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Trilogy of Errors Part 2: Lies, Fabrication, and Defenistration by CrabPerson
Chapter 1 : 3 Friends and a Paper
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 1

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Chapter 1
3 Dead Pigeons

"They had sex!!" The words echoed through his head. Which was very irritating since he was sleeping. "No no no no no!!" Was all Harry could think as he slipped into a dream..... In the dream it was just a day ago... The same thing happened, except for the fact that it was red everywhere and Mr.Granger had large flaming eyes. Every word now echoed, Mr.Granger's at least. Then when everyone left, Harry sat there in a now blank space. Suddenly Ron jumped behind him and began choking the life from him.Then Harry woke up in a cold sweat once again. Harry hadn't done it in a while though, not since "That whole Voldemort thing". Harry then woke, unfortunately. He couldn't remember the last time he had yawned for so long.

He made his somber way to the bathroom that had long ago been ridden of any ghosts or a large winged horse type bird. The shower was (once-again) cold and horrid. Harry never cared to fix it, just too lazy. After the pennance of a shower, Harry slowly made his way downstairs into the kitchen. When he moved in he actually slept in the room he had stayed in years before with Ron, but things had changed in Grimmauld place. For instance, Mrs.Black's portrait never screamed anymore. Not since Harry threatened it with the troll leg umbrella stand. She was still stricken by the fact that Harry DID kill Voldemort. Now, she just muttered obscene comments at any passers-by.

Harry cooked up the usual: day old coffee and a peanut-butter thing. He really didn't know exactly what it was, but he knew how to make it. Just another morning as he turned around to the table. He sat down and sighed. Usually he wanted to read the paper but it wasn't delivered to him. He did notice Hermione on the opposite side of the table eating toast and reading the daily prophet.

"When you're done with that I want-..............." Harry stopped mid sentence, and gaped.

"Good morning, you can have the paper I'm done with it." She said laying it in front of Harry. Harry was still gaping.

"What?..... Oh you're probably wondering what I'm doing here.."

"..... Kind of....." Harry said still gaping. Not an owl, not a thing from Hermione and she just shows up..... Harry didn't remember having anything necessary to even make toast.

"It's all a very complicated story-"

"Good, I don't need to hear it." Harry said still gaping.

"Well it started when me and my dad made it home yesterday..." she began as Harry began pounding his head on the table.

"So we came home... He called me a freak and said I wouldn't be allowed to see any of my friends anymore.... I blew up at him... Packed my stuff and left..... What is this?" She finished picking up the gaping Harry's peanut-butter thing.

"That wasn't complicated at all...." Harry's gape began to fade.

"I guess you're right..."

"So how did you get in?....."

"Well all you did was put in a door and lock, of course I could unlock it."

"Isn't that illegal?"

"You had given me a key, remember?" Harry did remember giving only Ron and Hermione keys.

"Oh.. Right.. So did you just come here and hide in the drawing room?" He asked.

"No I came in the middle of the night... My first stop was to Ron's house.." Hermione said. Ron had gotten himself a small flat, but Hermione still stayed with her father.

"I tried explaining exactly what happened, about the elevator and all..."


"He snapped and began asking questions about..'How come you can't tell our voices apart?' and 'I knew you liked him' It was horrible, he wasn't any help..." Hermione frowned.

"Well that's.... Not surprising..."

"Then I went to the Weasleys.... They had almost the same reaction...."

"So, officially, the entire Weasley family hates me...."

"What's this?" Potzer asked sitting down at the table. Harry became rather tired of gaping so he just stared.

"When you're done with that paper, I want it." He said now pouring himself a cup of day-old coffee. Hermione, who had a gape-tank smaller than Harry's, asked the first SET of questions. Incase you don't remember: Potzer is Luna's alleged brother. He is currently one of the most eccentric Quidditch commentators in Europe. Since meeting him at the mall only a day ago, Potzer has only brought Harry friction in the oddest forms. In this case, showing up at his house.

"What are you doing here? How did you get out of that prison? Where are Fred and George?" She asked, rapid-fire.

"Mr.Lovegood kicked me out. Apparated. Safe at their shop....." He replied sitting down. She still stared wide-eyed.

"I think she wants it explained more..." Harry pointed out.

"Oh, well let me start around the time of... This morning me and the twins decided we were bored so we dissapparated from the prison to our respectable abodes...." He stopped for a drink of day-old coffee.

"Ugh this is old.. Anyway, I got bored and decided I would go see Luna...... My dad got mad when I explained what happened and kicked me out..... Anyway, I go back to my apartment and guess who's there..... Hermione's dad.. Any way he was there with a few muggle policemen.... I'm not going back there anytime soon...."

"Well what brings you here?" Harry asked.


"No, I mean: Why the hell did you come here?"

"Because I don't like muggles with guns and wanted to check out your house...."

"...Oh, sorry Harry. I must have forgot to lock the door."

"Yeah, It was unlocked." Potzer said. Harry waa a little relieved to find that MAYBE both families didn't entirely hate his guts.

"So now what? The both of you are staying here?" Harry asked. They both thought it over, looked at each other and said casually:

"great...." Harry was glaring at Hermione more than Potzer, this was because Harry could expect this from someone like Potzer, but definitely not Hermione. Potzer caught on to this odd behavior.

"I'm gonna leave for a while.... See you in Diagon Alley." He smiled, dissapparating from the table.

"Harry, I'm sorry! It's not like I'll be staying here forever."

"That's right, because you'll be looking for a new place as soon as today!"

"Ok.. I don't see what the big deal is.. Remember on the last day of school, you said you owe me and Ron one big favor." Harry remembered this too.

"........ Simpler times..."

"I think our last year was the best, really."

"Why do you say that?"

"We were all homeless for about a weekend don't you remember that?.."

"Oh yes....." Harry and Hermione entered an imaginative nostalgic wonderland....


All three teenagers unhappily trudged down Privet Drive. They had just been kicked out of the Dursley's house, unfortunately, and were too young to apparate.

"Every year it just gets worse and worse..." Harry muttered.

"It's not that bad." Ron said. "I've never been a vagrant before."

"Ronald, you're forgetting that we're wizards." Hermione chimed in.

"We're wizards out of school is what we are.." Ron retorted.

"I don't think it matters, if we aren't going back this year.." Hermione said. Harry stopped walking, after Hermione had said that.

"Oh we forgot to tell you... Err.. Hogwarts is going to be closed this term.." Hermione said, scratching her head. Harry fell backwards in utter defeat.

"Harry!" Ron shouted, scared something other his own emotions knocked Harry down.

"Ronald, don't touch him!" Hermione suggested.. Well more ordered.


"I'm fine..." Harry said coldly.

"We need to find somewhere to stay.. Do you need sleep?" Hermione asked Harry.

"I don't need sleep, I need a miracle.. I just want it all to stop for the love of..." Harry sighed, rubbing his eyes.

"There has been a lot of drama..." Ron yawned.

"... There's a bench over there.." Hermione pointed out. They soon moved over to a brown stone bench and let Harry take up all the space. Hermione and Ron sat next to each other, leaning against the bench. The light was scarce aside from the street lamps.. The pavement was all wet, but Ron and Hermione dealt with it, knowing Harry was sleeping on a wet bench. Hermione watched one of the lights.

"What are you thinking about?" Hermione asked Ron.

"The wedding.. I'm just hoping we make it." Ron replied.

"I wouldn't be too broken up, personally..."

"Why is that?" he asked.

"Well, I'll have to go and buy a dress with Fleur..." Hermione sighed.

"She's not all that bad." Ron said.

"You're only saying that because you love her.." Hermione taunted.

"No, I'm only saying that because she's my.. Step sister, I believe.." Ron pondered.

"Admit it, the reason you're so defensive is because you're attracted to her.." Hermione argued.

"Maybe once, but now she is like my sister.. She's good looking, there's no two ways about it.. I'm just not attracted to girls like that anymore..." Ron explained.

"Oh.... What kind of girls are you attracted to then?" Hermione asked, interested. Ron looked at her, and sighed. Before he could say something, someone else piped up behind them. It wasn't Harry though..

"You fuck..." It said. They were both surprised at the language. the man had a very thick Cockney accent. The two didn't bother to turn and look around though.. So they just listened.

"You think this is a fucking game, do you? Just take your money and that's that? Fuck you.." the voice shouted. "What's that then? you're gonna kill me go ahed, you fuck." the man said. The two teenagers were now very confused, before a large BANG was heard, that managed to not wake up Harry.

"You two woke me up and we ran to a nearby pub..." Harry sighed. Hermione took a bite of her toast and eyed Harry.

"What's yours?" she asked.

"Oh my favorite?" He asked. She nodded.

"Well let me think.... Ok I think I got it." He said thinking back.

Ron's comment was very racy and somewhat offensive. Everyone's mouth's dropped.

"I can't believe you just said that..." Hermione said.

"What? it's the truth.." Ron said. Hermione got up so furiously that she knocked her soup on the floor and slipped on it.

"God that was funny.." Harry reminisced.

"That was it?"


"I thought it would be the last day, in the Hospital."

"Hmmm..." Harry tried to think back.

The crash was a kettle that Harry and Ginny knocked over in the back closet. They would fix it later.

"That comes in at a close second..."

"I'm sure it does...." she said taking another bite.

"Neither of us mentioned Voldemort... Or any thing about that whole.... Evil villain thing."

"That's old news, everybody knows what happened.."

"I guess you're right." Harry sighed. Hermione had finished her toast so she was also completely bored.

"Did you want to meet Potzer in Diagon Alley?"

"... Yeah, let's go.."

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