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Perfect by tom_feltons_godess
Chapter 1 : Perfect
 
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 8


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I own nothing the characters belong to J.K.R and the song is 'Perfect' by Simple Plan all the credit goes to them!!!~Jaymee
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along


"So you mean your not coming?" Draco asked his father as they sat in his study looking over the graduation letter that had just arrived.

"You know I can't Draco,I don't have time," Lucius said as he buried his nose back into the Evening Prophet.

"But...can't you make time? I mean...I'm graduating with high honors Dad," Draco tried.

"Right after the mudblood," Lucius scoffed.

"I'm okay with that,Hermione's not so bad and she deserves it."

"A Pureblood never comes in second to a mudblood Draco and if all that petty graduation is going to do is cause me shame,I'd rather not attend."

"So it's a definite no?" Draco could feel a lump the size of a grapefruit from in his throat.

"I thought I had answered that Draco,it's a no. I have no time for such little things," Lucius said in a bored tone.

"Right," Draco whispered and got up from the leather chair he was sitting in. He walked slowly to the door,and with his hand on the handle turned to his father and whispered, "Damn you." He stormed out into the hall and into his room,slamming the door behind him.

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me


Draco threw himself onto his bed and buried his face in his pillow. He sobbed into the soft cashmere pillowcase quietly and sniffed. He was certain this would catch his fathers attention. A kid only graduates once. But as if his father cared,he should have known better. Lucius didn't care,he never had and he never would. What had he expected? A pat on the back? A "Good job son, you've worked hard the past seven years and I wouldn't miss it for the world." He laughed at his foolishness. His insides wretched at the memory of his Dad's bored tone and a wave of sadness washed over him. He heard his doorknob jiggle and buried his face deeper into the pillow as the hallway light filtered in and penetrated his dark room. A lone figure loomed in the door way,his stature casting scary shadows on the wooden floor,making him look more sinister.

"Draco? What is your problem?" Lucius' cold tone asked.

"Nothing," Draco mumbled and held in a sob, "Just go the hell away."

"I most certainly will NOT! You better watch yourself boy,you're not a child anymore and it's time you stopped being so spoiled and learn to respect your elders."

"Go away," Draco whispered.

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore


"So this is the way you treat me? Me, who has always given you the best of everything. Who has never neglected you of anything?"

"No, Dad you haven't neglected me at all," Draco laughed bitterly.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what I said."

"You meant it sarcastically did you not?"

"Wow you're bright," Draco sniffed. He bit his lip hard and tasted blood. It was something he did when his wrist was to raw to cut. If he could concentrate on the exteranl pain he wouldn't have to think of the dark cave that was his heart and the misery he felt internally. He looked at his fathers shadow,splayed out across the floor and almost smiled. He remembered being little and his father carrying him on his back. Or when he was four and Lucius had taught Draco how to play Quidditch. Back in those days, Lucius' was Draco's idol. Someone he tried to imatate in every way. He was proud of the resemblence between them and often bragged to his little wizard friends about it. What had happened? All of that seemed like a million memories that had been shoved into some little corner of Draco's mind. He could clearly remember sitting outside of his fathers study at the age of seven waiting for him to come out to tuck him in. In the end his mother had picked up the sleeping Draco and tucked him into bed. Draco felt a stab at his heart and felt the final piece shatter. Suddenly a feeling of rage rushed into Draco and burned his face.

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright


"What right have you to talk to me that way?" Lucius demanded.

"Every damn right in the book of rights Dad!" Draco shouted.

"What are you talking about? You better lower your tone or there will be serious consequences!"

"See if I give a cow's shit! Just shut the fuck up and get the hell out!"

"Why are you acting this way!?"

"YOU DON'T GIVE A DAMN ANYMORE!!!" Draco let his pent up anger erupt and surface.

"WHAT?! I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT WHAT?!"

"ABOUT FUCKING EVERYTHING!!! YOU DON'T CARE!!!"

"IS THIS ABOUT THAT GRADUATION THING? I'M TELLING YOU I CAN'T BE BOTHERED--"

"I KNOW YOU CAN'T BE BOTHERED!!! NOT WITH GRADUATION,NOT WITH ME,NOT WITH MOM, NOT WITH ANYTHING!!!"

"STOP SHOUTING!!!"

"NO!!! THIS IS MY ROOM!!! NO ONE CALLED YOU IN HERE AND YOU CAN JUST EXIT THE WAY YOU ENTERED!!!"

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect


"Calm down," Lucius said in a regular indoor voice.

"Get out," Draco whispered.

"Look why don't we talk--"

"Oh now you wanna talk?!? What happened to those other times Dad?!? The times when I wanted to talk but you didn't have time for me?"

"I was busy--"

"I know you were busy Dad! You're always busy! Today, I was positive you would say something to me about graduating. About surviving those seven long years of school. But you didn't care! You didn't care! You can't come cause you're always putting things before me! ALWAYS! It wouldn't even matter if it was next week or next month or the next decade there would be something there to get in the way! And you know what?! I don't care anymore! I don't get why I should when you don't! Admit it Dad YOU DON'T CARE!!!"

"YOU'RE RIGHT DRACO I DON'T!!! I DON'T CARE!!! I'D RATHER DIE BEFORE GOING TO ANY OF YOUR PETTY EVENTS!!! I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO THAN WATCH MY SON FAWN OVER SOME MUDBLOOD AND SHAME THE MALFOY NAME!!!"

"What? You know about--"

"Hermione? Yes,I've always known and you know what I've been busy with? She's going to die Draco, I've made sure of that," He smiled maliciously.

"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH HER!!! DON'T YOU DARE!!!" Draco yelled and rolled off his bed to come face to face with his father.

"And if I do? What are you going to do about it?"

"I HATE YOU!!! I SWEAR TO GAH I HATE YOU!!!"

"The feelings mutual blood traitor," Lucius spat.

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand


Lucius left the room his retreating back facing Draco before he desappeared down the hall way. Draco stood shaking in either rage or fear or both. His father hated him. He had just said it himself. How could a father hate his own son? He wanted to shout out to him, 'No! Please don't hate me! I don't hate you! I just want you to love me back! To be there with me when I need you! Please don't leave me here! Please come back!' He let himself fall to the floor. His bare cheek stung and turned pink as the cold hard floor made contact with his flesh.

"Please come back,please come back," He whispered, "I just want you to be there." He closed his eyes,his fathers words ringing in his ears. 'The feelings mutual blood traitor".... Hot tears burned his eyes as he stood up and made up his mind. He went into his bathroom and ran the water. He smiled bitterly as he took out a razor from his drawer in his room. This was it. Nothing was worth living for if it was all gone. He wouldn't know how to face his father the next day or year or century. He was sure of what he was doing. He didn't wanna put up with this shit anymore. He was through. So he wouldn't graduate,there wouldn't be anyone there to celebrate with him. So he would never see Hermione again, she was probably dead by now anyway. Draco looked at the closed door to his bedroom and took in his surroundings as if for the last time. He grabbed a blindfold, a sheet of paper, a pen and walked into his bathroom. He took the parchment and in a shaky scripture and wrote his father a letter....


He set the parchment up somewhere were he was sure his father would find it. He took the blindfold and tied it around his head so he wouldn't be able to see. He felt around for the razor and took it's cold metal handle in his hands. He took a deep breath and quickly ran the blade across his raw wrist. He did the same to the other. He took another breath, his last and leaned back into the now full bath tub. He lay there, water soaking him until he lost conciousness. It was over.
*~*~*~*~*

Lucius sat at his desk thinking about what he had said. He didn't mean it. He didn't hate his son. It was just a spur of the moment thing. He breathed in deeply and got up. He knocked on his son's door. No answer. He pressed his ear against the wood and heard the water running. Lucius opened the door and figured he should wait for him while he came out of the shower. He stepped into the dark bedroom and heard a splash as his foot hit the floor.

"What the fu--" He saw the bathroom light on. Lucius walked through the puddle of water and knocked on the door, "Draco?" He called. He could here a beat palying int he bathroom. He opened the door and felt his heart shatter as he took in the sight before him. He cried out and ran to his sons body. He shut off the water and took Draco in his arms. "Son? Son talk to me," He slapped Draco's pale face to get response, nothing. Lucius felt Draco's neck for a pulse. Nothing. He held his son's forhead against his own and cried. He looked up through teary eyes and saw a piece of parchment sitting up on the sink. He gently laid Draco's body down and ran to it. He picked up with shaky hands. It was scrawled in Draco's handwriting. It read:

Dad,
I don't hate you. I never did. I just wanted you to love me the way I loved you. I can't take what I've been putting up with for the last ten years. I can't take your cold looks and your indifferent attitude. The only time I can remember me and you getting along without getting into a fight or without the other getting hurt is when I was five. That was a long time ago Dad,I'm sixteen. I know I pretended like I didn't care but I did. It hurt that you were never there. I needed you so much but you never had time. All thats left to say now is I'm sorry. I'm sorry for saying that I hate you. I'm sorry I shamed you and the Malfoy name by falling in love with a mudblood. I'm sorry that you don't care. I'm sorry if I didn't live up to what you expected me to be. I'm sorry I loved you. I'm sorry I can't be perfect....
Love,
Draco


Lucius crumpled the paper into a ball and cried this was all is fault. Draco was dead and he had caused it. He read the parchment once more as the final words to the song were heard once more

Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect....

*-*-*-*-*-*-*
I kno not xactly the usual happy stories I wryt but wen I was listening to this song I was lyk hmmm...this wood make a gr8 songfic!!! I wana thx my daddy 4 being the best daddy to me and for loving me as much as I love him!!! And 2 U gys 4 reading!!! I lub U peeps!!! Now puh-leez review!!!~Jaymee




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