Hmm, ok- interesting beginning, and yes, very short. I think you might need to get yourself a BETA, or a friend or something, to fix up your story, because there are quite a few mistakes that make it hard to follow what exactly is going on. Also, the fact that Naomei is attacked by a Death Eater (I'm assuming), but then has time to stop and read a letter is a bit inconsistent. You have an opportunity to explore some real confusion with your main character, and to open up with a bit of action which can make a story very gripping. If you get a chance, I recommend coming back to this chapter and re-writing it, but actually imagining yourself as the main character. What would you do if you were suddenly attacked by a random guy with a magic wand? You'd think you'd have gone insane! You would question how it was all possible. Not to mention run like hell! I'd add in a chase scene before Naomei gets her Hogwarts letter. And in my mind, McGonagall is a little more formal in her speech than you portray her. But I like the overall idea.

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why the hell it end up here?

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Nice start

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Ooooooooo! It\'s reallly interesting ^_^! I hope you upload more soon!! *smiles* Please, *pout sniffle* Yeah, I need a life I know. Uhhh, would sombody PLEASE tell me what a BETA-reader is!!!!!

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Hey, I like the idea, how old is everyone??? Is Harry older or is he 15?? Also, you may want to space things out a bit, and check some of your tense use. I\'d be your beta-reader if you want...

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ya i think it would be *wise* to get a beta reader... well i think everyone should have one. mine is a life saver. lol well i think you need some more details definatley and you should write your stories under stuff that will check your spelling and grammar, it makes life a whole lot easier. Or your could just ask Liz.. she seems really eager lol. Keep it up, and try to make it more suspenceful! oh ya read my fic please! :) cant be perfect. thanks a bunch! ~Amy~

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Hey! It\'s a good idea... Where do you intend to go with it? You\'ve got some gramatical errors... Ever thought of a Beta-Reader? [pnk] PRESENTING..... [prp] THE ONE THE ONLY.... [blu] LIZ! THE BETA READER! [org] Haha! Anyway, I really like the idea... Please email me! I really want to be your beta-reader... PS: If you haven\'t already, go read my fic \"New Faces, Old Friends\" {OVER 100 HITS! YES!} or \"When Snape Met Liz...\" Why Snape hates Muggles... And it\'s all my fault! [prp] ~Liz

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