Chapter 4 : This Is A Sturdy Table
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This is a Sturdy Table
It was almost scary; how life was suddenly favoring Ron. He always felt as if he had the worst of luck. It was senseless and frightening.. But why in the hell was he still going along with it like a happy little boyfriend? Oh yeah, Hermione. Their entire relationship was maybe the most awkward, horrible, ill fated, and terribly timed. For instance, when they did start seeing each other, they acted like they still hated each other in public. A lot like pro wrestlers you know?(And I'm sure there were some wrestling moves goin' on in private ifyaknowwhatimean).
"Ron.. Are you there?" she asked. He snapped out of his little day dream.
"So what do you think?" She asked walking around the flat. It was one of those that had the kitchen with the window that gave you a little view of the living area.
"I like it.." He said looking around for himself.
"Yes. It's very new age." said the sales-lady. Ron stepped over to the wooden table in the living room. He began testing it by almost shaking it to it's core.
"This is a sturdy table... Does it come with the apartment because we broke our last one..... It was the worst fall I've ever had... Yet the best.." He said smiling at Hermione who was gasping at this very private information Ron just told some stupid lady.
"Oh yes, if you'd like." the lady said absolutely not catching on. Hermione had taken her attention off of Ron, and directed toward the bedroom. Potzer had decided to come with them for some reason. He was currently jumping on the bed. When he was done, he bounded out into the main room.
"They'll take it!!" He exclaimed before wither of the couple could say anything.
"Very well!I'll be right back with the information!" she said walking out, also leaving no room for the couple to say anything.
"Why did you do that?!" Hermione screamed.
"What? You like it!"
"Yes, but we still need to look at-"
"Yap yap yap yap yap.... Well it's yours." Potzer interrupted.
"... I can't believe you! We can't pay for this!"
"Tell them you're married, you'll get a discount." Potzer said looking over a lamp that he eventually broke.
"But won't they figure it out?"
"...... We're in a muggle flat, who the hell is going to figure out you two aren't married?" Potzer argued.
"Fine! But when it all falls to pieces, it will be your fault!" Ron yelled this time.
"Fine, whatever bitch!"
"What did you say?!!?!!" Hermione shrieked.
"I called your boyfriend a bitch, do you mind?" He asked.
"...... Ok, as long as you didn't call me..."
"A bitch?" Potzer asked.
"Fine then.... We should have a party! you know?" Potzer asked dancing around the empty room.
"But it's about 20 by 20 meters, for christ sakes!... Well, I need to head over to the bookstore.. Then to mum's....... Love you." Ron sighed as he left through the front door.
"Love you too." she caught him to kiss before he left.
"So a party?" Potzer asked.
"It sounds good." Hermione smiled.
"Well we're not inviting your dad.." Potzer said.
"Oh of course not. It'll be ages before I tell daddy about this.." Hermione said rubbing her hands.
"Daddy? I thought you only called Ron daddy." Potzer said with a fake surprised look.
"Oh shut up." she said leaving to look at the bedroom.
"Oh-ho-ho... Oh daddy! Oh daddy I've been dad! Oh Daddy!" Potzer said spanking himself.
"Aw come on! It isn't fun if you don't play along!" Potzer yelled at the girl in the bedroom.
Harry recognized the one executive from yesterday, two other gentleman he didn't recognize. They all sat behind a large desk while Harry sat in front of them.
"Well we've read over your 7 wonderful stories and we think they're amazing."
"Stories? They actually happened..."
"I AM Harry Potter. These are autobiographies."
"Remember, I defeated Voldemort?!"
"Doesn't ring a bell..."
"THE Voldemort?! Most powerful Dark lord... EVER?!"
".... There's so many Dark Lords these days."
"No there aren't!! I went through over 7 years of complete agony, and you bastard don't know who I am?"
"Yeah, ok, well anyway, we were thinking of maybe having snappy titles for each of your school years."
"Maybe my muggle wife could help, she loves these kinds of things!" one of them said.
"I'll bet she does, Rowling. But that's not the point is it? WE need to find snappy titles!"
"Why not just the story of Harry Potter: Years 1-7?" Harry suggested.
"................That's biggest load of shit I've ever heard. And I've heard lot's of loads of shit in my day! Now, let's see." he began flipping though the pages of the years.
"All right well, your fist year looks like it had a lot to do with this Philosopher's Stone..."
"Harry Potter and the Philosopher's stone!" yelled one of them.
"That's exactly what I was thinking! Now the second.... Seems to be about this Chamber of so-called secrets."
"Harry Potter and the Chamber of So-Called Secrets!!"
"Lose the so called.......Ok your third year.... Someone from Azkaban wants to kill you, so let's call it...."
"Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban!!"
"Very good, that'll do.... Let's see... The fourth... There's a goblet of fire in it."
'Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire!!"
"Wait, there's the whole Tri-Wizard Tournament! What about that?" Harry shouted.
"Too late we're already on the sixth book....... Ok I see.... You're gaining help from a friendly potions nerd called the Half Blood Prince!"
"But, wait! that's only-"
"Moving on!.... Well we all know about your 7th..... Ok then we have everything we need."
"............ You've butchered a very important portion of my life."
"yeah, but we're getting paid to do it!" One of the men said as the three left.
"Good day, and don't worry. 60% of the profits go to you. We'll have someone work on covers and they should be on bookshelves in a matter of months!" One of them said enthusiastically. Harry's heart jumped.
"What?" One of them stopped.
"Well, since it's only a story... Could you have the name of harry Potter changed to um.... Perry.... Longbottom." Harry was tired of having only one name in his head all the time.
"Longbottom? That's silly.... How about... Hapablap?"
".................. Fine. Perry Hapablap...."
"It's done!" He said taking out a pen to write down Perry Hapablap. Harry prayed to the lord that Ginny wouldn't see through Perry Hapablap. After that boum of a meeting, Harry decided to get out.. Immediately.
But, he was thwarted in his attempt. He met up with Ron who was reading some Quidditch book.
"Wuddup?" Harry said looking through some books.
"Nuttin.. What are you doing here?"
"Oh, I got a book deal."
"cool, what is it?"
"My life story.... It's called the Adventures Of Perry Hapablap." Harry explained.
"So how are things with Hermione?"
"Never better, my friend. How are things with Ginny."
"I'm not really sure. An hour after patching things up I was falling through Potzer's watch and hearing songs I've never heard before....."
"That's right.. You downed an entire bottle of Starckman's..."
"Are you still staying at the leaky cauldron?"
"No, we found a flat. We got a discount."
"That's really good..." Harry said a little surprised.
"Well they think we're married."
"They think we're a married couple."
"Ah..... Do you think you would ever ask Hermione?"
"Ah you see, I've thought about it..."
"Give it a few months."
"Wow... I never though it would actually happen... I mean sure people have dreamed of it but.. Wow." Harry smiled.
"Well she IS moving in with me tomorrow."
"Well that's good... She was staying with me actually, which I didn't need..." Harry laughed.
"What? For how long?"
"Uh.. Never. She didn't get a chance..."
"Uh-huh.... Sure..." Ron closed his book.
"Ron it's not what you think, trust me." Harry grew nervous.
"Oh great...." Harry sighed.
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