncomfortable, not that I ever thought of the library as "comfortable" before, but, you know, it was more uncomfortable than usual.
I glanced at Lily. She was calmly reading (yes, actually reading) her book. As if the library wasn't unusually small and uncomfortable.
Was it just me, or did it just become hotter in here? I wouldn't be surprised if I broke out in a sweat at this rate. Geez, it's winter out, shouldn't I be freezing off my bum?
Lily didn't seem to be flushed or sweating, so I wonder if she just wasn't affected by things like the heat or the shrinking of rooms. I was beganing to wondering if Lily just wasn't affected by anything, at all.
I ran a hand through my hair. I shifted in my too small, overly uncomfortable chair again. I began to restlessly flip through my book. It was becoming more and more obvious that I wasn't reading my book. Great.
Should I say something? Anything? Should I apologize? Say "I'm sorry"? What should I say? How should I say it? What if I make an idiot of myself? What if she just ignores me? What if- ?
Lily stood up calmly, gathered her stuff together calmly, and walked out of the library calmly.
Well. I guess I don't have to worry about what to say anymore.
The next morning, I waited around for Lily to leave for our first class (charms), then headed out.
I was able to get a seat right next to Lily (in the second row from the front, great). God, I was making such an idiot of myself.
She was working on some diagram for potions that wasn't even due for a week as I sat down and started an essay due for our next class (transfiguration). I, you know, didn't have time to do this one outside of class either. . .
Anyways, we worked on our own separate assignments, not saying anything. Except for our quills being annoyingly loud, there was silence.
I wish she would talk. I mean, what can I say?. . .I could apologize, I guess, but what if she doesn't forgive me? What if she pours ink from her inkwell down my head and says she hates me? What if-
"Lily, I'm sorry."
Oh, well. I guess I just apologized. Huh.
Lily stopped writing and turned her head towards me. "It's okay, James." She said in this absentminded voice.
It's okay, James
She did not mean that it was okay, though. I mean, come on. If you heard her, you'd understand what I mean. She didn't forgive me. Nothing was okay between us. It was quite a mess actually. And it was all my fault (sort of Sirius' too for starting this whole thing in the first place).
"Right." I said.
I just sort of. . .er, sat there, holding my quill and staring down at my essay. Realizing something really lame and depressing:
I had just been rejected by Lily Evans.
The shy, never-socialize, Lily Evans had basically just said she didn't want me. That she didn't want to be friends with me. That nothing was okay between us. It was Lily's nice way of saying she wanted nothing to do with me.
For some reason, being rejected by Lily Evans seemed to be just as tramatizing as being rejected by the first girl (I'd already forgotten her name again) I ever asked out.
I sat with Lily through the entire charms lesson that morning.
My pride wouldn't let me run to the back of the room and hide from her. I wanted to, though. Lily's a petite red head who couldn't hurt a fly. Yet, I wanted to run away from her. That's just so pathetic.
The only good thing about sitting with Lily was to see Ravendork have a silent temper tantrum. The berk obviously wanted to sit beside Lily. Take that, you fairy. He gave me an evil eye and sat behind Lily. Of course, all good things come to an end. That particular good thing wasn't an exception.
Lily talked with him before class began (after finishing her diagram, of course) and stayed behind after class to chat with him. Woo hoo. Wonderful. She even laughed at stuff he said. Just spiffy.
Why should Lily be laughing and joking around with some Hufflepuff girl (yes, Lily does have a few friends that she talks to occasionally) while I sit watching her do so? Why can't I be the one laughing and joking with friends (which I have plenty of) while she watches me? She's suppose to be the shy girl, not me (I'm not a girl, okay?). She's suppose to be all depressed right now, not me. Not that I'm depressed or anything. Just, you know, in a bad mood. . .because it's raining. Rain always get's me in a bad mood. Yeah.
She's smiling one of her smiles. Oh, good grief. I'm talking about her smiles. Of all the things. . .
Unlike other times (the old days, when Lily and me were friends), Lily's smile didn't make me smile (That sounds so corny). In fact, it only made me more depressed- I mean, it only made my mood worse. Yeah.
Lily hasn't smiled at me since. . .you know, forever. She hasn't laughed with me since, once again, forever. We haven't even sat in the library with the "normal" silence in forever (now the silence is just unnerving, not to mention, uncomfortable).
I just realized something. Something pathetic. Something that I'll never admit to anyone. Something that shouldn't be happening. Something that Lily should be doing. Not me.
A/N: Someone commented that last chapter was a filler, but, I have to say, this chapter is even more a filler. It was really quite hard to write because nothing important happens (except for James admiting he misses Lily), so there wasn't much to write, really. I don't want to rush things too much.
I know the chapter's short, sorry!
Just Another Harry Potter Fan
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