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Desperation by Secret Lily
Chapter 1 : Infatuation
 
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Desperation

Part One: Infatuation


To love and be loved by another is truly an accomplishment. I have never been able to feel love of any kind. Coincidentally, my entire world is fixated on the concept.

Such a powerful emotion. Love is truly a rare gift given to those deserving. The story books I’ve read as a child have always contained such as a central theme. Always. My father never knew about the story books, nor did he know about my heart’s desire. He knew nothing. He was completely clueless.

If I were to tell him, Merlin only knows what could happen. A beating, perhaps. More chores, possibly. Yet, inevitably, the real punishment would be the shame. If my father were to know of all my secrets, it is likely he would disown me.

I am a prisoner in my own home. The Gaunt home, which lacks warmth, comfort, kindness, love of any kind. We’re equally as poor as we are pure. Yet, living in poverty has never bothered my father. He is a dirty, cruel man. He has enforced the same beliefs as his parents upon myself and my brother, Morfin.

Morfin. If it weren’t for him, my father would still be in the dark. I would not have to endure the constant abuse I face each and every day if it wasn’t for Morfin. Damn him. Damn him eternally.

I don’t belong in this family. I deserve more. I deserve to live in riches with a man who loves me. I deserve to be appreciated. I deserve Tom Riddle.

Yes, Tom. Tom is a man from the village. He is handsome, well-dressed, polite, cordial, chivalric, and sadly, a muggle. Yet, he has captured my heart. Each and every day I stray down to the village to watch him ride by on his groomed horse.

Those eyes. His eyes are beautiful. They encompass all that I long for; love. His quick smirk and almost weightless hair are desirable in every single way possible. I’ve seen him strolling through the clearing with young muggle beauties. He holds their hands, sings them soft lullabies, whispers in their ears. He treats them fragilely, as if they could break at any moment. To him, they’re valuable. And yet, I am nothing.

No one considers me valuable in the least. I am worthless, useless, a slut. I am everything my father says I am. I am practically a Squib.

The slander, the lies. There is no unity in my home. Purity is not all that matters in this world. We’re direct descendents of Salazar Slytherin and we live in the most foul of all homes. We live in the deepest part of the forest, secluded, trapped. We’re not pure. We’re damned.

If only I were beautiful. Surely, Tom would notice me. He would whisper in my ear, caress my cheek, and never let me go. If I were beautiful, perhaps he would love me.

He would take me away from the horrible Gaunt family. He would vow to someday seek revenge upon Morfin, to someday confront my father. We would start a family, a beautiful family, and live away from those who antagonize us. We wouldn’t care what people said. All that would matter is our love and the strength it provided.

This horrible face. So ugly, so lost, so forgettable. The face that reminds me that he knows not of my existence. I am invisible to him. I am a hag. I am ugly. I am a witch.

If only there was some way we could be together. Some way he would learn to love me for who I am, not how I look. I just want someone to love me. I want him to love me. I want what those storybooks preached to all those who read. I want to deserve love. I want to be valued. I want to be missed. Yet, most of all, I want to be free.

I no longer want to be a Gaunt. I want my own values, my own beliefs, my own family. I want to be treated with care. I want someone to worship the ground I walk on and the air I breathe. I want someone to love me tenderly. I want to be a catch. I want a husband.

I want to be a Riddle.

A/N: This story will have three parts. Each part will most likely be this length. Hope you enjoyed. Please review.


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