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Chapter 4 : Confessions... or lies
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Confessions... or lies
I didn’t feel like I had been particularly successful with Draco, but when I told Hermione, Harry, Ron and Ginny later that evening about my day they seemed very impressed.
“You don’t know what he’s like usually”, explained Hermione, “to be honest with you I didn’t believe he would walk you back to school in the first place. And then he even offers to show you the school!”
“What were you talking about?” asked Harry.
“I don’t know, nothing special really. He asked me what was the reason for visiting Hermione. I was trying to find out whatever about you from me”, they were all nodding, “but that was the only time he asked something like that. After that we were just chatting about my travelling, why I was in Hogwarts and not working – I have to talk to McGonagall about that, we need a better story to explain why I’m here – about the landscape, the weather, the houseelfs, we checked out we were both single...”
“Oooooh”, made Ginny, “very good.”
“... we weren’t really getting into topics that deeply, we were just scratching on the surface of many topics. I was just making sure he got that I was really interested in getting to know him and that I thought he was very nice and blablabla. Oh, and I told him I knew he hated you and that he supported Voldemort, and he of course told me he didn’t anymore, but I know he still looks down on you Hermione, and on me as well, and so I told him not to treat me as if I was filthy, but to be kind or else I’d be off.”
They all looked at me. Then Ron said:
“You just told him that?”
“Just like that?”
“Yeah? Was that a mistake?”
Ron started laughing.
“I bet he was very surprised to be confronted like that.” said Hermione. “He’s not used to people not being scared of him.What did he say?”
“He said, it was what he had learned in his past but that he would work hard to change his ways. And then he took my hand and gave me a smile.”
“He’s a good actor”, said Harry darkly, “don’t forget that!”
He looked very tense when he said that. Brooding. And very handsome at that. Why couldn’t I have to make HIM fall in love with me? God Helena, you’re twenty-three!, I told myself. He’s seventeen. You just didn’t think that!
I spoke to McGonagall and told her exactly what I had told Malfoy. Together we developped a better explanation why I was in Hogwarts. We decided to stick to the ministery bit thatI had made up and rounded it up with a new office in the muggle ministery that was going to be set up called the Office for Magical-None Magical Co-operation where I was supposed to be involved in once my research in Hogwarts was over.
“An office like that wouldn’t be a bad idea, really” said McGonagall, “as the threat from Lord Voldemort overshadows not only the magical community but the non-magical even more so. I shall mention our story at Headquarters tomorrow and will see what Kinglsey Shacklebolt can do about it.”
Noticing my questioning look she explained:
“He is working in the muggle ministery. He will set up everything there so in case anyone from the Other Side suspects we are lying about you they will find all the evidence in the muggle ministery to believe we are not.”
And so I stayed in Hogwarts. People got used to me and I got used to the magic and the ghosts and the moving paintings. On the Sunday after I had chatted him up in Hogsmeade, Draco showed me the Hogwarts gounds. We met at the oaken gates and I managed to find them all by myself getting lost only twice.
He was waiting for me by the door, dressed in black and looking very handsome. I saw a few younger girls eye him shyly. When I walked up to him I gave him a wide smile.
“Hello Helena”, he said, “you’re looking very pretty.”
I was wearing one of my skirts again, with tights today, as it wasn’t as warm as yesterday and a woolly jumper. My hair was in a braid down my back.
“Thank you. You’re looking very good as well.”
He opened the door for me and I smiled into myself. This was going really well. We were on a date.
While Draco showed me the grounds, the lake, the edge of the forest and the greenhouses we were chatting.
“Hermione and Ron woulld have showed me the grounds”, I said, “but they have some work to do for their classes. Am I keeping you from anything?”
“No, you’re not.”
“Hermione wasn’t impressed with me going to meet you today”, I invented and gave a laugh. “Ron reckons you’re going to drown me in the lake and make it look like an accident, because I’m a muggle.”
“I could have done that yesterday and haven’t, right?”
“Yep.” We walked along the lake side. “Hermione told me some stories about you.” I said slowly.
“Yeah. She said you poisoned Ron, you brought Death Eaters into the school and because of you your old headmaster got killed.”
Draco walked on next to me, not saying anything.
“Is it true?” I asked calmly.
He stopped and looked at me.
“I’ve changed. I’m not on the dark side anymore. And I regret everything I’ve done.”
“I don’t judge”, I said and gave him a nudge in the back so we would start walking again. “I have done things that I regret. That’s how we learn not to do it again.”
There were many students out walking or doing homework outside. They all gave us weird looks. It must have been a surprising sight: an obviously muggle girl and the boy everybody knew to always have hated muggles and muggelborns were walking peacefully together. He gave me a mischievous smile.
“I would like to know what someone like you could have ever done to regret now.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? “
“Well, someone… as kind as you. And pure.“
„Pure? I’m not pure.“
We were walking away from the lake now, starting up the slopes of the hills.
“What have you done?”
“Ooh”, I said and for some reason I told him the truth. “Well, you know I’ve hurt people. I’ve lied to them. I’ve said and done things to hurt them. On purpose. I’m good at that. Because I’m smart. I knew exactly what I was doing. Wht to say to hurt them the most. I’m not proud f it. But I was young and trying to find out who I was, if you know what I mean.“
“And then I’ve made the regular mistakes, not to hurt other people on purpose but because I was young and stupid.”
“Like sleeping with my best friend’s boyfriend.”
A couple of girls were crossing our way. They gave me some sneering looks and one of them said something. I don’t know what it was, but the others started laughing at me and it wasn’t kind laughter. I wasn’t bothered by it though, why would I, I didn’t know them and didn’t care.
“You didn’t!” he said, looking at me surprised.
“I did. I was very young and I was deluding myslef that it was all very romantic and tragic, you know to lovers who are not allowed to be together... when really it was just stupid. I was sixteen.”
Actually I was twenty-one, but that didn’t keep me from doing something very stupid.
“Jessica never found out. She just thought everybody was kind and honest and I felt so bad everytime I saw her. I never told her. But I had to live with it. And I couldn’t stand lying to her. Trust me, I’ll never do anything like that again. I’ve learned my lesson.“
He just walked by my side, thinking.
“I think what I’ve done was worse than that.”
I stopped and looked at him.
“But you are very young, too. You made a mistake. We all do. If you really regret what you’ve done and if you really have changed, then you have to forgive yourself. We have all of our lifes ahead of us to try and become better persons. To make up for what we’ve done. To be forgiven.”
I decided to stop myself here before I got carried away. What eighteen years old girl talked like that. But he either was one hell of an actor or I really had got through to him. He looked like he was thinking about what I had just said.
“We’re still young. We can still change, Draco.“ I said and touched his hand. He nodded slowly.
I looked around. The hills were green and people were enjoying their afternoon sitting peacefully in the lawn. It was very idyllic and I gave him a smile.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. You look really down now.”
“No”, he said, “I’m alright.”
“Good”, I looked around again, laughing. I flung my arms out and sang: “The hills are alive with the sound of music...”
He looked at me smiling.
“Are you maybe a bit mad?”
I just laughed.
“It’s from a muggle movie.” I explained.
„A muggle movie“, he repeated and looked at me. God those eyes were dangerous. And when he went on his voice had changed, was deeper and a bit hoarse. It sounded, well, sexy. “You’re different from any girl I’ve ever met.”
“That’s probably because you’ve never met many muggle girls.” I said trying to ignore that I noticed and worse, liked the tone of his voice.
“That’s right”, he said. “I haven’t. A few months ago, I would never have thought I would ever get involved with one. And here I find myself walking through the hills with one, absolutely enjoying myself because I really like her...”
He was an outstanding actor. I half wished he was being honest. But I knew he wasn’t and I remembered my task. And so I pretended to be a bit nervous and whispered,
“I like you, too, Draco...”
I have no passionate affair with Orlando Bloom either.
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