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James's Sketch Book by Houlestar
Chapter 15 : Just James
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 13

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A/N: Well there have been over 9000 reads as of the day that i am writing this. The first part is a dream, so don’t freak out. the dream is one of those where there is one person, but they keep on changing age. I know it may be confusing at the start, but you’ll get used to it.

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Lily was in a sunlight field, with a stag that came up to her and nuzzled her softly on the cheek, she reached out to touch it back, without a reason, but recoiled her hand. In the place of the stag was a black crow. It looked at Lily with its stern black eyes, cawed and turned into a little boy.

She couldn’t place the little boy, who looked only three or four, but he looked ironically familiar.

The boy screamed in a choked voice that she almost instantly recognized.

The three year old Snape ran into the woods. Lily ran after him trying to keep up with him, but he always was looking ahead and going ever faster.

He suddenly stopped and seemed to have grown up. He was much older now, at least forty, but she recognized him as she had recognized the younger one.

“You’re dead,” he said coldly glaring at Lily as if mad.

“I’m alive,” insisted Lily.

“You are dead Lily,” he said and shrank back to a younger version of himself, only slightly older than the first one, at least five.

“come,” the boy Snape said taking her hand.

“Why?” she asked.

“Come. there is so many things to see and so little time.” he started to run again, and Lily found that she was able to keep up with him this time.

He lead her to a clearing where there was a mirror.

“What is this about?” asked Lily.

“Look into it,” said the teenage Snape. Once again he had changed.


“Just do.”

Lily looked into the mirror but it wasn’t her reflection that she saw.

“What do you see?” asked the four year old Snape.

“A boy.”

She looked at Snape and once again he had changed back to his around forty year old self. “Harry,” he murmured.


“harry, is his name,” said Snape.

“Nice name.”

Snape rolled his eyes. “Duh, he is your son.”

“I don’t have a son,” said Lily confused.

“You will,” said Snape.

“What are you some sort of Gabriel?”

“I’m a teacher,” he said.

“What do you see?” asked Lily

“Love.” Once again it was the teenage Snape. “I want someone’s love, but they don’t want mine. What i see in this mirror is them loving me.”

“I thought you didn’t want love,” said Lily.

The forty year old Snape looked at Lily.

“Everyone wants something. They may not get what they want, but it doesn’t stop them from lusting after it.”

“Not everyone gets what they want.”

Once again it was the teenage Snape.

“And what we want changes. With almost every year there is something new.” The four year old Snape stood in front of the mirror. “Now i want my dad to die.” He changed again to his forty year old self. “Now i want freedom.”

“Why is that.”

“I am a different man Lily. And you are dead. And dead women should stay dead.”

The dream changed. She was underwater. She couldn’t breath, she struggled, but she couldn’t move. She was floating up to the surface and burned into her eyes was the image of a stag.


“Happy Christmas, Lily,” said Petunia as she came into the room the next day.

“Where have you been?” asked Lily rolling onto her side so she could see her sister, who was wearing a flimsy nightgown and had sweaty messy hair. “No wait, i think i know, but i don’t want to know.”

“Well don’t you do the same thing with that Potter boy?” asked Petunia as she steeped into the bathroom and stripped and went into the shower.

“He isn’t my boyfriend, moron. why would i sleep with him if he wasn’t my boyfriend?” said Lily getting up and pacing the room. Well not yet, anyway. Like to, but not my boyfriend.

“Sure whatever you say sis. Friends with benefits, boyfriend, it is all the same, don’t delude yourself,” said Petunia. “It is obvious you two are madly in love.”

“Shut up! There is nothing going on,” shouted Lily.

“Well grab him while you can, or he’ll find someone else. that is how all boys are.”

“are you, my sister who hates my guts, giving me advice in love?” asked Lily shocked at what she was hearing.

“Maybe, but i just want you out of the house,” said Petunia.

“Well that is really nice,” said Lily taking off her top and pulling on a bra.

“Your welcome,” said Petunia sarcastically. After a few minutes of silence, besides the sound of the shower, Petunia broke it by saying, “Well what about you and the Snape boy?”

Lily’s stomach did a back flip. She had been avoiding thinking about Snape. The previous day made it so that every time she thought of him she was filled with either sorrow, pity or fear, and the dream only added to that. She didn’t know exactly what to think. The poor boy had an abusive father, but it seemed as if he could handle him by himself. After all moments later he was so mad at Lily that she was scared. Yes, she was scared of Snape. But not really, after all, he was still a kid.

“there is nothing between us. he hates me,” she said smoothly.


Petunia opened the door of the bathroom with a towel around her middle the moment that James entered the room.

“Happy Christmas Lily!”

“Get out! Get out!” shouted Petunia going back into the bathroom.

“Haven’t you ever heard of knocking?” asked Lily as she held her shirt up to her chest that only had a bra on it. “Honestly there is a reason why Snape thinks you are a pervert.”

“Sorry!” said James as he closed the door and. Through the door James called, “Next time I’ll knock in case Petunia is wearing only a towel.”

“And i’m wearing only a bra and panties,” shouted Lily.

“No, that i liked,” said James.

Petunia stuck out her tongue. “glad about that, you keep away from me and this room. Sicko.”

“I only came here to wish Lily a happy Christmas,” said James.

“Well when i am ready for it i will come to you. I don’t need you sneaking around here,” said Lily pulling on the shirt that she had grabbed.


The girls could hear James walking down the hall and close the door to his room [or Lily’s, but he was staying in it.]

“He is a pervert,” said Petunia changing into her clothing.

“No, that is just James. He is always like that,” said Lily as she walked out of the room and down to James’.

“Hi,” she said to James as she walked into the room.

James was sitting on the bed drawing something in his sketchbook.

Lily sat down next to him and looked over his shoulder at what he was drawing. “Nice picture. Notice how i’m in my panties.”

“Yeah, just had to draw it,” he said closing the cover of the book.

“Well that is going to be the closest to naked that you will ever see me,” she said looking into his hazel eyes.

“You sure? Maybe-”


“Just saying never say never,” he said shrugging.


James looked at her sharply and she cut off.

“So what is that?” she asked pointing to a piece of paper.

“Oh, something from Remus and Sirius.”

“That is their Christmas present?” asked Lily taking it in her hands.

“No they er- got me something else,” said James starting to draw again.

“What was it?”

“The same thing my mum got for me,” said James half-minded.

“What was that?” asked Lily laying down on the bed, playing with James’ toes.

“guess,” he said unconcerned.

“Um... wild guess... a box of condom,” said Lily.

James turned red.

“I was right. Right?”

“No comment,” said James hiding his face in his sketchbook.

“Why did they send those?” asked Lily. She pulled off James socked and started to play with James’ foot.

“I wonder why?” he said sarcastically. He looked down at Lily playing with his foot. “Would you mind stopping that?”

“Why?” said Lily licking his foot.

“Because it is uncomfortable,” he said, taking his foot away from her.

“Are you sure.” She sat up. “Is it because it arouses you?”

“Maybe. but just shut up,” said James starting to get off of the bed.

“Maybe you are just ticklish,” said Lily. She jumped on him and started to tickle his chest.

“no really stop,” he said trying to push her off. He wanted to be able to respond to it, he loved how her body felt against his. He wanted to touch her and kiss her all over, but he knew that he couldn’t for the time wasn’t right. She had yet to show him that she actually wanted him.

“I can’t,” she laughed.

Still on top of him, Lily smiled. James couldn’t help but touch her waist and placed his lips under her chin.


Lily looked up and saw that her sister was standing in the door with Vernon Dursley, looking disgusted at them.

“Do you mind?”

“Going,” said Petunia. “Mum says to come down now, i’ll tell her you two will be late.”

Once the two of them had disappeared, Lily looked at James. “Please remove your hand from my waist. And never do that again.”

“Sure, i bet you liked it,” he said sliding off the bed.

Lily glared at him with her startling green eyes. “you say that again and you will never have children.”

James protected himself. “You do that and I will make sure that you will end up with Snape in your bed.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “And how will you do that?”

“Knock him out and then put him in your bed.”

“I doubt that it would work,” she said.

James put his hand in his bag. “I have something for you.” He handed her a small package.

“Wait i have something for you,” she said. After coming back from going to Petunia’s room she came back with a neatly wrapped present. “Here.”

James opened the package carefully. “Wow, how did you know?” he looked admiringly at the charcoal pencils and the nex sketch book that Lily had gotten for him.

“When i saw you drawing a couple of days ago i realized that you only had a few more sheets to go, so i went out and got you this,” she explained.


“Do you like it?”

“Hell yes,” he said. “Here is mine.”

Lily accepted the small box and opened it. “It’s so lovely.” Lily took out the necklace and held it up to the light. The charm was a crescent moon with a lily engraved on it. “It is just-”

“I knew you would like it. Here let me help you put it on.”

Lily gave the necklace to James. He pulled her hair back and clasped the chain around her neck. “It looks beautiful on you.”

“thanks,” she said fingering the chain. “I’ll never take it off.”

“Never say never, Lil,” he said.

They were silent for a few minutes.

“We should go,” said Lily. “My mum may come up and wonder what is going on. Knowing Petunia she is going to make it as graphic as she can.”

“I just want to ask what happened between you and Snape yesterday,” said James.

“Nothing happened,” lied Lily looking at the ground.

“I know that something happened. What was it.”

“Really James. I can’t tell you.”

“Why?” he asked touching her shoulder.

“I promised that i wouldn’t tell. He said that if i told he would-”

“That bastard made a threat to you. I’ll get him.”

“No don’t. I don’t want you to get involved. It is just between me and Snape. If anyone else found out, it would be horrible for Snape. i really couldn’t do that to him.”

“He didn’t you know.”

“I am still a virgin James.”

“He didn’t hurt you?”

Lily didn’t answer.

“What did he do Lily?” asked James.

Lily blinked.

“Lily you need to tell me.” He shook her slightly. “I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“You would hurt Snape if you knew what happened,” she said coolly.

“So it was that bad,” said James. “Is that why you aren’t telling me? You don’t want me to hurt him. When he hurt you! Lily, you can’t do that.”

“James, lay off. I can deal with things on my own. i don’t need you to help me.” Lily stepped briskly away from him and started walking to the door.

“I want what is best for you,” said James.

“No you don’t. You don’t know what I want and what is best for me. You only want what will benefit you. If i want to be friends with Snape you instantly think that it is bad and that i should get a life. Do you hate me that much to want to dominate my life like that? If that is how it is then i don’t think that we can be friends.” Lily was near tears.

“No Lily, i never meant that. I just want to say that care about you and i know that Snape doesn’t and he would love to hurt you.”

The memory of the day before flooded her mind and she sank to the floor her face in her hands, tears streaming down her face.

“Lily what is wrong?” asked James kneeling beside her.

“Get away!” she snarled.

backing up, james asked, “What is wrong?”

“I’m scared,” she whispered.

“Of what?”


“Why? he didn’t hurt you.”

“He yelled at me. He hates me.”

Resisting the temptation to say that this was already obvious, James said, “Are you sure.”

“I saw his dad. He’s a real mess and oh James, how can Snape live. I hope that you will never do something like what Snape’s dad did.”

“What did he do?” asked James, interested.

Lily ran out of the room.

And happy Christmas Lily. thought James as he sat down on her bed.

A/N: I don’t own Harry potter.

I hadn't originally intended to write this chapter, but i guess it just needed to be written.

Leaving a review to let me know what you thought would be nice.

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