Reading Reviews for Without you
  
7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Kinnu Without you

6th February 2014:
Hey,

I liked the idea of a gentle, soothing Draco who loved his sister a lot. The story was short (I love short ones!) and well written.

I liked that you made the sister call their parents 'Lucius' and 'his wife'. It fits the theme of the story and firmly establishes that the Malfoy couple are the 'baddest' people ever.

If you don't mind me saying though, I found a few things that could have been done differently in my point of view:

1. I thought it would been better if you had mentioned the sister's name, at least in the title if not the story (since the story sounds good without mentioning her name even once)... By the way, does she have a name?

2. You mentioned the Malfoy couple as 'Lucius' and 'his wife'. 'His wife *name*' would have been better so the reader doesn't try to remember who you are talking about, not that they don't know, since they're reading HPFF but because it's more impressive and expressive when names are mentioned (But that's my opinion, so feel free to disregard this if you don't think so).

3. You first mentioned that they were in the same room, after they were tortured. I thought it meant they stayed in the same room all the time for emotional support. Later, it was mentioned that the sister enters the room as Draco dies (because of the Killing curse cast by Lucius...You already know that). I would suggest writing a few lines about the sister leaving the room for some reason, since they live in a cruel household, they probably don't come out of their rooms much otherwise.

Keep writing!

Kinnu

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Review #2, by amesbond Without you

29th December 2004:
this is so sad!

Author's Response: hehe, I know! Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #3, by amesbond Without you

24th November 2004:
ohhhhhhh... so sad! i'm srry i dont update. i have a very common case of lots of school work and writers block. srry!

Author's Response: Okay, okay. Apology accepted. (Didn't I say I was selfish?) And thanks

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Review #4, by meluvshp Without you

24th November 2004:
ok ur gonna think i'm mean 4 this i'm leaving a review and i'm sure you'll b all excited thinking its a real 1 srry bout tht n e wayz my new fic is up! its called "Life. Or Something Like It" please drop a line or 2!

Author's Response: Ok, ok, I got all excited but anyway. I can't r/r now, bcuz I'm at school and my friend Fabi will KILL me if I read a story in English now, but as soon as I get home I will r/r. Bye! P.S.:chappies 6 and 8 are on their way...

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Review #5, by Lalis Without you

22nd November 2004:
Come on guys, it's not that bad! review please!

Author's Response: Nobody... has... mercy...

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Review #6, by meluvshp Without you

20th November 2004:
it was so sad! *cries and throws shoe @ u 4 making her sad*

Author's Response: LOL

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Review #7, by ErinFMac Without you

19th November 2004:
Wow.. very deep. Good job. You're developing into a really strong writer! Anyways, I was wondering if you wanted a beta? What I mean is, someone who goes through all of your updates before you post them, just to try and get out the grammatical errors and spelling errors and such. Anyways, if you'd like me to beta for you, that'd be cool. If not, that's cool to!! --Erin

Author's Response: Thanx 4 the compliments, and about the beta thing... It's very nice that you offered, but I already have one. Thanks anyway!

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