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Spiraling Guilt by FlameWolf3182
Chapter 7 : To Want This Much From You
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 15

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Author's Note: ok real quick, I've been reading a majority of my reviewers stories and I just want to say in general... they are FANTASTiC! Honestly, I don't know how the authors reviewing my story are saying it's good, their stories are so much better! alright thats all I wanted to tell everyone, sorry if this was annoying.. I think each author (and reader too!! :P) reviewing my story deserved a quick anyway on with chpt 7!

Share with me
Cause I need it right now
Let me see your insides
Or write me off
Cause I'd rather starve now
If you won't open up

Give it to me
Give me all... whatever you want
It's never been me
To want this much from you
I can see
~The Used: Noises and Kisses

Hermione woke to the tingling hot breath against the back of her neck that sent shivers through her entire being. She rolled over and was met with porcelain skin and platinum hair shining with the rays of sun pouring in from the open windows. The memories of the night before flooded into her mind and she could do nothing but shudder at what she had done. Hermione Granger had spent a whole night with Draco Malfoy, in her own bed on her own free will. She could do nothing but wonder how her friends would never speak with her again, and how Draco would laugh at how stupid she was.

“Morning love.” Hermione jumped when she felt the arm slip around her stomach.

“Love? Who are you calling ‘love’?” She asked icily.

“Obviously you aren’t a morning person.” Draco said yawning and getting off the bed.

“Honestly Malfoy, stop acting as though what happened last night is a daily thing.” Hermione said. “And put a shirt on please.”

“That’s not what you said last night Hermione.” Draco replied with a smirk on his face. It wasn’t hard to tell he was happy with himself, and it was even easier to see how angered Hermione was with the position she had put herself in.

“It was a mistake, now get out.” She stated firmly getting from the bed herself.

“Well I am going to need that.” He said pointing to his shirt that she had been wearing. Hermione turned crimson and refused to undress in front of him. “We both know I’ve already seen what’s under the shirt, so get on with it, breakfast starts soon.”

“We didn’t shag Malfoy, so stop implying we did.” Hermione snapped turning around and removing the shirt and feeling horribly bare in her knickers and bra, but tossed his shirt to him anyway.

“Thanks love.” Draco said putting the shirt on and walked out. “Smells good too.” He joked and shut the portrait leaving Hermione groaning as she willed herself into a warm shower.

Hermione showered and changed quickly leaving her hair down in their normal curls that bounced as she rushed from the Head’s Tower before Draco could catch up to her. Paranoid she walked down the halls expecting to bump straight into him, or worse into Ron. She could only imagine how horrible he thought of her now. ‘I have to talk to him, tell him I didn’t mean to display our breakup to everyone at Hogwarts. It was only because I was upset, he can’t be too mad at me.’ Hermione decided to sit a little away from him at breakfast, and then maybe talk with Harry or Ginny. She made her way to the Great Hall without encountering anyone and found that only Ginny was sitting at the Gryffindor table with the exception of some 2nd years at the very end.

“Hey ‘Mione, I was hoping someone would come soon, I was beginning to get bored.” Ginny said standing and hugging her friend. “Oh no, is Ron still getting to you?”

“How do you always know?” Hermione said sitting down with her best girl friend.

“You seem drained like you were up all night thinking about something.” ‘I wouldn’t exactly say I was thinking.’ Hermione said to herself. “So what’s going on? Do I need to smack some sense into my brother?” Ginny laughed.

“No it wasn’t Ron.” Hermione mentally smacked herself for being so open. “Well it was, but not entirely.”

“Hermione what were you doing last night?” Ginny asked looking at her friend knowing she was keeping some juicy secret from her. “Come on you know I can keep a secret.”

“Well if you weren’t yelling then maybe I would.” Hermione hissed seeing the few students around trying to listen in.

“Come oooon ‘Mione.” Ginny said scouting closer to her on the bench.

“It’s no big deal. I was just preoccupied with -”

“Malfoy.” Ginny growled looking past Hermione.

“What? No! Gin I swear!” Hermione began freaking out.

“Hermione relax. Malfoy just walked in looking more smug than usual. I bet he shagged some poor 6th year last night. Pathetic ferret.” Ginny said watching Draco walk to his spot at the table next to Blaise Zabini.

“Yeah probably, poor girl.” Hermione mumbled looking down at her hands as Ginny changed the subject to how Lavender was trying to ‘steal’ Harry from her.

“Have a good night Draco?” Blaise asked noticing the air of success around him.

“Sorry Blaise, not up for sharing my dirty little secrets.” Draco said taking unseen glances at Hermione.

“You obviously shagged some girl last night. Honestly can’t you control your hormones until atleast after the first week?”

“For your damn information I did no such thing. Let’s just say I put Granger in her place last night.” Draco said smirking.

“Looks like she got you pretty good with a burn hex though.” Blaise said pointing to the mark on his neck.

“Damn mudblood, but that was the only time, you should have seen what she looked like by time I was done.” Draco said thinking quickly for a good excuse. ‘Damn, I should have checked for marks. I wonder if she found hers...’ Draco smirked at the thought as the Great Hall soon filled with the rest of the students and food had appeared. Before Draco knew it breakfast was over and he was on his way to his next class and to his great pleasure was with Hermione herself.

Hermione fidgeted as she walked to Potions with Harry and Zach. Ron hadn’t appeared at breakfast, but Hermione didn’t mind prolonging the inevitable talk that waited for the two. In the Great Hall, Ginny had noticed a mark towards the back of her neck when she had pulled her hair up. Zach had transfigured a spoon into a mirror and Hermione saw a hicky that looked surprisingly close to a ‘D’. But she knew better than to mention the little coincidence since Ginny would immediately begin naming each boy with a ‘D’ starting their first or last name, and that could only end horribly. Soon the three were in the dungeons and Zach and Harry’s conversation ended when Snape was seen perched at his desk. So Hermione quietly seated herself in total dismay next to Draco.

“Having a nice morning so far?” He whispered.

“Oh I would be having a great morning if I hadn’t woken up with a certain someone in my bed. And to make matters worse, you branded me Malfoy.” Hermione hissed quietly narrowing her eyes at him in complete rage.

“Don’t flatter yourself Granger. You left me with a little surprise also.” Draco said pulling down his collar to show the large mark causing Hermione’s jaw to drop. “Bloody hell, that’s not the reaction I would’ve wanted.” Draco said trying to see the mark for himself.

“I, erm, that wasn’t me.” Hermione stuttered not believing she had done that.

“What do you mean this wasn’t you? Who else would it of been?” Draco said keeping his voice low.

“I don’t know Malfoy. It’s not like I keep a log of who you have been with. It was probably Parkinson back there.” Hermione turned and saw Pansy eying Draco hungrily. Both her and Draco shuddered in their chairs.

“Shut up Granger, no man deserves that torture.” Draco said.

“Everyone in their seats and turn to page 284 in your books and read the chapter silently alone. I have yesterday’s homework to go over, so anyone I hear talking gets their paper digested by the giant squid.” Snape said and immediately each student in the room turned to the specified page and read the chapter about the first uses of fairy wings in potions and how the ingredient has been banned in the Wizarding world. Hermione sat bored in her seat; she had read the entire book three times during the summer and knew the lessons almost by heart. It was then that she realized the parchment Draco had pushed to her. It was blank and nothing special about it until writing began to appear across the top.

Just write on it and I’ll be able to read it on my own parchment.

Hermione looked over and saw Draco staring up and her with his quill pointed at her own on the table. She picked it up and dipped the tip into the ink well placed in front of her and began writing.

What do you want Malfoy?


Hermione growled under her breath at his stubborn answer but continued writing.

Honestly, what do you want?

You. And maybe a nice repeat of last night. But you’ll have to control yourself next time since I can’t keep telling people we got into a duel and you burned my neck. We would most likely be stripped of our badges, and then no more private dorms.

You are unbelievable...

Unbelievably handsome I assume you mean.

Stop that. I don’t even need to look up to see the smirk.

See you know me already. So how about tonight?

No Malfoy! Last night was a mistake I already told you that.

We both are well aware how brilliant last night was, love. Now imagine how it would be if those damn clothes hadn’t stayed on.

Draco saw the blush creeping onto her face and laughed to himself.

See, enjoying yourself already and we aren’t even touching.

I’m not enjoying myself.

Come on, not even a little bit?

Don’t push it ferret, you’re already on my hit list since second year.

Remind me never to call you mudblood again...

Hermione couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped her lips. She looked over and saw Draco still gazing down at the parchment and smiling slightly too. He looked like an average 7th year then, not a Malfoy, or a pureblood, just a student at Hogwarts wanting to learn magic.

You should smile more often. The whole bad boy ready to clobber anyone in his path is getting painfully old.

Are you giving me advice Granger? And no, my image will never get old.

Oh yes, and snogging a Gryffindor is truly bad boyish.

It is when your father is Voldemort’s right hand Death Eater and lives to kill mudbloods and muggles.

Why do you follow him to Voldemort? Only death awaits you. No one deserves to be thrown into that for the rest of their most likely short lives.

What do you mean by ‘thrown’? Don’t you believe Draco Malfoy loves the entire thought of being a Death Eater?

Not for a second.

Well you should.

Do you truly want that life?

There was no reply on the parchment and Hermione noticed the death grip Draco had on his quill. Within seconds the feather snapped in half echoing through the room catching the attention of each student.

“Do we have a problem Malfoy?” Snape asked clearly agitated with the disruption.

“Um no, I just wasn’t paying attention to my quill. I have another.” Draco said shaking his head as if there was something inside clouding his thought. But he quickly recovered and fetched another eagle feather quill from his bag, but instead of dipping it into the ink well to his right he set it beside his book and began to read for the rest of class.

“What was up with Malfoy today?” Zach asked directed more to Hermione.

“Not sure. Suppose he’s finally lost it from all the dark magic that’s pumped into him.” Hermione said looking ahead to see him in a conversation with Crabbe and Goyle, though it seemed like he wasn’t listening to a single thing they were saying.

“Hey Hermione, I’m going to head to the Gryffindor Tower to see if Ron is there. I’ll meet you at Divinations in a bit.” Harry said waving goodbye to Zach and her and turning down a corridor towards a set of stairs.

“So what were you and Draco doing? I saw you were using the enchanted parchment Draco makes.” Zach said.

“Wha-? How do you always know everything?” Hermione said turning to him.

“Luck.” Zach laughed. “But really, both of you were smiling and I actually heard you laugh.”

“It’s only fair to give him a chance I suppose. I do have to deal with him for the rest of the year. Might as well make the best of it.” Hermione supposed.

“And it took you seven years and a forced relationship as Heads for you to like eachother.”

“I never said I liked Malfoy. I simply said I would give him a chance and try to get along. It isn’t like I’m going to see him after Hogwarts. This friendship or whatever you would like to call it, only needs to last until then.” Hermione stated as if she had a master plan that she was revealing for the first time.

“Fine, but I’m telling you he starts to grow on you. Believe me, I hated the prat for awhile, and I’m his cousin.” Zach said throwing a glance at Hermione who seemed to be daydreaming. “Having fun?”

“Hmm?” She asked dreamily.

“Yeah that’s what I thought. I’ll see you at lunch Hermione.” Zach began to walk away.

“You should really stop leaving like that.” Hermione shouted after him.

“Why? Because it leaves you hanging in the conversation and forces you to think harder on the subject?” Zach turned and yelled back.

“Exactly!” Hermione laughed heading up the ladder to the Astronomy Tower.

Hermione hurried to lunch after Divinations when Harry had never shown up. He said he was going to check for Ron in the Gryffindor Tower, but when neither of them came to class, she quickly began thinking up the absolute worst case scenario. ‘What if Harry never found Ron and is now looking for him somewhere? Oh Merlin what if one of them got hurt, or both!’ Hermione ran into the Great Hall, but slowed greatly when she felt someone boring their eyes into her. She scanned the room and stopped when she was met with the piercing silver blue eyes of Draco Malfoy. She threw her head down to the floor feeling uncomfortable with the blank expression he had. When Hermione glanced back up her heart skipped a beat and then fell low. Ron was sitting at the table with Harry at his side. She was happy of course to see that they were both alright, but now she had to talk with Ron about what happened and why.

“Hey ‘Mione can you help me with my Herbology work?” Zach suddenly asked before she could even sit.

“Erm, yeah, yes no problem.” She sat, but Zach had stood up.

“Oh, I meant going down to the Greenhouse and literally helping me.” Zach said awkwardly.

“That’s fine.” Hermione grabbed an apple and picked her books back up and left the Great Hall with Zach. She noticed the empty seat on the Slytherin table but ignored Draco’s absence.

“You do realize you owe me right?” He said when in the Entrance Hall.

“You have no clue how much I love you right now.” Hermione said relieved.

“You’re still going to have to talk with him. But it can wait since he still seems rather annoyed with the situation.”

“That’s going to take awhile then. Ron is not one to let go of matters that pertain to him being humiliated in front of the entire school.” Hermione said gravely.

“He can’t be mad at you forever.”

“That’s what you think. The Weasley temper is famous.” Hermione noticed they hadn’t moved from the Entrance Hall since they began talking. “Are we going somewhere? I’m assuming you don’t need help in Herbology.”

“Nope, I’ve already done all of the work Hogwarts has ever assigned. I just came to get away from home.”

“Well aren’t we the little ball of ego.” She joked starting to walk.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to sound like a Malfoy. Which is closer, Heads Tower or Gryffindor Tower?” He asked changing the subject.

“Heads Tower, it’s right up this hall.” Hermione pointed to the portrait at the end of the hall once they reached the top of the main staircase. “So, why do you feel the need to save me from horrible situations and give me advice all the time?”

“Because you need it. Hermione you’re going to want all the friends you can get at the end of the year. It’s not going to be easy.”

“Wait, what are you talking about? Zach if you know something you need to tell Dumbledore, for all of our safety.” Hermione said seriously grabbing onto his arm and stopping him infront of the portrait of Edela.

“No, no I was talking about it being your 7th year and -”

“And what?” Hermione demanded.

“You have no one else, and friends are just as good as family.” Zach said and she could tell it wasn’t what he wanted to say. “I know it’s hard not to have parents, well I don’t truly know, but my parents don’t even recognize me as a person let alone their son. So I know the feeling of being on your own, I just don’t know the pain of it all.”

“Zach I’m so -” But before Hermione could finish three professors and Madame Pomfrey rushed past them and down the dark corridor. Without thinking Hermione grabbed onto Zach’s arm and ran after them.

“Hermione why are we following them?”

“Because someone got hurt. I’m the Head Girl I need to help.” She said and continued hauling him down the hall. The two ran chasing the echoes of voices and pounding of feet up four floors and down numerous halls. “What happened?” She asked Professor McGonagall when they reached the circle of professors.

“Miss Granger, take Mr. Hollinger and please leave. This is no place for the two of you.” McGonagall said politely trying to turn the two around and usher them away. But Hermione glanced behind her to argue when she saw what the problem was. In the middle of the hall, covered in cuts, bruises and torn clothing, Draco laid motionless as professors hustled around trying to make sense of what happened.

“Draco! Why isn’t anyone helping him?” Zach saw what Hermione was staring at and began fighting against McGonagall to get to his unconscious cousin. He broke free and sprinted to him skidding on his knees next to Draco. He was moving slightly, and his breaths were coming shallow and stressed, but Zach was just happy he was alive.

“Please move, we have to get this boy to the Hospital Wing.” A stern man said. Professor Flitwick came up behind him and levitated Draco from the ground and began walking with a group of other teachers to the Hospital Wing. Madame Pomfrey was rushing ahead to prepare a bed and potions for all of Draco’s injuries. McGonagall left Hermione and Zach in total shock while the rest of the teachers filed from the area and headed back to their business.

“Why aren’t any of them helping?” Zach said watching the back of the last professor.

“Only Dumbledore is allowed to speak to students first when something like this happens. I’m sure someone went to get him.” Hermione said trying to keep her voice strong.

“I’m going to the Hospital Wing.”

“No you can’t, we aren’t allowed until Dumbledore has deemed him fit for visitors.” Hermione said turning him back around to her. “You have to follow procedure and the rules or else you won’t see Malfoy until he gets out.”

“How can you say that? I can see the burning feeling you have inside to run the whole way to the Hospital Wing, and all you can say to me is follow the damn rules! Hermione that’s my cousin they just hauled away, I don’t even know if he’s ok!” Zach shouted loudly.

“Fine, but we’re going to the Gryffindor Tower to pick up something first, I don’t want my Head Girl Badge revoked in the first week.” Zach sighed in relief and followed her to the Gryffindor Tower. He didn’t care what she needed, just that she was coming with him.

Preview for Chpt 8!

“We would have known if Death Eaters were roaming the corridors.” Snape said blandly voicing what everyone already knew. It was then Draco woke fully up catching everyone’s attention with a terrible shout of pain. Professor McGonagall ran off to retrieve Madame Pomfrey when she saw the blood surfacing in the bandage. Zach heard Hermione gasp and clench onto his arm when she saw. . .

HAHA! There is no way I would give that away... you'll just have to read the next chapter! Please review! I love reading really long reviews too... the reviews you leave truly help me write better chapters!

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