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Reading Reviews for The Unforgettable Christmas
  
15 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Scarlett_Heart The Unforgettable Christmas

14th January 2006:
This ones pretty kewl as well. You need to update though! and maybe a bit more about Harry yes?

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Review #2, by andie The Unforgettable Christmas

31st May 2005:
I like it.keep going

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm trying to update all of my ficcys since it is summer break now but I'm just not in the writing mood much any more...grr but thanks!!

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Review #3, by HPreader120391 The Unforgettable Christmas

4th April 2005:
awww that is so sweet!!! please update soon this is really good! i luv storys with fanfics that have ron and a oc in it, this story rox!!

Author's Response: lol thanx alot im stil deciding whether its gonna b a ron/oc or draco/oc mayb it should b ron/oc since my others are draco/oc idk lol well thanx

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Review #4, by LadyOfShadows The Unforgettable Christmas

31st March 2005:
I love it. I really like this fanfic and I hope you continue writting it. Also thanks for reveiwing my fanfic, seeya*waves*

Author's Response: thanx chick lol im having a bit of writers block on this one so yea its taking me awhile and i have had numerous contests and i have another one tomorrow and then wednesday for band so yea im sorry

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Review #5, by LaDorki The Unforgettable Christmas

10th March 2005:
Hey! Good start, we have a defined main character. A lot happening in one chapter though, and with Melanie starting at a new school I found all of it was a bit overwhelming in the story. I agree with Dreamer, your beginning was a little tedious, you should really try to hook people in at the beginning. A few other things - "A neighbor had heard yelling and stuff..." Try to never use "and stuff..." because it makes the story sound sloppy, in my opinion. I think it should only be used if someone is talking, and that character tends to say things like that. You mentioned "full-blood" but it's "pureblood", be careful for small mistakes like that. I found that Melanie was extremely open about her life, and you have to be carefull with that, because it can sound forced and unrealistic. I think you handled it okay, but just be mindful of it if you write something similar in the future. I agree with JolieFille252 as well, about Ron and Melanie rushing into things. I personally don't see Ron as a character who would rush into a relationship or anything like that, I see him more as a person who is going to avoid for as long as he can. However, that's just me. You also have a thing for people falling asleep on each other! (I remember that from both Beneath It All and also Over) You have to watch this, because if people read your other stories too, they might see this as repetitive. Anyway... I think your off to a good start, keep writing!

Author's Response: thanks sooo much for helping me ok lol i really appreciate it so much and when i get done with the next chapter of this i'll send it to you to beta

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Review #6, by JolieFille252 The Unforgettable Christmas

6th March 2005:
I think you've got a good plot going. I've been so stuck on hermione and Ron getting together, that seeing him with an OC was actually kind of refreshing lol; so great job on that. now, for the Rx: I think you've moved too fast, in that you've put too much in this first chapter. She started at hogwarts and she's already sleeping in Ron's arms. sure they could end up together (or maybe w/ draco, er however u plan it..) but in real life, relationships take time..even for hormonally crazed teenagers ;) course, it's your story, and u may do what you please, but I suggest that since you've still got only one chapter up, take some time to revise it. .maybe read it out loud, and see how it sounds to u. Once you pick up on stuff that doesn't sound right to you, you'll be less likely to make those mistakes in your future chapters. hope that's helped some.. good luck w/ the rest of your fic :)

Author's Response: thanx so much for being honest its just personally when i read a story something has to happen or i dont like it but thats me and im not sure who shes gonna end up with but i know what will happen to make it an unforgettable christmas and i think i know who she is going to be with but im not sure you could email who u think she should b with b cuz i have no idea well thanx bye

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Review #7, by Sophia Montgomery The Unforgettable Christmas

6th March 2005:
Ron and Melanie are a little fast! Besides that, good story.

Author's Response: thanx...i know its not one of my best stories i think my best is Beneath It All which is on here is you wanna read it but I think it's my favorite of all of mine thats why it has the most chapters but yea and thanx

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Review #8, by Rupertinspiresme The Unforgettable Christmas

27th February 2005:
AWW...that was soooo cute! I loved it! I love Ron sooo much!...this ws really good, rushed at some parts but the story line made everything awsome! I loved it!

Author's Response: THANX ALOT!!!!! lol and thanx for the awesome banner

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Review #9, by Selena_Darkins The Unforgettable Christmas

25th February 2005:
First, I found it a bit strange to read a story where the character has the same name as me(lol) but ok I like the story! I hope you will write further soon!

Author's Response: lol thanx alot and i will try to post asap

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Review #10, by Meganelf The Unforgettable Christmas

24th February 2005:
I really enjoy this type of story and you have given your charecter WEAKNESSES, which is the kind of stuff that I like. You are a great writer and I believe that if you write more discriptively and use the 6 sences and emotions to your advantage while you write, I believe that you could become a phenominal writer. I look forward to reading your stories as you progress in your writing skills.

Author's Response: thanks soooo much!!!thank you thank you thank you!!!! lol

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Review #11, by Healer_25 The Unforgettable Christmas

14th February 2005:
Was that a jab at British people for bad dentistry? lol, just kidding Grammaticly you need to put spaces after your periods. Its a little hard to read otherwise. Its interesting for a story, hopefully you'll continue.

Author's Response: thanx a bunch!!! i have been putting spaces i dont know why it does that to me tho

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Review #12, by sugarhighz The Unforgettable Christmas

19th January 2005:
that's a cute start to the story. you might want to try putting spaces after your commas/quotes/periods though. it gets a little confusing. and i thought that the phrase where ron said that he could get better girls than draco made him seem a little..arrogant? anyway, other than that i think this fic has definate potential..keep up the good work!

Author's Response: thankies sooo much i'll put that in mind k

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Review #13, by Sara_sparkle The Unforgettable Christmas

15th January 2005:
it's good, flows a bit too quick and is harder to understand and i was wondering maybe you should stretch the Melanie and ron relationship a bit furthur, u know she never tells them about how she had been beaten and then he sees her crying and asks whats wrong, she spills it out to him and then he hugs her to comfort her and then they kiss or something? It's a good chapter well done.

Author's Response: well im making it to where shes really open and she isnt hurt by her past b cuz she now has foster parents that care about her and take care of her as if shes their own but thanx

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Review #14, by spicyhc123 The Unforgettable Christmas

15th January 2005:
i liked it but the spacing was a bit off... also i dont think that malfoy would just come and say that to someone.. ne ways its ur story and i like it so far! i hope to see a new chaper to beneath it all soon!

Author's Response: well i think hes really like that but anyways thanx and im trying to get the next chapter to it i havent been home since friday and friday nite i had all region band rehersal and then saturday i had all region concert and then after the concert i went over to my friends house until tonite (monday) b cuz we didnt have school today b cuz mlk b-day so yea and im trying to get the next chapter of all my ficcys up so yea but thanx

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Review #15, by Dreamer The Unforgettable Christmas

15th January 2005:

Okay, I like your plotline. It's planned to an extent which is particularly noticed when you write. You have thought up Melanie's past, and her current situation well enough. However, using this as an example:-

Melanie Crawford stood at the entrance to the Great Hall.She was seventeen and had been adopted when she was twelve years of age.At the age of eleven she found out that she was a witch.She lived in New York at the time so she attended Carlton School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Keep in mind that you cannot keep your beginning too bland. As a writer, you need to draw the reader into the story. Avoid stating your beginning so simply, and instead of making a flashback in such a manner, take a particular scene and concentrate on that. A particular scene such as the day the police came to lock her parents away, show her trauma, and concentrate on her feelings that particular day. Talk of it from her Point of View. I would also like you to check out how to deal with dialogues. Dialogues are difficult to handle and you seem to be doing it fine, but there is always a chance to better yourself. You may find how to deal with points of view in the 'Writer's Resources' part of the Forum.

Now, About your romantic angle to the story. You need to put your mind to giving her some flaws. So far, she sounds perfect. That's not the best way to procure a character. Your spellings are great. And once again, this story has fantastic potential, so please keep writing it.  
 



Author's Response: well she was happy to have foster parents b cuz they treated her like their own but there is a surprise in the story later and i already know what wil happen to make it an unforgettable christmas and its not a good thing either so yea i already have the next chappy ready to type and thanx

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