Wow... what a beautiful piece of work! I simply adore your writing style and I can't to read some of your other fanfics.Author's Response: Aw, thank you. I'm excited to see what you think of my other fics. :) Report Review
Bah so I'm review tagging you an thought i'd go to one of your older stories to prove to myself you haven't always been such an amazing writer and that it took years of practice. Wrong. This was PERFECT. Peter's entire section made my heart sick and I wanted to scream at him, shout that it's his fault this beautiful perfect woman ends up dying. Blah.
Then Sirius intensifies. You did an amazing job at showing te gradual change from mentally drilled Slytherin to the heart of a Gryffindor. Perfect. An he loves her as a friend too, but more than Peter. Enough to have died for her, unlike Peter.
Then Remus. You've mirrored my thoughts perfectly. He's in love with her, but she belongs to James. They have the strongest friendship of all. She's his Sirius.
Then our delightful darling King. Getting everything his heart could ever want.
Ahhh I love these people so much and I love you for doing them absolute justice. This was so beautifully written, you lost me in their world.
Great, amazing job!
Ps this was from my iPhone so please excuse random typos and auto corrects ;).Author's Response: I'm always curious what makes people choose older stories of mine to review when I have quite a few more recent ones they can tackle, so at least you gave me a reason.
Ahah, I still think I'm learning a lot about my writing and how to be a better author. I'll re-read older stories and cringe at how awful they are, but people still continue to read and review. It kind of blows my mind.
Aw, poor Peter. It is hard to read stories when you know what happens in the future. I think it makes us biased.
I'm really pleased to see you liked my Sirius. I get a lot of flack sometimes for making him seem so dark, especially when he's younger. My thought is that he wasn't always a Gryffindor at heart. Growing up in that household must have really affected him, you know? I don't think he could have escaped his family unscathed.
I love Remus and sometimes I sort of ship Lily/Remus, a little bit! But Remus knows how James feels and doesn't want to encroach on that "claim" he thinks he has. I've always seen them as very close, though.
I love James too. He really is kind of spoiled isn't he? :)
Thank you for the review. I'm really happy you liked it as much as you did. It means a lot to me. :) Report Review
I love this. I think you portrayed a very different Maurauders time than JKR but it's a more plausible one, the fear that keeps adding up.
Anyway to be more specific. I think Peter would think of Lily that way and it's beautifully portrayed.
I think your portrayal of Sirius is very interesting, the slow change from Black to awesome-Sirius. Also his crush on Lily is cute!
Remus and Lily seems logical from the way you write it, so I love that they know how much they mean to each other.
I love mature James comforting Lily. Besides in my eyes they do belong together.
You wrote this in a way that it's sweet and still makes sure you know what it means in the end. Good job. :)Author's Response: Hey, thanks for reviewing. I really love exploring the different relationships within the Marauders and being able to explore each boy and Lily this way was really cool. I'm glad you liked Peter.
And Sirius! He's a bit dark but I have a hard time picturing him as bffs with all the boys right away. His family was obviously a huge part of his life for the first 11 years and I have a hard time believing he wasn't influenced at least in a small way by that.
I kind of like the idea of Remus and Lily being really good friends and maybe a little something more, but I'm definitely a J/L shipper all the way.
Glad you liked it. Thanks for the review. Report Review
I loved this story. This was such a beautifully written one-shot and looking at the amount of reviews you received for this I donīt think Iīm the only one who thinks this. I liked your characterization of them and especially Peter to be honest and I also liked the way they saw her. I liked the way you portrayed Sirius as a Black. He was a pureblood from a dark family after all so it makes so much sense for him to act like that instead the way most people portray him. Well done!Author's Response: I'm so pleased that you agree with my portrayal of Sirius. Some people like to pretend his family had no influence on him (or at least that sort of influence...). They kind of seem to believe that Sirius was always against his family and their beliefs and I find that a tad bit unrealistic.
I'm really glad you liked this. Thank you so much. :) Report Review
I really liked this. It showed the relationship between all of the Marauders and Lily in their own special away. Poor Remus :( I don't understand how Peter could do it though, betraying the Queen and King.Author's Response: Aw, yeah, I feel so bad for Remus too. It's hard to understand what drove him to do what he did, especially with his admiration for James and Lily. :( Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. Report Review
I loved this story- I think that you did an amazing job of exploring the various relationships Lily had with the Marauders. It was very interesting to see the depths of her relationships with them- though she does not represent the same thing to them all, she is still precious.
Your characterization was great and I loved your descriptions. There was a poetical, fantastical element to this story, which I loved. It was also fascinating to see the progression in feelings for Lily; from Queen, to close friend, to almost love-of-his-life, to love of his life. The moment when Lily says that Remus is first in her heart, just like Sirius is first in James', was very interesting because it showed the depth of their friendship.
I think that my favourite line in the whole piece is "And when James comforts Lily instead of Remus (her usual source of comfort), Peter knows that James is no longer his King, but hers" because I really liked the symbolism you had been using with Lily as Peter's Queen and James and Sirius as his Kings. I think that it fit in really well with what we know of Peter in canon, where he is the "clingy outsider who isn't quite up to par".
I noticed a very small typo: with "as thought it was" it should be "though".
All in all I think that you did a fantastic job with this story- it was very well written and gave depth to some very interesting relationships/friendships. I'm glad I read it.Author's Response: Hey!
This was a great way for me to explore my feelings on Lily's relationship with each Marauder. She obviously means a lot to each of them, but in different ways.
My style of writing was certainly a lot more poetical years ago, but I'm glad that you enjoyed it. In this story, at least, Remus is a lot closer to Lily than I normally write and it felt natural for me to write their relationship that way.
I use royalty a lot in my stories so it's no surprise it found its way into this story, but I can totally imagine Lily and James being the king and queen in their little group.
Thanks for the typo! I may or may not go back and edit since it's been ages since this has been posted, but thank you for point it out.
Thank you so much for such a lovely review. I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
Hi, here for the review tag! ^_^ So sorry about the wait.
I love how you started this. You have really gorgeous descriptions- your writing when Peter looks at Lily and what he means to her is just gorgeous. His thoughts and so descriptive, and what he observes is really in depth. I can't compliment you enough on your descriptions and word choice. Your similes and metaphors are so creative and just perfect.
I really like to stick to canon when it comes to the Marauders, but I really like how you portrayed Sirius. Once again, your writing is AMAZING. I don't even know how to stop complimenting you on it. You flow, your word choice- everything is just beautiful.
James and Remus are even sweeter. This entire piece is just incredibly sweet, and you portray each one of these characters so well. You so easily switch back and forth between the characters.
I also like the countdown pattern you did, switching POV's each time. It's very creative and made the story more dynamic.
All in all, I don't have enough wonderful things to say about this piece. Adding it to my favorites, and I'm really happy I found this through the review tag. Thanks for a great piece!
10/10Author's Response: No worries. I just wanted to make sure I got a review out of the deal, I hope you can understand that.
Aw, thanks. Descriptions are probably one of my strong suits (ha, I'm so modest) and it really worked to my advantage with this fic. I think my style has matured a bit since this fic, but I do like how metaphorical my writing used to be.
Hm, Sirius is an interesting character. We don't know a lot about his younger years (when he was first Sorted), but I've always taken on the idea that he wasn't always against his family's beliefs. It's kind of hard when you've grown up a certain way to just automatically be against it, to know right from wrong if that was the way you were raised, you know? I think time and patience from his roommates definitely drew him out of that black hole, but I don't think they were besties automatically. That's just my thoughts.
I love James and Remus and they're so sweet with Lily.
I'm really glad you liked this. Thanks for the review. :) Report Review
You bring so much to all these people! I loved James, hands down the best one! I loved Lily also, oh gosh I can't even decide they were all so wonderful!
I thought this was a brillant idea, I'm so jelous of your amazing writing skills, really rather wonderful!!
LizzieAuthor's Response: Thank you so much. :) Report Review
Oh, my God. This was so amazing. And beautiful. I LOVED it.
Each of these little glimpses into the minds of our beloved Marauders was so well written, and it opened my eyes to the true complexity of both Lily and each of the four men. Although it's difficult to pick a favorite, I sort of want to go with Sirius, followed very closely by Peter. Something about the way you wrote was just so poignant, and I ate up every word. I couldn't believe it when I was done reading. It just flowed so easily and went by so quickly for me.
Great job! You should give your earlier stuff more credit :)
academica (Slytherin)Author's Response: Yay, thank you. I'm seriously always baffled by the responses I get for my stories, but you all definitely make me want to keep writing.
I love Sirius, obviously, so I'm glad you really liked his part. But I also like how people appreciate the fact that I try to make Peter a part of the Marauders as he should be. There's such a deep hatred for his character it's hard to convince people to let it go just to read a fic where he's portrayed as I write him.
Thank you again for your kind words. I'd say that I don't deserve them but I'm trying to take more credit. :P Report Review
Started from the bottom of your author's page and decided to work my way up, and I'm really glad I did - I really liked this!
I loved the idea of this - taking a look at the way the four of them view the same person. It's a beautiful idea: thinking about all the different meanings something or someone can have.
Each of the Marauders had a distinct personality and voice, which I liked. You could tell that they were their own individual person, not this giant clump of four people that were identical.
Your interpretations of them were interesting, too. I actually liked Peter in this and appreciated the way that he wasn't shown to be soulless, because he was never completely evil. I also found the way you portrayed Sirius interesting - a lot of people choose to say that he was always a rebel, so it was cool to look at a different perspective on that.
I also always saw Lily and Remus getting along, because of their similarities. I loved their friendship! And James didn't seem like an arrogant prat - he seemed human. Seeing Lily and James' roles reversed and how James got to have the opportunity to comfort her was nice.
The characterization really seemed like the main part of this, and you had it down. It was a really fascinating look at their relationships and I really loved reading it. A lovely job! :)
-Snapdragons (Claw!)Author's Response: I've always found the Marauders to be easy to write and keep in character, which is probably why I only write them. I like to be comfortable in what I write.
Thank you for taking the time to comment on each section and really write a good review. I always appreciate every review I get but it's nice to get detailed ones rather than 'oh my god this is so great'. So thanks. :) Report Review
This is just a short review to say how beautifully, touchingly this was written. The words seem to have been chosen with such care, and they flow easily from each other. It made my heart bleed for them, for Lily's and James' lives cut short, and made me smile for the amazing impact one person could have on them. The emotion was captured easily and realistically, and the characterisation was perfect. Well done.
The Dark Temple of LightAuthor's Response: Aww, thank you! I am very careful about the words I choose, even if I am slightly wordy at times, so I'm really glad you thought so.
James and Lily's story is so unbearably tragic. I often forget how young they really were when they died. Writing fanfiction really puts that back into perspective for me.
Thank you for all your wonderful, kind words. You are too lovely. Thanks! Report Review
i love it how you intertwine them all together, but I don't like how you've portrayed sirius... you make him out to be a true black at first, when canon tells us he's not.
meh. 9/10Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing. We only see canon!Sirius as a 36 year old - we have no idea how he was as a youngster. I can't imagine him being completely against his family's ideals from the beginning. When you're raised in a certain environment, that's what you grow up knowing. You can't expect him to suddenly know that his entire life is a lie. I think it takes a while for him to come to terms with what he's been brought up to believe, especially after being exposed to different POVs in Hogwarts. I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on our opinions of canon!Sirius. Thanks again for the review. Report Review
Oh my god, this was such a beautifully written one-shot. Not once did I think it was rushed and I thoroughly enjoyed every moment of my reading. I liked your characterisations of the Marauders (especially Peter) and Lily. And I absolutely loved the fact that you made us see Lily from the eyes of the Marauders. It was so hard not to think adversely for any one of the five. Your grammar and flow was brilliant as well. I wish I was as good as you.
I could also feel what each and everyone of them were feeling. You wrote it in such a way that I feel that I can relate to their pain. I didn't cry while reading but I feel really angsty now and I know that I will view things from a different perspective now. In some few words, this one-shot was easy to understand and wrap your mind around; beautiful in its own way and uniquely romantic.
So, overall, an excellent job, forsakenphoenix! Nothing is perfect but this fic almost is, so I'll give you a 9.5 on the whole :) Report Review
AH! So good. So sweet. Author's Response: Thanks. :) Report Review
love the story
two thumbs wasy up
When I finished this story, I had goosebumps all over me. Each character is increadibly well written, and the feelings are explained in a wonderful way, which captures me. I love the way the Marauders look at Lily, for what she really is. A queen, a angel. And what she really means to Remus... And to James as well. Anyway, marvellous piece of work, it really captured me.
/ R. Stephanie Report Review
Fabulous story. It's so emotional, and so fitting. There's not a bit of this story that I would disagree with. Keep writing! Report Review
This story is brilliant. It flows and turns, showing all of the Marauders and Lily in a new light. I especially like how Sirius isn't the muggle-loving Black he's often portrayed to be until second year when he begins to let James know him (and unwrap his many secrets). And this general idea of secrets and the power they hold is awe-inspiring. The way Lily is portrayed is just so heartbreakingly beautiful - how she tries to be upright and well despite everything that's gone wrong in her life. And how Remus's secret love for Lily is revealed to both Sirius and Lily is amazingly well done. My only complaint was that Lily lets James just kiss her problems away and how it seems as if that's the only way James knows how to solve her problems. Perhaps, it is meant to be seen this way, and maybe it's only me refusing to believe that my brave and caring James could do that to Lily. Report Review
Wow. Absolutly ah-mazing.. this is one of my favourite stories of all time. I love how you characterized everyone. Great job! Report Review
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW so adding this to my favorites!
You had my attention the whole way through, not one dull moment! Report Review
Wow... this was great. It shows how all the Marauders relate to Lily. How Lily is a comforter, smart, and a leader. It really gives you a clear picture of Lily Evans. It tells you every aspect about her. I think the ending might have been a little off, but the rest was just WOW! There isn't any other word for it. I loved it! Report Review
good. very good. one or two comments:
1.) " Lily is confronted by a crying first year" this is unlikely. how many freshmen do you know who would confront a senior? let alone a 6th grade kid (=first year) who would confront a senior? maybe she could spot the crying girl?
2.) sirius' change is not explained thouroughly enough for my taste. but maybe that's for a different story.
:) brilliant darling. i like your subject matter. it makes me wish that remus could be in james' shoes...Author's Response: Well...Lily is head girl and very kind. She's their leader. It wouldn't be unusual for younger students to go to her for comfort. As to the second comment, well, I don't know. But thanks for commenting anyway. Report Review
it should be happy, its a bout love. but in reality love is as much, if not more of a heart breaker than anything else, and you capture it perfectly. you write like a window to their souls. Report Review
Awe, how sweet. I like Peter's view of her and how she always seems so strong especially when he is always so weak Report Review
Wow, what a fic. It's really interesting how you made the fic from each marauder's point of veiw, and I have to say it's very effective. I also never thought of James and Sirius being enemies at first, but it sort of makes sense at the same time. This was a brilliant fic which was beautifully written. I love it. Report Review
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