Chapter 18 : ‘Seriously, just tell me’.
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Disclaimer -> Harry Potter equals J.K.Rowling.
A/N-> Bonjour! Aloha! Erm...hello! How goes it? Guess who's finally on summer holidays? That's right, good guess, it's me. So what else is there to say except...I'm Baaaack, (not to be interpreted in a creepy Jack Nicholson/The shining kind of way). Lol. So basically. I wish you all the best as you take on this endeavor of reading a new chapter. I know it's been a while. I understand if you may need to stop for a popsicle break. Thanks for still reading! Ex-oh-ex-oh, (xoxo).
Lily sat in the transfiguration room humming quietly to herself, pretending to be reading the chapter on human transfiguration in her spell book, while secretly thinking about a certain marauder who was sitting right behind her.
“Sirius, the boy just ate your pumpkin pie!”
Simultaneously, every head in the classroom looked up from their reading and turned to see what James Potter was talking about now.
McGonagall herself even looked up from the many papers she was grading at her desk and put her quill down. She had a look of mischief in her eye.
“Nice to see you finally awake, Potter. I hope you had a nice dream about Mr. Black,” the professor said with a small hint of a smile on her lips.
The class broke into a fit of laughter, something that was usually James Potter’s doing anyways.
James looked around at the many faces laughing and, realizing that he had the whole class’s attention once again, decided to bask in it.
“Oh, I wasn’t sleeping,” James said as he used his hand to dismiss the thought, “I was merely reflecting on the beautifully selected chapter you wanted us to read.”
The class tried to stifle their snickering.
“It’s true,” Sirius, piped up, “James here reflects all the time.”
“Boys, enough.” McGonagall said as she raised her hand to halt their speaking which she knew, unless stopped, could continue on for a very long time, “if you were merely ‘reflecting’ Potter, then you wouldn’t mind if I asked you a question about the reading?”
James smiled, tilted his head to one side, and raised his eyebrows.
“Give me your hardest,” he said.
“Well, since this chapter is on human transfiguration, why don’t you tell the class everything you know about the term animagus,” McGonagall said smugly as she crossed her arms and stared back at the boy on her interrogation.
And even Lily smiled as James put on a smirk and opened his mouth.
“James, you didn’t have to go on and on about what it feels like to be an animagus for ten whole minutes. We’re not trying to let anyone else know, remember?” Remus said as he walked alongside his fellow marauders who were leaving the transfiguration room.
“Relax Moony, McGonagall doesn’t suspect anything. There’s a lot of random facts and stuff that I know, and she knows that. She probably just thinks I’m as crazy as ever,” James said, a little too confident in himself.
Sirius nodded his head in agreement, of course.
“But what if she tells Dumbledore. He’ll know for sure. He probably already knows, actually,” Remus added,
James stopped walking, (which caused the other three to stop as well), and looked at Remus.
“Just leave it, buddy, it’s no big deal. Dumbledore wouldn’t care anyways. Hell, he’d probably want to join us on our monthly adventures,” James said with a reassuring smile.
Remus just shrugged his shoulders and started walking again. James always made things seem simpler then they were, he knew. But he, Remus, always exaggerated things, which was why they made a good pair of friends.
“Well anyhow, I’m going to go and find Lily since we have our joined spare right now,” James said as soon as the boys had reached the main staircase.
“She’s in the library,” Remus said automatically without even thinking.
“How do you know, mate?” Sirius asked, not that he even cared.
Remus briefly shifted his eyes to the left before answering with a “oh, she told me earlier that she was going to go the library for her spare”.
The rest of the marauders, not thinking anything weird of this since they knew that Remus and Lily were good friends, nodded in agreement.
“Well I guess I’m going to the library then,” James said as he turned to walk down a corridor to the left.
Before he got three steps however, he turned around and looked Sirius in the eyes, trying very hard to resist laughing.
“Siri, you do know that you still smell like vanilla, right?” he said.
Sirius let out a bark-like laugh. The one he was famous for at this school. Well, that among other things.
“How can I welcome you back to manhood if you still smell like a girl?” James added.
“Well you can start by not letting people eat my pumpkin pie!”
James entered the library slowly, trying not the get the attention of the librarian.
“James Potter, I thought I banned you from the library this week.”
James sighed and turned around to face the librarian who had her hands on her hips and was looking at him in a very accusing way.
“I’m just going to go and get someone, alright? And then I’ll leave. Seriously,” he added as the librarian raised her eyebrows in disbelief, “just give me five minutes and I’ll be out of here.”
The librarian shrugged her shoulders and shook her head as she allowed him to go, as he knew she would.
“Oh, James,” she added just as the boy was getting ready to start his search for Lily.
“Yes,” he said as he whipped back around and made eye contact with the lady.
“She’s over there at the table behind the last bookshelf.”
“Thanks, Cindy!” James said as he turned and veered off to the table at the far side of the library.
Upon reaching Lily, he saw her look up from her books, put her feathered quill down, and fold her arms.
“I thought you weren’t allowed in here this week?” she said in a mockery tone.
James slipped into the chair opposite of her and folded his arms as well.
“Is that why you chose the library to come to for your spare then?” he asked.
Lily didn’t answer.
“Come on Lils, let’s go for a walk outside, it’s really nice out there. We haven’t really talked since you’ve been back in your body, as weird as that sentence just sounded. And I didn’t get to see you last night,” James said as he unfolded his arms and started rapping his fingers against the table to some tune that was only audible in his own head.
“That would be because you were busy being drunk, James. Not to mention how you were making out with half of the Gryffindor girls,” Lily shot back.
Lily immediately shut herself up for she had not meant to say that. She knew that she wasn’t supposed to care. Especially not after last night, when she had decided that she liked Remus.
“Lily I’m not going to lie, and I’m putting all cockiness aside here, but you sound jealous. And I think that’s because you’re distracted,” James said in a concerned voice, “just come and walk with me. I know you need to talk to someone right now. I can tell something’s on your mind,” James said.
Lily’s eyes showed shock. The only thing she had been thinking about the past couple of hours was about how she was going to put her feelings for James aside for Remus’ sake. And yes, she had realized that maybe she did have feelings for James Potter. But she hadn’t realized it last night when she had agreed to a secret relationship with Remus. Remus was one of her best friends though, and now all she was worried about was losing that friendship with him if anything went wrong in the long run. But what she was most worried about was Remus losing his friendship with James if James every found out about them. She didn’t think that she could risk that anymore. Everything she had said to Remus, reassuring him that they were doing nothing wrong, seemed horribly wrong to her now. And it had been distracting her all morning. She did need to talk to someone. But James was the last person with whom she could bring this up with. She knew she would let everything spill, because it was very hard to lie to James, she had found. Especially when he actually cared and was the one person who could help her with this. Not the mention the one person who knows right away when something’s bothering her.
“James I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she said as she looked back down to her book.
“What are you afraid of, Lily? Seriously, just tell me. I can never figure it out. Something is scaring you and that’s preventing you from talking to me. I won’t ask you out, if that’s what it is. I won’t crack any jokes. I won’t…” James started as he counted off the things he wouldn’t do on his fingers.
“Stop, stop, stop. I don’t care about those things anymore. Just…ah, I don’t know. I don’t think we should go for a walk,” Lily said.
James stopped talking immediately as soon as she had said stop but was not about to respond once more.
“Lily Evans. It’s a walk. No harm ever came from going for a walk. What are you scared of?” James said.
Lily looked around the library for some sort of answer that she could give, but nothing was inspiring her today.
She guessed the truth would be best.
As it always was when she was with James.
“I’m scared…about the fact that you can tell right away when something’s bothering me. That you know before anyone else. That you are the one that comes and finds me. That you came even before Remus came. And I’m scared that I can’t lie to you anymore. I don’t know why, James, but you’re different now. I mean, after the switch, I just don’t know. I’m also scared that I’m going to say things that I’m going to regret later…or not say things that I’m going to wish I should have.” Lily said as her eyes were welling up. Her emotions were on the edge lately and she had never been this confused before. And James knew it. She didn’t want to realize that James was different. Not now. She didn’t want to hurt Remus but she knew she was going to have to.
James reached across the table and took her hand.
Lily pulled it away out of habit.
“Lily, it’s okay. Everything is going to be alright. I only know that something is bothering you because I care about you. Maybe too much. You know that, come on, you know that. Let me help you. Let’s go for a walk,” James said a little more forcefully this time.
Lily sighed a very big sigh and stood up, picking up her books in the process.
“James, I can’t talk to you about this one. I’m sorry. I know you care, but you have to trust me when I say that we can’t talk about this,” she said as she walked away from the table and out through the library doors into the hallway.
James sat at the table all by himself, the thought to follow her not even crossing his mind this time. They could have just talked about prefect duties and he wouldn’t have minded. She was confused about something, that he knew. But why was she surprised that he had come to her even before Remus? He made a mental note to talk to Remus after his lesson and see if he knew what was bothering Lily.
Lily walked down the deserted hallway alone. Most of the students in Hogwarts were currently in a class.
With her head facing the ground, she turned a random corner and walked slowly until she heard a familiar voice coming from in front of her.
“If you keep walking, you’re going to walk right into me. Not that I’d mind, of course,” Sirius Black said.
Lily looked up and smiled. She was always happy to Sirius, she didn’t know why. He was like a big brother.
“Sorry Sirius, I’m just a little distracted, that’s all,” she said.
Sirius grabbed her shoulders until she made eye contact with him before speaking again.
“Well since you won’t talk to James, you’re going to have to talk to me,” he said in a very serious tone.
Lily look surprised.
“How do you know…” she started to say before she was cut off by the marauder in front of her.
“We have our ways, don’t ask. But really, Lily, I just got kicked out of class so I have nothing to do right now. So we’re going to go somewhere and talk. You can tell Sirius all about it,” he said with a grin.
“It’s ok, Sirius. I’m fine, we don’t need to talk,” she said as she made to start walking past him. Lily did know that she needed to talk to someone, she had learnt that from James, but she wasn’t really sure if a marauder was a good choice. Especially one who was best friends with the one person who couldn’t know what was wrong with her.
“I hope you know that I’m not going to let you go as easily as James did,” he said.
And with that, he linked arms with her and he started leading her to a room that he knew would be empty where they could talk.
Lily sighed, knowing that Sirius was another person whom she couldn’t lie to.
A/N -> I want a Sirius.
On a side note, please don't yell at me in your review for the fact that I haven't updated in...oh...months. Lol. You think I don't know? Believe me, I know. It's been killing me as much as it's been killing you. So let's hope that my life is back on track now.
Thank you for reading. Appreciated.
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