Lily walked onto the platform nine and three Quarters. She tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and looked along the platform for two familiar faces. She moved along to find a compartment and smiled wildly as she saw the familiar long silky black hair and curly blonde hair of her two best mates; Jasmine Harrods and Millie Clarkson.
“Lily!” Jasmine screeched happily, her sea blue eyes sparkling with happiness. The two girls hugged, Lily smelt the familiar scent of jasmine from her midnight hair. She pulled back and hugged Millie with warmth.
“How was your summer?” Millie asked, her hazel eyes fixed on the fiery redhead, as they walked along the corridors to find an empty compartment; her curls bouncing with her personality.
“It was okay; you know.” Lily said tucking the loose strand again. “Petunia was the sweetest angel as always.” She added sarcastically as they fell into a fit of laughter.
“Lily!” An annoyingly familiar voice called from a compartment behind them. Lily sighed and rolled her eyes before turning and snapping.
“Quit it Potter, I am not going to go out with you, and that is that.” Lily yelled harshly.
James fell still at her cold voice. A look of hurt fluttered over his eyes before disappearing. His mind ran blank. He felt his heart almost stall and shattered painfully; sharply cutting his insides up, leaving his soul in shreds.
“I was just about to ask you when the meeting is starting in the Heads’ compartment but forget it. I’ll go find Remus. Sorry, for bothering you.”
“Why do you want to know? Planning on playing a prank?” Lily said accusingly as James turned making him stall again. He just continued on, fighting his strong need to cry out in pain. He just ignored her, pretending as if he didn’t hear her.
“Pathetic… if one thing happens in there I am going after him.” Lily said not bothering to keep her voice quite. She had her back to his direction so only her two friends see him stall again and hang his head.
James ducked into a toilet and cast a powerful silencing charm around it, blocking out the outside. He leaned upon the sink and looked into the mirror. His hazel eyes were almost hollow; dead. His face was gaunt, but not noticeably so; to see it one would have to compare a photo from last year to him.
His school uniform that was already cladding his frame hid the thin form. He took a shuddering gasp. Unbeknownst to everyone upon the train, even Sirius Black didn’t know that James spent a good solid month in St. Mungo’s; the last month, today was his second day out. He was so malnourished that he collapsed and could have died if he went on for two more days.
Helena, his mother, almost died at seeing her son lying still and pale upon the floor, his ribs nearly making an appearance under his shirt. She screamed. She was a healer but she was too distraught to care for him herself. His father, Johnny, kept calm to help them both, but broke down when his only child was left with the healers. Even too this day they didn’t know the real reason as to why James behaved so drastically.
He sighed and allowed the tears to flow. He begged his parents to not leave him there or to tell his friends. They promised the latter, against their better judgement. James gripped the skin tightly and allowed more tears to flow; the words that cut deeply into his soul filling his mind. “I would rather go out with the giant squid than you Potter!” “Do you think this is funny? You are acting like an absolute moron.” “God, I can’t believe you Potter”.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out the small Swiss army knife his father brought him years ago when they went to a muggle town for a holiday. He flipped the blade out and studied the light that flickered off its smooth surface. He rolled up his sleeve and ignored the rugged scars from his previous bouts of depression over the summer.
“James how could you?” His mother asked when he regained consciousness. In their hurry of moving him to the hospital they didn’t notice the scars on his inner forearms. She was heartbroken that her son, her only child who had come to her with problems many times before, didn’t conceive the notion this time round. “Why didn’t you tell us? We could have helped.
He gripped the handle tightly and held his arm above the sink before he pushed the blade against it and then into it. He gasped before he slit the blade downwards splattering the sink with his blood. He gasped and kept his arm over the bowl before he grabbed a towel and held it against his arm. He jumped as he heard a vigorous bang, which rattled the door.
He fearfully thought that the silencing charm had gone before he remembered that he added a charm to allow him to hear should someone wish access. He removed the towel and muttered a simple healing charm and cleaned the towel to good as knew and opened the door after double checking that his face was clear of any sign of crying.
“Honestly, Potter, what in Merlin’s name were you doing in there? Re-decorating the muggle way.” Lily snapped as she glared at him. A queue of five people was against the opposite and only she had a problem.
“Can’t I use the toilet without being accused of something?” James snapped before pushing passed and storming down to the front of the train.
“You have no right to speak to me that way?” Lily barked as she entered the head’s compartment a few minutes later and glared at the slumped Potter, his gaze fixed to the landscape flashing by.
“For Merlin’s sake, Lily” James snapped standing up. “When I am nice to you, you snap for flirting with you and when I am rude you snap at me for not being nice, pick one and stick with it Evans, it is seriously ridding on my nervous.” James snapped before opening the compartment door. “Handle the Head’s meeting on your own… I don’t want to be a bother.”
“I won’t be on my own when the head boy gets here.” Lily countered.
“I am the Head Boy.” James snarled.
“Oh, really funny Potter…”
James just glared emptily at her before slamming the door and storming down the corridor ignoring any and all sparks of conversations and approaches of the female front. He didn’t stop until he was at the end of the train. He opened the door and slammed it shut. He then screamed in frustration. He kicked the door several times before sitting down and watching as the world zipped passed. He wrapped an arm around a pole and set his feet on the steps. He pulled in some sharp breaths and ignored the cold, staring blankly ahead.
Remus watched James interact with Lily before he disappeared into the bathroom. He waited outside for him to ask if everything was alright. He hadn’t heard from him all summer, which was rare; James practically every other day and when he contacted his parents they said he was away visiting a sick grandmother. He then froze as he smelt blood. He bolted to inform Sirius (Peter was off somewhere) that something was not well with James.
They watched as James stormed passed and followed as he went down the end and out the door. They heard him scream deeply in frustration. They looked at each other knowing that something was terribly wrong. They vigilantly neared the door and opened it. James didn’t even look up or acknowledge them as they closed it behind him. Remus leaned against the bars and Sirius sat beside James and gripped the other bar.
Both were surprised to see that James’ eyes were red and he looked very much gaunt. Sirius gripped his shoulder and smiled comfortingly at his questionable look. Sirius didn’t bother him with questions, nor did Remus, both knew he would either ignore them or just refuse. Later, yes later would be better, when all is calm.
Author's Note: Hey there, Another story, as if my mind isn't already full. I am not making this a one-shot and i am not sure how long i'll make it. But enjoy and PLEASE REVIEW. Lots of Love, Bellamybabe
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