Chapter 1 : I'm Not That Girl
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Anyway’s it may be a bit angsty, and filled with longing. I've also changed a bit of Stephen Schwartz’s lyrics, But you’ll see why. In the meantime please review, I’d love to hear what you think of it.
Georgous chapter image by Iriki @The Dark Arts
Never, had I had so much ruddy homework in all my school career.
I’m serious. Two rolls of parchment from Professor Snape on the ingredients found in the Draught of the Living Death (git), two more rolls of parchment from Professor Sinstra on the rings of Saturn, and just now four rolls of parchment on the third ruddy chapter in A Beginner Course in Defensive Magical Theory for that fat toa… Er… Professor Umbridge.
At least you have the weekend, right Ginny? Said a little voice in my head. I snorted at the thought of a crammed weekend, between that slave driver Angelina Johnson's Quidditch practices and homework.
Yeah, lucky me. I thought back bitterly.
As soon as the bell rang I ran out the door of Professor Fat Toad’s room. Hoping to try to take a bit of a leaf from Hermione’s book and try to make a dent in the never-ending homework pile that was due next Monday. On my way to the Gryffindor Tower I found myself trying to balance all of my books and papers stacked on one another. Normally, I didn’t have to worry about performing a balancing act worthy of Muggle circus performers, but I had left my bag up in the dormitory that morning when I blearily came down for breakfast (and was currently kicking myself for my stupidity). This was the main reason why I could barely see in from of me, much less around the corner I needed to turn to get back to the dorm. Not until I was already too late.
WHAM! I collided head-on into someone, my books and papers tumbling everywhere in the hall. Oh damn it!
“Sorry!” I said automatically (Well unless you are a Slytherin I thought venomously Then I’m only a 1/4 sorry), quickly bending down to pick up my books and papers. I hadn’t seen the face of whoever I had ran into, and something told me I really didn’t want to.
I quickly snatched up my two books, several papers, and had just bent down to get another paper when that voice suddenly rang out. That voice that never failed to send chills running up and down my spine, and made me almost freeze in place.
“It’s alright Gin. Here let me get that.”
Oh Bloody Hell! A voice in my head seemed to scream franticly like it had ever since I first saw him at the Platform all those years ago. It’s Him! I silently commanded myself.
Alright Ginny, just stay calm.
“It’s alright Harry,” I spoke up quickly, making sure not to look up, not wanting him to see how red I could feel my face turning. “You really don’t have to-”
Suddenly, I just couldn’t speak.
His hand had accidentally fell on mine as I reached down for the grid labeled with stars that were in the Western Hemisphere. As soon as his hand touched mine I felt my eyes shot up quickly and connect with his vivid green ones, so visible behind his round glasses.
Hands touch, Eyes Meet
Sudden silence, Sudden Heat
For awhile I couldn’t say anything, I didn’t want to. I was just so caught up in those eyes. Forgetting everything that had been on my mind just moments ago. I could feel my heart start to race, even as the world around me seemed to stop entirely. I wondered faintly if he could feel it too.
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy…
Suddenly the moment was shattered by an infuriatingly sweet voice that almost made me cringe.
“Harry! Are you coming?”
I looked up to see Cho Chang, her gorgeous night black hair shining in the light from the nearby window. Her dark, deep almond eyes looking at him in questioning. Almost instantly, Harry’s hand shot away from mine.
“Just a minute, Cho,” He said over his shoulder. The way he said her name, so easily making me feel like I had just got kicked in the stomach.
Harry hurriedly picked up a few more papers, and handed them to me. His eyes no longer really looking at mine. I got the feeling that he was ashamed of something (But what?). And in no time at all, he went to her as if I didn’t exist. My heart slowed painfully as I watched him put his arm around her waist, and my chest ached as she put her arm around his shoulders in response.
The perfect couple, I thought sadly.
But I’m not that girl
Sighing, I picked up the last paper and walked up the staircase trying to think about my homework. Trying to get my mind off Harry. But it was a lost cause.
I shouldn’t feel this way about him, I told myself again and again. I’m going out with Michael! Michael! Besides I’m over Harry. He’ll never look at me anymore then his best friend’s little sister.
Once again I felt another painful jolt. Making me forget all about the load of homework I had in my arms. It wouldn’t help anyway; I’ll never be able to pay attention to it now, not with him on my mind.
Running up to the Gryffindor tower, I barely remember telling the Fat Lady the password, or crossing the Common Room and going up the staircase to the 4th year girl’s dormitory. I do remember throwing my books onto my bed, before sitting down next to the pile. Falling suddenly deep into my thoughts. Thinking of the those wise words Grandma Weasley told me years ago when I was just five:
Don’t dream too far
Don’t lose sight of who you are
At once my thoughts turned almost instantly to Harry. Deep in my heart I knew that he would never know how the feeling of his hand on mine seemed to make my world spin, or how his eyes always seemed to take my breath away. I quickly told myself…
Don’t remember that rush of joy
It’s the only way you can finally just move on. I quietly brought my knees up to my chest hugging them as I tried to think of anything else besides Harry. Yet it seems as though he was the only thing I could think of suddenly.
He could be that boy
I’m not that girl
Giving a sad sigh of defeat, I let my legs fall back onto the floor. Going over to the mirror on Jessann’s nightstand that she had set up since first year.
At the time I thought she was mental; setting up a mirror so she could use it to put on all of that ruddy make-up that made her look almost like a clown. Before I even knew what I was doing I pulled the out the nearby chair and sat down before the mirror.
As I looked at the face framed with deep red hair before me I felt my mind start to wonder. Thinking of a relationship I had dreamed about since before Hogwarts...
Ev’ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
I silently daydreamed of Harry and I going places, eating at restaurants. Smiling with him, laughing with him. Just being with him. Able to look into those vivid green eyes and not have to worry about what I said or did. Not having to worry about explaining why I sometimes needed times to be alone to think since he already knew of my… experiences during my first year.
Laughter suddenly tore me out of my little fantasy world. Very familiar laughter. I quickly stood up and went to the window. At once I felt an abrupt pang as I thought I could see in the distance Harry and Cho sitting by the lake, their loud laughter reaching even this window.
By that doesn’t soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in
I gave another sigh. Without meaning to (I couldn’t help it I guess) I suddenly start comparing myself to the dark haired girl that sat next to the boy of my dreams.
Blithe smile, Lithe limb
She whose winsome
She wins him
Dark Hair that has a gentle swirl
I shook my head. This is stupid! I though angrily. You should be over him! Why the hell are you doing this? To just get yourself hurt even more, Ginny? Besides you gave up on him didn’t you? I sighed. No, that's not true I hadn’t given up on him. No matter how many times I had told Hermione, or my other friends. I must have been trying to convince myself as well as them. But it still didn't work, at least for me.
I still fancied him.
And I couldn’t help but feel deep down that this was more than just some simple crush. It felt too deep, too real. Yet I thought of Cho.
That’s the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I’m not that girl
“Ginny?” Spoke a sudden voice making me almost jump.
I swung around to see one of the other girls in my dorm, Regina. Her hazel eyes looking at me, filled with concerned.
“Alright Ginny?” She asked.
“I’m fine. Just thinking,” I replied. Reaching deep inside myself to find a smile.
“Ah,” Regina nodded, with an understanding look in her eye. “I just came up here to find you. Michael’s downstairs waiting for you; he wants to meet with you before dinner.”
I gave a bit of a smile, feeling another small pang in my heart as I thought of someone else waiting downstairs, wanting of meet me before dinner.
Don’t wish, Don’t start
Wishing only wounds the heart
“Alright,” I told her, trying to ignore the pain I still could feel. “Tell him I’ll be right down.”
Regina nodded, and disappeared though the door.
Taking a sigh I looked out the window to see no one on the grounds. I guessed Harry and Cho must have gone in for dinner. Thinking of Michael, I turned away from the window and started for the door. Telling myself…
I wasn’t born for the rose and pearl
I went down the stair case, following Regina as she led me through the common room, though the portrait hole, and down another staircase where I could see Michael waiting for me at a distance.
“I’ll go on ahead so I can leave you two love birds alone,” Regina told me, going a head.
“Very funny, Reggie,” I told her.
I swore I heard her laugh as she went down the stairs past Michael faster then any Banishing Spell that even Hermione could cast. Michael look up the stairs at me and smiled. For a brief moment I imagined…. Someone else smiling up at me. But I quickly remember Cho.
There’s a girl I know
I remembered hearing them laugh even from the distance the Gryffindor Tower was from the grounds. How he put his arm around her. How his green eyes seemed to light up every time he talked about her at the Gryffindor table.
He loves her so
“Are you ready Ginny?” Michael asked as I stood before him with a bit of a smile. Offering me his arm.
“Such a gentleman,” I laughed, setting aside the aching in my heart for someone else.
Gently I took his arm, and let him lead me down the staircase, to the Great Hall. Along the way I saw Harry and Cho go into the Great Hall before us. Both looking a bit upset. From the look in each other’s eyes the must have had another row. And I almost swore I saw Harry shoot Michael and me a glance. A glance filled with… was that… Jealousy?
No, it couldn’t have been. I must have imagined it.
Besides why would he be jealous of Michael and me? I thought quietly, He’s with Cho and, as much as I wish to be…
I’m not that girl