DISCLAIMER: I don’t own anything written by J.K Rowling blah blah blah.....
A/N: Okay so chapter twenty-one! Bane is out of the picture, so all there is now is tying up lose ends until the end of Alone! Aren’t you all so excited to find out what becomes of Kasey and Remus? Anyways, here we go! Onward with the story!
I left the hospital that same day, over protests from the doctors. But they couldn’t keep me against my will. So I went home. I told my parents it was because I hated hospitals, which I did in reality. But that wasn’t the real reason. The real reason was...
I couldn’t face him when he woke up.
How sad. I have to run and hide from the guy I had always thought to be so accepting of me. Of all of me. But how would he accept me, I wondered, once he realized I was a killer? A cold blooded animal just like everyone in this town had said I was. I guess they were all right after all. After all of my denying it, after years of feeling so discriminated against because of it, I had in the end proven it was true.
Was it irony? I couldn’t even think right now. It was cruel, whatever it was. Fate had decided that after all of my growth over the past few months, to put me right back where I had started. Back to being a nobody. A monster. Somebody people ran from on the streets. Pointed at and whispered about.
I felt tears prickle against my lids and I blinked rapidly. It was my own fault. The wolf in me. I lost it. If I had only controlled myself. If only I had tried harder to control the wolf in me. Maybe I wouldn’t be a murderer. Maybe I would just be me. Werewolf with a clean slate. I couldn’t say that anymore. Until then I had never even bit anyone. And now....
A part of me was telling me that Bane deserved what he got. He had it coming. Kharma. He did horrible things, and they came back around and bit him in the ass. But why did it have to be me to kill him? I wasn’t a killer. I didn’t want to be a killer. I couldn’t have that on my conscience. I would never again get sleep. I would never again.......never again be able to tell myself in honesty that I was a good person. Not anymore.
It wasn’t like I was overreacting. I had murdered someone. And maybe they deserved it. And Bane did, he really did. But that didn’t make it any less horrible. What about his family? His family might like him. Maybe he had children, or a wife. Or parents that were still alive. Would they miss him, despite the horrible human being he was?
I sighed. It was hard to think of Bane with anyone who cared for him. But what if there was? Somewhere, against all odds, defying all logic, maybe he had a woman....or man....who loved him dearly. And what if I had just murdered their soul mate? What if I was responsible for their heartache and pain? What if I had put someone without a father, or made a poor woman a widow.
I tried telling myself it wasn’t me. It wasn’t me who had killed him, really. It was the wolf, the wolf in me had murdered Bane. I had no control, hell I didn’t even remember it. But I couldn’t convince myself of it. I figured maybe the human part of me allowed it to happen. I should have put up more resistance, I barely tried to restrain myself. I just let myself do this heinous thing and now I had to live with the consequences.
Sitting on my bed, staring at the wall, I couldn’t seem to think of anything but this. And.......then I finally did get my mind off of it. But it went straight to another topic I was trying to avoid desperately...
How is he going to think of me? Maybe it would be best if I never saw him again.
What he had said. About that killing curse thing I asked him about. The passion in his voice as he said that anyone who used that on a human was like...despicable. Was I despicable for killing Bane? I didn’t use any fancy killing curse, and perhaps my way was worse. I mauled Bane, as well as killed him. I didn’t know how that curse thing worked, but I was sure it couldn’t be anywhere as bad as the way I had killed Bane. And the disgust in Remus’ voice when he spoke of the curse, what of what I did?
But did I really want to never see Remus again? Would I just sit in my room and hide from him forever before I even knew what he really thought? What if he didn’t care, what if he only was glad Bane was gone, maybe he wanted to see me. Maybe he wanted to be with me. Maybe he wasn’t leaving anymore, because of all this drama that had happened.
My spirits were lifted immediately. But as I thought about it more, I realized the chances were slim. And if I did go up to him, confront him, be friendly, and he rejected me. What would I do if I saw disgust for me in those beautiful eyes? What would I do if he hated me? What would I do if I got rejection from the one person I had learned to depend on for acceptance these past months? Would I be able to handle that? Could I keep up my new life and my new demeanor and my new attitude about the world after getting such an emotional blow?
I sighed again, loudly, sadly.
Was it really worth it to risk everything for something that may or may not completely mortify me?
And the answer came, like some kind of heavenly solution to my problems. The answer to all my musings whispered through my mind and escaped through my lips in a split second before I could analyze and pick at the details of the response. The answer came, and I knew as soon as I said it, that it was right.
I have always heard that you should live in the moment. That you should seize every opportunity and grab life by the horns and whatnot. That you shouldn’t let things pass you by because before you know it, that’s it, its gone, and you’ll never get it back. And it was like now, all those corny things came back to me and connected in my mind, and every one said REMUS on it, stamped in bright red like some kind of label. And I knew I had to see him, and I knew I had to try and make things right if they were wrong, and I knew I had to apologize for avoiding him, and tell him goodbye because I know that he’s leaving soon.
So I straightened myself and ran from my room, sprinting faster then I have ever in my life. Faster then when I was running from Bane, faster then when I was running from my past, or from Kelly. Faster then I had ever run before because this time, this time I had something I was running to. Not from. And that was something different. That’s what gave me strength. That’s what gave me all I needed to run all the way to where Remus was living, and knock on that door and wait, panting on their front porch, hoping to God that he would forgive me.
About three minutes after I rang the doorbell, twice by the way, a unkempt man answered the door. He had stubble on his face, his hair was ruffled, his eyes were red, and his clothes were wrinkled and stained with what looked like tomato sauce....pizza.
I wrinkled my nose and said, “Uh....uh hi. Is Remus here?”
The unkempt guy stared at me for a long moment. It was like he didn’t understand what I was saying. And then he blinked and said, “He ain’t here.”
I was taken aback by this short answer, and said, “Okay....do you know where he is?”
The unkempt guy stared at me again. I think he might have been stoned or something, how could anyone be this stupid? I can understand groggy but honestly.....
I sighed, and rubbed my fingers to my temple, “Okay, I understand that. Do you know where Remus went to?”
The guy stared at me once more, before saying, “You that werewolf chick.”
“Oh my God!” I shouted, the emotion that had been bubbling inside me mixed with the anticipation and disappointment of seeing and then not seeing Remus mixed with the adrenaline of having just ran all that way burst out of me, and I grabbed the unkempt guys messy tee-shirt, and pulled him forward, so we were nose to nose. The guys’ eyes widened, and he looked slightly more awake.
“Tell me where Remus is, NOW!” I growled at him.
“He left, man! He left like hours ago, I don’t know where he went he said he was going back home! That’s all I know I swear, please don’t bite me!”
I shoved him away from me in disgust. My heart was dropping into my stomach as I was thinking it, Remus was gone. He left to go back home and I didn’t even get to say goodbye to him. All those things in my head earlier, don’t let an opportunity by.....it was too little, too late.
I had blown it.
“Get a backbone, you loser,” I told the unkempt guy, “I’m a sixteen year old girl. How old are you? And look, you’re sitting around in the middle of the afternoon, sleeping, doped up it looks like, no job, afraid of a little girl! You’re disgraceful!”
And with him staring at me in complete shock, I turned away and ran.
Away from something, once again.
I arrived home a little later, tears dry on my cheeks. That was the good thing about running, the wind didn’t let you show that you were crying. My heart felt broken, and heavy in my chest. How could it be in littler pieces, yet feel so much harder to carry?
It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that all this stuff was happening to me. I was a good person, I am a good person, I don’t deserve to have this drama in my life. I didn’t deserve being an outcast, or being shunned by all the people in my town, or being a werewolf and going through all of that pain once a month. I didn’t deserve to be laughed at, I didn’t deserve to be hurt, I didn’t deserve to have someone hunting me for cash. I didn’t deserve to have a broken heart. I deserve parties and boys and dresses and friends and sleep overs and pillow fights and late night gossip-fests with my best friends while pigging out on uncooked cookie dough.
But the thing that made me mad was, I wouldn’t change a thing.
Because in my life there was only one thing I was sure of, and that was Remus. And he came with my life of woes and pain. And in the end, he became another, but that was how it was I guess. That was how my life is. I just had to accept it and move on. I just had to realize that sometimes you can’t have the dream life, and you can’t have the fairytale, and your knight in shining armor won’t arrive on the horseback of his noble white stallion and call you down to take you away to live happily ever after in his castle made of diamonds and gold.
And just as I told myself that, a rock hit my window. I thought for a second I was imagining it, but then another hit thirty seconds later. I stood slowly from my bed, and walked over to the window. I didn’t want to dare look down and see anyone but him. But I told myself, well it couldn’t be him, don’t be ridiculous....Remus was gone, he left, you lost your chance Kasey stop living in a dream.
And then it happened. A rock hit my window; the window shattered; the rock shot straight through; flew into my lamp; knocked it off my desk; and it, too, shattered on the ground. And then there came a swear word so dirty it stung my ears and made me wince, but in turn made my face break out into a smile so wide that it felt like it was splitting my face clean in half.
Because I knew that voice too well.
I jumped in front of my broken window and looked out, and down. There was Remus, standing there, rocks in his hand. He looked up, saw me, dropped the rocks, and called out, “I’m sorry about your window, Kasey! I didn’t see the big rock in my hand...”
I laughed, it was suddenly hilarious to me. Everything was shining in a new light. Remus wasn’t gone. He was standing in my yard, looking up at me, smiling. Smiling He didn’t hate me.
“Hey, I just thought we should talk before I left!” He shouted up, “Maybe you can come down for a bit?”
And maybe this wasn’t a fairytale, and maybe I didn’t live in a castle with a castle or mean old stepsisters that locked me in a tower. Maybe there was no glass slipper, maybe there were no singing birds or talking deer. Maybe there were no kisses that awakened the sleeping beauty, or the fairy godmother that gave the girl a chance to shine. Maybe the fairytale didn’t exist. Maybe I wasn’t a princess.
But I had my prince charming right in front of me, and I wasn’t about to let him slip away from me without a fight, or at least a long goodbye.
Because happily ever after is never guaranteed; death and pain come with the package. You’ll have heartbreaks and drama and problems all your life. The only thing you can do is seize every opportunity you have, because you never know when life is ready to pass you by.