Printer Friendly Version ] [ Report Abuse ]
Back Next

An Off Course Bet by just another harry potter fan
Chapter 4 : Hags Are THAT Hideous Awareness Program
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 6

Background:   Font color:  


Chapter 4-Hags Are That Hideous Awareness Program


I'm confused.

Very confused.

Lily acts as if she doesn't care about what I said about her. I mean, you'd think by the way she ran from the classroom yesterday, she was upset about it. Crying her eyes out over the pages of some dead goblin guy's biography. Of course, after what she heard, she was probably trying to avoid books and the library all together.

I don't blame her.

That is one dull place.

Then there's the fire-breathing librarian.

Now she's one scary person.

Madame Fire-Breathing Pince is really scary. Honestly, I'd rather battle 10 Hungarian Horntails and a food crazy, naked Peter, then Madame Pince anytime.

I brought one bar of Honeyduke's chocolate, just one mind you, into the library one day. She caught me red handed. Well, actually, I was chocolate color handed. . .whatever. Anyways, she caught me and. . .

Flashback to when Madame Fire-Breather caught me chocolate color handed:

"HOW DARE YOU BRING. . .what is it? Choc-o-late. What in Merlin's name is that? Back to what I was saying to you, you little. . .choc-o-late-eating hooligan. . .CHOC-O-LATE INTO MY LIBRARY, BOY! THIS CHOC-O-LATE STUFF LOOKS TO BE VERY HAZARDOUS TO MY BOOKS, SONNY BOY!"

"I was, uh, using it to, um, transfigure with, Madame Fire-Madame Pince." I replied innocently, already crouching in running position, in my chair, along with Peter and Remus.


End of Flashback of when Madame Fire-Breather caught me chocolate color handed

That was back when Sirius was afraid to go even 50 feet of the library entrance, if you noticed his absence there.

He's gotten better, I have to say. I mean, 23 and 1/2 feet is a record for him. Okay, I was tring to be nice, he is my bestest (Oh,Remus would murder me if I said 'bestest' in front of him, especially during. . .his time of the month) friend.

He really has only gotten to 38 feet.

Now, you may be wondering how he ever get's books to study with all that good stuff.

Simple answer: We, Marauders, check books out for him and give them to him.

I'm sure you were. See, not only am I a genius, but also a seer. Yeah, I guess I just forgot to mention that. . .really I am. Watch, er, listen. . .

Hummmm, hummmm, HUMMMMMM, hummmmmm, hummmm, HUMMM, ah, yes. I see. . .Sirius as the Vice Minister of 'Save the Chocolate Frogs Awareness Program'(S.C.F.A.P.)and Minister of 'Hags Are That Hideous Awareness Program'(H.A.T.H.A.P.) Oh,hummmm,hummm,HUMMMMM, he will also be the author of the worst-selling book in the wizarding world since,'Flobberworms,what are they,really?'. Sirius' book will be called,'A Sensible and Simple Wizards Guide To A Witches heart'. Sirius' book will cause an estimated 33,045 slaps in the face;400,001 break ups,and a whopping 999,999 'No's' to wedding proposal's in the wizarding world.

Therefore, many jewelry and ring stores will go out of business because of Sirius' book.

. . .Hummm, hummm, HUMMM, hummm, hummm, HUMMMM. . .Remus as the next 'Save the Mermaids Habitats Awareness Program' (S.M.H.A.P.) Minister and,also the Vice Minister of 'Hags Really Aren't That Hidious Awareness Program' (H.R.A.T.H.A.P.) by the tender age of 23.
Oh, hummmm, hummmm, HUMMMM, hummm, hummm, HUMMM, he will also be the author of the best-seller book,'An Actually Sensible and Simple Wizard's Guide To A Witches Heart',earning 5 million galleons in just 2 weeks. Also causing 55,294 kisses; 612,539 first dates; and a whopping 1,000,001 'Yes' Proposal's.

On another happy note, Remus' book will save the jewelry and ring business.

. . .Oh, hummm, hummm, HUMMM, hummm, hummm, HUMMM. . .Peter will live with his parents till the tender age of 46; moving out only because his parents will change the house's lock and no magic could get him in.

Anyways, back to the present.

Instead, Lily seemed normal. Actually. . .cheerful. Even giving me a smile and saying 'Hello,James.' as we walked past each other in the hall after breakfast this morning. I stopped after she walked on by and scratched my head in confusion for about 5 minutes, till a nearby portrait asked politely if I had lice and did I need a potion for it?

I just can't understand how she can be so happy after what she heard. . .

I mean, even I would have angry some. I wouldn't have cried though. If I did cry, which I didn't for the record, it would be a manly cry.

Not that I want her to be upset and crying her eyes out over what was said. I feel kind of bad actually. She didn't deserve that. Really, she didn't.

I just can't understand how she's so cheer-

Wait, she just walked into the common room.

Here's goes nothing.


I began to stand up and walk towards her, but was stopped by Sirius' voice.

"Where are you going?" he asked politely.

"To talk to Lily." I replied just as politely.


I began to walk off, when I was stopped again, by Remus.

"James, listen, about what happened, there's something I need to tell you. You see, that was-"

I cut him off,"I know, I know. That was a hurtful thing to say. That's what you were going to say weren't you?" I asked. What can I say? Well. . .I did say I'm a seer.

"No, actually, I was saying that-. . ." The rest was lost as I walked off, towards Lily.


"Hello, Lily." I said in a sort of bright/sort of I'm-sorry kind of tone.

Lily looked up from the table top where she was. . .sorting Bertie Bott's Every Flavored Beans?

She must have really taken my (oh,and Sarah's) words to heart. Lily didn't even have a book or parchment in sight.

I felt guiltier.

She smiled up at me and gestured to take a seat at the table.

I sat slowly.

". . ."

I leaned forward,placing my hands on the table and twiddling them. Kinda fun. . .this is very entertaining actually-wait, remember what your here for,James. You can twiddle your thumbs later, when Remus is lecturing you about getting detention from Mcgongall tonight.

I looked up to see Lily seperating all of her beans into piles by color.

Boy, what a life she has. . .sorting jelly beans by color-no,James. You shouldn't even think mean stuff like that right now.

"42." Lily said suddenly.

"What?" I asked.

Lily, without glancing at me, answered,"42 purple beans."


". . ."

". . . . . . . .X 10,000 more '.' "

---2 minutes later---

". . . ."

"You seem. . .happy." I said slowly.

"Hmmm?" Lily asked, picking up a rather disgusting colored jelly bean from the table.

"I said you seem. . .happy." I repeated.

"Oh, I'm quite content." She replied, finally putting the jelly bean in the 'brown' pile. I thought that was a good place for it. It was almost a dark copper color with a tinge of burlywood color. . .yet another Wicker Moment.

"You know, there's nothing wrong with reading books about. . .stuff and. . .other. . .stuff. And you know, doing essays about stuff. . .and other. . .stuff. . ."I trailed off slowly.

"I know." Lily replied.

"Yeah, well, you can do that. I mean, you don't have to sort jelly beans." I replied, grabbing a lavender colored bean and examining it. Not because I actually like lavender or anything. It was just randomly picked.

Lily took the bean back and put it back in the 'purple' pile. Good pile for it, Lily.

"I find catorgorizing jelly beans, every once and a while, fun. You should try it sometime." Lily suggested, her eyes never leaving the beans.

"Yeah, sure. . ." I trailed off. I doubt I'd ever 'catorgorize' jelly beans. I'd much rather eat them, anyways.

"Do you think this should go in the yellow or the white catorgory?" Lily asked, holding up a, in my opinion, off-white jelly bean.

"Uh, white, I guess." I replied.

This really wasn't what I had expected to happen.

What I expected to happen:

I walk to Lily's table. Greet her.

Lily would just stare at me, tears ready to fall.

Sit down eventually after several minutes. Apologize.

Lily starts crying.

I pat her back, comfortingly, er, actually it would probably be awkwardly, but whatever.

Lily would keep crying.

I would just sit there, patting her back comfortingly, er, awkwardly.

What I had not expected:

I walk to Lily's table. Greet her.

Lily would smile and gesture for me to sit down.

Sit down. Twiddle thumbs for a while. Find twiddling thumbs fun.

Then watch and somewhat discuss what color pile a, in my opinion,off-white Bertie Bott's Every Flavored Bean should go, with Lily.

"Yes, I suppose so." Lily muttered, dropping the,in my opinion, off-white jelly bean in the 'white' pile. There were only two in that pile. Hmmm. Interesting. Very observant, James. Very observant. What can I say? I'm just one observant guy.

"Listen, you don't have to, uh,'catorgorize' jelly beans, really you don't. What we said didn't mean anything. You don't have to change what you do just because of what we said." I said quickly, snatching a maroon colored bean from the 'red' pile. Once again, Lily, good pile. I popped it in my mouth and hurridely swallowing it without chewing first.

Lily's head came up and look at me, confused. "What are you talking about, James?"

"You know, about what Sarah and I said, back in the classroom, yesterday." I replied, solemnly.

"Sarah? Who's Sarah? What did this 'Sarah' and yourself say?" Lily questioned.

I sighed,"You know. . ."

"No, I don't." Lily answered, sounding clueless.

Your a good actress, Lily.

"Yes, you do. Anyways, I'd like to apologize. . .erm, I'm sorry." I added after a small pause.

Lily raised an eyebrow,"Um, alright. . .thanks for apologizing then,James. . ."

I sighed in relief. She hadn't broken down into tears yet. Good. I can still escape before she starts.

I haven't mentioned it yet, but I'm not real great around crying girls. . .okay, that's mentioned.

I stood up, almost knocking my chair over in the process.

"Okay, bye, Lily." I said and began to walk off.

I heard a faint,'Bye, James.' from Lily as I just about made it to my previous spot with my friends.


"Well, that's taken care of, I guess." I said awkwardly rubbing the back of my neck.

I saw Remus roll his eyes,"I'm sure. James, if you had just listened to what I said, you wouldn't have gone over there-"

"Have you ever sat down and just catorgorized jelly beans before?" I asked cutting Remus off.

" 'Catorgorized'?" Sirius asked in bewilderment.

"Jelly beans?" Peter asked quickly.

"Yeah." I replied.

They replied with 'No'.

Remus replied with 'No, I catorgorize my books.'.

That's nice, Remus. . .

"Well, Lily was over there,'catorgorizing' a bunch of jelly beans into piles by color. Funny, huh?" I asked.

"Maybe she was bored. Like I am right now." Sirius said, drumming his fingers on the chairs armrest he was sitting in. Sirius perked up,"Evans, wasn't reading or doing homework? Woah."

"It's probably because of what Sarah and I said yesterday." I replied guiltily.

Remus rolled his eyes again,"When will you just listen to me, James? That wasn't Lily yesterday. That was some 7th year Ravenclaw girl with red hair. Like Lily's. I, unlike you, talked to Lily yesterday, to apologize for what you said, instead of trying to hide from her, like you-"

"I wasn't hiding from her!" I exclaimed indignantly.

"Right, James. Anyways, I apologized to her and she said she had no idea what I was talking about. Also, Lily informed me that that same 7th year Ravenclaw had accidently spilt ink on her uniform before class yesterday and left to go change. That's why she was late." Remus explained.

I stared at him dumbly.


That wasn't-


That wasn't-


"That wasn't. . .that wasn't Lily? She didn't overhear us?" I asked quickly in amazement.

"Yeah. So you just made an-"

"I just made an idiot of myself in front of Lily. Thanks, Remus. Why didn't you tell me before I walked over there?" I asked.

"I tried." Remus replied.


"Hello again, Lily." I said,sitting down again in the same chair and watching Lily, who was still sorting jelly beans. She was almost done now. Probably about 20 more left.

Lily looked up in suprise,"What are you doing here, James? Again? Did you need something?"

"Oh, no. Just came over here to ask you to just forget about what I said earlier." I replied.

"Okay." Lily replied,putting an idigo, with pink speckles, jelly bean into the 'blue' pile. Another good pile, Lily.

I blink.

Was that all she had to say?


"Why aren't you reading or. . .you know, doing homework or something like that?" I asked.

Lily shook her head in amusement,"Am I suppose to be reading or doing homework right now?"

"No, it's just that's what you do most of the time. . ." I trailed off, grabbing another bean, this time, blood red, and actually chewing it this time.

"Well, actually, I would be reading or doing some homework, but I can't get to my dormitory right now. And my dormitory has all of my books and parchment." Lily explained.

I looked questionablely at the girls' stairwell.

It seemed normal to me. . .

"Why not?" I asked.

"Peeves put a hex on the door. It's locked. It now yells insults at anyone who tries to unlock it. It can't be unlocked, not with any spell or charm." Lily explained, putting a pale green jelly bean into the 'green' pile. Good choice.

"Ah. . ." I said.

"Finished." Lily said, waving her hand towards the different piles of jelly beans.

"What are you going to do with them now?" I asked.

Say your going to eat them and let me have some. . .please. . .please. . .

"I'm going to start all over again." Lily replied, grabbing the beans and shuffling them up into one super pile.

This could take a while. . .but, I've got time.


Author's Note: Ha,did anyone think that wasn't Lily? I don't want to make this a angsty/tears-all-the-time kind of fic. I like writing funny stuff. I'm not saying mine's the funniest around or anything. . .Hoped you liked this chapter!

Just Another Harry Potter Fan

Previous Chapter Next Chapter

Favorite |Reading List |Currently Reading

Back Next

Other Similar Stories

Lily, Ronny,...
by totallych...

Some games s...
by xXxBirdyxXx

I Won't Say ...
by BeauBella