A/N: I got the idea for this from the Writer's Duel thing but I didn't have enough time to enter it. Read on!!
The Memoirs of Fred and George Weasley
Fred and George Weasley were born on 1st April 1978, rather appropriately on April Fools Day, the day of pranksters. Fred was born first and clearly demonstrates higher intelligence, greater-
Fred! I let you write the beginning of our memoirs, and you start it off with a pack of lies. I’m hurt, Fred, deeply hurt.,
The truth hurts, eh bro? Anyway, as I was saying before my dear little brother interrupted, Fred Weasley was born first and was more intelligent, but he also demonstrates great modesty in never, ever, boasting about his brainpower.
Ahem.
Something stuck in your throat George? Anyway, the twins also shared a great love for pranks. Before they started at Hogwarts, they enjoyed making a study of the shouting habits of Molly Weasley, their dear beloved monster – I mean mother. Possibly my favourite prank was when George and I managed to charm a group of spiders with our dad’s wand to follow our sweet innocent bro Ron around singing Incey Wincey Spider for an hour whilst mother was…occupied.
When he says occupied, he means we told her that Bill and Charlie were playing Quidditch over the woods when she had told them they had to do their homework and their chores first. The thing about mother, see, she never gives up and of course her wonderful twins wouldn’t lie to her…
Oh the good old days.
Yeah, when we were still thought sweet and innocent like ickle Ronnykins. People misjudge us so, don’t they Fred? They mistake a love for mischief for cunningness and deceitfulness.
Wow, those were long words for you George.
Hey I know a lot of long words I just don’t use them! You, you hoydenish malefactor!
I bet you don’t even know what that means!
Actually no, I heard McGonagall call us that once.
Did she? I must have missed that one.
You were cursing that Slytherin guy at the time. Or it might have been the time that you beat up that Ravenclaw. Or-
Okay, we get the picture! What does it mean anyway?
What?
Whatever McGonagall called us!
Oh, hoydenish malefactors? I’ll look it up.
Hoydenish:
1. High spirited, boisterous.
Malefactor:
1. One that has committed a crime; a criminal.
2. An evildoer.
So we’re high-spirited evildoers. Sounds about right, only I wouldn’t say evil exactly, more…mischief doers? How come you remembered that?
I wanted to know what it meant.
It took you two years to look up two words in a dictionary?
It took you two years to ask out that Ravenclaw you liked!
That’s different. She had a boyfriend so I couldn’t ask her out.
Uh, she was single for a year before you plucked up the courage.
Hey, do you remember that prank we played on her ex in our third year?
What, the one where we transfigured his broomstick into a goblet and then we mixed it up with all the others in the kitchen so he wouldn’t know which one it was?
Yeah, and then we charmed it to fly over to him a day later and sing a song about what a git he was.
Why were we pranking him anyway? It got us a month’s detention with Snape.
I can’t remember but it was worth it to see the look on his face!
It’s a shame we didn’t get out OWLs marked on our pranks. That was a brilliant bit of transfiguration, if I say so myself.
Uh, George, we were meant to be writing our memoirs.
Oh yeah, anything for our loyal fans.
So I know what everyone’s thinking – how did Fred and George Weasley, best pranksters the halls of Hogwarts have ever seen –
Barring our dear friends Moony, Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail, of course. Whoever they are.
Anyway, as I was saying, how did we become successful businessmen, able to support our families and keep them in luxury?
Well, nearly in luxury, the Weasley standard anyway. So how did we become successful? Well, I suppose we have to thank our first benefactors, the aforementioned Moony, Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail. Also, our dear mother, whose determination to stop our pranks only fuelled our desire to play tricks. Slytherins deserve a mention as well, as they were always an incentive when a prank was proving hard to execute. And of course, Harry Potter. Without him and his very welcome thousand Galleons, we would not be where we are today.
Good old Harry. I knew Ron was good for something. When Harry gave us the money, we couldn’t believe it. I mean, I knew we were respected and admired, but we were never expecting him to pay us for our troubles, the pleasure was all ours.
But seriously, we were truly grateful to him for solving our biggest problem and glad that it helped him. Because although we muck around, we still have eyes, and any fool can see that Harry felt he didn’t deserve the money. Any fool can also see that he did.
I’m just glad he gave it to us instead of Ron, or someone worse.
Is there anyone worse?
Hey, who are these memoirs about anyway George? I didn’t pick up a quill willingly to sing Harry’s praises.
Yeah, Mum does that for us anyway.
How could I forget? “Why can’t you be more like Harry? He's such a good boy."
I never worked that out - I mean, I bet he breaks just as many rules as we do! Come on, how many times has he been in the Forbidden Forest? But I guess if we had an Invisibility Cloak... Anyway, she can’t say that anymore, because technically we wouldn’t have left school if it weren’t for Harry.
And that foul woman Umbridge. I’m so glad we managed to tick her off.
I think it was slightly more than ‘ticking her off’. Even after we left we annoyed the heck out of her.
Yeah, I think Skiving Snackboxes are my favourite inventions so far, how about you George?
Hmm, I don’t know. Canary Creams are always good for a laugh, whereas Snackboxes just tick teachers off.
Also good for a laugh!
I guess.
I mean, you know what they say.
No.
Oh. Well, it’s funny until someone gets hurt…then it’s hilarious!
It wasn’t funny when we gave Katie that Blood Blisterpod by accident. I thought Angelina was going to Avada Kedavra us.
You don’t even want to imagine the tortures that I started thinking of.
I’d rather face Umbridge any day.
Well, I’d rather face Mum.
Rather you than me mate.
On second thoughts… I can’t stand it when she gets into one of her shouting matches, especially when she starts telling us to be more like Ronnykins and all her other wonderful Prefect sons.
Yeah, at least she doesn’t bring Percy into it anymore. Ron doesn’t act like he’s better than us like that git Percy tries to do.
Tried to do.
Anyway, back to the memoirs.
This is harder than I thought. I keep getting distracted.
I believe we were explaining how we became who we are now? Personally I think it was the Slytherins. You have to admit, a lot of pranks would never have existed if it weren’t for the Slytherins. Whenever we were having problems -
Very rarely, I might add.
Uh huh, whenever we had problems we just thought of how much we could annoy Snape and scum like Malfoy.
I disagree. I think Moony, Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail were most important. I think we made the right decision giving that to Harry. That helped us so much…
Almost makes you want to go back to school.
Until you remember McGonagall and Snape, that is.
I’m bored of this part. Lets talk about Quidditch!
Yeah! Well, George and Fred both tried out for Quidditch in second year, and naturally made it onto the team as Beaters. Their extraordinary skill on the Quidditch field astounded many and helped lead the greater house, Gryffindor, to victory several times.
Only the legendary Harry Potter, who became the youngest player in a century, outshined their deeds.
And Oliver Wood.
And don’t forget our chasers.
Nah, the reason they are so good is because they are a team.
What about Ron? He did win the Quidditch Cup.
Ron?! I don’t think so.
Oh come on, he was quite good.
I am not saying that my little brother was even equal to us in my memoirs!
Why?
Because he might read it!
Damn, I can’t believe I forgot that. Ugh, imagine him realising we were…proud of him.
We aren’t though, so it doesn’t matter.
No, of course not. But at least he didn’t totally ruin the Weasley Quidditch name. Even if he does support the Chudley Cannons.
Don’t remind me.
Do you think he will ever admit that he likes Hermione?
No. The only way for them to get together finally would be for Hermione to say she likes him.
She’s too smart to like him.
I think she’d be better with Ron than Harry.
You only say that because Harry is the only guy you trust with Ginny.
What’s wrong with that? Even Ron supports them two and you know what he’s like.
Oh, I know what he’s like. I was the one he crashed his broom into that time!
Oh yeah, that was so hilarious!
Anyway, back to the memoirs. Fred and George scored an average of hitting two Slytherins per game, which I think is a highly respectable score. I think we also scored a goal in second year when one of our chasers got hurt and we took over. So, overall, we did good!
Very intellectually put, George.
I’m going to ignore that. The wonderful twins managed to get a total of five OWLs, didn’t make Prefects or Head Boy, and didn’t stay to take their NEWTs. Mother wasn’t pleased.
We did make a good impression on Hogwarts to the last though. I believe we left to the sound of cheering. We received an exorbitant amount of detentions, the majority with Snape, and surprisingly, our own Head of House Minerva McGonagall.
What did the Sorting Hat say to you, Fred?
I was brave like a true Gryffindor and I was destined to join the rest of my family. I think it also said I was eager to make a jest of bad things in order to make people happy, a Hufflepuff quality, but my heart was that of a Gryffindor.
Yeah, that’s mostly what it said for me too, except it changed the wording a little.
I wonder what it said to Harry and Ron.
Who knows?
Hermione obviously was considered for Ravenclaw.
I think Ginny might have been too. She’s cleverer than she acts -
Ahem, Bat Bogey Hex.
Yeah. And she did imply it once.
She wouldn’t have fitted there. And we wouldn’t have fitted in Hufflepuff. All that Herbology, ugh.
Yeah… Ron might have though.
Underneath he’s still a Weasley and I cannot foresee the day when a Weasley isn’t placed in Gryffindor.
But then every Weasley has married a Gryffindor. Mum was a Gryffindor. What if one of us marries someone from another house?
I don’t know George, does it really matter?
I guess not. We’ll never know what the future holds until it happens.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The writing ended here.
The Weasley twins died on 29th September 1999, fighting for the Order of the Phoenix in the Second War against Voldemort. They died one week after proposing to their steady girlfriends Katie Bell and Angelina Johnson. Ronald Weasley discovered this parchment and it was then published as a memorial to the brave twins. We offer our condolences to their family and friends.
Fred and George would not wish us to be sad for long. They would only wish us to remember them kindly and to keep on fighting. We never know what the future holds until it happens, as George said so wisely, and we should therefore make the most of each day that we are blessed with, when so many are not. If we learnt anything from the twins, it was to never give up.
A/N: Thank you for reading! I think I've pretty much mastered HTML tags after writing this!
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