Chapter 13 : All For You
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There's been times, I'm so confused
All my roads, They lead to you
I just can't turn and walk away
It's hard to say what it is I see in you
Wonder if I'll always be with you
But words can't say, And I can't do
Enough to prove,
It's all for you
“That is the most bizarre story I’ve ever heard,” Leah Graham declared, scratching her head. “Those two are the most complicated pair of human beings I’ve ever met.”
“I know,” Sirius agreed. “I’ve been leaning for them to get together so all this nonsense will have an end!”
“Nonsense?” Vita questioned. “You think? I think there are some deep issues at hand.”
“I can sum it all up in two words,” Sirius insisted. “Clashing personalities. There are some people who aren’t meant to be together. These two seem to apply to that category.”
“You’re wrong,” Remus spoke up quietly. “Would you describe Prongs as easily misled?”
“No,” Sirius said. “The reason he tried out for Chaser opposed to Seeker has always been because of his gut feeling.”
“Precisely,” Remus explained. “He’s went on instinct. Why should this be any different?”
“It’s taking so bloody long, though,” Sirius complained. “Do you ever want to just shove them together and tell them to get a move on those kids?”
“Every day,” Erin sighed. “Lily needs a balance in her life. Her vulnerability is at it’s peak and before long, she’s going to crack.”
“She’s that bad?” Remus questioned, his face flooded with concern.
“Do you see her at this table?” Ruby countered. “If she were ok she’d be beside me reading the paper and sipping on a glass of orange juice. Right now, she’s lying in bed and feeling sorry for herself. Lily just doesn’t do those things. She’s strong, active, reliable. She hasn’t made it to her past two nights of patrols. James is in no condition to go on patrol, what with his head condition and all. She would normally step it up a notch and patrol on her own.”
Everyone at the table lowered their heads in confusion and disappointment. Vita started glancing nervously over at the Ravenclaw table. Her gray eyes seemed to be putting pieces together.
“How did Jenna Thompson get into the Common Room in the first place?” she questioned, looking over at Ruby and Erin. The two of them looked bewildered. Sirius, on the other hand, stared innocently down at his plate and whistled off into the distance. Leah slapped his head.
“What did you do?” she asked. He looked up at her and smiled sheepishly.
“Oh, you know, isortofletherin,” he mumbled.
“Didn’t quite catch that,” Peter stated obviously.
“I let her in,” Sirius repeated, focusing intently on his shoes.
“Why would you let a Ravenclaw into the Gryffindor Common Room?” Leah asked, very slowly so he would appreciate the emphasis she was showing on her words.
“I know you find my blatant disregard for the rules of Hogwarts sexy,” he explained all-knowing. “But that does not mean you should act as if I’m at fault in front of all these people. Jenna just wanted to see Lily, so I, being a gentlemen and attractive rebel, let her in.”
Mostly everyone looked ready to smack Sirius on the face, although Erin Parker looked as if she might kiss him.
“Sirius,” she squealed. “You might have actually done the right thing!”
“Everyone,” he whispered. “I did not do anything to her. She is saying this upon her own free will. Let’s take note.”
“Lily knows James still likes her,” Erin reminded them. “If she knows this, she may actually give him a chance.”
“This is Lily we’re talking about,” Ruby pointed out. “There is no way anyone could predict one measly thing regarding the whereabouts of that girl. She is a mystery to all.”
“Preach on, sister,” Sirius muttered, nodding his head.
Lily was lying in her bed for what felt like the millionth time that year. Not once had she spent so much time in her dorm through the course of six years at Hogwarts. That had to mean something.
“Knock, knock,” voice from the doorway said. That voice, that awfully familiar voice.
Lily looked up from her pillow to see a shy Jenna Thompson awaiting entrance.
“How’d you get up here for the second time in two days?” Lily questioned, slightly embarrassed at her appearance. Jenna was composed, her hair tied into a classy knot at the back of her head and her robes lint free. Lily tried to straighten her wildly messy hair and adjusted her pajamas so they weren’t hanging off her shoulders. She felt completely inadequate compared to this girl.
Jenna held out a plate of toast as a sort of peace offering and sat on the end of Lily’s bed as Lily resumed to sit in her usual spot.
“Sirius gave me the password last night and I was correct in assuming that the password didn’t change on a day to day basis,” she explained. She smiled, something that was oddly out of place to Lily. The two of them had always competed, had always been on opposite teams, and now they were in the same boat. Both of them were struggling to be loved.
“Clever,” Lily muttered distantly, not sure of how to interpret this situation. Jenna wanted to talk to her and Lily was almost positive it was concerning James Potter.
“Lily Evans,” Jenna started off, taking a breath. “You have no idea how hard this is for me. You’re the most intimidating person I’ve ever met.”
A feeble smile formed on Jenna’s lips.
“Me? Intimidating? I’ve always felt that way about you. You would always try and beat me out for any opportunity available,” Lily said, confused much more.
“Yes, you’re intimidating. The reason I’ve had to be so competitive is because you appear to be so accomplished. I just wanted to catch up. I didn’t want to be left behind in the dust. Let me tell you, it has not been easy. I’ve always wanted to be like you. You’re beautiful, funny, nice, proud, independent, and smart. You’ve always stood up for what you believed in. I’ve always thought you were a very admirable person. So, when James Potter asked me out for a date, I was rather shocked. I’ve always thought he was interested in you. Actually, I know he was always interested in you. I was just happy to have something you didn’t. James is such a nice guy. He’s handsome, talented, and funny. A very desirable person. It was so odd to enter his life, get a glimpse of who he really was. I discovered that you were a part of all of that.”
She took a breath and seemed to try and avoid the tears forming in her hazel eyes. Lily handed her the box of tissues that seemed to be a prime resource to her bedside lately.
“I think I was so wrapped up in having something you didn’t that I didn’t notice that not only one of you was suffering, but two,” she said. “I’d noticed how sad you looked at meals. I just thought you were jealous. I was wrong. I saw that same sadness in James’ eyes. I saw how he looks at you. I want someone to look at me that way. I knew I’d never get that look from James Potter, it was already reserved for you.”
It was new to hear it from an outsider’s perspective. Lily had always focused on James’ flaws. For the longest time she had made him out to seem incredibly horrible. All this time, he had just been trying to find himself. Lily had been doing the same thing, just hadn’t been aware of it. No one had pointed out her flaws to her. They were there, evident for anyone who wished to acknowledge them, but no one did. Lily had pointed out every single one of them for James to hear. She supposed it had to be awfully hard to take that from someone you liked.
All this time, Lily hadn’t been as honorable as she had thought she was. She had been a bully, she had been a toe rag. James was the Snape to her Potter. All this time, she hadn’t seen it.
Lily looked up at Jenna, somewhat stunned at this newest revelation. Lily felt shame, shame that she hadn’t seen this, shame at how she’d treated Potter, shame at how she’d been acting lately. She was no better than he had been. Been. He was different now. He was a bit more respectable. He wasn’t constantly hitting on her. Matters had turned a bit more serious, reaching a new level and finding new depth.
James bloody Potter.
“Jenna,” Lily started. “You coming here has proved to be very informative.”
“How so?” Jenna asked. “You’re not with Potter. I’m not with Potter. You’re still in bed. I’m no better off. How is this possibly informative?”
Lily stood up, stretched her arms a bit and smiled.
“I’m not in bed anymore,” she pointed out. “Progress.”
As Lily watched Jenna leave through the Portrait Hole, the empty common room comforted her.
I can miss class just this once..
She curled up in an armchair before the blazing fire. The stillness, the peace, the quiet, it was all more soothing than anything had been in days. If only life were always like that.
Her eyes began to droop slowly, more slowly, even slower, until they finally shut.
Lily lay there for what felt like minutes before she heard someone flop down on the couch beside her. She refused to open an eyes, hoping they wouldn’t mind her sleeping in the chair. Apparently, whoever it was, didn’t care. They appeared to have fallen asleep as well from what Lily could tell.
The sound of something crashing onto the floor is what Lily awoke to. She turned her head in direction to the noise to see a helpless house elf, slightly shaken at the sight of her, hastily picking up a broom they had dropped.
“Sorry miss,” the house elf apologized. “Did not see you there.”
Before Lily could say anything, the elf scurried out of the Common Room, most likely to clean somewhere else.
The sun was shining through the window and Lily dearly wished to go back to sleep. She looked over at the couch and was somewhat surprised at who was laying there.
His unruly black hair was visible and his large form was stirring on the couch. He most likely heard the noise as well.
His glasses were resting on the table next to him and Lily smiled. It was weird to find comfort in such a situation. Had it been anyone else she would have felt it extremely awkward.
His head was lifted from the pillow and he reached for his glasses. She quietly moved and placed them in his hand. He looked up at her and grinned, the infamous heart-melting grin he had perfected over the years.
“Hey,” he said quietly, his voice scratchy from just being awoken.
“Hey,” she whispered. “What are you doing out of the Hospital Wing?”
“Poppy got sick of my attempts to leave and finally dismissed me,” he said. “I hate being confined. I like to be able to go where I want, when I want. With a nurse over me, I can’t do that.”
She nodded, knowing how much she hated the Hospital Wing as well.
“I think you should know something,” she said, her hand shaking in the process. Why was she so nervous? How was James Potter managing to make her nervous?
“Hmm?” he asked, putting his glasses on his face. He slowly sat up and looked over at her.
“I’ve been a complete mess since you fell off that broom,” she confessed.
He didn’t look as shocked as she thought he would be.
“I know you were,” he quietly said. “I’ve been asking about you. Leah and Sirius stop by all the time.”
Silence passed between them.
“We need to solve this one way or another,” James finally said, breaking the air between them. “There is so much tension in this room it’s flustering.”
“Flustering?” Lily asked, laughing.
“Yes, flustering,” he said. “I’ll ask you one good question and I want you to answer it honestly.”
“Ok,” Lily hesitated. What did he need to know so badly?
“Why did you kiss me?” he asked. She blushed. Of course that had been the question.
Lily instinctively thought to say something resembling a lie. Then she thought back to Jenna’s words. Trust me, he loves you.
What did she have to lose?
Her heart, her control, her predictable pattern.
No one can tell you what to do and how to do it. That’s for you to decide.
Erin had said these words to her that same night. Lily took a deep breath, knowing he was waiting.
“I kissed you because-” she started. He nodded, hoping she would go on. “I kissed you because I like you.”
His heart soared. She had finally admitted to the one thing he had wished for.
“You know what?” he teased.
“What?” she asked, her face burning a shade of scarlet.
“I like you too,” he said. He leaned in, his nose almost touching hers, and kissed her.
A/N: Please review.
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