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How do you get that lonely? by Loreena McKennitt
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 40

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Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me. They belong to JK Rowling. I’ve been listening to country and I heard this song and I thought of a Songfic! This is How do you get that lonely by Blaine Larsen I changed some words to go with the story plot (and there some-what obvious)

Warning: The following story is about a sensitive topic. If you don’t want to hear about someone killing himself, then you shouldn’t read this (there are not details. I promise)


I looked around. “What’s going on?” I asked. He looked at me with those eyes that I get lost in. I looked inside and I didn’t see anything. It was so strange, I normally see myself, and sometimes his soul inside of his eyes. My eyes filled up. Why couldn’t I see anything in his eyes? “Nothing.” He reassured me. I didn’t believe him. He closed his book. I sat down and looked at him. “What’s wrong?” I asked. He glared at me. “What’s it to you?” “God, I just want to know!” “It’s nothing!” He got up and slammed the chair against the table and left the library. Why is he being so difficult? What did I do? Nothing. That’s right.

I got up and followed him. My steps quickened when I approached him. “Stop!” I said, circling to the front of him. “What do you want?” he questioned me. “What is going on? Why are you acting like this? You haven’t talked to me in, like, I don’t know. A week! What am I supposed to ask, hmmm?” he looked at me as if I were nuts. “Stop it! Leave me alone!” he said and walked around me. “ARGH!” I yelled. Then, I kicked a bookshelf and went back to my dorm.

~*The Next Day*~

I looked around the Great Hall, searching for him. The teachers were quiet. I knew something was wrong. None of the other students noticed anything, and if they did, I couldn’t see it on any of their faces. He’s not here. I looked around once more. His table was empty. “What’s going on?” I asked Ron. He shrugged. Always helpful, that Ron is. Then, an owl swooped down and delivered the Daily Prophet to me. Dumbledore looked at it and stood, as if to stop me, but I opened it up. “No word on Voldemort.” I said, looking at the first page, another murder, with no clues.

It was just another story printed on the second page

I turned the page

Underneath the Quidditch game scores

My eyes widened as wide as they could go. I’m pretty sure that if they would’ve gone any further they would’ve popped. Tears filled up my eyes.

It said he was only seventeen, a boy about my age

“Hermione, what’s wrong?” Harry asked. “Draco. He’s-” “He’s what?” “He’s dead!” I cried and got up and ran out of the Great Hall. While I was running out, I could hear the silence behind me but I didn’t care. “Oh my God! Oh my God!” I left the Daily Prophet. I didn’t want to see the picture. I don’t want to read the article. I don’t want to hear or read anything!

~*Back at the Great Hall*~

“What?” Ron asked. The teachers stood up. Everyone turned to Dumbledore, except Harry, who curiously grabbed the paper and opened it to the second page. “Oh my God!” Harry said. He looked at the picture. People, Ron first, huddled around Harry, all making there little shrieks.

They found him face down on the bedroom floor

Harry got up and Ron followed. “Harry,” Dumbledore stopped him. Harry turned around and looked at him. “Let her be.” He nodded, completely in distress, some girls were crying. Ron banged his fist against the table and shooed away everyone else. Then, everyone heard a scream-an angry scream-no one investigated, they knew what it was.

There'll be services on Friday in the Quidditch field at Hogwarts

~*Back to Hermione*~

I ran into my room and screamed as loud as I could. Something to get the anger out. The sadness, the hurt, the pain. The last thing I said to him, that he said to me, still ringing in my ears. “STOP IT! LEAVE ME ALONE!” “ARGH!” the last thoughts of him that I had are ringing in my ears. “STOP IT! LEAVE ME ALONE!” “ARGH!” It won’t stop. “STOP!” I yelled. “STOP IT! LEAVE ME ALONE!” I kept screaming. I knocked everything off my shelves with the full blow of my arm. I tore down the curtains to my bed and hit my pillow as hard as I could. “STOP IT! LEAVE ME ALONE!” The last words he spoke to me! The last words he said to me! The last word he heard from me “ARGH!” What’s happening? I stopped and just put my face in my pillow and cried. Cried my eyes out. Screamed and cried. Cried and screamed.

~*Great Hall*~

The faint sound of Hermione’s yells could still be heard. Ron and Harry were angry, staring down at the paper. Looking at the lifeless picture of Draco on the page. “Poor Hermione.”

How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad

“What made him so upset?” there was a glass shatter. “Something. It made her mad too!” Harry said. “No, she’s just upset that he killed himself.” Ron replied. “No, I heard them fighting in the library yesterday.” “Woah. Do you think?” “I don’t know what to think.”

To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all
Is better than the life that you had

“I know his life was hard.” Ginny said, standing behind Ron. She was crying. “Ginny, why are you crying? You hated Draco.” Ron asked, turned around. “I know. But I don’t hate Hermione, and I can feel her pain right now. Feel every bit of it and it’s not very good.” She sat down next to Harry. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and she fell onto his chest crying. He kissed her forehead. “It’s ok.” He said soothingly. {a/n: Yes, they’re going out.}

How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go

“She’s going to do something,” Ginny said, still crying. “Oh my God. My heart feels like it’s being torn in two! What’s going on?” she asked. She screamed. “WHAT’S GOING ON?!” The whole cafeteria looked at her. Professor McGonagall ran up to her and grabbed her hands. She was shaking, but she’d stop crying. “Ginny, are you alright?” she asked her. Shaking-back and forth. “Hermione-” she stuttered. “Is gonna-” she didn’t have to say anything more. Ron and Harry got up. “Run!” Professor McGonagall yelled.

How do you get that lonely... and nobody know

Ron and Harry stormed out of the Great Hall and ran up the stairs, skipping two or three steps at a time. “Hermione!” Harry yelled. He knew that her dormitory wasn’t for a another two floors, but he couldn’t help it. “Hermione don’t!” he said. He was running out of breath, but something inside him kept him going. He didn’t slow down at all. “Portrait! BUTTER COOKIES!” Harry yelled. Up the stairs, the portrait opened. This made it so when they came up they could run right in. They jumped in and ran up the stairs. “Hermione!” they called. “Hermione?” they called again. They got no response. They stopped breathing, still running for her room. They opened the door and she was there, alive.

Did his girlfriend break up with him, and where did he get that knife?
Did he lose a fight with drugs or alcohol?
Did his Mom and Daddy forget to say I love you son?

She was on her knees on the ground. Harry and Ron fell to the floor and skid to her in one easy motion. Harry grabbed the knife from her hand. “Stop it Hermione. It’s not your fault!” Ron said. Harry wrapped his arms around her and hugged her. “Yes it is!” she cried. “No, it’s not!” Harry yelled. “We’ll get through this!” Professor McGonagall peeped her head into the room, and saw that they were all comforting her. She left, and shooed away the crowd gathered around the portrait. They nodded, all taking a deep sigh of relief. Ginny was in the Hospital Wing, calming down. She felt everything that Hermione did.

Did no one see the writing on the wall?

After about 5 minutes, Hermione was calm (so was Ginny). Hermione was still wrapped in Harry and Ron’s arms. She felt so safe in their arms. She felt safer in Draco’s but she’d never feel that kind of warmth again.

I'm not blamin' anybody, we all do the best we can
I know hindsight's 20/20, but I still don't understand...

“I’m pregnant.” Hermione peeped. Harry and Ron pulled out of the hug. “What?” they asked in disbelief. “I wasn’t going to kill myself.” She said. They looked at her with question. “I ran to his room. This was the knife he used.” They didn’t believe her. “I broke something on my way back, I think it was important,” she smiled weakly. “What? I’m not stupid!” They smiled at her, still in disbelief, though, that she was pregnant with Draco’s baby. Professor McGonagall was standing outside the door and her eyes widened.

How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad
To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all

“Did he know?” she shook her head and started to cry. “I figured it out last night. And now my baby’s not going to have a father. And it’s all my fault!” she cried. They hugged her.


“Wake up, Gracey.” Hermione said. “Wake up, sweety.” She shook her daughter’s thigh. “Are you going to come with us this time?” Grace’s eyes opened and she nodded. “Yes, Mommy.” Hermione smiled softly and leaned in and kissed her forehead. “Thank you.”

It had been exactly five years since the incident at Hogwarts with Draco. Grace got up and Hermione handed her a new change of clothes. “Mommy, are you going to cry this time?” she asked. “I don’t know. I might, hunny.” Hermione said, feeling tears come out of her eyes. “I might. I’m not sure.” “Where’s Daddy?” Grace asked. “He’s downstairs. Now get ready, and we’ll leave.” Gracey nodded and Hermione got up and left the room. She walked down the stairs. Ron was at the bottom of the stairs and as Hermione was approaching the last step, he reached for her hand over the banister and lead her the rest of the way down the steps.

Is better than the life that you had
How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go

“Are you OK?” he asked. She nodded. “I just want to get this done.” “Hermione, we don’t have to go.” He said. She stopped. “Yes we do. I’m sorry, but we have to.” He put his arms around her and kissed her cheek. “I know, sweety. I understand.” She loved how he knew how she felt. She loved him. She had somewhat gotten over Draco’s death when she finally woke up that he wanted to die, and that if she was so bad for him, she didn’t need to be with him. She also knew that her baby needed a daddy, so about three years later, she married the man she’d been dating for a year.

How do you get that lonely... and nobody know

About an hour later, they all arrived at the cemetery. Every few months, Hermione went by herself, but now, she goes just every year, with everyone else. Every year, friends come by and comfort Hermione, who’s getting over it, or they cry because they lost someone they cared about. When they got out of the van *cars and vans are becoming accustomed in the wizarding world* Grace ran to Ginny and Harry. “Aunt Ginny! Uncle Harry!” “Hey Gracey!” Harry said, swinging her around in a circle. “I’m glad you came this time, sweety.” Ginny said. “Mommy made lasagna last night. She needed a present in return.” She giggled and Ginny and Harry went along with it. They knew she was joking. “Of course I came. He’s my dad.” She patted Harry’s leg as if to pat his back, but she’s not that tall, and she walked over to her mom, who was at his grave, on her knees crying.

Grace sat down beside her. “Thank you for giving me life, dad. I am grateful.” She whispered. “Thank you for allowing mommy to give me my new daddy. I promise, we’re going to be ok.”

It was just another story printed on the second page. Underneath the Quidditch game scores

a/n: Man, this story made me cry! Tell me how I did! I know it went quickly....but it's good, right? Ah. I'm in suspense. lol. Please review! NOW! haha. Say "YOU SUCK!" or "UPDATE" or "I READ IT" or "..." or something...jsut so i know something.

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