It saddens me to see that this story is abandoned. Dudley Dursley is such a forgotten character, and, honestly, this is the first story I've seen that addresses his future. There's so many stories about Harry's children, but it's a really unique idea for you to write about Dudley's children. Reading this is rather refreshing.
I've only read the first chapter, and I already like Libby. I can honestly say I have never heard the name Libben - did Dudley honestly forget her name or is that what Libby is short for? I wasn't sure - but I do like the name Libby. It's surprising that she's not as obese as her father, but I'm assuming she takes after her mother. I've only read the first chapter, but I'm really hoping you'll give a little insight into Dudley's life after the war, and how he even met Libby's mother. That'd be really interesting to read about, especially because, like I said before, not many people like to write about it.
All flattery aside, I do have a few small critiques for you. It's slightly hypocritical of me - I make grammar mistakes all the time - but your dialogue tags need adjusting. You never capitalize what follows dialogue in a sentence unless it's a proper noun, typically a name.
For example: "Yes, Sir." She replied.
"Yes, sir," she replied. You don't capitalize she, and you don't capitalize sir, but that's sort of a different issue. There's an amazing topic explaining these things on the HPFF forums, in the Writer's Resources forum. It's called "Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Dialogue" and I found it amazingly helpful; otherwise, I wouldn't know half as much about it as I do know. It's rather troublesome to have to worry about sometimes, though, so I recommend getting a beta reader. It's like having an incredibly useful separate pair of hands that knows your weaknesses and how to fix them.
That aside, although I haven't read all of your chapters, I'm really hoping you'll provide a well thought-out characterization of Dudley Dursley. In the books, he's something of Harry's villain during the summer, so we typically see only the cruel, selfish side of him. However, in the last book, he shows at least some semblance of gratitude, proving that he is, in fact, a human being. He has weaknesses and motives and moments where he actually feels sympathy, regardless of how hard it is to believe. He's not completely horrible all the time, and I think that he must have some soft spot or kindness in him. I'd love to see you show this in him - it's something hardly anyone ever does and I can't help but regret it.
Thank you for writing this story. I really think you have a unique idea here, even though I've only read the first chapter, and I wish this wasn't an abandoned story. It's so difficult to find fanfiction ideas that haven't been done before, and not only is this story something that's probably been rarely, if ever, done, it's written well. It actually catches my interest, which is something that I can't say about tons of other stories I've attempted to read.
Don't give up on this completely, if only for me?
(Wow, I just looked at the last updated date: 2004. You probably won't even know you got this review. Oh well.) Report Review
darn ginny potter? sorry....maybe another time:-s Report Review
ok i can.t finish reading it right now but i bet it.s great...gonna add it to favourites and read when i have time...if u answer this just tell me please if libby is the same age as harry&co ? just so i know:D ciao Report Review
I've really enjoyed your story so far. You write really well. Report Review
Dude that was good but where was chapter five Report Review
This is really good! Will Libby meet Harry soon? I hope so!! Update soon! XXXXXXXXX Report Review
that was great!!!! Report Review
Awesome story I can't wait for Harry's reaction to Libby's last name! please do continue!Author's Response: thnx! Report Review
Thats awesome, I can't wait for the rest of it, hurry up and update soon plzAuthor's Response: thnx, and I'll try! Report Review
Nice plot! I wonder how Dudley's face will be when he finds out. Keep up the good work! Will Mrs. Dursley ever stand up to Dudley?Author's Response: thnx for your support! Report Review
Great story! Please write more. Report Review
Well you answered both my questions. You know, every time a mother shouts they remind me of Molly Weasley.Author's Response: Thank you very much! Hmm. I never made that connection before. Report Review
Nice plot! I wonder how Dudley's face will be when he finds out. Keep up the good work! Will Mrs. Dursley ever stand up to Dudley? Report Review
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