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Happy Birthday Harry by cassiopeia
Chapter 2 : Target Practice on the people you just wanna kill
Rating: 12+Chapter Reviews: 2

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A/N: OMG! Guess what? Today is JK Rowling's birthday too. I just read it in the newspaper...I suppose she's ok, even if she DID kill Sirius *mumble grumble* Cassie, sorry about the doughboy thing, but yeah, it'd make sense if you're at Grimmauld Place and turned into a doughboy like the rest. READ RATE AND REVIEW! *Sirius and Cassie are too busy snogging to beg, so I'll let Remus turn into a werewolf to beg*

Disclaimer: Dur...everyone knows what it'll say...

The door swung open to reveal...Sirius, back from the dead.

"Sirius!" Harry shrieked and glomped him, flaming slippers catching Sirius's robes on fire. Another DB came forward and glomped Sirius.

"Siri-poo!" it cried, snogging him. "You made it to our wedding!"

"AH! Gerroff me!" Sirius yelled, trying to stand up. Harry kicked his charred slippers off, catching a doughboy with a towel wrapped around his waist and pointy, bat-like ears (not Dobby, remember, he is cowering in the corner cuz he's afraid of the house elf heads) on fire. Another Doughboy flew out of the confusion, landing on top of the doggy pile.

"Sirius! You're back!" the doughboy cried, voice slightly hoarse (Remus)

"Gerroff me! My robes are on fire!" Sirius bellowed, wriggling out from under the dog pile. Remus/DB picked himself up, dusting his shabby robes off.

"Wotcher Sirius," a doughboy with spiky pink hair yelled. Kreacher was now a charred doughboy cookie, having caught fire when Harry's slippers ignited him.

"I'm back! Just for the day, though...unless..." Sirius looked hopefully at the author, who is Insane Werewolf Luva in this fanfic.

Insane Werewolf Luva: Yes...*poking Remus/doughboy*

"Hoo hoo!" Remus said, clutching his potbelly

"Could you..." Sirius pleaded

"I dunno..." Insane Werewolf Luva teased

"Please?" Sirius said, pouting and using the all powerful puppy dog eyes

"Alright fine," Insane Werewolf Luva said, muttering about the evil puppy dog eyes.

"Mmm...this cookie is delicious...where you get it, 'arry?" A Hagrid-sized doughboy munched on what was once Kreacher. Insane Werewolf Luva cringed.

"That was Kreacher you just ate, Hagrid," she said, closing her eyes and feeling Hagrid's pain.

"What?" Hagrid asked, looking horrified. Insane Werewolf Luva cringed and cowered behind Remus

"I'm sorry. SOME one had to get rid of Kreacher," she whispered. An Arthur Weasley-like DB walked up to her.

"Is this a Muggle invention? This whatchamacallems, Plibsury Buoydoy?"

"Yes...the Pillsbury Doughboy, Mr. Weasley," Insane Werewolf Luva said patiently, poking Remus/DB again.

"Fascinating...Ingenius really, these things Muggles come up with..." Mr. Weasley/DB walked off, poking himself and muttering to himself. Off in a dark corner, a Doughboy wearing a Pope's hat thingy (Dumbledore, cuz I said so) married Sirius and Cassie. They snogged and snogged and snogged not stopping as the doughboy said "I now hoo-hoo pronounce you hoo-hoo husband and wife hoo-hoo"

"Change us back!" Mrs. Weasley/DB roared, advancing on George and Fred (A/N: Why do they always say 'Fred' first?)

"Y-y-yes, Mum," the twins stuttered. They handed out concealed Canary Creams. Soon the whole room was filled with bright yellow birds fluttering around. A particularly vicious canary was dive-bombing George and Fred. Another canary with glasses and a lightning shaped scar fluttered around, pecking other birds' stomachs.

"ARGH! STOP!" Insane Werewolf Luva cried, pulling out chunks of long black hair. All movement ceased. "Everyone is to listen to me; first you drink this sugar-loaded potion, then we PARTY!!!!!!!!" she yelled, throwing up confetti. The birds obediently flocked around a beaker of sugar-loaded antidote. With a puff of black smoke, everyone was restored, though Hagrid still looked sick and Harry walked around poking people in the stomach.

A cart wheeled itself out with a ten-foot tall, sugar-loaded wedding cake. Hagrid cut the cake, giving out turkey-sized slices of cake (A/N: Don't make fun of me! I'm hungry, ok?) After eating the scrumptious cake, Insane Werewolf Luva called for attention again.

"I have found some...entertainment..." she said, gesturing to a door. "Inside, I have super-glued Umbridge, Bellatrix Lestrange, Percy, Fudge, Peter and Snape to target board and we will be using," Here, she paused and waved her wand. Foul-smelling cauldrons appeared, containing troll bogies, rat testicles, frog spawn and anything else foul and revolting you can think of. "These are the...materials you will be throwing/shooting at the targets." With that, she unlocked the door to reveal a room with the said people attached to the walls.

"Let me down, Insane! Infinity points from Gryffindor!" Snape screeched, grease dripping from his hair. Insane Werewolf Luva said nothing, merely loaded a gun with grindlylow guts, taking aim and shooting. A wad of guts flew from the gun into Snape's open mouth. "Bulls-eye!" she cheered, giving the gun to Sirius and magicking another gun for Cassie.

In front of Percy, Mr. Weasley was examining the gun wonderingly. Hermione appeared at his side with a bazooka-like gun in hand.

"You stick the ammo in here," she said, indicating the thingy you use to load (A/N: Don't lookit me, I wouldn't know parts of a gun!) "And pull the trigger when you're ready.

"This thing?" Mr. Weasley asked, pulling the trigger. A BANG went off and Percy's face was splattered in troll boogers. Mr. Weasley cackled evilly. "Oh, I LIKE muggle technology," he said, pulling the trigger rapidly. A few yards over, Insane Werewolf Luva, Harry, Ron and Remus were crowded in front of Wormtail, arguing about which method was better; throwing it by hand or using the guns.

"But it's more satisfying when you throw it," Insane Werewolf Luva said.

"Yes, but the bazooka's and machine guns are more painful," Ron said, stroking the barrel of his gun lovingly.

"Just use both guys," Harry said, picking up a handful of troll dung and hurling it at the traitor. It hit her right in the eye and she screeched in pain.

"I swear, I'm innocent" he shrilled in his stupid, squeaky voice.

"Can it, b****," Remus said, using a slingshot and shooting raw cow brains at his mouth. "THAT was for betraying Lily! THAT was for betraying James! THAT was for betraying Sirius! THAT was for my pure amusement!" he yelled, flinging the troll testicles in rapid succession.

"Professor Lupin?" Ron asked, mouth opening wide.

"Yes, Ron?" the werewolf said, loading a machine gun with blast-ended skrewts.

"Never mind," Ron said, backing away from Remus as he shot the angry blast-ended skrewts right at Pettigrew's part where the sun don't shine. Peter screamed in immense pain as the ticked off skrewts attacked his balls.

A/N: I'll stop here. You know what the rest is like. Come and join the party if you want. Just leave a review and I'll put you in here.

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