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Complete and Utter Randomness (The Musical) by Hermione_Crookshanks
Chapter 6 : The Story of Snarry and Hape
 
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 14


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I don't own ANY of the characters. This is another kinda long one, but I couldn't split it. Bare with me here...I wrote this with Terese, yet again.

*****

It had been another long day of classes. Well...class. Today he only had two classes, but one was a double period of potions with Snape. Any day with Snape feels like a century, what with Snape constantly yelling at Harry and taking points for no reason. Of course, for some reason, Snape hadn’t taken any points for Hermione’s humming, yet Harry coughed and it was 25 points for “disrupting” class! Ron meanwhile was gone, as he’d left for Russia with Luna just like he had promised. So now it was Harry and Hermione...and Ginny.

Harry, Hermione, and Ginny were sitting in the Gryffindor Common room. Harry and Hermione were trying to ignore Ginny, who was trying to push Hermione out of the way and seduce Harry. The two glared at her, and Hermione swiftly punched her. She realized that it felt better to hit Ginny then it had been to hit Malfoy in third year. She grinned. Strange how things turn out like that.

Ginny pouted. She was sick of being abused by the muggle born and ignored by her love. Sick of it. She wanted to get back at Harry, but how? Then it came to her. She’d seduce Snape. That would teach Harry.

Meanwhile, Harry was trying to finish a potions essay. He muttered under her breath about what a git Snape was to assign them a 15-foot essay. Hermione, on the other hand, was putting her finishing touches on the 35-foot essay she had written. Harry cursed Snape under his breath again.

While he was trying to finishing his potions essay, which was very hard since Hermione had begun her humming once more, Ginny continued to pout, stare at Harry, and think of what she should do first to seduce Snape. Harry would have said something to her but was so focused on his essay he didn’t notice she was staring at him. Hermione did though so she punched her again.

Meanwhile, Draco was now in his secret lair that no one knew about. He even put a “This is Draco’s Secret Lair, KEEP OUT” sign on Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom door so no one would know.

What can I do next to make Harry’s life hell? He then heard someone walking past the bathroom muttering about what they’d like to do to Harry. Draco then realized it was Snape and got a brilliant idea. I’ll make Harry and Snape switch bodies! Who should I possess though? I can’t possess a student, but I have to possess someone who you’d never guess was possessed. So with that thought he flew out of the bathroom and looked around.

He then found Winky’s dead body in a closet and thought, Perfect.

With that, he possessed Winky, forgetting the fact that the house elf would be coming back to life for the second time and that would make his scheme a bit obvious. Drinky, as the house-elf/Draco now called itself, followed Snape, until she…he…it…realized this was useless until Harry was in potions again.

The next day, Harry entered the dungeons for his least favorite class. Snape took 50 points from Gryffindor because Harry had sneezed. The two were glaring at one another when Drinky, from behind a desk, muttered a spell. Harry, who was yelling at Snape about unfairness, discrimination, and just for the heck of it, sexism, was surprised to find himself yelling at...himself? What was going on? He reached up to his hair, only to find grease all over his hands. That’s when it hit him. He was in the git’s body.

Apparently Snape realized he was looking at what used to be himself, as well, because he was feeling his now short messy hair and taking on and off his glasses.

Now I have to be in Snape’s body? Everything about this year sucks...well except for Hermione and hurting Ginny and Ron being gone with Luna and Draco dead and....anyways other than those things this year sucks! Or does it? Snarry grinned, as an idea formed in his head. “Mr. Potter, you are absolutely right. I shouldn’t take points away from you. I give you 200 points and I will give you an extra 100 because you are famous.”

The Slytherins who had potions with the Gryffindors looked at Snarry in shock. Snarry then looked at them like dirt. “You will each lose 50 house points just for being who you are...oh, and Miss Granger gets them all for always being right and me never giving them to her before.”

Hape then stood up and yelled, “This is an outrage! I...” he paused for a minute to think this through. What better way to get Potter in trouble then to actually be Potter? So Hape stood up on the table and began to dance.

Snarry smiled, knowing what he was up to. “Mr. Potter,” Snarry said, “for that great entertainment, I reward you with 150 points.” Hape sat down immediately. What a jerk. He frowned at Snarry, and then decided he’d just mess up the potion he was making. They were supposed to be making veritaserum, but he decided to make a cold cucumber soup. When Snarry saw what he did, he smiled again and awarded Gryffindor 207 points for Hape’s delicious take on cucumber soup. Hape glared at Snarry. How dare he! There must be SOME way to get back at Snarry... Suddenly, a quote from a gossip session that had taken place instead of a staff meeting entered his head. “That Ginny Weasley, always going after Harry Potter... poor girl. He hates her. He’s obviously in love with Miss Granger.” Hape smiled. That’s what he would do. He would hit on Ginny Weasley. He rubbed his hands together. This would be fun.

Meanwhile, Snarry was standing next to Hermione, forgetting that he was in Snape’s body. He began, to Hermione and the Slytherins horror, to flirt with her. Hermione looked as if she was going to be ill.

To say she was simply grossed out was an understatement; she was appalled. In fact, once he put his hand on hers and his hair was near her when he was talking, she threw up in Harry’s cauldron since there was no way she was going to ruin her potion. That seemed to make him realize that he was no longer in his body meaning he couldn’t flirt with her and he then awarded Hermione and Hape 50 points for being born and walked away.

Snarry moved next to Neville, and seeing that Neville was shaking, he said, “Mr. Longbottom, you need to relax! In fact, I award you 100 points for putting up with me for all these years...wait, make that 300.”

Hape couldn’t believe it! He was ruining him, and making it so it was possible for them to win the house cup without Dumbledore awarding their house points at the end of the year. Well, I may not be able to get in trouble and lose points in this class, but once I’m out of this classroom I will have millions of chances, and I will flirt with Ginny!

The bell rang, and Hape hurried off to Transfiguration. The first thing he did was run up to McGonagall and begin flirting with her. McGonagall frowned, and then smiled, and began flirting back, to Hape’s horror. She then awarded him 508 points for being such a nice young man, and told him to floo her once he turned 18. Hape gulped, never realizing how sick his fellow staff members were. He sat down in his seat, realizing that, although losing points may be hopeless, flirting with Ginny definitely wouldn’t.

Snarry, however, was having problems, as well. Although Hermione wouldn’t flirt with him, there was one girl who would...Ginny, as he found out while he was teaching the sixth years. Ginny strutted over to his desk and said in a low, throaty voice, “So, Severus, how’s your day going?” She smiled widely, showing all of her teeth (Lockhart would be proud). Harry gulped. What the hell was her problem? Flirting with Snape, of all people? It’d be better if she flirted with Voldie!

Snarry wasn’t sure if she was joking or not so he said, “That’s Professor, Miss Weasley. Go sit down before I am forced to take away points.” Ginny didn’t sit down though and leaned closer, and Snarry wasn’t sure if she had something in her eye or not because she was blinking really fast...maybe she was trying to force herself to cry? After 15 more seconds of this and not wanting to take points away from his own house, Snarry grabbed a potion that was still boiling off the fire and “accidentally” got it all over Ginny. She had no choice but to go to the Hospital Wing, which saved him this time.

Meanwhile, in Transfiguration, Hape tried to get McGonagall to take away points by hoping down in the center of the classroom and doing the electric slide. To his horror, McGonagall joined him and awarded him 250 points for showing her how to do it since no other members of the staff would when she asked. Hermione was beaming at him for dancing in front of the class and began to hum the tune of the song. He couldn’t believe his bad luck.

However, the bell rang once more, signaling the beginning of lunch. Hape grinned as he walked over towards Ginny. He sat next to her and said, “Hey there, sweetheart.”

Ginny, to Hape’s surprise, glared at him. “Shove off, Potter,” she said.

“What?” Hape exclaimed. “But...er...I love you...”

Ginny flipped her hair over her shoulder. “Well, I’m over you. There’s a new man in my life.” Hape stared in disbelief. His last chance to ruin Potter’s life was over!

“Who?” Hape asked angrily.

Ginny smiled and said, “Severus Snape.” She stood up and headed for the Gryffindor Common Room, leaving Hape gaping after her. The pureblood traitor was in love with him! What was going on here?

Hape then saw Snarry and almost had a heart attack. Snarry had cut his hair short and it looked messy like a certain person (*cough*POTTER*cough*) and it was clean. He was wearing nice new looking robes and was wearing a smile of white teeth. He then walked over and sat next to Hermione and grinned.

“Hello, ‘Mione,” Snarry said, grabbing some chicken while the Slytherins, Gryffindors, and Staff stared at him in disgust. “What’s up?” Hermione swallowed hard.

“Hello Professor Snape.”

“Oh, call me Snarry,” Snarry said with a chuckle. He smiled at her, then touched his head. “Do I remind you of anyone?” Hermione shook her head frantically. She didn’t even want to think about it.

“What about Harry?” Snarry hinted. Hermione swallowed once more.

“I...er..guess...” She closed her eyes, trying to block out the image. Snarry frowned. After all he had done to try and stop Hermione of thinking that he was Snape, and it ended up being no use! The nerve of her. Anyone could tell he wasn’t the same Snape any more. No, he was the new and improved... Snarry.


Well I guess I will just have to prove that I am Harry and he is the imposter; then I get the girl and the power of a teacher. So he then looked at Hape and said, “So Harr....Sna.....Hape what is the name of your owl?” Hape glared at him “The name is Harry, and the name of my owl is.... umm...Hedwing!”

Hermione looked at him with questioning eyes. “I thought her name was Hedwig?” Hape then glared at Snarry again.

“Well...ummm...it was, but I like the name Hedwing more, so I changed it!” Then Hermione looked at him and grinned.

“I like it more too!” She then began to sing about ‘Hedwinging’ somewhere.

Snarry glared at Hermione. Why couldn’t she ever think like the smart witch she supposedly was? He decided to ask Hape a different question. “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

“Er...” said Hape. “The ministry of magic!”

Hermione looked at him again. “I thought you wanted to be an auror?”

“I, er, did, but then I decided I could serve the world better by becoming its leader.” Hermione didn’t say anything, but then she broke into a smile once more.

“That’s so noble of you Harry,” she said with a sigh. Snarry felt like he wanted to throw up, or at least stab Hape to death. But if he did that, he wouldn’t have a body to return to. Stupid complications, thought Snarry.

Hape noticed the look that he was receiving from Snarry; that most say is if-looks-could-kill-you’d-be-dead-right-now look, but Hape saw it as what-your-doing-is-bugging-me-so-that-means-that-whatever-your-doing-is-working-and-if-you-keep-doing-it-I-will-continue-to-be-annoyed look, which is the look he was looking for. Smirking at Snarry, he then held out his arm for Hermione. “Shall we be off?” She grabbed it in response and gave Snarry one last odd look.

Ginny, meanwhile, had come back from the Hospital Wing and thought Snarry was waiting for her, so immediately took the empty seat and began flirting with him and commenting about his clean hair and new robes.

Ginny then reached up placed her hands on his chest. Snarry shuddered and stood up abruptly, racing for the staff table.

“Severus, what happened?” McGonagall asked, with a hint of jealousy in her voice.

“That Weasley girl won’t keep her hands off of me!” he screamed. McGonagall shrugged.

“Oh well. By the way, I like your new look. Do you know you look just like Peter Pettigrew? It’s rather attractive on you.” Snarry stared at this idiot of a woman. Of course he looked like Pettigrew. Because Pettigrew had clean robes and messy, awesome hair. Git.

After dinner he went into his chambers, and looked in a mirror. He then noticed why she might say he looked like that rat. Although Peter didn’t have his awesome hair or robes, both had pale skin, so Harry decided to fix that. Walking to Hogsmeade, he then apparated at one of the beaches in Italy. Relaxing there until he saw back in England it was late, and he returned and rested.

Meanwhile, Hape was also looking in the mirror, and unable to stand having glasses, cast the charm on himself to correct his eyesight. This meant a night of rest, so he guided himself upstairs, not even bothering to say good night to Hermione. He then closed his eyes and thought, I have to do something about this hair! It’s so...short...and clean! So deciding that for the next couple of nights he wouldn’t wash his hair, he fell asleep.

The next morning Hape went downstairs to find Hermione wrapping her arms around him. She tried to kiss him, but on instinct, Hape pushed her away. Hermione looked hurt, and tried to kiss him again. This time, Hape stepped backwards. Oh, this girl was going to be an issue. He had forgotten that Harry and Hermione were dating. Hermione looked angry now. “Why won’t you kiss me?” she yelled at him, crossing her arms across her chest.

Hape had to find some excuse that wouldn’t give himself away. ”It’s not you, it’s just that I haven’t brushed my teeth yet so I don’t want to kiss you with bad breath.” Hermione then looked at him as if trying to find something wrong with his excuse. Finding nothing she just nodded her head.

He was just about to exit the common room when she shouted, “Wait a second! I thought you said you needed to brush your teeth? You have the bathroom upstairs. Plus, you were going to just leave me to go eat? You jerk!” She then stormed out of the common room.

Well, that takes care of one problem...I hate that mudblood. He then went upstairs to actually brush his teeth then get dressed...GET DRESSED! That’s it! I’ll make him wear the most ridiculous clothes!! It is genius! So actually brushing his teeth, he found some of Dudley’s large clothes and changed them to have many colors and was planning on wearing those, but then he spotted an Aladdin costume in the bottom of his chest.

Hape laughed. This was perfect. He put on the outfit and then raced downstairs, only to come face to face with McGonagall. “Oh, good Mr. Potter,” she said. “I see Ms. Granger has told you about the school’s musical this year. We had some doubts about you being cast as Aladdin, but now...” she smiled at him and his outfit. “It’s obvious that you and Ms. Granger will make and excellent Aladdin and Jasmine.” Hape swore under his breath. Great. Now he was going to have to be in a musical. But wait! Perfect. This was the perfect way to embarrass Potter. And there was no way out of it. “MUAHAHA!” he laughed, scaring a first year who was nearby.

Snarry meanwhile was deciding on what he should wear that day. Unlike me, he has boring eyes! I need my sexy eyes that girls feel like they are drowning in when they look into them! So he changed his eye color to green with a simple spell McGonagall had taught them the previous year. Not as pretty as his green eyes (who’s where?), but still. He grabbed dark green robes. Checking to make sure his hair was grease free since it had taken him a long time and made him paranoid in the process, he headed to the Great Hall for breakfast. Once he got there he saw Hermione sitting there fuming, and no sign of Hape yet. Using this to his advantage he walked over and sat down next to her. “Hi!”

She looked at him in shock and then shook her head. “Why are you trying so hard to be like my Harry when you hate him?”

“Er...” said Snarry. If this was the regular Hermione, he would have been able to tell her what had happened, and she’d fix it. But, since her character change, he felt like she had the brain of an idiot... say... Lavender (he grimaced as he thought of being nicknamed “War-War”). “Er, because...” Damnit! Stupid person who put him under another spell. Oh well. He might as well try. All that would happen is that she’d think he was crazy. “Because I am Harry.” Hermione laughed. “I AM! Someone made Snape and myself switch bodies! Why else do you think I’ve given Gryffindor 937 points today and didn’t give ‘Harry’ detention when he was tap dancing on the tables?”

Hermione thought about it...and thought about...and was still thinking about it. Snarry couldn’t believe this! What the hell is taking her so long? She still can’t realize that I’m Harry! She then looked him in the eye and said, “Okay, Snarry, if you’re Harry, then you must know what I want to do when I am older...”

Snarry quickly responded, “You want to be on Broadway and you’re waiting for your agent to contact you as I speak.”

Hermione looked at him with shock. “Snarry...you’re Harry! Who did this to you? I’m not kissing you until you get back into your body so we better find whoever did this and fast!” Harry was now looking at her in shock.

“You’re not going to kiss me until we find who did it? I’ll find that bastard...not only will I get to kiss you but Ginny will stop flirting with me!” When Hermione heard the last part her anger towards the redhead boiled over.

“So let me get this straight. When you are you she flirts with you, and when you are someone else she still flirts with you! I’m going to kill her!”

“I think she has a thing for Snape,” Snarry said in a whisper. Hermione looked as if she was going to be sick.

“You’re kidding me, right?” Snarry shook his head.

“I have a feeling that if I let her, she would’ve started groping me.” He shivered. Hermione looked shocked.

“I knew she had a bad taste in guys, but really!”

“Excuse me?” Snarry shot back. “She had a thing for me.”

“Your point it?” Hermione asked blankly. Snarry glared at her, but Hermione still didn’t get it. She shrugged and then scolded Snarry for wasting time, dragging him to the library by his shirt. Snarry sighed, knowing that fighting her was useless. She’d just hurt him.

She continued to drag him by his clothes, but since they weren’t his he didn’t care. Once there they were allowed instant access to the restricted section of the library. Hermione grinned and said, “Maybe I should switch bodies with a teacher...this really has its perks. I could become McGonagall....” Snarry stopped her.

“There is no way you are becoming McGonagall, because if I had to kiss you... ewww. Then you’d have to kiss me when I am like this...ewww.” Hermione then grinned and said.

“Whoever said I was going to kiss you if I became her? I’d kiss Dumbly-doo.”

When he finally got his voice back Snarry snapped, “Let’s just find the book and return me back to normal!” They then began their search.

Snarry chose books such as, “So You’ve Switched Bodies?” “Freaky Friday,” and “What to do in Another’s Body.” Hermione, on the other hand, took out books such as, “Hogwarts, A History,” “One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi,” “A Dragon Keeper’s Guide,” and, like last time, “Most Potent Potions.” Snarry stared at Hermione’s choice of research. “Er, Hermione?”

“Hmm...” came Hermione’s response from behind a thick book.

“Do you really think that will help me?”

“Oh, you wanted my help?” Hermione asked in surprise. “I thought I was just here to keep you company. I was planning on catching up on my re-readings of the library.”

Snarry rolled his eyes. “Yes, that’s what I wanted. To stay up three nights straight when you can find answers in a minute.”

“All right,” Hermione said with a shrug, returning to her book. “To each their own,” came her voice.

Seeing that she was too absorbed in her book at the moment, Harry began to read through the books he had picked out. Hermione was already finished with “A Dragon Keeper’s Guide” and had started “Most Potent Potions.” Snarry was just finishing Freaky Friday, but found nothing. After Harry was halfway through “So You’ve Switched Bodies?” and still no luck, Hermione closed her last book and said, “Try page 527.”

Snarry turned to that page and sure enough it said how to change back. He then glared at Hermione. “You knew where to find it the whole time and you didn’t tell me?”

She smiled sweetly and said, “Snarry, Snarry, Snarry...you learned a lot from reading those books and that is the thanks I get?”. Snarry marked the page in the book and he and Hermione left the library.

They headed to the Head’s room (Snarry had acioed his invisibility cloak so that they wouldn’t get weird stares), and began working on the potion that would change them back. Hermione finished it up, and then told Snarry it had to cool. “When will it be ready?” he asked her.

“In about three days.”

“THREE DAYS? DO YOU KNOW WHAT DAMAGE COULD OCCUR IN THREE DAYS?”

“Do you have a better idea?” came Hermione’s response. Snarry stayed silent, and Hermione gave him a too-sweet smile. “There. Now stop complaining. Now, what shall we do while we wait?” Hermione asked, flipping through pages in a book.

Snarry had some ideas but none that she would like at the moment and none he’d want to do in this body...definitely no snogging. Snarry then took a book and sat down next to her and began flipping through it with her. He then began to read a little faster that way he was turning the pages faster, and she responded by increasing her speed. Soon enough they were both racing through the books determined to finish before the other did. When Hermione beat Snarry, he looked up and said what all guys say when they lose to a girl. “I let you win!”

She quirked her eyebrow. “Oh really? Then why are you sweating?” Sure enough, Snarry was sweating.

This body is out of shape! How is it that I break out in a sweat doing this yet he has no problems following me around school? He responded, “You beat Snape’s body, but once I’m back in mine I’m going to win....in fact I’ll own you!”

“You’ll own me huh?” Hermione said, waggling her eyebrows. “That will be interesting...” Hermione watched in delight as Snarry went red. That’s what he gets for thinking he can beat me... she thought happily.

Snarry mumbled under his breath, “That’s not what I meant, you perv.” Hermione laughed lightly.

“Hey, you interpreted what I said.” Snarry glared at her. She could be so annoying, Hermione Granger. Too bad he loved her too much to do anything about it.

It was getting late, and both had classes tomorrow (Snarry had to teach and Hermione might as well teach since she knows it all) so Hermione returned to the common room and Snarry was in his room. Meanwhile, Hape was sitting in front of the common room fire, listening to the other kids in the common room talk like they were...teenagers. It was uncalled for, but Hape could say nothing about it because he was supposing to be acting like one of them after all and he currently wasn’t a teacher. Then he had more to worry about because Hermione had just walked in and by the look he was receiving she didn’t think he was Harry.

Hape muttered under his breath, “I thought that if I went to the Gryffindor common room and not the Head’s I’d avoid the mudblood...damn.” Hermione came marching up to him and said, quietly, and angrily, “Hello, Snape.” Hape goggled at her.

“How did you...”

“Harry...well, rather, Snarry, proved to me that he was really Harry in your body. Why did you try to trick me you git?”

“Look here,” Hape seethed, “don’t call me a git, or I’ll take away points...”

“Go ahead, try,” Hermione said, laughing. “If you do, I’ll just take away points from Slytherin. I am Head Girl you know,” she said, pointing to the badge that read “HG.” Hape glared at her. Oh, what he would do to hand her over to Voldemort...wait, not supposed to be thinking that. If anyone found out his plans... Oh, to hell with that, thought Hape.

“Do you think that you’ve some how won? You may have figured out that I am in Harry’s body, but I still have Dumbledore on my side and the second everyone relaxes I’ll make sure that you get in an ‘accident’ whether it be muggle or magical! Muahaha!”

While he had an outburst of not the giggles, but the evil laugh that many of the villains do when they think they’ve won, Hermione cast a stunner to just him up. Everyone cleared out of the common room when they heard the evil laugh, so it was Hape and Hermione...alone...in the common room. So she did what any girl would do to Hape. She tied him up, grabbed some make-up from the girls’ dormitory, and put it all over his face.

She ran back to the head’s room to find Snarry waiting for her. “Where were you?” he demanded.

“Getting back at Hape,” she replied airily. Snarry blanched.

“What did you do?”

Hermione stifled a giggle. “I tied him up and put make-up on his face.”

“Hermione!” Snarry groaned. “You put make-up on me. I’m going to look like a jerk when I return to my body!”

Hermione shrugged. “Just tell everyone you’re so confident about your masculinity that you feel that you can wear make up and still be the alpha male.” Snarry stared at her.

He didn’t like to admit it, but he could wear make-up and say that. He smiled at Hermione and said, “Hermione, you’re so smart. What would I do without you?”

She grinned and said, “You would be rotting in a coffin buried under the ground for about seven years.”

He could only half agree. “I think I could have made it an extra year!” She gave him the no-you-couldn’t-have-lived-an-extra-year-because-every-single-year-I’m-in-character-I’m-useful look. It was really late now, and both needed some rest. Since Hape was tied up downstairs, Snarry decided to sleep in the Head Boy’s room that night.

Before he fell asleep he thought, Only 3 more days. If he’d looked around the room before going to sleep he would of seen the old body of Winky grinning at him, and the holes in her body didn’t help make the picture prettier...

Hape woke up in the dormitory to find all the Gryffindors laughing at him. He started screaming at them, and then everyone just thought not only was he wearing make-up, he was going nuts again. Hape cursed under his breath. What a bunch of morons. Hermione, on the other hand, was very happy with the success of her “Project: Make-over Hape.” When people found out it was she who did this to her “boyfriend,” she was happy, except for the boyfriend part. She informed them that Hape wasn’t her boyfriend. When people looked at her weirdly she sighed and said, “I’ll explain later.”

In the end, people were asking her what was going on too many times, so she simply hung a sign around her neck that read, “Shut up and go away. I’ll explain it all later. Now shove off.”

When she went down to breakfast Snarry was there at the staff table just like she told him to be (if he sat with her again it would look very odd). After twenty-minutes of, “You broke up with Harry?” and “Why would you do that to him?” and her holding up her sign around her neck, they all left her alone. She then flipped it around so it now said, “Ginny charges a Knut, I’ll give you a Sickle to keep her.” Much to Hermione’s disappointment, no one came.

It was worth a shot I guess...

After she had finished eating she left to go get her books and get away from Ginny screaming, “Doesn’t anyone love me?”

For the first time in her life, Hermione was truly looking forward to Potions. She knew that if she smiled at Snarry, she’d get 100 points, at the least. In fact, by the end of the, she had earned Gryffindor approximately 376 points. To say she was popular was an understatement. However, the Slytherins were beginning to become a little suspicious of their Professor. And it wasn’t just the fact that he looked like Harry now, either.

The rest of the day was quite dull for her. After earning all of those points in potions she didn’t really need to answer questions in her other classes although if it was a challenging question or someone was unable to answer it she’d immediately raise her hand. Snarry taught the first years how to make a potion that when tossed to the ground at a person’s shoes, it made their feet appear to be on fire.

Hape was in a very bad mood because he was unable to get the make-up off since it was witches make-up and guaranteed to stay on for 24 hours. Some scolded him and took of points, which brightened his mood a bit, but then once he got to Charms and received 100 for telling Flitwick the company that made the make-up, so he was feeling pretty lousy.

However, he felt better when Ginny decided that trying to snog with Snarry was useless, and went over to Hape during lunch. Hape, despite being disgusted with the idea, gladly complied with Ginny’s request. They only stopped when Snarry hit Ginny on the head and, out of anger, took away 200 points from Gryffindor (Ah well... he thought. I’ll just give Hermione 300.)

Most of the school was shocked when they heard about Ginny’s snog session with Hape, and that was all they could talk about at dinner. The thing that shocked people even more was that Hermione didn’t seem to care at all. Sure she gave Ginny the usual elbow in the back of the head, but that was only natural. Everyone watched her come in, eat quickly, and leave. They then began their talking again and didn’t even notice Snarry had also gotten up and was now following Hermione.

We’ll have to play a game with Ginny later, that always cheers her up! Snarry thought. He then went to the library, and sure enough, there she was, apparently waiting for him to take her to the restricted section. “I have to enjoy this while I can!” was her explanation. She then grabbed a book that caught Harry’s eye “How to Transfigure a Person into Sports Equipment.”

Snarry stared at Hermione, and then picked up a book entitled, “The Wizard of Oz.” He found it very interesting. It was about a stupid girl that got picked up by a tornado. He didn’t understand why it was in the restriction section until he came to the part where they talked about how most witches were evil. Stupid gits. Snarry tried to ignore the book that Hermione was reading, but failed miserably. “Hermione,” he whined. “What sports equipment or you planning on turning me into?” Hermione smiled.

“How do you expect me to surprise you if you ask me what I am doing all the time. You have to wait and see!” Harry moaned because he knew Hermione might keep him like that for a while if she was enjoying herself. Maybe I can get some clues so I am prepared.

He interrupted her again and asked, “Is it a two player sport?”

“Oh, it’s a two player sport all right,” she said slyly. Snarry gaped at her and Heroine laughed once more. “You know, they should change those avatars. Instead of ‘I’ve been thinking very naughty thoughts about Harry Potter,’ it should be ‘Harry Potter has been thinking very naughty thoughts about me.’”

He opened and closed his mouth like a goldfish with no sound coming out. After she gave him a quick wink and continued reading her book he shut his mouth and just watched her. I can’t wait until I’m Harry again...only two more days. He sat there quietly like a good little boy that way she wouldn’t get another chance to make comments like that, the kind that got him thinking bad thoughts that she would then laugh about. Finally she appeared to find what she was looking for, marked the page, and with Harry behind her left the library.

Meanwhile, Hape was trying to give Harry a bad reputation, and has proceeded to snog every girl in Gryffindor. Every girl, from 11-17. However, everyone just thought that he had gone mental for a bit, and forgave him (who wouldn’t want to make out with Harry Potter?). Snarry, however, was less than pleased.

“He’s going to turn me into some kind of player, or something!” he whined to Hermione.

Hermione shushed him. “We’ll sort this all out when you’re back to normal. That and other things...” She continued reading her book on the couch as Snarry glared at her.

Snarry was grateful that everyone worshiped the ground he walked on so Hape could do this stuff and he wouldn’t have to worry about it like any other student would. So watching Hermione read her book for another 20 minutes he said, “Out of all the times to act in character you have to now?” So Hermione transfigured him into a pillow and hugged him to her chest. She then began to knaw on what was his neck when he was human so he was very grateful pillows couldn’t make noises. Hermione was completely oblivious to this and continued to read her book. Winky on the other hand decided to reveal itself to Hape, so when he was alone went up to him and said, “Good evening, Professor.”

Hape began to scream. “They said that Harry shot you dead... twice!” Drinky grinned.

“Do you really think that I’m Winky, Professor Snape?” he/she/it said with a cold laugh.

Hape’s eye’s widened. “DRACO?” Drinky laughed and nodded.

Hape, being smart, put two and two together. “YOU DID THIS TO ME, DIDN’T YOU?”

Drinky looked up at Hape. “Yes I did, and it worked out great. Wouldn’t you say?” Hape then picked Drinky up by the throat and began to strangle her/him/it, but because Draco was a ghost and Winky dead, neither were harmed.

Drinky continued to speak. “Is Potter going crazy? I bet he can’t stand himself! I’ve seen and heard what you’ve done to his reputation so far. Make-up, snogging every girl in this school (which I had already done twice unless they were mudbloods) and dancing like an idiot for the teachers. I’m very pleased.”

Hape certainly wasn’t pleased though. “You idiot! Harry is having a good time in my body. In fact he changed my eye color and my hair to look like his! He has made it so Gryffindor will win the House Cup! Granger realized I’m not Harry ages ago so she is now around Snarry all of the time. The students don’t even care about the humiliating things I’ve done! Where have you been, this plan is a complete failure!”

Drinky didn’t look worried though. “Really? Oh well. I’ve had loads of fun. Watching you two make complete and total fools of yourselves has been nothing short of entertaining. Especially when Snarry and Hermione almost kissed…”

“WHAT?!” screamed Hape.

Drinky grinned. How she/he/it loved making trouble, especially when it involved lying. “Yep,” said Drinky. “And in the Great Hall, too.”

Hape didn’t mind ruining Harry’s reputation. In fact, he loved it. Sure Snarry was giving out house points but that isn’t a big deal, he could easily take those away when everything returned to normal. For Snarry to almost kiss a student in front of all the teachers and students was a completely different story. Hape got up and quickly left in search of Snarry and Hermione, hoping he still had a chance to save his reputation.

Drinky grinned and started to follow, but one of its legs fell off so she/he/it was left there...until Mrs. Norris found her and dragged her/him/it away. Meanwhile, Hermione was still with her pillow and book in the Head’s Common Room. Snarry was still in Hermione’s arms thinking One more day…

Hape, however, could not find the happy couple, as they were in the Head’s room, and he couldn’t convince the teachers that he was stupid enough to forget the password. They said, “You know what it is, silly,” and left Hape there, standing alone next to the portrait that protected the entrance. Meanwhile, Snarry and Hermione decided it was time to go to bed, and Snarry, without a doubt, could not wait for tomorrow to come. I’ll be in my own body again, he thought gleefully. Even better, I can snog with Hermione. That was definitely the hi-light of tomorrow.

So both went to bed, and Hape slept outside the portrait to get into the Head’s Common Room. Drinky was Mrs. Norris’s new toy. The next morning Snarry woke up, hardly able to control himself. Tonight I will finally be me again! One thing Snarry didn’t know was tonight was also the Aladdin musical that he and Hermione were going to be in that she never told him about, and he was the star.

The day seemed to rush right by. Snarry gave the Gryffindors 1,000 points each, and he couldn’t believe it when Hermione told him, even earlier than planned (around four), that the potion was ready. Snarry grabbed Hape, explaining to him in an undertone that they found a switching back potion. They both drank it immediately, and were relieved when they were themselves again.

However, Harry felt his stomach drop when Hermione said, “C’mon Harry! Get into costume! The Aladdin musical is going to start soon. I can’t be Jasmine without my Aladdin.”

Harry stared at her. “WHAT?”

“I didn’t tell you?” Hermione asked breezily. “Oh, yes, when Snape was in your body, he dressed up as Aladdin, and McGonagall decided to make you Aladdin in the school’s musical.”

“But I haven’t practiced!”

“Oh, we sing the songs often enough that you know them by heart now,” Hermione replied. This was true, but Harry still didn’t want to sing in front of the school. Especially not in an Aladdin outfit.

Taking five showers (Snape had been him, what else do you expect?), he got ready for the show, putting on the outfit he had made before. He wanted Hermione to help him practice, but she wouldn’t let him see her until the show so he was stuck practicing in front of a mirror.

How am I going to do this in front of all these people? I talked in front of the D.A. and let them watch me make a fool of myself during the Tournament, but I never had to sing!

While Harry was worrying about being Aladdin, Snape had just found out he was to play Jafar. So he was forced into a Jafar costume and was told to practice being evil...he had time for a nap before the show. Ginny was going to play the tiger. Hermione had suggested she play this role so the staff immediately agreed. I get to step on her back, was her thought but she told them Ginny would be great for the role.

Right before the show, Harry caught a glimpse of Hermione, who was clad in a blue bikini and blue sweatpants. Oh god, he thought. All of the males will be after her now... he ended bitterly to himself. He was also pleased to discover Ginny was going to play Raja. He was even more pleased when Ginny began crying because her costume clashed with her hair.

“Ha, ha,” he said under his breath. The show began, and Harry, looking nervous, stepped on to the stage. “Gotta keep, one jump ahead of the breadline, one swing ahead of the sword, I steal only what I can’t afford, that’s everything!”

The show wasn’t as bad as Harry thought. They actually enjoyed his singing, Hermione got to step on Ginny’s back almost fracturing her spinal chord, he got to trap Snape in a lamp (he actually kept him in the lamp), and he got to kiss Hermione at the end of it. The school cheered and tossed flowers onto the stage where dead Winky and Mrs. Norris were forcing Draco out of another possessed body, and there was a big party back in the common room.

Hermione changed out of her outfit and Harry quickly made it clear to all the males while she was changing that she was still his girlfriend. Harry noticed Hermione was taking a long time and went back to check on her. He saw she was ready playing with an orange paddle and ball.

“I’m sorry, Hermione,” he apologized. “Ginny’s in the hospital wing. We can’t play Ping Ginny...” Hermione frowned, looking downcast. However, her mood definitely improved when Harry leaned down to kiss her. This resulted in a very long snogging fest, and they ended up missing their party. But, to hell with it. Snogging was much more fun than eating cake. Well, almost.

*****

Well, what did you think? Please review!

~Hermione_Crookshanks


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