The warm fire crackled beside me as I sank into the armchair, gently stroking my bump. I was eighteen, seven months pregnant and already I had aged quite a bit. I had developed worry lines across my forehead and my once model-like figure had completely vanished. My hair was always greasy and no longer had a healthy glow. My skin was paler than ever, covered in spots and all of my clothes were too small for me. Every top that I owned looked like some ill-fitting cropped vest that would show off my hideous, podgy belly. But I couldn’t care less, I was far too depressed.
I had been so stupid and careless and I hated myself for it. Don’t get me wrong, I did want children but I wanted to live my life first. Harry and I had slept together the night before he, Ron, Bill, and Charlie had gone off to war. We were meant to be putting our relationship on hold, but we had given into temptation and hadn’t bothered to use the contraception charm. My pregnancy was confirmed a few weeks later by morning sickness and Hermione’s pregnancy test potion. I felt so guilty, bringing a child into the world when Voldemort was on the prowl and was sure to make a bee-line for anything g that belonged to Harry. How could I have been so stupid? I was glad to have Hermione at my side though. She had been so kind to me and had even helped me break the news to my parents. They were a bit angry at first but to my surprise they had began to get used to it and offered their full support no matter what.
However, I still felt really alone. I had heard from Ron that Harry hadn’t taken the news that well when he had received my owl. Ron reassured me that Harry was just shocked and that he still wanted to be with me but I wasn’t convinced. Harry had replied to the owl saying “that night was a huge mistake. I’m so sorry. What if Voldemort tries to get to the baby as well as you? How could we have been so stupid?” These words broke my heart. I felt so used and lonely. He had tried to support me by giving me money for the baby out of his vault, but that didn’t make up for the fact that he wasn’t there in person. He hadn’t owled me for six months so I presumed that he didn’t really care. But what if he never came back? What if he died in battle? I could just picture our son/daughter looking up at me and asking “Why haven’t I got a daddy like everyone else?”
I had always imagined that I would be excited when I had my first baby and so would my partner. I used to picture us all as a family sitting together in the living room, all happy and everything being perfect. I had never predicted that I would be a single mother by the age of eighteen with no job or qualifications. I had lost all of my old friends except from Luna but her visits seemed to be getting more and more occasional. It felt as if I had lost everything all because I had been so careless and such an idiot.
“I’m going to bed,” I mumbled, getting up and waddling up the stairs.
“Okay love,” my mom replied, giving me a sympathetic smile. “But remember that we’ve got to go to Diagon Alley tomorrow for baby things.”
I nodded wearily as I climbed the last few steps up to the landing. Nowadays, even a few small steps felt like a huge trek. I dreaded to think how I would get around Diagon Alley the next day. Who would have thought that being pregnant could be so energy draining? I waddled into my room and collapsed onto my bed. I felt a tear trickle down my cheek as I looked over to the crib that was situated at the corner of my room and noticed a photo of me and Harry on the table beside it. It was taken when we were still together whilst we were in our sixth year. Harry had his arm around my shoulder, flashing a cheeky grin as I kissed his cheek. We looked so happy, so cheerful. I missed those days greatly, always wishing that I could turn back time. I buried my face in my pillow trying to muffle my sobs. I didn’t want Mom or Hermione (or even worse, phlegm) to come in, I just wanted to be alone for a while. I tried to fall to sleep but the constant kicking of tiny feet inside me kept me awake - a reminder that I was bringing an innocent life into a dangerous world.
a/n-This is a different version of the original chapter so i'd appreciate if you would review and tell me if you think it's better.
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