This is my latest fanfic. Credits to the poem used goes to me because I wrote it. It's called "Life, I Need You".
I close my eyes
And I feel myself start to rise
Then I cry
As I realize that I can’t fly
Why am I in that position
Where everything is an illusion?
I need something to hold on it,
I need something real
I need to come back to life.
My mind just started to work as I felt a cold shiver run through my body. I pulled up my sheet and hugged myself to keep warm. I had a sudden reminder that I am supposed to be doing something. I chose to ignore it. It’s still cold. Why won’t it be warm?
School.
That’s what I’m supposed to be doing. I forced my eyes open and looked at the same old four-posted bed that I have been sleeping in for the last 6 years. There was no one else around. I was alone in the dormitory. A usual sight for me. No one ever bothered to wake me up to get ready for class. No one even acknowledges that I am here.
Don’t just give me an idea.
I want something clear.
Hit me with darkness,
Shine me with light
Anything to open my true eyes.
I forced myself out of bed and the cold rush was colder than ever. I hated being cold. I stared at myself in the mirror and I didn’t even recognize myself. It’s been like for months now …. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I never really did find myself too attractive. Still, everyday I looked worse. I looked dreadfully tired. My eyes were sunken in my socket and the heavy purple bags dragged and weighed my eyes even more. My once rosy cheeks were pale and my smile …. The one and only thing that I used to love about myself …. Was gone. My lips were chapped, dry and white. I tried to smile at myself and I realized I didn’t know how. It’s a foreign gesture to me now. I don’t even understand the purpose of it anymore.
I don’t know what I need.
Love, strength, will ..
I need it all.
I’m willing to take it one step at a time
Just give me anything
Because I’ve had nothing for so long.
I really want to sleep. That’s all I want right now. Sleep. That word sounds so good to me but I seriously lacked it. It’s been months since I got a decent sleep. I was lucky if I could get at least 2 hours of sleep a week. It started off being a full day’s rest until the numbers lessened and lessened leading to a day where the number became a hollow zero. I can’t remember how it was to have a nice sleep. I just can’t. I guess it’s that condition that they call insomnia. No matter how tired I am I just can’t fall asleep. Besides, even if I did finally fall asleep it’s never pleasant. Maybe it’s better that I stay awake. It takes me away from the nightmares.
I need to smile again
It’s nothing but a foreign gesture to me.
I don’t even understand why we do it anymore.
All I know is loneliness, despair, confusion
I never understood why I am this way. Actually, I still don’t. My mind just thinks too much. It thinks too much about my life. My life …. Pathetic and non-existent. I am practically non-existent. No one knows I’m ever around. It’s been so long since someone has even said “Hi” to me. My own family doesn’t even know I exist anymore. They all have lives. Percy is in love with his job at the Ministry of Magic. Fred and George have their own jokeshops. Bill and Charlie have jobs too and they are now married. I was hoping Ron could be my saviour but no. He’s too busy with Hermione. He rarely talks to me. I remember every time he would ask to hang out with me, he would just end up hanging around Hermione forgetting all about me. And Harry ….. that’s a joke. For so long I have been in love with him and he just pushes me aside like I am still a little girl. He has Cho Chang to keep him company anyway. Dammit. I’m the only one is a complete loner. I don’t deny that. Never. It’s true. I’m like a shadow that no one notices. I am alone in this world and there is really nothing I can do about it.
Life, don’t start to fade on me.
I need you to hold me steady,
Hold me down,
Before I go down that road again.
Make me right
As I close my eyes again.
You think I would cry right about now. I don’t even know how to cry anymore either. I have become so immune to my solidation that I have become a person that bears no emotion. All I feel is depression. No one knows that I feel this way. They don’t know I am even on this earth anyway. No one knows or even tried to comprehend that there is something seriously wrong with me. I am just outcasted and lonely. For so long I have been looking for comfort but no one will give it. I just want a shoulder to cry on and talk to. I only have myself. That doesn’t really help.
Printer Friendly Version
