Chapter 1 : As Dawn Breaks...
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This first chapter was written in one of the most important Math's tests of my life. I just got bored and turned the page over. I had to ask my teacher for the test back after so I could photocopy it! Truely shows that inspiration can happen in the most random... and probably not the right places. :D
Anyway on with the show...
By: Butterfly Kisses
If you love something,
Let it go free.
If it doesn't come back,
You never had it.
If it comes back,
Love it forever.
I lick my lips as the cool dry air settles itself on my face. It’s barely dawn and the wind has kept up with me, chasing me all the way from my house. I sigh steadily. It never should of began… but then I think it never should end. Why does he do this to me? He is like my own drug.
But we both know it must end… it was a tale of song, of selfish delight. A pure light of life that must be extinguished eternally.
We both must move on. Him one way, me to another…
The wind settles sullenly as if it knows why I am here. I sigh and look towards the direction I came, making sure no-one saw. Steadily I turn round ignoring the unmistakable sense of someone being there. I find myself on his front door step as I have so many times before. He appears at the door way having been woken unceremoniously by my clatter of the doorbell. His chest bare and boxers hanging low on hips as he stares at me blankly. His eyes still adjusting from the sleeping spell he had just been under.
Slowly he steps back opening the door wider gesturing for me to come in. I stay put and shake my head. He sighs, he knows what day has come; my conscious has finally caught up with me.
He quickly grabs his dressing gown out of the coat closet and slowly we set off towards a large field to the east.
We walk in silence, both of us knowing this would be our last return. We come to a stop under an old beech tree with the rusted ruins of a 1980 Holden Ute. He holds his hand out and carefully lifts me onto the tray of the ute, as we have sat many times before. I smell the faint cologne on him as he places me gently, leaning in as if to kiss me only to sit beside me. We lay, our heads leant together slightly, our eyes focused on the tiny stars that were close to being extinguished.
I hear him take a sharp breath as I open my mouth to speak; he is that close to me.
“I really love you… with all my heart. You know that.” I whisper as the tears in my eyes threaten to break my mask of fearlessness.
He sighs. “Why can’t I see that though…” He begins his words cutting me deep.
“Please don’t make it any harder than it already is.” I cry softly as my attention returns to the stars.
“Can’t you see that I love you more than my own words express. I want to be with you forever.” He replied numbly. His voice not returning any emotion. I sigh, I had to admit, I knew he was going to be difficult about this.
“Please, please don’t make this harder than it already is.” I repeat softly as I try to keep my emotions in check. He runs his fingers through his hair. He always does that when he’s not keen on an idea and abandoning my relationship with him is something he will surely not be keen on.
I turn towards him my whole body facing him. “But I don’t want us to end.” He mumbles so softly making me think he didn’t want me to hear it.
We sit in silence for a while each consumed in our thoughts. After a while a rustle of some leaves disturbs the silence.
I scowl deeply as he smiles softly turning his face towards mine. Gently he reaches out and takes his thumb rubbing the creases on my forehead out. I smile as a tear falls from my eye. He looks at me worriedly as he brushes it away with his thumb as one finger raises my chin slightly.
“Now, now none of that.” He whispers gently as he strokes my face lovingly. I gently turn my face into his hand more. “We both knew this day was going to come.”
“But not this soon.” I manage to whisper before I break down completely. My mask is broken and I make a loud sob as I throw my arms around him. My face buried in the nook of his neck. His hands brush against my back sending chills down my spine like the first time he touched me.
“Shh… don’t cry baby.” His voice cracking slightly I noticed. I shuffled over to him as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders, cradling me slightly. I sniffle slightly as my hand finds the one that is caressing my hip. Slowly I intertwine my fingers in his, gently rubbing tiny circles in his palm with my hand. My other hand is behind his neck and just under his hairline massaging gently.
I move my head from his neck and rest it silently on his chest. A slow beat of his heart fills my ears like a sweet symphony. “Do you ever wonder, what it’d be like if we just ran away?” I murmur as I look towards the creeping horizon.
“Everyday,” He says steadily as his chest rises beneath my head.
I sigh and he closes his eyes knowing what my next sentence will be. “We can’t keep doing this…” I whisper mainly to myself hoping he doesn’t hear.
His eyes flicker open and takes a sharp breath. “Please, I love you too much to let you go. I need you in my life!” He says rolling over and practically burying his face into my flat stomach.
“Stop, you know we can’t do this…” I murmur quietly as I lift his head from my stomach to face me. His silver eyes reflect the moon as it slowly fades into the set. My hand ran over his smooth skin as I try to keep more of my tears at bay.
I catch myself thinking, not uncommon I know, I love my fiancé so much yet I love this man so much more. What is right, what is wrong? What should be done for everyone else and what you should be done for yourself?
“Let me go, let me fly away,” I pause. “Like a butterfly.” I add quietly as a beautiful butterfly flutters down from the overhanging tree. “Let me fly.” I mutter. I can feel him looking up at me as the butterfly rests on my nose. I giggle as it tickles me but I try not to move.
I look at him as he smiles back at me. My heart melts. Quickly he moves to my messenger bag that lay forgotten on the end of the Ute’s tray. Rummaging through it he brings out my camera which he knows I carry everywhere with me. Me and my obsession with photographs. I smile as the butterfly continues to tickle my noise.
I can see the glassy film of tears over his eyes as he brings the camera to his face. He snaps away as the butterfly becomes alert to the flash and flutters off. I smile at him as he lets the camera rest on the tray.
I can’t help myself and lean into his face slowly. Just before I reach his lips, his hands cup my cheeks and hold me back.
“I have to let you fly away… like a butterfly.” His voice is filled with sorrow and I knew he meant every word. I sighed and leant my forehead against his.
I feel like my voice is broken. I am barely able to gather my wits together. Silently I lift my bag and place it over my shoulders. I jump from the Ute and into the crunchy grass.
He stops me as he places a hand on my shoulder. I swivel around to see him holding my camera out. I smile gently at him, a smile which did not reach my eyes.
“Keep it.” I say before turning swiftly and picking up my pace as I walk through the crunchy grass. Quickly, I reach the top of the hill and turn to see him staring after me, his legs hanging off the end of the car.
I wipe the tears from my cheeks and give him one last kiss, letting the wind blow it towards him. I turn around again and set my mind on getting home over the horizon.
And As Dawn Breaks… So Do Our Hearts.
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