Chapter 78 : Desk Drama
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You decided to make yourself some breakfast and so took yourself down to the kitchen. Remus was sneaking in the front door as you came down the stairs.
"Hi Remus!" you shouted. He jumped, startled, and sighed when he realized it was you. "Where were you last night?" you asked. He reddened.
"With Tonks," he mumbled.
"All night, really?"
"Come off it, it's not like you and Sirius aren't doing the same thing."
"And what thing is this?"
"Kara, you know I'm having sex with Tonks."
"You are!? I wasn't sure." He rolled his eyes as you clapped your hands together happily. "Want some breakfast?" you asked, changing the subject.
"I need to do some lesson plans."
"Let's do them together. You're better at it."
"Thank you." You turned around, grabbed your school bag from Sirius' desk chair, and met Remus in the kitchen.
You were just finishing the last of both your orange juice and lesson plans when Molly and Sirius came in.
"Hello!" Molly greeted happily, humming a Christmas tune.
"Hi. How'd it go at the station?"
"There were lots of people staring," Sirius told you.
"It's because you're so damn handsome," you teased. He gave a flip of his shaggy hair.
"I know," he said huskily. This caused you to laugh and Remus to throw toast at him. Molly, meanwhile, had begun to wash dishes.
"Let me do that," you demanded, taking her place at the sink.
"I didn't hear you come in last night, Remus," Molly commented as she sat down.
"No?" he asked feebly.
"Did you and Tonks have a late night?"
"More like all night," you chirped as you dried a bowl. Remus opened his mouth, but Sirius cut him off.
"Really, Moony? You and my dear cousin? You'd better treat her right. No slapping or whipping or anything in the bedroom, okay?"
"Now, now, Sirius. Remus is a nice man," Molly said kindly.
"Yes, but I've heard the monster comes out in bed," you rebutted.
"I think I read that somewhere, that werewolves have the kinkiest sex," Sirius added. Remus, by this time, was redder than anything you'd ever seen, including the red bra James and Sirius had charmed onto Snape's robes in fifth year.
"It's okay, Remus," you consoled him. "I'm sure Tonks is happy with whatever you have to offer."
"How much is that, by the way?" Sirius asked.
"Well, I can't claim a penis sharp enough to impale myself on," Remus remarked.
"Has anyone ever told you you're a bad lay?" you asked.
"Well then you can't be that bad."
"Thanks for the reassurance."
"Any time, soldier," you told him, patting his back. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get dressed."
You arrived at the castle around three p.m., with Remus right behind you.
"I don't want school to start again," you complained. "I'm so not teaching material."
"Of course you are, soldier," Remus teased. "The kids love you."
"But I don't love them. I love hexing people."
"I know. But think of detention as the new hexing."
"I can't. It's not as fun."
"If you could choose between knocking someone out or making someone polish trophies, which would you choose?" He smiled.
"I see your point."
"Thank you." By now you'd reached the doors of the school. Remus opened one and followed you in. There was a staff meeting in Dumbledore's office, so you reported there directly.
"Ah, nice of you both to join us," Dumbledore greeted cheerily as you sat. He went on to outline the events and curriculum for the second semester of school. It was almost time for the feast by the time he was done. You walked down with Professor Flitwick as Remus conversed with Professor Slughorn. The students filed in a few moments after you did, and after a few words from Dumbledore the meal began.
You were tired, and so you were very glad when dinner was over and you were finally free to retire to your room. You trudged torpidly up the several flights of stairs as students chatted animatedly on the way to their common rooms. Remus stayed just ahead of you, not willing to slow down to the sloth pace you were at. And so he entered your office right before you did, and moved to sit at his desk.
Immediately your exhaustion evaporated as you remembered Christmas day. You began to laugh quietly to yourself as he sat down and pulled out a quill and some paper. You calmed yourself and moved to your own desk. But a new wave of giggles came a moment later. Remus looked up at you.
"Nothing," you assured him, as you ceased giggling. But only for a minute. Then you laughed again, even louder.
"What?" you asked innocently, although it was in between giggles.
"Tell me!" You covered your mouth to smother the sound as you cackled. "Come on." You shook your head. He shook his own and bent back over his work. But you snorted and took your hand away, cracking up. "Kara!"
"Sirius and I had sex on your desk!" you blurted out, recovering your mouth after and resuming your giggles.
"WHAT?!" He stood up, fists clenched. Then he took a couple of deep breaths. "You know what, I don't care. I don't care." He sat back down and picked up his quill. You giggled quietly. And then he threw down the quill and jumped back up. "I can't use this desk."
"What? Why not?"
"Because! It's, it's...dirty!" You couldn't help it, the giggles spilled out of your mouth. "It's not funny! I liked this desk! And you had to defile it with your lustful ways, and now I can't use it!"
"Yes you can."
"No, I can't."
"Remus, I'm not switching desks with you! If it makes you feel better, you and Tonks can shag on my desk."
"Get up!" he shouted.
"Okay." You rose quickly, and with a flick of Remus' wand, your things were switched with his.
"Stupid Kara, shagging on my desk. I liked that desk! And it's not like she doesn't have her own perfectly sexable desk right next to mine. Well, now it's not mine, I won't use it. Oh, no, I won't!" Remus was muttering this under his breath as he rearranged papers and quills. Once finished, he moved to sit on the couch, still muttering with his eyes narrowed. You started to laugh again. "What now?" he asked, exasperated as he settled in.
"We had sex there too," you told him quietly.
"Oh my God! What are you, rabbits?" He whipped out his wand and began to furiously Scourgify every inch of the couch. He was doing this, and muttering about 'horny ex-Aurors' when Harry walked in. He took in the scene: a crazed, disheveled Remus, attacking cushions, and you leaning on his/ your desk, trying and failing not to laugh.
"I'll come back later," he said as Remus shouted:
"There will be no traces of sex on my couch! Oh, no! No, no, no. I'll make it all go away. The goddamn couch. My desk is one thing, my lovely, precious desk, but not my couch! You have crossed the line!!" You were, by now, laughing so hard the tears were running down your face freely, as Harry stared wide-eyed at your red-faced werewolf friend.
"Is he okay?" Harry asked, concern in his eyes.
"Of course I'm okay! I'm fantastic! Fan-fucking-tastic! What's funny, Kara? What!? Did you continue your sexcapade where I'm standing? Right here, on my carpet?" he began to Scourgify the rug as well.
"Remus, the carpet is safe. No sperm germs." He glared suspiciously.
"On my honor." You held up three fingers like a Girl Scout. He nodded and pocketed his wand.
"Hello, Harry," he addressed Harry cordially.
"What brings you here?"
"Nothing. I'm just going to go." He ran to the door and left before either of you could say a thing.
"I wonder why he left so quickly," Remus mused, sitting down at his new desk.
"I wonder," you deadpanned, shaking your head.
'Well, I'm tired. I'm going to go to bed."
"Good night, Remus." He turned to give Sir Cadogan his password.
"That is no longer the password, you scurvy cur!" Remus sighed.
"Santa Claus? Ribbon? Alpaca? Quaffle?" The guesses went on and on.
"Desk sex?" you finally called from across the room. The portrait opened, and Remus glanced longingly at his desk before storming into his room, muttering once again.
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