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Harry Potter Can't Believe It's Not Butter!!! by Gypsy_Girl
Chapter 1 : I can't belive it's not butter!
Rating: 12+Chapter Reviews: 24

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Harry Potter Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!!

Author’s Note: Okay peeps, first off Harry isn’t gay, he’s just metro…. Oh and if you’re wondering where I got the idea for this story, it was from a website full of Chuck Norris facts (type it into google) and one of the made up facts was: Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter!. Lol. Check it out it’s funny as!

Harry woke up with a start. He loved Friday mornings. And not because it was the last day of the school week, no, it was because of breakfast. It was the only day they served toast in the Great Hall. Can you believe that!? Once every seven days Harry got to eat his toast. Now not many people knew this but if Harry didn’t get his weekly serving of toast he turned into a big hairy pig! Okay, that might not be true, but he does get very grumpy. Very, very grumpy….

“Oh yippee! I’m jumping for joy at the sound of toast!” Harry thought gaily. He was so happy he could kiss Malfoy, and I’m being serious this time!

Harry jumped out of bed and grabbed the first clothes he found, usually boy would care what they wore to breakfast, but Harry just picked up Neville’s dancing pants (Yes, Neville is quite the ballet dancer) and no one who valued their lives would wear them, not only would Neville kill you (he was rather possessive of his dancing gear) but you would get the crap teased out of you. I mean they were lycra for gods sake! What man with dignity would wear LYCRA! And not to mention they were pink too.

Anyway…. Harry quickly threw the pants back where they were and grabbed the next item of clothing that he saw. It was unfortunately something else Harry couldn’t wear.
It was a frilly pink dress.

“How did that get in here?” Harry thought as he held it up but the straps. “It is pretty nice though….” He thought smiling.

Yet again Harry reached out for a pair of pants. This time it was something he could wear, a really tight pair of man skinny leg jeans. “Okay…finally something wearable” He thought as he threw the pants on. “Actually, I wonder who these belonged to….”

Harry had to wonder no more when he saw Ginny get up out of Dean Thomas’s bed.

“HARRY! Why are you wearing my jeans!?” She cried with a look of shock and amusement on her face.

He blushed. Then thought about his options. He could:

A) Take the jeans off and give them to her and run away
B) He could just run away still wearing the jeans
C) Or he could yell at her for being in the boy’s dormitory
D) Or he could…

“Actually, you’re mistaken, these are my jeans.” He declared indignantly.

Then she laughed. “Well then, why do they say: Size 10 Female, on the tag?”

He blushed, then thought about his options again…

A) Take the jeans off and give them to her and run away
B) He could just run away still wearing the jeans
C) Or he could yell at her for being in the boy’s dormitory
D) Or he could…

“I feel more comfortable in women’s jeans.” He said trying not to cry from embarrassment.

“Oh, okay then… Um, I’ll be going then… I’ll just grab my dress.” Ginny said, picking up the pink dress Harry was wearing before, then running out of the room.

Harry stood around when he saw the perfect top to go with his jeans.

“Oh this will look so fabulous!” Harry thought. “Oh dear god, I did not just think that!” Harry mumbled hitting himself in the head for saying fabulous.

Harry threw on the top and walked down to the common room. He was rather uncomfortable considering the jeans he was wearing were about two sizes too small and were women’s cut. He was finding it very hard to move actually.

“Dear god, I don’t think I’ll be able to father children after wearing these jeans,” he thought grimacing. “Damn pride!

Harry slowly shuffled (it was the only way he could move without look like a penguin wearing clothes) out of the common room and down to the Great Hall.

“Dear god, there will be hell to pay If there isn’t any toast left when I get down to the Great Hall.”

After what seemed like hours, Harry reached the Great Hall to see Ron and Hermione bickering about something. Deciding to take a closer look Harry jumped into the seat next to Hermione.

“What are you fighting about? It seemed pretty serious. I just hope it had nothing to do with my butter on toast!” Harry jokingly said.

Hermione and Ron gulped. They knew what happened when Harry didn’t get his butter and toast on Friday’s.

“Um, well you see Harry… I- I um well-“

“Oh, don’t worry about it Hermione. Tell me after I’ve had my butter on toast.” Harry said reaching for his toast and a knife. It was when Harry picked up the knife that he realized something wasn’t right.

“Where’s my Nuttlex butter…?” Harry asked, knowing he wasn’t going to like the answer.

“Well, you see Harry-“ Ron started to speak when Hermione jumped in.

“Oh HarryI’msosorrybutDumbledoremadeadodgydealwithabutterbrandthatsaidtheywouldprovideuswithbutterforfreeifweserveditatbreakfasteveryday!” Hermione cried not wanting to be on the releasing end of Harry’s infamous Caps-locky rage.

“But don’t worry because apparently you can’t tell it’s not butter!” Hermione practically shouted.

“N-n-n-not… NOT BUTTER!? NOOOOOO!!!!!!” Harry cried banging his hands not the table. Everyone stopped what they were doing and ran out of the Great Hall, desperately trying to get away form the very angry and uncomfortable (“Damn those jeans!”) Harry.

Harry started to get bigger and his shirt was ripping, and he was also becoming a violent shade of purple.

“This makes me angry! AND YOU WON’T LIKE ME WHEN I’M ANGRY! He screamed. He had turned into the “Incredible Bulk”; it was his big fat ugly purple side…

Hermione was panicking, “Um, Harry why don’t you just try the butter…?” Hermione said, with a glimmer of hope in her.

Harry stopped and considered what she just suggested. He mumbled something and then spread a thin layer of the so-called butter on his toast. He bit into it and the said:

“I can’t believe it’s not butter!”

“And… CUT!” Yelled the director.

“Brilliant work Harry, and Hermione you perfected the panicked expression. I’m sorry Ron, but I’m going to have to cut you out of the add. You just didn’t do it for me…” the director said.

Then with a flash, she was gone leaving Harry, Ron and Hermione all alone in the Great Hall.

Author’s Note: What did you thing? Did you like it? I hope you did! Well, yes! Ta da!

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