*AN*
I own nothing you recognize, the world of Harry potter was wonderfully made by the master, J.K.Rowling.
Yeah so I was going through the challenges on forums cause I couldn’t think of anything to write on my other story. Found a fun challenge and just started writing. Good luck trying to understand it, as its written in some deranged perspective of James Potter’s mind.
Challenge- make a one shot based on this quote:
A good friend will come bail you out of jail. A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "Man we f*cked up."
Well, don’t know if I did this right. But that quote is really what sparked this idea.
Warning-
Substance Abuse, excessive drinking is implied.
Strong Language, bad language is used, if you don't like it don't read on.
A Fork, A Spoon, Drunk Mind’s and Moony
“I don’t think it was a smart idea going on another alcohol run at this hour.” I yell, though its not really that late, but I don’t care as I’m trying my best to walk straight on the sidewalk like Moony is, oh hell I can’t to much effort. Aw Moony you don’t seem to be spinning quite as much ill just lean on you. I know I'm too lazy to say it now but hopefully I’ll remember to say it later, Moony old buddy you’re the best person to lean on, on this so very long journey to the store.
“I don’t member a shlermaan stah” Padfoot slurs swaying slightly in the middle of a deserted intersection, I sure hope I don’t look that stupid when I'm drunk. Oh wait, I sure hope I don’t look that stupid right about now.
“Its Shermain Street” aw, that’s my ear your mouth is so close to Moony, not so loud. Wait is that really what Padfoot was trying to say? Hah, I so hope I don’t sound so stupid when I'm drunk.
Okay Padfoot slow down your getting way ahead of us now, just because you can walk better then me and Moony when we joined forces a short wile ago doesn’t mean you have to rub it in by getting so far ahead. We are so lost, no moony don’t even bother turning at this corner Padfoots way ahead of us and I don’t even think he noticed a street there.
Oh good Padfoots stopped at the corner to chat with those two Muggle men in funny uniforms, maybe they know the way to the liquor store. They seem quite interested in Padfoot, surely he’s not that interesting when he’s smashed and there not. Oh no, you men don’t know do you? NEVER ask Padfoot a question where he has free rain to talk.
“What this?” I hear Padfoot ask in return, as we all come aware that he’s holding something, “This is ah” his eyes look crossed when he holds the fork so close to his face, “a, a fork.” He pulls the fork away from his face and waves it triumphantly, Hah, good job Padfoot, nicely identified. Though when the hell did you get a fork?
“Would you please give that to me” what the hell does that man want with Padfoots fork, you can’t just go around asking for peoples forks. He seems like an official of some sort, maybe he’s the Muggle official utensil collector, which means he’d probably want my spoon.
A spoon? What in the world am I doing with a spoon, what crazy things have we been doing in the hours between starting the flat warming party and now? I certainly don’t remember leaving with a spoon, well from what I remember of leaving. What. I. Uhm, maybe they own the fork and the spoon and that’s why they look so, what’s the word when you look like you have a stick up your ass? I’ll just say, nonplussed.
“Here” I hold out my spoon to the men, everything suddenly seems extra quiet as all eyes are on me. Did I just interrupt something?
Okay one of them is talking again. Bye spoon nice meeting you, hope you get back to what ever black whole we found you in! Okay I really should pay attention, why are they making Padfoot touch his eye? Oh hah I get it he’s trying to touch his nose, there you go Padfoot got the side of it that time.
Oh darn Moonys talking to me, whelp missed what he just said, perhaps if I move my head closer. “Just don’t say anything.” Man moony I can’t take you seriously when your breath smells so bad. “I mean it Prongs” yeah whatever, ill just nod my head, there see I wont say a word.
Opp, I guess the mans done making Padfoot do tricks. Hah just like the dog he is, if only my mouth would work. I am so drunk. Shit. I think I said that out loud cause every ones looking at me again, guess my mouth does work. Hey where’s that one guy going. Oh ok other man I’ll look at you and pretend like I can understand something. Hey being around Lily when she talks about uninteresting things is handy. Uhuh. Yeah. Okay. I think so too.
Is his head getting bigger and smaller or am I swaying back and forth? Maybe I should sit down I'm feeling a little see sick. Whoa, where did moony go he was just standing beside me. Oh there he is. I wonder why that other man with one of the funny hats and shiny gold pins is making him blow into that… what is that he’s blowing into?
Oh crap that mans talking to me again wish I could catch what he’s saying he seems a bit agitated. Hey now, calm down, you don’t have to grab my wrist like that. Alright, alright if you want me on the ground I’ll go, just chill out would you. My arm doesn’t naturally bend that way. I really hope you know what you’re doing cause I don’t think I can keep myself balanced with my hands stuck behind my back. What? Come on I just got down, don’t make me get up already.
Okay, I'm getting up you don’t have to be so rough. No, no don’t let go and here comes the ground. That was a close one, thank you Mr. uh man in uniform. Oh you want me to go in your car, wait I was told not to go into strangers cars and your not even offering me candy. Yeah okay that’s my scalp man I do have hair, I'm not bald and evil with a hat that doesn’t cover that fact up like you. Alright hold your horses I'm moving over. Oh hey there Moony, you don’t look too pleased, I wonder why that is. On second thought I rather not know tell me later when your looking less angry, yeah ill ask you then. Aw now it’s a party, Padfoots here, you look almost as confused as I am guess I shouldn’t bother asking you what’s going on.
I don’t think I like this whole muggle car moving thing, oh good we’ve stopped. So you want us to get out now, it’s a bit harder then it might look buddy. Chill I'm coming, you didn’t grab Moonys arm like that. Oh wow this building is… square, what kind of place is this?
Oh bright lights, please for Merlin’s sake turn them off. Oh that’s better, even though I haven’t a clue where the hell I'm being dragged to now. Ok stand here, got it I'm standing. No, don’t let go. Haven’t we gone through this before, thank you. Whoa was that a flash, can’t really tell with my eyes closed. Perhaps a peek, nope. Still to bright.
HOLY MOTHER! Why is there a hand in my pants. Bright lights don’t care, there’s a man with his hands down my pants. He’s not even the same man who dragged me here, what the hell is this? Hey now that’s my money sack, don’t you dare… you are so lucky I'm, passive aggressive and way to lazy to care enough to try and move. Oh look your taking my wand, that’s great.
Wait that’s my wand, how dare you take the almighty, screw it its not like I can do a damn thing anyway. My hands are tied behind my back. My brain is to congested to even think of a spell, and if I could I doubt I could even pronounce it. Okay, off I go in this hell forsaken bright place, bye box of stuff I’ll think about you when I'm sober.
Wow there’s a lot of doors here, think we’ve turned down enough halls yet? I wonder were Moony and Padfoot got too. Oh there they are, man Moony you sure look like something is really wrong sitting there beside Padfoot behind those bars. Oh I get to join you, that’s nice. A bit grey in her don’t you think?
Oh so now that you’ve got me in this darker grey room I can have the use of my hands back. Pfft, thank you so much. Yeah Padfoot I'm taking a seat next to you so moooovvvve over. Geese, that wall behind the bars is so plain, this whole place is plain. Why are we just sitting here, damn Muggle’s and there sick and twisted games they play. That’s it I'm tired of waiting for whatever were supposed to be waiting for here. I'm going to sleep.
What the hell was that loud band?
“Oh good Prongs your awake I was beginning to think I’d never have my arm back” oh yeah sure Padfoot I’ll let go of your arm, though I think I drool a little. You don’t notice so I guess that’s no big deal.
Hold on, why is everything so grey plain and boring? “Where are we?”
“Muggle jail cell” well that explains the bars, and the uncomfortable bed type bench thing were sitting on.
Why is it that every time I get drunk with Padfoot I wake up someplace new? “How’d we get here?” and what the hell did we do to get in here?
“I'm not really sure, all I remember is trying to find the store, chasing a cat, getting lost, giving some strange dressed man a fork, you stating really loudly that your drunk and bright lights.” Oh yeah I remember the fork, I had a spoon and we had a utensil fight in the middle of the street then… I remember running, then a man with his hand in my pants taking my things, then bright lights.
“I see” I’ll be surprised if he doesn’t realize how completely confused I am. “So where is Moony?”
“Well, first he’s going to call Wormtail, who he said wasn’t with us when we left the flat, then he’s going to talk to a judge to see about whatever we did.” Aw yes, thank you Padfoot for being just as confused as me.
Strangely this reminds me of something my grandfather used to say. A good friend will come bail you out of jail. A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "Man we fucked up." Its funny, I always thought when my grandfather would tell me that it was just a figure of speak. Like when me, Padfoot, Moony and Wormtail would do something considerably stupid at school that would land us in the headmaster’s office. Now that I'm sitting here in a muggle jail cell starting to feel the wonderful side effects of drinking, with my two best friends and another someplace else coming to the rescue, I see just how true that is.
“Well I guess that was one hell of a flat warming party” Ahah, here I go trying to make a joke, “First night you own it and were sleeping here, aw now if only we could remember”
There’s that smile Padfoot, you know its ironic and funny, “I’m sure it will all come back to us the next time we get drunk at my place” Couldn’t have put it better myself.
It feels really early, “What time is it?” lets see we started the drinking games at 4, and we got out the really old bottle of firewhiskey he nicked from his parents before he left around 6, which probably didn’t take us too long too get through seeing as how we were cheating at the card games trying to get Moony drunk before us, if only that worked.
“Around 11 pm” we really started early, guess starting early doesn’t mean a longer party like I thought.
Oh, footsteps some ones coming, Moony its so great to see you. Hum you look really tired, sucks being the heavy weight drinker doesn’t it, always the sober mature one. We’d probably be in her a few months if I was the sober mature one, like hell if I’d be able to figure out what a call was for.
“So?” well aren’t you an eager beaver Padfoot? What’s the point in staying sitting, just stand I'm sure your invisible tail can wag better then. I'm only joking, Padfoot you know if I ever meant anything I thought id be in saint mungo’s, I should probably be there now, who talks to their friends in thoughts?.
“I talked to the judge,” I bet you just enjoyed that one Moony, looks like you did, not. “he said since there really wasn’t any permanent harm done and nobodies pressing charges. We are free to leave…” Not so fast Padfoot, Moony has got more to say, yep now you see the face so sit down and listen like a good boy. “After we’ve sobered up and paid the fine, which means well be staying the night.”
“And how much is the fine going to be?” eh, one measly fine no big deal. I'm sure detention in all its glorious forms is worse then paying money for doing something stupid.
“Oh” Its like a switch with Moony, as soon as he starts looking off into space you know he’s thinking, probably right now about muggle money and wizard money. “Around 10 thousand Galleons.”
“Sheesh, what did we do?” If we can cause 10 thousand galleons worth of damage with just a fork and a spoon, there’s no telling what we could do with a spork. There's always bachelor parties, I'm sure I can find a reason to have a spork at that.
“Man,” nice Padfoot you sound almost impressed, “whatever we did,” Id so return that evil grin but seeing as how Moony can see my face, I'm not. “We fucked up.”
*AN*
So, liked it? Hated it? Got an opinion on it? Whatever, just tell me feedback makes me happy and helps me become a better writer. Also, I just want to know if this writing style is at all effective/any good.
*Constructive criticism anyone? Things that need improving, and such *
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