Chapter 9 : Dreams and Realities
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The air was cool but it did not daunt her, the gentle wind dried her tears before they fell to the crisp earth. As the casket slowly past her and Ron’s parents she watched Molly fall almost to the ground with grief before Arthur could manage to catch her. He too was incapacitated with grief but was trying ever so hard to be strong for his wife. Hermione could only stand there and though she wanted to offer some comfort she knew she was just as much a wreck as Molly was. She knew the minute she opened her mouth she too would probably collapse and since Ginny was already practically holding her up she ditched the entire thought completely.
This can’t be happening to me. She kept thinking.
This is all a horrible dream, a nightmare I will wake up from any minute. Come on Hermione wake up.
But she didn’t wake up and she knew it wasn’t a nightmare. Ron was dead, he was gone and though she had Harry and Ginny, without Ron she was misplaced. Molly was weeping loudly now and it was impossible to hear anything the priest was saying not that it mattered she hadn’t been listening anyway; she was lost in thought. To Hermione the world seemed to have stopped rotating and she felt as if all the life was being sucked out of her. She couldn’t stand it any longer, she couldn’t stay here anymore and watch this; she could not face the reality. She pulled away from Ginny and turned to walk away wanting to leave it all behind. Suddenly the world starting to turn again except it was spinning rather fast and she could see blackness pushing past the day, she fell to the ground.
When she awoke hours later in St Mungos she was bemused. Her head was throbbing and when she moved her abdomen cramped with a most excruciating pain.
“Mione, don’t move.” She turned to see Ginny rushing to push her tenderly back down upon the pillows.
“What happen,” Hermione asked blearily as she settled back down against the pillows.
“You just fainted that’s all,” Ginny said trying to muster a smile. She knew her friend was keeping something from her.
“Gin, don’t lie to me. I know I fainted but why am I in so much pain?”
She rolled her head lazily to stare her friend in the eyes. Ginny was holding back tears, or rather failing at being able to do so as they started falling gradually from her eyes. She wiped them away with the sleeve of her sweater and got up to move her chair closer to the bed. She took Hermione’s hand in hers and stroked it.
“Gin, don’t do this to me right now. Please you are really starting to scare me. What’s wrong with me,” she asked again now with a more fearful voice.
Ginny was now unable to control her emotions and started crying very hard, she kissed Hermione’s hands and leaned in closer to her friend.
“Oh God Hermione, I am so sorry,” she cried.
Hermione tilted her head back in shock what the hell was she so upset over.
Maybe I am dying. She thought and that notion she found was very peaceful to her now. But she knew she couldn’t be so lucky. She loved Ron and yearned to be with him even if only by death, no master of the universe would be so kind to grant that wish this she knew.
“Ginny what,” she asked again.
Ginny sat up now and wiped more tears from her face which was now almost as scarlet as her hair due to all her weeping. She squeezed Hermione’s hands a little harder now and attempted to muster a smile.
“Mione,” she said softly, “I don’t know how to even tell you this. But I felt it best come from me.”
Hermione watched her friend’s facial expression and she could tell something was seriously wrong, but what surely life couldn’t get any worse.
“Ther ther there,” she stuttered and tried again after a large sigh.
“Hermione, you suffered a miscarriage,” Ginny weakly said giving up trying to sound brave for her friend’s sake.
Hermione couldn’t breath, she was in shock and she started to tremble.
I was pregnant. She said within her mind and it hit her suddenly like a car crash that came out of nowhere.
Ginny crawled in the bed with her and held her as she screamed and cried. They wept together and Ginny held her tightly, stroking the hair away from her tear blemished face. At one point Hermione saw Harry walk in assess the situation and after apparently seeing both girls in such despair but so connected he quickly exited the door in which he had entered.
“NO,” she screamed over and over until she lost her voice and was literally only mouthing the word into Ginny’s chest.
“NO,” Hermione screamed as she sat upright in the bed pulling herself out of the sweat drenched nightmare. Draco awoke to her scream and sat up to comfort her.
“Mione,” he spoke softly as he reached out to touch her shoulder.
She jumped at his touch and turned facing him quickly. She jumped again but this time away from him in horror. She was staring at him her mouth gaped open in shock and tears starting falling from her face. The realization had sunk in and it was what Draco had feared would happen.
“Oh Merlin what have I done,” she said wrapping the sheet tightly around her as she went to stand.
“Mione, its ok,” he said trying to sound as reassuring as possible.
“NO! NO DON’T YOU CALL ME THAT,” she shouted at him with anger booming in her voice. “GET OUT; GET OUT YOU FILTHY PIG OF A MAN!”
Her words stung and even though he tried to refrain from his anger his temper got the best of him.
“YOU WERE FINE WITH THIS LAST NIGHT,” he now shouted at her in a way that was so pompous it made his own skin crawl. He immediately regretted yelling at her but gave no hint of it.
She was trembling and trying to regain her composure now but she was failing miserably at it. Her eyes were red with exhaustion and her face was stained with black streaks from her mascara, she knew she looked like a total mess, a totally insane screaming mess.
“Just get out,” she cried. “Please just leave.”
“You don’t have to ask me twice,” he growled through gritted teeth as he grabbed his clothes and walked through the door that connected their rooms, slamming it hard once he had crossed the threshold; so hard in fact it made Hermione jump.
She fell to the floor, the sheet a tangled mess around her body, and cried. She had betrayed Ron, well his memory at least, but to her that was like betraying him as if he were still alive. On top of it all she felt bad she had yelled at Draco and she knew deep down she hadn’t meant to hurt him, she was angry with herself and took it out on him to try and justify her own actions. It was wrong of her and she was to ashamed to even think about apologizing. After more tears and once she had developed a screaming headache she came to the conclusion that even though what had happened between her and Draco was impetuous and not thought out properly, she did not regret it; and that frightened her the most.
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