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The Grass Is Much Greener on the Other Side by private_ryan
Chapter 1 : Names on Underwear Promote Conversations.
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 21

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Disclaimer: I own nothing but the course of my plot and Teely...and the box i live in.

I, Teely Ryan, had the utmost honor of standing within two feet of the degrading idiot, who was picking his nose and wiping it on innocent civilians that I call my classmates. Lucky me! Should I even call it picking? No. He was digging-no. He was scraping. Wait for it- no. HE was excavating his nose, searching for slimy treasures to give to girls and boys. He was a perfect example of a boy to say the least. Think hearing about it is disgusting try-

“Boy if you put that on my jacket, I will kick you where it hurts!”

Try standing next to it.

Confused? Or does one eyebrow always go higher than the other?

Let’s start with the basics. I’m Teely. I’m eleven and a witch; apparently. I’m what one calls a muggleborn witch. It figures too, because I didn’t even know about my magical self until June 30th 1973 at 10:03 a.m.

I was eating burnt toast(seeing how I can’t cook to save my life) when all of a sudden an owl, brown with white spots, comes swooping in from my chimney and drops a letter on my plate.

Being a girl and a muggle at the time I do the only reasonable thing.

I screamed bloody murder; even after that stupid owl left. I was in shock. But after remembering my yoga classes I calmed the inner being and frazzled opened my letter. Get this- it said I was a witch! A WITCH! Like the girl in Monty Python with the wart! Like the 5000 witches who got burned in Europe in the 15th and 16th century! Wait…bad example.

Anyway I did the only humane thing after learning my life was a lie. I screamed and danced! I mean c’mon, me, The Klutz Teely, a witch! I was a magical being! I was getting my groove on too until my cursed dog, Beelzebub, tripped me causing me to trip onto the coffee table breaking a vase. I swear that dog is out to get me! I mean who names a cute adorable dog after the devil!

Now you may be pondering in that head of yours, why my parents hadn’t came down yet to scream at me, right? Well they’re deaf for starters. We communicate by sign language seeing how they’re too stingy to buy hearing aids. It’s cool for the most part. But if you’re watching a really hot guy on the TV, staring into that smoldering gaze, practically drooling, when captions pop up, blocking his sexy blue eyes, well it’s bad!

So I went up to signal that I was a witch to my parents. My dad fell out of bed, and dear mother barked. She couldn’t hear what she sounded like, my guess she was trying to laugh. Deaf parents- got to love them. But they finally believed me.

To make a long short, we went to Diagon Alley (Oh My Lantern, it was A-M-A-zing.) I rode on the Hogwarts Express with a red haired freak! Her hair was frizzy times 100. Hello, ever hear of bed head? Her hair was so frizzed out she looked like a lion, the hair was her mane. But maybe she’s a hippie, or a big animal lover? I didn’t talk to her though. After that we rode in cute boats to the Hogwarts castle.

Hogwarts in a few words is admirable, alluring, angelic, appealing, beauteous, bewitching, charming, classy, comely, cute, dazzling, delicate, delightful, divine, elegant, enticing, excellent, exquisite, fair, fascinating, fine, foxy, good-looking, gorgeous, graceful, grand, handsome, ideal, lovely, magnificent, marvelous, nice, pleasing, pretty, pulchritudinous, radiant, ravishing, refined, resplendent, shapely, sightly, splendid, statuesque, stunning, sublime, superb, symmetrical, taking, well-formed, and wonderful.

Me, along with other first years were herded into a corridor to await our sorting. Get this- by a hat! HAH! How can a hat determine my future? It’s a lifeless object for one.

“Hey I never got your name! I’m Lily Evans by the way!”

It was captain frizzy!

“Teely. If you ever forget my mom put it in my underwear.” I said back. She looked alarmed, I wonder why?

“My mom did that too! Along with our owl address! I’m Mark.” A boy with sandy blonde hair said. He had a seashell necklace. Can you say surfer? I can, but I don’t want to brag.

“Teely.” I responded.

“That’s a weird name.” Mark commented.

“Yeah, like putting your address in a pair of underwear is any better. Who would really pick them up and read that?” I said dryly. Mark and Lily laughed.

“Tell that to mother, she said she didn’t want me to get lost.” Mark replied.

“Well my mom said she didn’t want my underwear to get lost; makes me wonder if she cares more ‘bout me undies than her own flesh and blood.” I said trying to make a joke.

Mark laughed and Lily muttered, “How awful.”

Not to sound like a old man who lives alone, waiting for people to talk to, but I think I just made two wizard friends.

AN: so…tell me what you think. I have cookies!

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