Chapter 8 : Hypothetically Speaking, Of Course
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A/N: Hi, again: )
"How about enchanted candy canes, James? The book says they're suppose to sing Christmas carols." Lily explained as she fingered through Christmas Magic. If only they had a book entitled, Girl Magic. Maybe'd it give a few tips on how to ask a girl out.
"Oh, sure, Lily. They sound great." Truthfully, I really didn't care whether we had enchanted candy canes or make the ceiling have a snowfall. Or about whether the punch should be red or green (both Christmas colors, you know). Well, I sort of do care if the punch turns out green. People'd start to think it was expired or something.
"Good." Lily said, slowly and neatly writing "Enchanted Candy Canes" on a spare piece of parchment in which had all of our notes for the ball written on them. "James?"
I was just about finished with my snitch draw (I was suppose to be jotting down some spells that might help us with enchanting a Christmas tree to sing (I suppose it could join the enchanted candy canes in a duet or something) carols). My drawing was successfully hidden from Lily's view since there were so many books littered across the table from our research. "Hmmm?
"Is that a snitch?"
Oh, crap. I guess my drawing wasn't that succesfully hidden that well after all.
I laughed sheepishly. "No. . .it's actually, erm, a. . .drawing of a. . .rare mistletoe that lives in the, you know, icy barren land of Antarctica. It's, er, quite interesting actually. The book says that it," I quickly grabbed the closest book to me and opened it, making sure Lily couldn't read the pages. "It has a hard, rough texture, sort of like a round shell to, you know, protect it from the cold."
I looked up after a few seconds of silence to see Lily smiling at me in amusement,"It's quite a talent to read upside, James."
I hastily turned the book the right way before closing it in defeat. "Okay. You got me. It is a snitch. It isn't some rare mistletoe from Antarctica."
A small laugh was heard from Lily. "James, take a break."
Sounds tempting. . .
"No. . .I fine."
I'm not really fine. . .I'm bored out of my mind, but Lily doesn't have to know that.
"You're bored of your mind, just go take a break." Lily continued.
Weird. . .I really hope she can't read my mind. . .er, Lily if you can read my mind right now. . .just, you know, wink. . .or something. Oh, and by the way, would you mind going to Hogsmeade with me?
Lily, thankfully, did not wink. Instead, she looked down and began reading a book entitled, Charms for the Holiday Season. I wonder if they have any books entitled Charms for the Girls. You know, one that would also give advise on how to ask a girl out. Without looking up, she just continued,"No, it's alright, really. Just go get a snack or something. . ." She trailed off,"Ah. Here. How about ice sculptures that dance?" She laughed."That would be interesting, wouldn't it?"
I just stared at her. And, no, not because her mentioning ice sculptures was just a mind blowing idea or anything (that would be quite funny actually). Lily had mentioned to me to "go get a snack or something". Well, any Hogwarts student knew they didn't just have food lying around all the time in the Great Hall. In fact, other than breakfast, lunch, and dinner, there really wasn't anywhere to "go get a snack or something". . .unless you count the kitchens.
"You found the kitchens?" I blurted out.
Lily turned the page in her book before looking up at me,"Er, yes. . ."
"How?" I asked. I mean, I know the kitchens aren't completely secret, but not that many knew about it. And I really didn't expect Lily Evans to know where they were. She just didn't seem like the I-know-where-the-kitchens-are type of person, you know?
". . .I stumbled across it once." Lily said slowly.
All she had to do was "stumbled across" the kitchen when it took us Marauders seven monthes to find the bloody place after over hearing a couple of seventh years talking about in our second year.
Maybe I should get her to join up with the Marauders. She'd be good when it comes down to finding secret passages, maybe. I mean, we've kind of settled down some from our "troublemaking" as some would like to call it. I like to call it an extracurricular activity. Anyways, we've been breaking off from pranks and such. We still do them, of course, but, just not as much anymore, you know? Remus says it's because we've "grown up", but I like to think we've just found better extracurricular activities. . .like finish essays and, er. . .go to class. . .and sleep. . .and, well, that's about it, I think.
Oh, blooming gillywig. Remus was right. We have grown up. . .
Wow. . .I always imagined growing up to be. . .less boring. . .it's actually a whole lot more boring than I ever thought.
"Cool." I said after a few seconds. The "normal" (as I think of it now) silence fell over us. "Do you want to go with me?"
Lily looked startled at my question."Oh, no thank you, James. I'm fine."
"Lily." I said. She raised an eyebrow. "Come on. Let's go to the kitchen's."
"Really, I'm fine." Lily replied back as I stood, picking up my bag and lifting it over my shoulder.
"Lily." That's all I think to say.
Join me, Lily. . .Join me! Muhahaha. Join the evil side, Lily. Join the side that takes a break from the library once and a while.
Lily watched me for a moment before sighing softly and closing her book and picking up her bag,"Alright, but just for a while. . .I am a bit famished." She admitted sheepishly.
"I knew that. I could read your mind." Oooh. Lame comment, James. What am I? Five? Score negative one for me. Woo hoo.
"Alright. Chocolate frogs or licorice wands?" I asked as I, as Remus likes to say while Sirius and I eat, "inhaled" my second ice cream cone. Chocolate ice cream, might I add.
Lily took another bite from her pumpkin pie slice. "Hmmm. Neither."
"What?" I asked in bewilderment.
"I like Bertie Bott's Every Flavored Beans. You really never know what you're going to get. I like the surprise." She paused before laughing, a bit red in the face, might I add. "That's a stupid reason for liking them, right?"
Nothing was stupid when it came down to sweets, I know that since I'm a professional eater of them.
"Nothing's stupid when it comes to candy."
Lily took another bite,"That's good."
"You can never make a fool of yourself in front of candy. It's impossible."
It's true. You can't. Candy is your best friend. All the time. It's with you in your greatest times of need. Like when you lose your essays. Or when you lose all of your underwear. Or when you lose your glasses. Or when you lose your quidditch matches. Or when you lose your bets. Yes, candy is always there when you are feeling your lowest.
I'd like to give candy a pat on the back for everything it's done for me. Thank you, Candy.
Lily gave another one of her laughes. I like her laughes. They're nice. Unlike some people's laugh for which I will not mention. . .cough- Peter/pig snorting laugh- cough. "You and Sirius really were able to drink twenty bottles of butterbeer by yourselves?"
"Yeah, Remus and Peter dared us." I said with a grin.
Ah. That wonderful event. Remus and Peter dared me and Sirius to drink twenty bottles of butterbeer. We did it. I drank ten. Sirius drank ten.
I just, you know, forgot to mention the part where Sirius and I both threw up promptly after finishing off said twenty butterbeers. Oh, and I guess I, you know, also forgot to mention that we visited the toilet ten or more times that night probably because our bladders were full, but whatever.
"I never know what to expect from you four." Lily said with a smile and shake of her head. She took another bite of pie.
"Yeah?" I asked.
"Do you remember how we decided to go to the ball together a few days ago? Since we're both heads?" Lily asked me as I started "inhaling" my third ice cream cone.
"Sure." I wish going to the winter ball with her would count as a date. I would so win this bet. . .but, of course, I'm going to win this bet anyways, anyways.
"Well, erm, someone sort of asked. . .asked me. And I sort of said yes." Lily said, going red.
It's funny because I could have sworn she just said someone asked her to the ball and she said yes.
"You remember Andrew, don't you? Well. . .he- he asked me."
It's also funny because I could have sworn she just said arse-faced Ravendrew asked her. That's funny, isn't it?
What's even more funny is that I just crushed my ice cream cone and now there's ice cream squeezing through my crushing grip. And it's squeezing straight into my lap. I only wish it was Ravendrew's skull that I was squeezing. And that it was his brains squeezing through my crushing grip- well, that'd be a bit gross. Anyways, isn't that just, you know, utterly funny?
"Er, James. . .are you alright?" Lily asked as she watched my hand with the now crushed ice cream cone curiously.
I gave her a winning smile. "Of course." That dimwitted-
"I'm just. . ." -stupid, two-faced-
"Fine. . ." -big headed berk.
It's a wonderful thing, sleep. Get's you away from reality for awhile.
If only I could do that. Sleep, I mean. It just wouldn't come to me later that night as I listened to my other three roommates sleep. Remus was breathing in and out normally. Sirius kept muttering about something or someone. I prefer to ignore what Sirius mumbles in his sleep. It could leave damage. Peter snores in his sleep. I don't know what's worse, Sirius' mumbling or Peter's snoring.
Anyways, back to me.
I couldn't sleep. Lily's words just kept playing over and over in my head. I wish I could turn her voice off, no matter how nice it may be.
You remember Andrew, don't you? Well. . .he- he asked me.
I wonder if I could figure out arse-faced Ravendrew's common room password. And, you know, just slip in to visit him in his sleep. And, you know, give him a nice bat-bogey hex. I'm sure he'd love that. It could, you know, be a birthday present. . .whenever it is. His birthday, that is.
God, he ruins everything. Really, he does!
I might rant about him every chance I get, but it's for good reason, believe me.
The bet was to get Lily to go to Hogsmeade with me, not the winter ball. So, I still have a chance of getting her Hogsmeade, it's just, I'm sure Mr. Andrew-the-Bimbo asked Lily to the ball as more than a friend. And then, that would kind of make them an "item". Then I couldn't ask her. Because she'd be taken.
Which is rather ironic, if you think about it. It would usually be me taken, instead of Lily. I mean, not that Lily couldn't be taken or anything. It's just, I'm usually more taken than she is. . .whatever.
Anyways, since I haven't been able to sleep, I took the liberty of finding ten reasons why Dreambloke should just go get himself lost in a vanishing cabinet. Or perhaps drowned himself in gillyweed. Whichever. As long as he leaves me and Lily alone.
10- He's ruining my chance of winning the bet.
9- He's up to no good when it comes to Lily.
8- He's a git.
7- He's a big git.
6- He's a big, dim git.
5- He's a big, dim, cowardly git.
4- He's a big, dim, cowardly, arse-faced git.
3- He's a big, dim, cowardly, arse-faced, nerdy git.
2- He's a big, dim, cowardly, arse-faced, nerdy, two-faced git.
1- He's a big, dim, cowardly, arse-faced, nerdy, two-faced, hideous git.
There. Ten very good reasons Ravendrew should get himself lost in a vanishing cabinet or drowned himself in gillyweed.
"What?" Remus muttered grumpily as I gave him a shove. He groggily sat up in his bed and stared at me for a moment. He looked a bit out-of-it, to me. I can't understand why. It's only 2:30 in the morning. If someone woke me up at that time, I'd be in a chipper mood.
"I was wondering if I could ask you a, you know, hypothetically question."
He sighed tiredly. I don't know why. "Couldn't the hypothetically question wait about-" He looked to the clock,"-four hours, James?"
"No, not really. Why?" I asked.
"Maybe because I'd like to get a decent amount of sleep tonight."
Remus scoffed and hit me over the head with his pillow. "Go ask, Peter. I'm sure he'd be delighted to help." He said laying back down and closing his eyes.
That was rude. I mean, I'm having a life crisis and Remus tells me to go ask Peter. Ha. Right. That's very funny, Remus.
"Remus," I started quietly as I heard Sirius shift in his bed. "I have this friend, okay? This hypothetical friend of mine- let's call him. . .Hypothetical John- who hypothetically has this problem, you know? Hypothetical John has this bet, you see? He's hypothetically suppose to ask his other hypothetic person out. Let's call her Hypothetical Jill, okay? Well, Hypothetical John has to ask Hypothetical Jill out to, you, a hypothetical Hogsmeade before, let's hypothetically say, December first. And, you see, hypothetically, this other hypothetical jerk comes and askes Hypothetical Jill to a, hypothetically speaking, winter ball, sort of, you know, making them a hypothetical "item". What would Hypothetical John do, Remus? Hypothetically speaking, of course." I asked.
Remus would never guess that I was actually talking about myself and Lily and stupid Andrew. No, never.
Remus laid for quite some time with his eyes closed without answering me. I was just about to poke him, thinking he was asleep when he sighed tiredly again. Without opening his eyes, Remus muttered,"Well, hypothetically speaking, James. I would say that Hypothetical John should not worry about the other two hypothetical people becoming an hypothetical "item" as you call it. If he's really thinks they're an "item", then he should back off this bet. And, if he thinks that they're not an "item", he should try and ask this Hypothetical Jill out before someone else actually does." Remus sighed again and rolled on his side, his back to me. "Personally though, I think Hypothetical John should just back out of this bet anyway, no matter what. But I doubt the hypothetical guy would listen to a non-hypothetical person like me."
Interesting. It's too bad I fell asleep half way through his "Hypothetical" speech. I'm sure it would have been very inspiring.
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