Chapter 1 : Hermione's Choice
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Her feet were bleeding from running. Her breath came in pants and gasps. Running away. Running as if that could save her. Redemption was out of grasp. It wasn't even a considerable fantasy anymore.
Catch me. . . as I fall . .
She had damned herself quite efficiently with no one else to blame.
Say you're here and it's all over now
She had damned everyone around her. Everyone that had loved her. Everyone that she had loved. It was entirely her fault. She stumbled over a rock and collapsed to her knees. She couldn't even remember what love was anymore. It was some dull echo in the back of her mind. An echo with unintelligible words and mumblings that her heart could not translate. It was a foreign language. It did not exist. She had forsaken herself.
Speaking to the atmosphere
She cried out in pain and bit her tongue to stop the sound from escaping. The vile taste mixed with her saliva, salty and corrosive. Bitter and sweet. She sniffed back the tears that pricked at her eyes. There was nothing left in her to cry anyway. She was dried up. Outside and inside. There was nothing left to her. She was an empty shell of a girl that used to be.
No one's here and I fall in to myself. . .
Could she blame them for turning away from her?
This truth . . .
Why had she done it? She drew a muddy hand across her mouth. Why the bloody hell had she done it?
Drives me . . .
Why had she given in? What had fragmented her word in such a devastatng way that she had seen this as the only way out?
She rose from her knees and began running again. Her shoes had fallen off her feet long ago. Her feet bottoms were torn and ragged. Dirt was caked into the cuts. Each step was a reminder of what she had done. Each step was a knife was plunging into her; reminding her what she was running from, what she had caused. The people she had murdered.
Even that knowledge was nothing compared to the hole that had formed in her heart; the black stain on her soul. The dark abyss that could never be washed away. It was made of sins and past actions that had led her to this moment. It was the medal of all she had achieved: nothing.
I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away
She ached for the emptiness to fill; the pain that abhorred the sorrow to dissolve, so she ran. She ran, and she ran, and as the darkness enclosed around her, as the trees became thicker, she felt more and more like a caged animal. She felt more and more suppressed. She became part of the darkness.
She had become part of the darkness long ago. It had started innocently enough. But it had warped. It had become an obsession. A quest. She had wanted to achieve something.
What was it she had been trying to achieve . . .? She no longer remembered sometimes. Then she'd wake up from a horrible nightmare in the middle of the darkest part of the night. She would sit bolt upright in her bed and she would remember. She would taste it. It would burn through her mouth and tongue and erupt as screams in the night. That was what she had done.
She would remember as if it were the dull recalling of a dream; the wispy memory of a nightmare being wiped from sleeping eyes. Only it wasn't just a nightmare. It was real.
She had lived it. She had done it. It was reality. It was what haunted her.
Don't turn away
"You understand your duty?" A cold voice echoed throughout the chamber.
"Yes," a voice answered in return.
"You accept the path you have chosen?"
don't give in to the pain
"With all my soul," came the reply.
Don't try to hide
"You realize what you have done?"
There was silence before an answer filled the room, dripping with a new found confidence.
Though they're screaming your name . .
"I," the person said as they struggled to stand. "have taken the first step to unite the wizarding world. I have bridged the gap. I have provided a means of contact between DeathEaters and The Order. I have paved the way for you to take control of the situation and make amends."
Don't close your eyes
There was a shrill laughter and then the reply, "You are a fool, but in a way you are correct. You have paved a path for me Hermione Granger."
God knows what lies behind them
"But it is not the path you wished."
Don't turn out the lights
What had she done to her people?
Never sleep never die . .
She stopped suddenly and the world spun around her. She collapsed to the ground in a heap.
I'm frightened . . . by what I see . .
She had reached the battle ground, or what was left of it.
but somehow I know. . . there's much more to come . .
She gazed in horror as she took in the scene around her. The fallen bodies, faces permanently twisted in grotesque pictures. She brought her hands to her face and covered her eyes. She couldn't hide from the visions. They were burned into the back of her eyelids and every time she closed her eyes, it was what she saw. The people she had hurt. The people she had killed.
Because she had killed. She had hurt. Even herself.
She counted herself among the number she had destroyed. She counted her self among the number of lives she had taken.
immobilized by my fear
Her face felt warm and sticky. She brought her hands down and saw that they shone rust red in the moonlight.
and soon to be . . .
She had to keep running . . . or he'd get her .
blinded by tears . . .
She tried to continue running, but she tripped over the fallen bodies. She was haunted by their images. Their cold fingers reached for her and tore at her hair and robes.
I can stop the pain . . .
Faces danced in front of her. The people she betrayed . . Ron . . Professor McGonagall . . Oliver Wood . . Fred Weasley... Hermione Granger. . . Hermione Granger . . Hermione Granger...
If I will it all away . . .
She stopped and stared at her reflection. The puddle she was looking in rippled in a slight breeze. The moon shone brightly in the background, then she noticed the picture was tinted red, and that the puddle was blood.
Fallen angels at my feet.
She backed away on her hands but tumbled backwards over a lump.
whispered voices in my ear
She tried not to look at the face, but she couldn't help herself.
It was Harry.
She screamed and spastically clawed to get away from his dead gaze, falling into a puddle of mud, she kept backing away.
Death before my eyes
She couldn't tear her eyes from his lifeless ones.
Lying next to me I fear . .
She suddenly felt herself collide with something and turned around, her breath catching in her throat. It was him. She should have run. She should have kept running, but her feet were glued to the ground.
He beckons me. . .
He held his hand out to her and she recoiled, falling again to the ground. His eyes danced victoriously. He had cornered her now.
Shall I give in . . .
All she could do was stare into his eyes. His black cloak swirled around him, the hem soaked with the blood of innocent people.
He was death personified.
His ways had not been sanctum.
She had been a fool, just as he had said. He had been right all along, she realized.
A small part of her mind tried to fight back. It was his fault. He had tempted her. He had led her down this path. It was his fault, not hers.
Upon my end shall I begin
She slowly rose to face her master.
"I'm sorry master," she said hanging her head.
Forsaking all I've fallen to
"You handed me Harry Potter on a silver platter," He hissed at her. "You created the only way for me to win. You were my victory. But you have failed me now. You have run from me. You betrayed yourself to The Order," he stepped menacingly closer to her, sneering. "You cannot play both sides, Hermione Granger. You cannot be the savior and the destroyer. The good and the evil. I am the solidification of power. With me, you would have had everything: your heart's desires."
Suddenly everything boiled up in Hermione and she exploded. "You offered me a chance! Now I see my heart's greatest desires shattering before me! I only wanted peace! I wanted Harry to live an unburdened life! I wanted Ron to admit that he cared for me! I wanted to have the strength to utter your vile name and spit on your grave," she concluded in a growl. For the first time, knowing her death was imminent, she could look him in the face. "But now," she said softly as she gazed over at Harry's lifeless body and slowly fell to the ground. "knowing I was wrong . . . I have nothing left to live for," she turned her tear stained face to her master with all the hate she felt for him pouring through every vein in her body. "Do what you want with me. I am already dead," she said through gritted teeth.
I rise to meet the end
He raised his wand but did not grant her wish. "I will not kill you, Hermione Granger, because I do not believe you have it in you to take your own life, and I believe that the best punishment for you . . is to make you live." With that said the dark lord turned and disapperated.
She was left on the ground, with the blood of her friends staining her hands and her soul, and she would have to live with that knowledge for the rest of her life.
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