It's a very good and unique start to your story. A couple of spelling and grammatical errors here and there (you have a tendency of run-on sentences here.) I think to make this story better, you can separate your character's thoughts on a separate line with italics. That way, your readers won't get confused as they're reading the descriptions you write and then jumping into the character's thoughts. Keep it up! Report Review
hiya, sorry it's me again, is there absolutely no chance of like a whole story, i think it would be really good, i love your character!!!!!!!!Author's Response: tahnks. sorry but i couldn't log on until now, donno why...
i plan on posting a next chaper next week:)Author's Response: i added chapter 2!:) Report Review
Please write like a whole story, I really like it, I like your character! I've added this to my favourites with the hope that you might extend it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 10/10 Report Review
brilliant! Author's Response: i added chapter 2 if you still are interested to read.... hope it survises limbo:) Report Review
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