Chapter 11 : Letting Go
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The shadows are sweeping past and they are slowly consuming me within. I no longer have the will to fight off these demons that haunt me, my demons. I am tired and I loath death which took you from me and ultimately gave me to him. Was it easy to pass into death? Do you even visit anymore? Did you ever really visit me at all? My dreams in which you graced are fading away completely, and I have lost you all over again. I want tell you I will never forgive you for trying to be the hero. I will never forgive you for being stubborn. I will never forgive you for leaving me. But we both know I can’t. My one weakness was always you, was. I don’t think that I will ever be able to say goodbye and even if I spoke the words my heart would never accept it nor would my soul. Damn you for all of this, damn him for breathing. Damn it all.
Hermione slammed the journal shut and threw it so hard that when it hit her bedroom wall it left a slight indention. She tried to close her eyes and calm her emotions but it was useless. She hated herself for betraying Ron but she couldn’t get Draco off her mind, or the night they had spent together.
It had been a few weeks since the mission they had ventured on and Hermione ran into Draco, it seemed, around almost every corner. She could not release him from her thoughts and it was eating at her soul. She wanted desperately to just forget her life like she had in Vegas and tell him how she really felt. She was falling in love, recklessly in love with Draco Malfoy and she didn’t care.
There was a loud thunder crack outside and it made her jump as well as bring her back to present day. It had been raining in London for days now but it was fitting for her mood, she was secretly beginning to enjoy the rain. Without thinking she reached over and snatched her cell phone off the table and dialed Draco’s number, it had been to long.
What the hell I am doing. She thought.
But before she could hang up she heard his voice answer on the other end.
“Granger?” he asked before she could say hello.
“How did you know it was me,” she curtly asked.
“I programmed your number in my phone in Vegas,” he answered sullenly; “I guess I forgot to take it out.”
“Well what are you doing,” she asked trying to make small talk.
She heard him breath into the phone. She closed her eyes and laid her head back on one of the pillows strewn on her bed; just listening to him breathe soothed her.
“Umm, Hermione did you need something,” he asked trying not to sound snotty.”
“I need a lot of things, Draco,” she sighed.
“What,” he asked now confused. Her tone was nonchalant and some what empty, this worried him.
She sighed again took a deep breath then said, “Can you come over?”
Draco lost all the feelings in his legs. Here she was calling him out of the blue and asking him to come to her flat. He wasn’t expecting this kind of invitation from her not that it matter what the circumstances were, he wasn’t about to pass it up.
“Sure,” he said, “I’ll be right over.” And without saying goodbye he hung up. He thought of driving to her flat but she sounded off and he was extremely worried by this so he simply apparated.
Hermione heard the load crack of Draco apparating in her hallway outside her flat. It was a much more distinct sound then a thunder clap. She ran to her door and before he could knock she flung it open.
They stood there in silence for what seemed ages, both to afraid to speak; both unsure of what to say. They’re eyes spoke plenty for each of them and no longer being able to control her emotions Hermione threw her arms around his neck and pulled him into a passionate kiss. Draco wasn’t about to object. He wrapped his arms around her, gently picked her up and crossed the threshold of her front door calmly closing it behind him once he had moved them both inside.
“I don’t want to pretend anymore,” she whispered as she slightly pulled her lips away from his. He simply put his index finger to her lips and silenced her from speaking again.
“Can you let it all go,” he asked in a soft voice, “Can you leave the past in the past?”
She stared longingly into his eyes. He could see the slightest hint of pain rush past her hungry stare.
“I am not asking you to forget him Hermione,” he said kissing her once again, “I am only asking you to open your eyes. See me for who I really am and allow me to protect you, permit me to show you how to breathe again.”
A single tear had escaped her soft brown eyes and he gently wiped it away.
“I don’t want to forget,” she said, “but I am tired of living with him in dreams and death.”
Those words were good enough for Draco. He knew he could never replace Ron, he didn’t want to. He only wanted to make her his, to protect her and to love her fiercely. Draco was getting what he wanted and he was never one to let go of things easily if ever an event arose in which he should. She was his now, in his eyes and he vowed within himself to never let anything come between them, ever.
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