Well deary, here's what I've got. I hope you don't mind some CC along the side with a review.
I've caught a few things, grammar wise and such and I'll spit those out to you first. Your very first line “Sigh” should be either "Sigh..." or "Sigh." Punctuation is a biggie for me and that being your first sentence, it should really catch other's attention. I also wasn't sure here if you were just signifying someone sighing, or someone saying 'sigh'.
“oh,” Ron looked over at Harry who was looking into his photo album, This sentence should stop after 'album' or have a semi-colon, and the comma should come after Harry...the 'oh' also needs capitalization.
his Ginny, sweet little strawberry. This...there's nothing wrong with this. It's just so cute I had to put it in here. I never thought of Harry refering to Ginny as his sweet strawberry...and as a matter of fact I find it quite an endearing term for him to use. It seems brilliant, nice touch.
As I continued to read through this...I enjoyed it yes...but I think I've found your problem. A comma addiction. I found quite a few run-on sentences using commas, but nothing really a beta can't look over and fix for you.
I truly and thoroughly enjoyed this...and maybe it's just my contacts but I did feel my eyes go a bit blurry at the end. It's sweet...and maybe with a bit more detail and a good beta look over other than me, it'd be even more cute and full of fluff. Author's Response: yay fluff, and I do have a run on comma addiction. I've actually never had a beta, I remember I wanted a b/f to read it over at the time, but now in hindsight I'm glad he didn't. He was a horrible proofreader.
I love fluff, and it will be edited eventually. I'm working on all of my stories since I haven't written with them in almost two years.
Thank you for my strange quirks, I apparently do that a lot. Like loudly quiet; they are just something that pops out of my mouth, or hands.
Thank you again for reviewing! Report Review
^^ Aww! ^^
Nel: why cant my wishes come true on christmas...
Shii: cuz you'd have a lotta bombs and that's dangeorus. Neway, you should write a sequel to the story wes thinks. If you aren't too busey... plzAuthor's Response: I have started writing again, I'm not sure if I could do a sequel, but maybe a different Christmas prespective....hrmmm.... Report Review
This is such a sweet sad story, I loved reading it. Really cute and well written. If miracles like that could really happen in life. Keep writing good stuff like this!Author's Response: sigh, miracles, like a miracle and all my debt going away? I'd like that. Report Review
I loved it!! it was one of the best stories i've ever read!! so touching *wipes a tear away*Author's Response: Thank you so much. Report Review
Oh my gosh, this gave me the chills, and made me want to cry. So sad, but very well written! I loved it!Author's Response: Thanks, I think I was going for the cry factor. Report Review
Starts a bit confusing. Don't know who is talking, but you really bring it out the further along you go. Very nice.Author's Response: :D making my day...YEAH! Report Review
really sweet... lot of things i didnt expect but it was really great!Author's Response: heh I'm glad I surprised you Report Review
Aw, that is such a sweet story. The plot was quite interesting, Ginny, Molly and Arthur dead! Sniff, sniff. There were a couple of spots that you should have put a comma (or two) at the beginning. Also,if you could maybe put a distinction between the days it would make it even clearer to the reader. Besides that great story!Author's Response: okay, I've had other people talk about the day difficulty, hmm, maybe I'll look it over. Thanks though for the review! Report Review
Brilliant story. I'm gald you asked me to read this it's wonderful. You have got talet!!!Author's Response: thanks! Report Review
OH MY GOSH! THAT IS SO SWEET!Author's Response: Why though....I always wonder why. Report Review
I'm confused, maybe I skipped a part, but did Harry get his baby? Or was the dream the christmas wish?Author's Response: He did get the baby, the dream was him seeing her for the first time. Report Review
This would be an interesting story to continue on ...dont you think? There potentially a lot of information and hints that to build quite a rich story. There a few tiny grammatical errors, nothing major but maybe a beta reader would be able to help you with that. Good stuff!Author's Response: I've never actually had anyone beta any of my things, heh, I didn't even notice the hints, opps, maybe I should reread it, again. Report Review
I'm starting to notice a pattern in your writing that people seem to always die and then something happy happens at the end of it.
I think you should capatlize the single "Oh" that isn't capatalized.
I liked that you made the characters go into new directions and you developed those well.Author's Response: yeah well thats not always the pattern just similar between those two! Report Review
Aww, that is so sweet! I wish you would expand on your stories, though.Author's Response: Sometimes I would, but with oneshots its more of putting the idea down while its fresh Report Review
wow, this first chapter is amazing. firstly, i love the plot. The dream sequence would be better understood if you separated it a bit by * or - or something. but i got the gist. The ending was good i cant wait to see how this goes. Author's Response: It's actually just a little one shot written for christmas time. heh. Report Review
That was a really sweet story! I hope you continue to write!Author's Response: Thank you so much! Report Review
Oh, Healer, this is the sweetest little fic. It's a short little read that manages to convey such a sweet and lovely sentiment between the two. I wish I'd found this at Christmas time, it was the "get you in the holiday spirit" fic I looked for for weeks. Good job!Author's Response: Oh thank you, I'd been looking for one too so I wrote it just around Christmas, far enough in advance, but most people don't notice my writing, thanks again!Author's Response: Oh thank you, I'd been looking for one too so I wrote it just around Christmas, far enough in advance, but most people don't notice my writing, thanks again! Report Review
Really nice story. It's short, but filled with emotion. I like the way that you tied together the ending with Harry's dream, it ended the story well and also opened up the door for more. Keep up the wonderful writing!Author's Response: Thank you so much! Report Review
Excellent! I was so ready to cry as I read this. Love the fact that there wish came true.Author's Response: Thank you so much! Report Review
Aww...that's so sweet!! I love it!Author's Response: Thank you very much Report Review
I don't pay much attention to the Harry Potter storyline or to who the characters are so I can not say whether the characters act like they should or not but... I can say that this is very beautiful story nonetheless. A story that depicts the pain of loss and the joy of love. Plus the ending wraps it up nicely, just a few words but if you've read the story it means that much more.Author's Response: Thank you so much! that exactly what I wanted to get across....the pain and love of life! Report Review
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