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To Lose It All by Nessa Elendil
Chapter 3 : November 2, 1981
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 2

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A/N: I'm not very happy with this chapter, it doesn't run as smoothly as I'd like it to.
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine except my OC.

After a drafty night in a treehouse, Sirius and Jasmine came up with the plan: They would hunt down Peter. Split up to find him quicker. Use two-way mirrors to keep in touch – which were more like three-way mirrors since by the end of fourth year Jasmine had perfected a third mirror to work like Sirius’s and James’s so they could all talk while in separate detentions. Jasmine, however, would first go to Remus – since she probably wasn’t wanted – to try and get him to believe in Sirius’s innocence and help them find Peter.


Sirius headed for London in his Animagus form – just to be sure he wouldn’t miss Pettigrew – while Jasmine, in human form, apparated to the town Remus resided in.

As she walked to Remus’s flat, Jasmine thought of what she would say, believing all the while that Remus would believe her. After all, they were close. Not only had they been fellow Marauders together, but they had been dating since third year, and had known crushes – to each other – on the other since first; they had even lost their virginities to each other. And she had heard from Lily, who heard from James, who heard from Sirius, who heard from Peter, who heard from Remus, that Remus was going to propose to her very soon. So she did some ‘digging’ and, without Remus’s knowledge, had found it to be true. She knew he would believe her, he had to.


As Remus’s flat came into view, Jasmine saw Remus shadowed in the window reading what looked like a letter.

Jasmine walked to the front door and knocked. She watched as Remus got up and left sight of the window. “Remus!” she yelled. “Remus Lupin, I know you’re in there! Now open the door!” She paused to see if he would let her in, but he didn’t. “Remus!”


Remus Lupin hadn’t slept all night; the day before he had received a letter from Dumbledore. He had read it over and over for more than twenty-four hours, each time hoping it would say something different, each time receiving the same shock he had gotten the first time he read to cursed letter.

Dear Mr. Lupin,

I am sorry to say it is my soulful duty to inform you of the death of Lily and James Potter. They were betrayed by Sirius Black and murdered at the hand of Lord Voldemort on 31 October, 1981. Their son, Harry, had somehow survived Voldemort’s attack and vanquished him. I hope you do not dwell in the past, but move on to what may be a brighter future.

Albus Dumbledore
Headmaster of Hogwarts

Remus was reading the letter for well over the hundredth time when he heard a knock on the door. He didn’t know who it was, and he couldn’t care less. Lily and James were dead because Sirius had betrayed them. He got up and left sight of the window, hoping whoever it was would take a hint and go away.

His visitor, however, was not easily discouraged, as Remus found out, when he heard, “Remus! Remus Lupin, I know you’re in there! Now open the door!” He recognized the voice. It was Jasmine. He knew why she was there, but he didn’t want to see anyone at the moment, especially Jasmine. He knew she would never agree with Dumbledore about Sirius, and he didn’t blame her. Sirius was the only blood relative she acknowledged besides her sister, Andromeda, whom she doesn’t see or talk to for years at a time. But he believed Dumbledore’s word, even if he couldn’t believe it. He stayed silent and away from the windows and door.

“Remus!” Jasmine wasn’t giving up, and he knew that if she hadn’t left by now, she never would. Remus sighed and went to open the door.


The door swung open and Jasmine came face to face with Remus Lupin who looked very different from the last time she had seen him, only four days ago.

Being a werewolf, Remus never looked in picture perfect health, but now he looked starved and devastated; as if he hadn’t eaten or slept for weeks, not just the twenty-four hours it was sure to have been.

“Remus, look at you!” Jasmine exclaimed. “You need to get something to eat, you look half dead!”

“Me? Look at you,” Remus let Jasmine in and steered her to the bathroom to look in the mirror.

Jasmine quickly concluded that she had never looked worse. Her usually fair, tanned, unblemished skin was pale and clammy; her normally flowing, silky black hair fell lank and greasy to her waist; her clothes were now tattered and dirty from so much wear; and misery was etched in every inch of her face. Her tears had long dried up leaving streaks down her cheeks, and her eyes, looking haunted, held no sign of life.

But she didn’t care as she would have were circumstances different. She just disregarded her appearance, more important matters needed to be discussed.

“Remus,” Jasmine said, “this is important. Please, hear me out.”

“Haven’t I always?”

“This isn’t time to make jokes, please.”

“Sorry. But I think I know what this is about, and I want you to know that I believe Dumbledore’s word.” Remus now looked solemn.

“You can’t! Sirius is innocent, Pettigrew is to blame!” Jasmine fought to hold off tears. Crying was the last thing she needed to do now.

“Jasmine, look, I know where you’re coming from, but I can’t believe you. Sirius was their Secret Keeper.”

“They switched. They didn’t tell me either, not until it was too late.” Her voice was breaking.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t believe you, not when Dumbledore has given his word that it was Sirius.” Jasmine could hear Remus’s voice begin to break as well.

“So why can’t you believe me?” Jasmine had given in, she had to cry. “I’m not asking you to believe Sirius! I’m asking you to believe me when I say we need to find Pettigrew! Before it’s too late, before he gets Harry too! I need your help.”

“Jasmine…I can’t,” Remus looked away from her. “I’m really sorry.”

“If you can’t trust me, how can you trust anything we may have?”

“Jasmine, I do trust you! And everything we have!” Desperation was woven into Remus’s voice; he realized what she was saying. “But I can’t believe you about Sirius and Peter.”

“You still don’t trust me.” Jasmine headed for the front door, still crying.

“What? Wait! Jasmine, I love you!” Remus was crying as well now, Jasmine could hear him.

She turned around to face Remus. Looking into his eyes, she said, “Then I hope you can learn to love again.” With that, she left.


When Jasmine left, she decided to walk to London to help Sirius in his search. She knew apparating would be faster and more efficient than walking, but there was always the off chance that she would run into Pettigrew along the way, but more so because she didn’t feel like facing Sirius just then and having to tell him what had just happened.
She knew the walk would be very long, but that would give her time to rest and eat, after two days she was beginning to get very hungry, and this afternoon’s event had robbed her of most of her strength, physical and emotional.

Jasmine didn’t know why she walked out on Remus, except that he wouldn’t believe her and she had always valued trust more than almost anything else. A part of her wanted to go back because she knew she was wrong, but for once, pride had nothing to do with it; that was the part of her that held all her reason, rationale, and sanity. It was temporarily lost.


A couple of hours after nightfall, Jasmine came upon an old muggle inn that was falling apart. She went into the lobby, which was covered with cobwebs, dust, mold, and other fungus, and found the hopeful – yet stupid – owner who was trying to keep his inn alive.

This man looked fairly desperate, so Jasmine figured she could get a room for the little muggle money she kept in her pocket for emergencies.


As it turned out, she could – although Jasmine had thought it was more because the poor man had at first thought she was a ghost or something and screamed something about hauntings before she reached out and grabbed his arm to attempt to communicate with him.

Even though she was in a muggle place, Jasmine knew how just about everything worked thanks to all the time she spent with Lily in the muggle world - she had usually just slept through Muggle Studies.

After she got a stubborn vending machine to spit out something edible, Jasmine went up to her room and ate for the first time in a while.

When she was finished, she went to take a shower. The water was on the cold side and the showerhead was almost completely rusted up, but with the help of some extremely hard, crusty soap and a rag meant to be a facecloth, she managed to wash away her tears streaks so they were almost invisible, and by using the tiny, ancient bottle of shampoo, she managed to put some of the flowing back in her hair as well as some of its regular silky look. She got out and wrapped a tattered towel around herself and used the tub to wash her cloths after removing her wand, knife, and mirror.

It would have again been faster and simpler to use magic, but somehow Jasmine always felt cleaner, and better, doing these things the muggle way.


While her clothes were drying, Jasmine took her mirror.

“Padfoot,” she told it. Sirius’s face appeared in her mirror.

“Hey, you look a little better,” Sirius said with a small, forced grin.

“Yeah, I feel a little better. You get anything to eat yet?”

“I stopped to get a bit of something, yeah. Now how about Remus?”

“He…he didn’t believe me.” Jasmine held back the tears she felt swell up.

“Oh, Jasy.” Sirius felt and looked so sorry for her. He knew what Moony was to her.

“No, don’t. I’m fine. It’s fine. Everything’s fine,” Jasmine paused. “Well, sort of.” She cleared her eyes with the back of her hand.


“Look, we have to concentrate on getting Pettigrew. You bunking down for the night?”

“Yup, are you?” He still sounded a little worried for his cousin, and about how she changed subjects so quickly. He wanted to make sure she would be alright.

“Yeah, where are you?”

“Just outside London, northwest. Why? If you’re walking to London…”

“I’ll apparate there a few minutes before dawn, I’m not gonna find him out here in the dark. I mean, why would he be here?”

“Alright then. And Jasy, promise you’ll talk with me later, even if you don’t think you need to.”

“Yeah…sure. ‘Night Pads.”

“‘Night Tips... and we are talking.”

Jasmine nodded and they each put their mirror away and quickly drifted to a peaceful place of memories from long ago.

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