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My Notebook Will Explain by Radcliffe_PotterFan319
Chapter 11 : Meet Me at the Lake
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 254

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A/NThanks to all my wonderful reviewers!! You guys are awesome!!

Chapter Eleven
Meet Me at the Lake

I swear I had never been more like myself since that day. Yet, as soon as I wrote the letter to Trapped, I was more excited the I had ever been. All these emotions I had pushed away suddenly bubbled up inside me, over powering my grief and allowing me to be myself.

The second I signed my name at the bottom of the letter, I jumped up and pulled clean clothes out of my unpacked trunk and then bounced towards the shower. I put it on hot and as soon as steam started to fill the large bathroom, I stripped my clothes and got under the rushing water. It felt good and I took my time, allowing the water to run down my back and wash some more pain even, away.

After my shower I got dressed in jeans and a white t-shirt(both a bit to big)that was fresh and clean. I slipped on my converses, which I hadn’t worn in forever, and then dried my hair with a quick spell. I was going to try and brush it or something, but I knew I would have no victory over it. So, after I brushed my teeth and actually felt like the Prongs my friends knew, I grabbed Trapped’s letter and opened the door to my room.

Lily had returned from where ever she had gone earlier. She was sitting in a comfortable black chair reading a heavy looking book. She looked up when my door opened. I found that I could actually smile and flashed her my best. She frowned, looking at me curiously.

“ You’re happy?” she asked. I laughed. I actually laughed.

“ I’ll explain later!” I said as I left the common room. The corridors were actually very quiet for a Saturday. I practically skipped towards the Owlery. Then I had to rest because running down stairs and walking very fast down the corridors made me very tired. I knew I couldn’t be all better so quickly and that I can easily slip back into a depression again, but I finally realized how bad I had allowed my depression to come.

“ Mr. Potter? What are you doing?” I looked up to see Professor Mcgonagall looking down at me with a armful of books in her arms, “ Never mind, follow me,”

I saw no way around it and followed Mcgonagall to her office. She went straight to her bookcase after telling me to sit. I did and watched as she put her books on a shelf and then carried two to her desk where she set them down. Then, after a few moment of staring, Mcgonagall finally spoke.

“ How are you feeling?” she asked. I was startled by this question, I expected some lecture. I usually got one while in her office.

“ I dunno,” I shrugged, “ I feel a lot better right now. Pretty much like myself, but I still am not completely great,”

“ I suppose that’s good,” Mcgonagall said, “ I wanted to speak with you about how you’ve been holding up. Dumbledore was worried all summer and your friends spoke to him this morning. We will not let you quit Quidditch and you have to meet up to your Head Boy duties, plus we were wondering if you could help tutor Lily Evans in Transfiguration,”

“ Whoa, wait a minute. Tutor?” I asked. They really shouldn’t lay stuff like this on me. I can barely believe that I’m Head Boy let alone allowing me to TEACH someone a subject! Especially Lily Evans! She is to smart to need a tutor.

“ Yes, Potter, tutor. It will be very helpful for Miss Evans and she already agreed. We just need you to agree, too,” Mcgonagall said.

“ But Professor, come on. Me?” I said, “ Even if I am a little messed up right now, how can you think that I can help teach someone something? I have no patience for it and how can you trust that I will not be distracted?”

“ Because Potter, Miss Evans will not be happy if her grade does not change even with help. I remember quite a few incidents where you made her unhappy. I have to say I was even slightly scared,” Mcgonagall said. I finally

“ I’ll do it then,” I said. I stood and was about to leave when Mcgonagall stopped me.

“ Potter,” she said. I turned to see what she wanted me to do now. She surprised me by saying, “ It’s not a bad thing to feel sad after something like what happened to you. It won’t be so hard if you just let it go. It’s okay to laugh and be happy sometimes. Keep your friends close. They may be the exact thing that you need at the moment,”

“ Thanks, Professor,” I said walking out of the office. Deep down, I knew her words were true, but if I could live up to them was a different story. Maybe once I meet Trapped my head would be a bit clearer. Thinking of Trapped brought a smile to my face and I continued towards the owlery. After I sent the letter I went to the Gryffindor Common Room in search of Sirius, Remus, and Peter.

Keep your friends close, was what Mcgonagall said. I was going to, and I was going to start right now. I was going to live again. I was going to draw and laugh, and pull prank after prank again.

Inside the common room, I saw that Sirius and Remus were where we usually sat. Peter was no where to be seen. I made my way towards them. They
looked up and saw me. I smiled at them and, after throwing each other glances,
smiled back.

“ Hey, James!” a girl called out. I flashed her my award winning smile, glad that I had the ability again. In less then 12 hours, I was already a changing person. It was a great feeling to be getting out of that sad, dragged feeling and feeling alive again. It was almost like being reborn. I knew that I could easily be crushed again, though, that I was still fragile, but right now, I felt good. And nothing could stop that.

“ You look....better,” Remus said once I sat down. I smiled again.

“ I’m meeting Trapped tonight,” I told them, “ And Mcgonagall gave me advice, which, for once, I am planning to take,”

“ And that advice?” Sirius asked, looking a lot happier himself.

“ To let go and move on, of course,” I shrugged. Sirius looked flabbergasted.

“ That’s what I had been saying all summer!” he shouted. I suddenly remembered he sort of was saying that.

“ I guess I needed to hear it from someone like Mcgonagall. It helped. I actually feel normal,” I said.

“ Don’t get to careless, James,” Remus said, “ One small disappointment and you can be worse then you were,”

“ I know, don’t worry,” I said.

“ Prongs, maybe you should wait until you meet Trapped,” Sirius said throwing a knowing glance at Remus, “ Just incase the shock is to much,”

“ Shock?” I asked, “ I won’t be shocked,”

“ You will,” Sirius said. I looked at him, something suddenly dawning on me.

“ You know,” I accused, “ You know who she really is,”

“ Well yeah, she told me!” Sirius said rolling his eyes. Remus threw me a
nervous glance and then glared at Sirius. I knew why. I could feel the pain inside me already taking over. I tried not to let it over power me, my new freedom was still to sweet.

“ Who is it?” I asked, trying to think happy thoughts, “ Tell me so I don’t go back. I don’t like it,”

“ It’s Lily,” Remus said quickly, and suddenly everything inside me stopped. I sat there, silently, allowing the words to sink in. I felt nothing. No happy thoughts, no sad ones. Nothing, those words just kept repeating themselves in my mind.

Just like that, my feelings for Lily that I thought I had gotten rid of returned. The pain and suffering I went through over the summer was slightly relieved because of her. And she liked me. She did before any of this occurred. Not once did she say that I was a baby, but she tried to help me. She listened to my secrets and shared them with me. Everything she had written suddenly made me realize how little I had really known Lily. Her handwriting, her feelings, even her personality was completely opposite of what I had thought.

All my emotions came back at the moment. My grief was still overpowered by new found energy and happiness. And now more happiness because I had a chance with the girl I had always loved.

“ James? Are you okay?” Remus asked. I looked at them and smiled again. They let out sighs of relief.

“ Lily Evans knows almost all my secrets,” I laughed shaking my head, “
And I know hers. How did she take it when she figured it out?”

“ Actually, we told her, too,” Remus said shrugging.

“ Better then we thought though. She did freak out but only because she had told you about her little crush on you, but not so much we had to stun her or anything to calm her. She actually seemed please,” Sirius said nodding. I smiled again. A part of me always said that I would one day get Lily Evans.

“ Moony, Padfoot,” I said, loving the feeling of their nicknames being said again,

“ I think that I am actually, truly happy. After so many weeks of sadness, all I needed was an adult to tell me that it’s okay to be sad and suddenly I am fine. How is that possible? Last night I would barely even touch my food and all I wanted was to go to sleep and never wake up,”

“ You’re getting better, Prongs,” Sirius laughed loudly, making people look at them.

“ And yesterday you were asking how you fell into such a state,” Remus said laughing, too, “ You allowed your other emotions to take over, finally,”

Yeah. Finally.

Dear Prongs,

I will meet you there.

I am actually excited. I watched you all day today, almost. You seemed a lot happier, normal even. Like a Marauder should be.

I now understand how the Marauders get away with so much. Slip this cloak on and not even the keenest eyes will know until they step on you. What other things do you Marauders use? Wait, don’t tell me now. Tell me tonight. I do hope your okay with who I really am. It’s making me nervous.

See you at the lake in....three hours!

Love ??

I walked around my room nervously after dinner. I watched James eat and he seemed so much happier then he had ever! I caught his gaze every once in a while, but I had kept my head down. I didn’t want to sit with the Marauders at dinner because of my nerves. I ate quickly and then went to my dorm where I paced.

I listened to James getting ready and five minutes to midnight, he left for the lake. I looked at myself in the mirror once more. I was dressed in black jeans and a blue tank top with a black jacket on over it, since it was a bit chilly outside. I slipped my feet into black flats and then looked at myself in the mirror. I remember a time last year where James said how much he like it when I wore my hair down. After he said that, I wore my hair pulled back just to anger him for three months, then grew bored and let it out again. That’s what I did now. I allowed my hair to fall naturally down my shoulders and around my face. Then I put on some mascara and lip gloss and I was ready.

I took his cloak, which smelt a lot like him, and put it on. I went tiptoed down each flight of stairs, trying to hurry. I looked at my watch and saw it was a few minutes after midnight. My breath caught, I was going to be late. Once outside the school, I fled down to the lake. I stopped to catch my breath and then made my way to where James was sitting. He was looking at a piece of parchment under his wand light. He put it out and folded the parchment as I grew near.

I slipped the cloak off when I was close enough. James laughed as he heard the rustle of the cloak.

“ Funny how I really only did this thing for the extra credit,” he said, “ And you did it for the friend. I thought I knew you, but I was so wrong,”

“ As I was about you,” I said sitting next to him. He was wearing jeans and a black button down shirt. His hair was still untidy and his converses were still on, but he looked like a god sitting there.

“ After I got your first letter, as Trapped, I thought that I was in love with you, as Lily. Sirius said I barely knew you, but I thought otherwise. Now I see that he was right,” James looked straight out into the water as he spoke. I realized that I couldn’t pull my eyes away from him, now that both our feelings for each other was clear.

“ I thought I was cursed when I got your letter,” I said smiling, “ I thought you were just another idiot. I mean, a pet EYEBROW?”

“ Hey, Eddie was an awesome friend,” James laughed stroking his eyebrow lovingly. I suddenly found that I loved the sound of his laugh, always sort of had, and had missed it.

“ You’re a great artist,” I said to continue conversation.

“ You wouldn’t think that if I showed you all the drawings of you I did. You’d think I was some stalker,” James said, “ You helped me get threw the summer so much, Lily. I don’t think I would be sitting here if it weren’t for you,”

“ I’m glad I could help,” I replied, “ James...about the attraction you felt for me. Well, we both felt it, but what now?”

“ What now?” James repeated.

We were silent for a moment, just staring out into the water. I had finally tore my gaze away from James’s face. A minute went by before I felt his hand on my own. My breath caught, but I did not pull away. A long time went by, we were entwining out fingers and tickling each other’s palms. Then I looked at James, and he looked at me. We smiled. Then we were hugging. Just....hugging. Real hugs though, those tight squeezing type that I rarely got from a guy. Only a few time did Jake and I hug like this.

I buried my head in James’s neck. His breath tickled my hair and neck as he nuzzled me. He traces my collarbone and neck with his nose and then his lips. I got chills as he continued to plant small kissing along my jaw. Then, before I knew it, his lips were on mine. I was amazed by the touch and it took a second before I could respond, which surprised James.

Last year, I would not want to even think about anyone even hugging James Potter. And now, here I was, snogging him senseless. Though he was doing a number on me, too. I don’t think I was able to remember my name as we melted into one another’s arms. I wondered if this was to much for the first time we really got our feelings out there. Without even thinking, I pulled away from James.

“ What?” he asked pressing his forehead to mine. We were both out of breath.

“ We’re moving to fast,” I said, though I wanted desperately to continue to snog him.

“ I know,” he said, “ This whole day has been moving to fast, with me actually being normal,”

“ It takes more then a week,” I said. James closed his eyes and sighed.

“ I know, but I made a lot of progress this week. It doesn’t seem possible now,” James whispered, “ Like I dreamed this whole week. That I’ll wake up and find that I still can’t fly a broom stick, that I can barely eat, that you aren’t Trapped,”

“ This feels so right,” I said. James opened his eyes. The look in the startled me. Love and compassion filled them, as corny as it sounds. I smiled.

“ It does, doesn’t it?” he said.

He kissed me again and I deepened it. Then we pulled back and he stood, pulling me to my feet. He smiled at me, and I smiled back. I then realized that my heart was pounding and my brain felt fuzzy. This really did feel right.

“ Do you wanna fly?” James asked.

I’m already flying.

“ What do mean?” I asked.

“ Accio Nimbus 900,” James said holding out his wand. It was a minute before his broomstick came hurtling out of nowhere and stopped next to us. I stared at it in horror.

“ No way,” I said backing away.

“ Yes way,” James smiled, “ I flew after dinner. I’m as good as I ever was,”

“ No, James, I’m scared of heights,” I explained, “ I don’t think I can do it,”

“ Come on, Love, I won’t let you fall, trust me,” James said climbing onto his broom and holding a hand out towards me, “ I swear that I won’t ever let anything hurt you,”

I hesitated a moment longer and then slipped my hand into James’s. I was glad I decided to wear pants as I climbed onto the Nimbus 900, in front of James. He put his arms around my waist and took hold of the stick with one hand, the other was wrapped around my waist. My skin tingled.

“ Ready?” he whispered in my ear. And then we were off. It felt so open, so exposed, but so free. The wind whipped my hair and pulled at my clothes as we flew. I realized that I was holding on so tightly, my knuckles were white while James steered loosely with his free hand. We were flying above Hogwarts now. The air was cold so high up.

“ Let go,” he said, his lips pressed against my ear.

“ No way,” I said.

James stopped steering and pulled my arms off the broom. I gasped, but didn’t fight him. He held my arms out to the sides so I felt like I was flying. James was nuzzling my neck and sending chills down my spine. This was to amazing to be real. I kept thinking that I was going to wake up any second and find that James wasn’t even Hazel Stag.

Then the ride was over. I was cold and numb, yet bubbly and fuzzy on the inside. I realized that we were on the balcony of the Heads dorms, which was connected as one. I dismounted the broom, as did James. Then I was in his arms.

“ That was amazing,” I said laughing like a little girls. James laughed and kissed me again.

“ It was, but now it’s three in the morning and we really should sleep,” he said. He did look exhausted. We parted after a very intense kiss good night and then I went into my room. James watched me go and as I changed and crawled into bed and realized that James was still leaning on the end of the balcony.

I watched him for a long time. He stood there, still as anything, his beautiful face looking pleased and happy as he leaned over, looking at the lake. His broom was still in one hand. I smiled feeling giddy, now that my mind had cleared a little bit. I reached for a piece of parchment and quill.

Dear James,

I want to continue these little letters, to continue to add to my notebook. They relieve me of many emotions and make me happy to know that there is someone out there that does care. So, even though I just saw you, I am writing to you again.

I would tell you how I feel, but I want to do that in person, since we can just see each other whenever we want now.

Flying is...amazing. I never thought that it could be so much fun. It made me feel so free and alive. I would never do it alone, now. I would need you there with me. Your touch in intoxicating. You’re like my drug. I need you practically, right now. Only a few kisses and words were there tonight, but I know that you felt that intense feeling all night, too. Like it were all a dream. You even said it was a dream.

We’re moving fast, but I say it’s about time.

Love Always and Forever


A/N: Yay! It's over, and I've sad. I'm thinking about a spin off, like who Sirius or Remus or Peter were writing to or something. Maybe. I haven't decided. I was going to add more to this, like I even had more planned, but I realized that if i countinued the story would just drag on and on and on. If you want to find out what happens with Regulus always helping them, well, I have a story of him in the works. You don't have to read it. So, I hope you enjoyed the story as much as I did writing it! It was fun!!
Don't forget to review. I like the feedback!! Love you all!!

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