My gosh - you are brilliant! I've read this story before, but never reviewed. I think you're truly amazing and I could read your work every day. Great job :)Author's Response: Well, thank you for stopping by (again) and leaving me a review. I'm always so pleasantly surprised to find reviews from you, so thank you for being such a dedicated fan. I really appreciate you! :) Report Review
I really wanted to find an unloved story on your Author's page, but I couldn't...it seems like all your stories are extremely well-liked, so I settled for this one, because it seemed to have the least (but still impressive) amount of reviews. I haven't read any of your other work, but this is absolutely brilliant. I love the title, because it's eye-catching and intriguing and few authors can pull off such a lengthy title. And I love the first line - in fact, the entire opening is pretty spectacular. There's something about the way you contrast a simple fact ("Azkaban stands in the middle of an island") with the deep insight into Sirius' character that is just magical.
Initially, I was a little put-off by the stylistic methods you used here, but then I fell in love with your repetition and restating and these absolutely brilliant sentences: "He dances around the guilt like he used to skirt around Moony when he realized he was first in love with him. (Moony, a name he clutches to in the shadows of his mind but when the Dementors hover over his tormented body, Moony brings back memories that claw, tear and rip like the werewolf.)" You're very good at interspersing Sirius' instropective, almost nonsensical thoughts with more concrete information. It's something that I think it's often difficult to find a balance between and, yet, you manage to pull it off perfectly. You mix poetry with plot in the best way possible.
There was only one part of this that felt even slightly off to me. Perhaps it's because I'm so used to idolizing Remus, to picturing him as this flawless character (which I know is a wrong, unrealistic impression, considering his actions in DH), but I was a bit shocked by what he said to Sirius when he visited him in prison. It seemed almost out-of-character to me, especially considering the way you portrayed Remus in the next part, how difficult it was for him to let go of coffee, because it was what Sirius liked. I can understand Remus initially reacting with hate (or what feels like hate) but...I don't know. His words seemed too strong or something. I would've almost liked to have more insight into his reaction to Sirius' perceived betrayal before that bit, or even to have more insight into Remus' internal struggle while he said that, or something like that. I'm probably just being nit-picky, so feel free to ignore me, though (:
On a related note, I love the idea of Remus wishing he could hate Sirius, and the line: "the years keep fading as though they were yesterdays and he feels as though he’s growing too old too fast and maybe all he needs is Sirius to feel young again. Oh god, Sirius--" I find it incredibly beautiful and I can't pinpoint exactly why, only that it is. Actually, there are a lot of lines like that, and I would quote them all but I would probably end up copying and pasting a majority of this story into this box and that would bore you, so I'm not going to do that.
I really enjoyed how you wrote their reunion and god how Remus realizes that death isn't the worst thing and how you tie it all back to the title and gah major spasms over here. And then that last sentence! I can't even! You are amazing.
So, in case this rambling review didn't tell you, I really enjoyed this. I've always been a closet Remus/Sirius fan but it doesn't seem to be all that common of a ship here, so this was certainly a refreshing read - especially because it explored the darker side of their relationship, the one that it's almost easier to pretend doesn't exist. But I'm glad you were brave enough to acknowledge its existence and write about this, about Azkaban and mistrust and Sirius' death and the cracks in their relationship. It was truly a lovely read and I look forward to eventually checking out your others work (:
Cherry Bear Report Review
WOW! I love so much of your writing because it is just so powerful and this truly is no exception.
I love the bits about Sirius and just how much the dementors have been wearing him down over the period of time that he's been in there. The fact that he misses everyone but also the fact that he's become bitter because he knows he shouldn't be there and Peter should be rotting instead. I love the little snippets he gives of when Peter was changed to be the secret keeper, about Peter's hope and Lily's apprehension. He wishes he'd have noticed but how could he have done?
The bit about Remus visiting Sirius is so sad because they were such good friends but obviously now Remus believes that his lover killed his two best friends so I guess its super hard for him to let go and be a different person but also to hate Sirius more than he loves him.
Then when they get reunited just to be torn apart again :'( That is just so beautiful because it is just bittersweet that Remus knows his friend was innocent and they can finally be together.
I just think this was amazingAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for the compliments, I'm blushing!
The idea of Dementors terrifies me and imagining having to spend years locked in a cell with them around, sucking life and happiness of you...*shudders* Poor Sirius. It's only a wonder he wasn't more mad when he escaped from Azkaban.
Hindsight sucks, especially if you have to sit imprisoned for years for a crime you didn't commit, all the while knowing who was truly responsible and not taking the blame for it.
I think the hardest thing writing Remus/Sirius at this particular time is the idea of Sirius betraying them all. Remus has to deal with not only the deaths of his best friends, but the loss of his lover to the stone walls of Azkaban. But I think part of him thinks he lost Sirius long ago if he could stoop to Voldemort's level and murder those he loved most in the world.
Thank you so much for this sweet review. I really appreciate it. Report Review
Wow i need to stop reading your stories, they're making me cry. 10/10 : )Author's Response: I get that a lot! I guess that's a good thing? Thanks for continuing to read them despite the tears. :) Report Review
I really loved this, the way you wrote them was heartbreaking. I nearly burst into tears over how emotion-filled this was.
As I keep reading, I keep thinking nothing can get better than this, nothing, and with each time you do. You do get better you make these people, who I never really took effort to think about and you make them into something wonderful.
Your amazing you are :)Author's Response: My goal is to make people feel the emotions of my characters so the fact that you almost cried is definitely my goal. ;)
I think it's always interesting to see how an author grows and matures as a writer with each story so it's nice to see you make that observation.
Thank you! Report Review
Hey again! I've been putting off errands for at least an hour, so I must go, but I'll try to get back on later and review some more :)
The line about Sirius wishing he'd died the Potters' secret-keeper instead of dying of a broken heart -- beautiful. Remus's regret was very tangible, too, the idea that if he had just acted a little differently as a boy, he might have been trusted by Sirius, might even have been made the secret-keeper and saved Lily and James. I also loved the way you did the Shrieking Shack scene. Your version was very short but also quite poignant. Also, that one line about Snape? That might be one of my favorite descriptions of him. I loved it.
Your transitions are just great, very smooth, flowing quite easily. The emotion really, really came through for me in this piece, and I can see a progression of talent in your work. You've clearly got a muse for Sirius and Remus, and she's definitely working you overtime, but the result is just brilliant.
Great job, as always :)
academica (Slytherin)Author's Response: My muse loves Remus and Sirius and I don't know why! I always feel scared when I try to write someone else as if maybe I won't write them as well as I can get into Remus and Sirius's brain.
You have such a not-so-secret love for Snape, haha. But I'm glad you liked that line. I do too. :)
I'm glad you noticed a progression in my work. That's always the most rewarding part of an author - to watch yourself grow and become a better writer. And I think for the readers too who have been with you for a long time or like you, who just went through and read stories that you wrote through the years and can see that as well...it's such a great feeling.
Thank you for writing these reviews. It makes me want to go back and reread all my old fics even if I'm terrified of what I might find. :P Report Review
Okay, before you think of me as a scary random person who doesn't like your story I thought I would tell you that my friend sent that review. Personally I though it was amazingly real and believable, it made me cry and my mascara was running down my face... to cut a long story short my friend told me I looked like someone just died..
Anywayzz I love your story and it's amazing, I hope I'm not the first weird person to cry over your story but it was truly, very sad!
~Sal1705 Author's Response: You are not the first person to cry, so that's okay. You don't have to apologize for the previous review regardless of who wrote it. I am okay (now) with accepting criticism and if the ending seemed weird, that's okay. It's been years and I don't plan on revisiting these fics, but I'm glad to hear you liked it in this review. Thanks for clearing it up. Report Review
Ummm. Good story... but it got really confusing toward the end, it seemed like it was randomly flicking through to a different part of life but it didn't make much sense...
~Sal1705Author's Response: I'm sorry the ending didn't work for you. I think the entire story itself focuses on major aspects of Remus and Sirius's relationship together and the affect of Azkaban on their friendship. It does span many years, so perhaps that's where the confusion sets in.
Thanks for your review. Report Review
Okay, I thought to give you another review because the last was just, welll, horrible mundane.
I like how you have the parenthesis with more description. I don't know what to call it or how to box it in and define it, but I never want to. i'll just know it as your style, your writing right. This is so bittersweet, you know. Remus is loosing Sirius, yet Sirius is gaining what he wanted so much-- freedom. Good one shot and I thought the emotions you wrote into the story were superb. Report Review
I really liked this. I was ofcourse in tears. I loved Sirius and was devastated when he died. It truly brings you into Sirius and Remus's minds. How Remus had a raging war inside of him thinking Sirius had killed James and Lily. How Sirius had to live with the burden of Azkaban. How he sat and thought endlessly about Remus, his friend. This is very well written. I think It's just the right length to get the reader focused in and then end it. Another one of your great pieces. Report Review
My heart just skipped a beat. This piece was beautiful in quality, style, plot...everything. It was hard to find anything wrong with it, so I'll just give you some suggestions:
Somewhere in the middle of the fic, you have about five empty lines. I don't know if this is supposed to be a break, but if it is, it would be easier to tell if you put three astericks.
The way that such a time span was trapped into such a short one shot could have turned out terribly, but you made it work. I still believe that you could have made it a bit longer, but it's perfectly fine this way.
Your imagery was amazing. The reader could see what you were describing, and the way you described everything was a pleasure to read. Your writing has this quality to it; that makes the reader just say "wow".
I don't know what else to say, but if there's one thing I want you to get from this review, it's this: You have an original, fantastic style, that will help you succeed as a writer.
At least that's what I think. I loved reading this, and I'm adding it to my favorites. This was so creative and so beautiful, and I'm truly amazed. Report Review
It just so happens that I reviewed this story because it had the least amount of reviews, but I loved it! I really did. You summed up POA in a few thousand words, but it doesn't even seem rushed the least bit. I found the use of brackets confusing after a while though. I am guilty of them as well. It didn't take away from your story but perhaps you could have made them into sentences? Just a suggestion, not exactly criticism. Right from the get-go, I felt as if I was reading poetry because it flowed very nicely. You had nice descriptions and even with little to no diaglogue, you captured the story perfectly. Great job! I'll be coming back to you once my one-shot list is done. I look forward to it.=) Report Review
beautifully heart breaking. Report Review
Wow, that story was so sad. :-( but so good. :-) Report Review
Yet another great story. And I really thought it was Sirius who was broken. :) I loved it. I just wished that this would've been longer. I somehow missed something, more flesh around the bones or something. But still, a very well written story with deep feelings. Report Review
The more I read of your work the more I'm inclined to write one-shots of my own... Loved the last line: Finally, he is free. (Not insinuating that you can't remember your last line or anything) I like all the bits in italics as well, they seem to alter the tone and the pace of the writing a bit and change the continuity of the rhythm almost because they read as if they're just strange little oddments and thoughts that shouldn't quite be there but add a strange discord of feeling to the whole piece. (Just trust me when I know what I'm trying to say, even if you probably don't - yes, I talk drivel but I'd like to think I know good writing when I see it!) :o) Report Review
You have managed to capture a lugubrious and melancholy feel that suits the lupin character totally. I really loved this, it really has a wonderful depth that most seem to miss with their writing but you have such a terrific grasp on this subject, well done. Report Review
Tragically beautiful. I had the sudden urge to read a Remus/Sirius pairing today, and this definately sated my thirst. BTW- 'Underneath It All' isn't on hiatus as well, is it? Report Review
oh wow, that is all I can get out of my mouth I am sitting here struck by an amazing one-shot, this is absolutely beautiful, this story depicts the times of Sirius Black very well! This is absoluetly amazing I can't think of what to say, *goes back and reads it again* and there are a lot of stories that are now showing up with Remus/Sirius and I think these are an interesting read because I like to see how people match them up I have to give you two Grawp thumbs up! Keep up the most excellent and interesting work I will be waiting for more of you stories! Report Review
Forsaken, you truely are a talented and sincere writer, and your eloquence in this one piece surfaced so much raw emotion that my jaw was-literally-dangling.
One of the only things that put we off was the tense, which only did so because of the scarcity of such prose. You made it work though, and it served well to capture the characters' entangled emotions and the anguish that sundered Remus and Sirius's hearts.
One thing--the sort of "explanations" that you place in the parenthesis sort of break up the moment, at least for me. The last, especially, sent a little bit of disappointment through me, but the overall quality of the work remains unhindered.
7/10, VERY well done and well worth reading.
^_^ kudos! Report Review
Somehow, you always manage to bring so much emotion and depth to your stories, making the reader almost feel part of the characters. Your description of Azkaban at the beginning is simply amazing in the way that you don't really describe how it looks, but how it (and the dementors) affect the people who go there. I also like the way that you wrote this all in present tense, which is a refreshing change from the usual past tense of most stories. The ending really affected me, especially the last sentence. It sounds like what should be written on Sirius' gravestone: he is free. Great piece of writing!Author's Response: Thank you. The present tense was a challenge for me because I normally write in past tense. Whenever I write stories, I try to make them emotional. I feel that I have a firm grasp on how characters react and feel in certain situations, and I use that to my advantage whilst I'm writing. Thanks again for your lovely review. Report Review
Wow, that was just amazing, I am crying right now. This story was absolutely beautiful. I wasn't a Remus/Sirius slash fan, but this story makes me think now that they might have had a relationship like that. This story was so superb, you are a wonderful writer and your talent amazes me. <3Author's Response: Thanks. I didn't mean for it to be that sad. I really hope you aren't truly crying...Author's Response: Thanks. I didn't mean for it to be that sad. I really hope you aren't truly crying... Report Review
*sniff* Very sad, but good!Author's Response: It was meant to be sad. Thank you for your review. Report Review
MC... it's all HP, but that's ok. I did read this... it is very well written, I liked it.. it's just HP... hahaha. Love you!!! Report Review
I agree with timeturner, you got the descriptions just right! I also agree with TomFoolery as well *_* you got the angst just right! You did a remarkable job. I've always really loved how you write emotions. You always do a really good job. You have many good adjetives in there [I know that's the same as description but oh well.] As I said before while we were talking it was sad and depressing but I did really enjoy it! Great job this will definatly go into my favorites! :)
Happy New Years by the way! Report Review
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