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Room With A View by LTDan
Chapter 1 : Room With A View
 
Rating: 12+Chapter Reviews: 5


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A/N: You DO NOT know how hard this search for a song was! I've been on the trail for a good one for two weeks now! *GASP!* I've finally found the perfect song to write my songfic to, so now I can grieve through words like everyone else.

Dedicated to Thespian Geek, for this writer can write like no other! Her fanfic is prolly my fave of all time. :)

Disclaimer: I don't own the anything, dammit. I wish I owned Remus (and Sirius), but for Heaven's sake, I don't! I scarcely own the plot...

The song is Room With A View, and the music and lyrics are by Carolyn Dawn Johnson and Chuck Jones. The song is sang by Carolyn Dawn Johnson...

Yes, this is yet ANOTHER ficcie from Remus's POV. LOL...I really love him...*grin*

*~LT. Dan~*

They gave you a corner room on the fifth floor
The city lights were like candy, to a kid in a store
And like a king you'd lay in your bed so statefully
So thankful they gave you a room with scenery


Sirius was always one to be thankful for what he had. He wasn't all too thankful for his parents, but when it comes to it, he was even thankful for Severus Snape. Everyone knew he was always thankful that he could tease him. He was even thankful for the tiny house I provided him with when he had no where else to go.

Flashback

"Remus..." said a voice at my door one cold, raining night. "Remus...it's Padfoot...open up..."

I opened to the door to see a soaked-to-the-bone young man standing before me. He leapt into my small, dark cottage and out of the wet darkness behind him. "Sirius? What're you..."

"My house...Death Eaters...Regulus...dead..." Sirius said, sitting down in a wooden chair at my kitchen table. His tone was harsh, but quick and exasperated.

"What happened to your house?" I asked patiently while going to the hall closet and fetching him a towel to dry himself off with.

"They burnt it down," Sirius said grimly. "Regulus wanted to come over and force me to become a Death Eater like him, but the others disagreed...or so it seems. None of it really made sense. Except my idiotic little brother's dead body outside the house. I saw it coming," he then laughed a cruel, barking laugh.

I entered the room to see him grinning insanely at the blank wall in front of him. I frowned, handed him a towel, and sat down beside him.

End Flashback

Sirius was thankful for my house, yes, and he never complained once about it. But he changed. He was the same, high-spirited Sirius I had always known when I first saw him after the death of James, Lily, and Peter, his conviction for the deaths, the loss of little Harry, and the whole mess. But on the inside, he was a changed man. Though, I could tell that all he wanted was to be free again. Not to be locked up in the house that drove him mad...

You always were so healthy, so full of life
So seeing you so helpless, just didn't seem right
And how you kept your head so high I'll never know
I guess you knew you had a better place to go


I watched Sirius during my time at Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place. I had always watched Sirius. In some ways, I admired and respected him. Alas, in the pas two years I had seen him, his temper had shortened by the day. He wanted out of this place, and I wanted to help him, but I knew that I couldn't. I often wondered how he endured being in this hell hole, so I asked him one day.

Flashback

I caught him alone in the kitchen looking at pictures of myself, James, Peter, and himself with something of a wistful glint in his dark brown eyes.

"Wotcha," he said absently, still looking at a picture of us in the orgininal Order. I took a seat next to him, glancing over his shoulder at a happy foursome, soon to be ripped apart. He put it aside, sighed, and looked up at me with a troubled look now occupying the eyes that were once always full of glee. "What's up, Remus?"

"Sirius," I said slowly, "I was, and please don't find me obnoxious for wondering, just thinking: how do you stand it here?"

Sirius smiled, more to himself than to me, then said in a harsh whisper, "I don't."

I raised my eyebrows. "You don't?"

"Nope. I follow Dumbledore's orders, and try to keep in mind that when I get out of here, I'll be a lot better off."

End Flashback

Maybe he was right? Maybe he was better off where he is now...Yes, of course he is.

Now you've got a room with a view
A window to the world
You always had your sights set high
And now that you're gone
Your memory lives on
And I see you smilin' in my mind
With angels as visitors droppin' by
Your room with a view


The bottom dropped out. James and Sirius was dead, and Peter was a traitor. I could see him at his own wake, grinning at Harry as if he were James reincarnated. I didn't want to think of Sirius as dead, but as he had moved off somewhere I couldn't go.

But I was too logical for thinking that. I knew where he was. He was in a place where no one could damn him without a proper judging. He was in a place that didn't coop him up. He was in a place where Peter wasn't a traitor, where James was alive, and, possibly, where I was a werewolf everyday. He was in a place with women more beautiful than even he could dream up. He was in a place where he didn't find pleasure in torturing Snape. He was in Heaven.

I went to sleep on my moth-eaten couch after Padfoot's funeral. I slept, and I dreamt of him. I dreamt of his face as a young man, laughing at James; running with me as a werewolf; poking fun at Peter. The dreams were nerve-wracking, yet peaceful. I never wanted them to end. But, like my dear friend, they did.

And I was alone again.

I'll always miss you, I'll always feel the loss
I have to remind myself that you're better off
I gotta believe even through these tears of mine
Wherever you are there's a sun that always shines


I moped about for a long while after the death. For some reason, though, I felt better with him dead than I had when he was in Azkaban. I knew that Peter wasn't dead, that Sirius wasn't a mass-murderer. This time, it was visa versa. But I had to force myself not to think of it like that. I had to keep on living my dream that he was in a different country, perhaps making a family, and having a nice life. But that didn't work very well.

I dreamed of nothing but gray, and not white, like I had once seen it. I could see the black, but I was too afraid to touch it. I didn't want to get near it, for it was a frightening prospect. I knew that there was Wormtail, Voldemort, Lucius, and Bellatrix. I saw their distinct outlines. Sometimes, when I saw them, they would be surrounding Sirius: laughing and killing him consecutively.

In the gray, I saw Sirius, Dumbledore, Snape, and Tonks. They stood by me, their faces grim, watching Sirius fall in the black background repeatedly as I did. I wanted to wake up, to stop witnessing the four of them take turns murdering my friend, but I couldn't do it. I felt restrained, locked in, and my dream intensified. Now and then, the others would glance at me, but I didn't look back at them. I felt that if I did, I might attack one of them. It was bad enough for them to harm Sirius, but I didn't want to do it myself.

Then there was the white. It was behind me, but I could sense it. I didn't know who was there, but I knew it was only the purest of those I knew. Possibly Molly, Arthur, Lily, and James. As I stood there, in the gray lighting, watching the black, I felt a heat on my back like a summertime sun. It should have been beautiful, but it wasn't. It was about as bad as the black. I knew it was there. I knew it was a perfect place, but I was stuck in this gloomy gray, watching the black, watching Sirius's death.

And I would wake.

And you've got a room with a view
A window to the world
You always had your sights set high
And now that you're gone
Your memory lives on
And I see you smilin' in my mind
With angels as visitors droppin' by
Your room with a view


I came to terms with Sirius's death eventually, though I still had my dreams frequently. I sat in the seat that Sirius had sat in twenty years ago the night he came to my house, staring blankly at the same wall as he had done. He had been thinking about his brother and the Death Eaters, while I was thinking about him and the Death Eaters. His own cousin, I though angrily, murdered him. Evil as she was, and as much as she loathed him...Damn it. I should've known...

I often sat at my table, wondering what would have happened if Peter hadn't been Lily, James, and Harry's Secret-Keeper. I wouldn't be having those dreams, for one. Sirius, Lily, and James wouldn't be dead. Peter himself wouldn't be a traitor, obviously. Harry wouldn't have that bloody scar and receive all the unwanted publicity. What was probably the worst of all, was that Voldemort would still get them. And maybe Harry wouldn't be as lucky that time.

I could hear him, now. At first I could only see him. Now I could hear him. He spoke to me softly, just my name at first, then slowly progressing to, "Remus...it's Padfoot...open up..." and I realized that it was when Sirius had come to stay with me those few months before he found himself a real house, was when he meant the most to me. Those few years between Hogwarts and Azkaban were just as crucial to him as they were to me. And I loved him. He became more than a friend; he became my brother.

I stood up from the table at this moment, realizing what I must do. I had to allow myself to accept the fact that he was dead, and nothing would bring him back. And there was only one way to do that...

With angels as visitors droppin' by
Your room with a view


I arrived at the cemetary where Sirius's final resting place was near the back. I walked down the sloping hill toward the more important burial grounds. I found a tombstone with Sirius's name on it. I cringed when I saw the name "Regulus Black" on the headstone next to his. They had buried him next to the world's hugest git: his brother.

"Hey Padfoot," I croaked, squatting down on top of Regulus's grave spitefully. I knelt over the mound of fresh dirt, suddenly realizing that Sirius's body wasn't really in there. It was behind the veil...but that didn't matter...I wasn't here to talk to his body. I was here to make peace, here to insure my sanity.

I waited for a few seconds, as if expecting a response. "It's been rough without you, mate. I thought I was okay, pretending you were somewhere else. But that didn't work. I knew where you were," I felt a lump rise in my throat and my eyes burn, but I kept going, determined to keep my words strong and steadfast. "You meant a lot to me, old friend. But...but I know now...I know where you are. And I promise I won't forget where you are again."

I took a deep breath. "You are where pain is nonexistant; you are where only God can judge you; you are where you've always wanted to be; you are with Lily and James; you are where you belong," a tear slid down my cheek, and I allowed it to fall on Sirius's grave. I stood up, and placed a hand on the marble headstone.

"Goodbye, Padfoot. I love you, mate. I won't ever forget you," and I left before I could cause myself any mental harm.

Fin

A/N: Okay, PLEASE don't cry. I meant for some of it to be gushy and sad, but...whatever...go ahead...cry...lol...

Oh yeah...

LONG LIVE SIRIUS!!

And...please review...

*~LT. Dan~*




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