I got two sentences in and stopped. You did everything wrong, no offence, in terms of grammar. You never write "Maya, an eleven year old girl, starred up at her ceiling, wandering if she’d ever leave St. Mary’s Orphanage." you've just given away half the chapter in a sentence. Kudos on giving everything away and holding nothing back.
i read a bit further, nothing was held to mystery, and she got her letter like five lines in. It was, no offence, completely wrong in every way.
But hey, i used to do the exact same thing. Keep writing and i'm sure you'll get better. Report Review
Author's Response: LOL!!! I have another fan (I think.) Thanks for the review and I'll try to update soon. Report Review
tis reminds me of Harry Potter's backround
Author's Response: Maybe a little....or a lot.....lol...... Report Review
interesting story line-try to make it a little more creative
Author's Response: Lol. Yeah, I'm still not sure about the plot yet. Thanks for the advice. Report Review
Awesome story so far. Update soon!Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Report Review
Nice first chapter! I really felt sorry for her. update it soon.Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Report Review
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