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Hurting by HermioneG
Chapter 1 : Hurt
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 29

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Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, I don't own the Ron/Lavender thing and I don't own the dialouge between Harry, Ron and Hermione. That belongs to JK Rowling.

Hermione stormed out of the Gryffindor common room, determined not to cry. I won’t cry, I won’t cry… she thought, blinking over and over again. She couldn’t take it. This was just too much. Not only had Ron been extremely nasty for the last days (after she had asked him to Slughorn’s party, of all things! What could she possibly have done?), but now… even worse. Yes, she knew he was angry with her because of a reason she didn’t know about, but she hadn’t imagined that he would go away just to suck off Lavender Brown’s face!

Hermione tried to open a door. Locked. She tried another. Also locked. She needed privacy, a place to think! Why couldn’t the doors understand that? She closed her eyes. She expected the doors to understand her… She tried another door, praying quietly. It was open. She closed it behind her. An empty classroom, just what she needed. She could practise. She sat down on the teacher’s desk, finding her wand, and conjured some canaries out of midair. She was pleased with this. She was pleased that even though she was really upset, she could do advanced Transfiguration most of her classmates couldn’t. Two of the birds seemed to be lovers. They reminded her of Ron and Lavender. Anger rose inside her. How was the best way to murder the two lover birds..? Her eyes widened. She was thinking of killing innocent birds? This was not like her at all. Just because stupid Ron snogged stupid Lavender, there was no need to become a killer…

“Hermione?” Harry’s voice filled the room.

“Oh, hello, Harry. I was just practising.” Her voice seemed broken.

“Yeah… they’re- er- really good…”

She didn’t answer. She really didn’t need flattery, or anything of that sort, now. Harry didn’t say anything either. It looked as though he was thinking hard, probably about the incindent in the Common Room.

She couldn’t help it; she just had to bring up the topic. “Ron seems to be enjoying the celebrations.” That high-pitched voice surely couldn’t belong to her. It wasn't anything like her usual voice.

“Er… does he?” said Harry, sounding uncomfortable.

“Don’t pretend you didn’t see him,” said Hermione. “He wasn’t exactly hiding it, was-”

She was interrupted by the door bursting open. The only thing that could have made Hermione feel worse. Ron and Lavender came in, hand in hand, laughing.

Ron caught sight of Harry and Hermione, and quit laughing at once. “Oh,” he said.

‘Oh’? That’s it? ‘Oh’? He’s just broken my heart, and that’s all he tells me? ‘Oh’?

“Oops!” giggled Lavender, walking out of the room.

Is that the sort of girls Ron likes? Giggling, stupid, brainless, silly idiots? Well, then I’m not going to do anything to have him back; I won’t turn into a kissing robot. I don’t care, anyway. I can live without Ron. He has not broken my heart. I was only imagining things. I don’t like him at all. Any girl can take him! He’s just a useless git. She thought this while- not being completely aware of it- staring at him, knowing that she did care, that she did like him, maybe even loved him.

He didn’t look at her, but instead turned to Harry. “Hi, Harry! Wondered where you’d got to!”

Hermione slid off the desk, the birds following her. They swirled around her bushy head like maniacs. “You shouldn’t leave Lavender waiting outside,” she said quietly. “She’ll wonder where you’ve gone.” She walked slowly towards the door, her head hanging. Then anger boiled once more. He couldn’t do this to her! He couldn’t mess with her feelings while she did nothing! Before she knew what she was doing, she heard herself shriek, “Oppugno!” She pointed her wand at Ron. The yellow birds attacked him, pecking and clawing.

“Geremoff me!” he yelled, but Hermione did not get them off him. Instead, she closed the door behind her, sobbing.

“Hermione! What’s wrong?” a voice filled of false kindness asked. Hermione turned around. There stood Lavender, looking worried, but her eyes gleamed with triumph.

Hermione ran away before she got the chance to hurt Ron’s new girlfriend as well.

Hating everybody, she got into her dormitory, to her bed. The tears flowed when she lay down.

She heard someone coming up the stairs.

“Hermione?” It was Parvati.

Hermione lay in silence.

“Are you sleeping?”

Hermione still tried to lie as quiet as possible. Parvati left with a sigh.

Hermione began to breathe again. She hadn’t even realised she held her breath before now.

She was hurt. He had hurt her.

She lay there for several hours. No one came. The party would probably go on for hours. She continued to gasp for breath while the tears continued to come. She picked up her pillow and wanted to scream in it. She didn’t, though.

How could he? She still couldn’t understand it. She was confused. Things were going so well. They had almost confessed their feelings for each other. She knew he had felt the same way. The jealousy, the awkward, embarrasing moments, the looks he gave her, the smiles, how he had acted when she ‘asked’ him to the party… it all gave him away. Or maybe Hermione was only desperate for his love.

“I’m not desperate,” said Hermione loudly. The sound seemed weird in the empty, rather big room. She sounded lonely. “No, I’m not desperate,” she whispered. She could manage without him. He wasn’t that smart. He wasn’t that popular. He didn’t do too well at school. He wasn’t very muscular. He wasn’t handsome.

He had red hair, red, beautiful hair. He had freckles, freckles that made him look like a child, although at the same time it was obvious that he was becoming a man. He was actually smart sometimes. No, he wasn’t popular, but nor was she. He did actually get 7 OWLs, when Fred and George together only got 6… Not exactly handsome, but very cute indeed.

He isn’t perfect. Well, no one was perfect.

“I can survive without him.” Hermione said those words quietly, smiling a sad smile. The sad smile symbolised that she knew it would be difficult to survive without Ron.

Maybe we weren’t meant to be. Maybe he was meant to be with Lavender. Did Ron and Lavender look cute together? Hermione did not know. She couldn’t decide if a girl looked cute together with Ron, when that girl wasn’t her.

She took up a book, trying to read. She didn’t even look at the title. She had no idea what it was about. She knew it was hopeless, so she closed the book. She looked sadly at it for a moment. When a book couldn’t help her forget, what then could?

Now she had a headache too. She wanted to scream again, but she held it inside; if she did scream, someone was sure to go and check on her. Would she ever be friends with Ron again? She had no idea. It didn’t seem likely that they would ever be more than friends- no matter how much she wanted-, but she highly doubted they would even be friends. Nothing he did would make her forgive him. He had hurt her so much. The one thing that would make her forgive him was if he had some accident where he was close to death, but she didn’t believe that would happen.

At least she had Harry. She could lean on Harry, but she knew she wouldn’t tell him how upset she was. He had probably understood already, anyway. He must be blind if he didn’t see her state hours ago. She could try to convince him that she didn’t care about the whole Ron/Lavender business. If she repeated the sentence ‘I don’t care’ again and again, maybe she would even convince herself.

A/N: Way too much drama, I know. Would love to hear your thoughts, though. :)

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