Ok Journal i am SOOOOO sorry i haven't filled you in on anything lately, but i had just found the weirdest thing out today. Lupin was over today for a brief momen, i s'pose something to do with the order AS USUAL, and i decided to finally ask him about what the box said. Of course i didn't TELL him about the box itself, who knows what kind of a reaction he would have, i mean he might even be really mad at me for taking and not saying something, or it might've even been something important. So i just asked him what the phrase said. I told him it was for homework and GUESS WHAT? The phrase from the box "pateo postquam malum terga" means::: 'Open after evil dies'! But he told me it was Latin... which didn't really add up. Why was it under EYGPTIAN curses? And what did it MEAN? After evil dies? What evil? Could it possibly be talking about Voldemort? But then why would SIRIUS have it? He would NEVER go traitor... or maybe it wasn't that at all. Ah bloody hell this is damn confusing!
Also the weirdest thing happened yesterday. I went out to get some fresh air (ok i'm lying, it was because Ron and Hermione didn't have the fucking decency to tear their lips away while asking me what was wrong) and got about two blocks down when i saw something highly unsual. I had glanced toward a near-by tree and saw the shadow of a tall person right by the side of the tree's shadow. So the person must've been right behind that tree. I slowly started to creep over to see who it was and i heard someone, a man's voice, curse and then a faint pop. I tired to rush over behind the tree, but the man was already gone. Was the man FOLLOWING ME? I must say journal, I am pretty damn scared. What is going on around here? As if my life isn't screwed up enough, now let's add a murdering stalker to it (well TWO murdering stalkers to be exact- Volemort also).
I need someone to go to, anyone!!! Damn, I HATE my life, why couldn't my life be as simple as Ron or Hermione's? Then i could laze around the house all day, watching my mum cook a wonderful dinner for us, while snogging Hermione and ignoring the kid at my house who was so depressed he had thought about killing himself again!!! ... ... Yikes, listen to me, sheesh... at least I'm still alive and surrounded by such... friends, yes they're friends and great one's too *sigh*. Oh... um, well I guess I can tell YOU the truth. I was thinking about doing it, sliting my wrist last night anyway. I was just so ovecome by it all... i couldn't take it. Oh, i don't know what to think if Hermione on Ron found out. I just couldn't do it though, I don'[t... think, i want to end anything, espically figuring what that would do to the rest of the world. But it's something to prove I'm still here, a worse pain maybe to lighten the rest? I don't know what to do, i'm on no sleep now and i'm always feeling sick to my stomach. I mean i try to eat i really do, but i feel like i'll throw it up if i do. I really need someone right now, i can barely stand it any more. If i had the energy, i'd storm up to my 'so-called-friends' (with the voice in the back of my head yelling at me for writing that), and tell them all of this. Well, I regretfully must go now as i can hear Ron, Ginny and Hermione coming up the stairs now. Sorry, oh and by the way, what I said about snogging Hermione... it's not because i like her... i think... yeah-
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