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Paint It Black by Secret Lily
Chapter 2 : Part Two: Narcissa
 
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Paint It Black

Part Two: Narcissa


My entire life Iíve never once thought twice of the expectations set before me. It wasnít in my nature to talk back, speak out, or object. I was expected to go along with everything and I did.

The Black family has always been somewhat dark and twisted. The bloodline in our family had always run pure, never mixing. Tojours Pur, our family's motto, means Ďalways pureí in Latin. Iíve always found this intensely interesting, but have never had the inclination that I was supposed to question it. In the Black family, it was simply understood.

Iíve always feared the shame I would bring my family if I ever once rebelled. Iíve seen it happen to my sister and my cousin and now, I am positive, I never wish to dishonor the Black name. Iím not as strong as my sister, Andromeda, who feels no boundaries whatsoever. Nor am I strong like Bellatrix, a woman who is able to be passionate about the morals that our family holds. Iím caught somewhere in-between, wishing to break free, but unable to find the courage or strength.

Ever since I was a child, Iíve always observed people. Iíve watched reactions, feelings, emotions, beliefs. Iíve never been very personable, seeing as I prefer to sit back and watch. Andromeda was always a wild child, free and able to be as friendly as she pleased. She was something of a miracle, if I must, to our family. She has shown us that there is another way to live life. Sheís an individual, a rebel, and Iíve always been jealous. Our family may not approve of her actions, but deep down we all have some smidge of respect for her. At least I do.

Bellatrix has always been brave. Sheís always stood by her beliefs and always supported them fiercely. In that way, she was so similar to Andromeda. Yet, the paths they have taken are certainly quite different. In some ways, the two of them are polar opposites. Iíve always been caught in the middle. I was born in-between them, Iíve always been pressured to take sides. There was never a moment when I stood up for myself. Never.

I love both of my sisters and that is the honest truth. Although Iíve followed the same path as Bella, Andromeda still has a place in my heart. At the news of her engagement to a Muggle, the Blacks were told to have been done with her. She is now gone from our tapestry, our lives, and many of our hearts. Yet, even if I am unable to tell her, she is still my sister.

I have always had the name Black attached to me in one way or another and yet, Iíve never been able to live up to it. I suppose making a pureblood marriage was the only good thing Iíve ever even done for my family.

Lucius. Lucius Malfoy, my dear husband. In the early days of our relationship, he made me feel so special. He made me feel as if I actually mattered, as if I had an opinion in this world. He listened to me, even supported me. I fell madly in love with him, naturally, seeing as no other person in the world had made me feel that way. I actually believed that I was unique. I believed that I was special.

When our marriage was finalized, this special, warm feeling stopped. I am simply his trophy wife whose purposed are to accompany him to events, support his line of work, and bear his children. By marrying Lucius, I have degraded myself even lower than I once was. In the eyes of my parents and relatives, this is not the case. Marrying him was the only smart choice I ever made. Yet, how can they say this when that was the only choice I ever made?

My sisters, An and Bella, are two original women. I feel so incompetent when in their presence. Bellatrix is our families pride and joy, having joined the Dark Lord. Although our parents arenít Death Eaters, they feel that the Dark Lord has the right idea. Apparently, so does my sister. When she was branded of the Dark Mark, I was there to support her. I havenít joined his ranks, but I have felt the mounting pressure upon me. Another Black in his army would help make his collection complete. Already, young Regulus has been branded of the Mark. My own husband uses this as bait, telling me that if Regulus can join, why shouldnít I? Andromeda is the reason why.

Although Bella is the eldest, she has neglected her duties as big sister her entire life. She has never guided us, contrary to popular belief, in any way whatsoever. If it had not been for my younger sister, Andromeda, I would have gladly joined the ranks years ago. For some reason, Iíve always wanted to make her proud. Iíve always wanted for her to look at me and see a role model.

Yet now, after hearing of her engagement to a Muggle, Iíve been having second thoughts. I know that I need to make a choice. I admire Andromeda for sticking up to our family, but I genuinely wish she hadnít have done it. Iíve always looked out for her and had a bit of a soft spot for my younger sister. By instinct Iíve been protective and watched over her. Yet now, she has upset our family and has been disowned. I wonít be able to watch over her without upsetting the rest of our family.

My resentment towards Lucius is not as strong as my loyalty to my family. Yet, the only reason I am loyal is because I fear to be anything otherwise. The Dark Lord doesnít have altogether horrible views. The only way to please everyone would be to become a Death Eater. I could then make my family and my husband proud.

I can only imagine how terrifying it will be to look down upon my fair skin and see the burnt image of the Dark Mark on my left forearm. I canít even begin to imagine. I wonít. If I even think of the endless consequences for my action, I will never make a choice.

The need to make my family proud has been building inside of me for so long. Andromeda can make a difference, but so can I.

A/N: Sorry itís short. Please review & keep a look out for Part Three: Andromeda, coming soon.


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