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Reading Reviews for Miracle
7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by killjoy { never stop smiling }

15th October 2017:
Please please don't make Scorpius an a$$. He seems great so far and is by far my favorite fanfiction character! Love this story so far!

Author's Response: i love how that's your first thought lol. nah man it's not what i have planned for him. the most i plan for him to be is nothing short of polite to marissa, maybe more.

i'm so glad you find this story to your liking!

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Review #2, by Scose { never stop smiling }

9th October 2017:
Ooh i have been waiting for you to update! I absolutely loved reading it.
Im looking forward to seeing how her relationship with Scorpius will work out. I also really want to read the reaction the Wotters have to her being sorted into Slytherin. Ooh and how she gets along with her classes since she has missed the first few years. Anyway, loved the chapter. Please update soon :)
P.S.: I love reading long chapters. It makes it easier to dive into the world and to fully see the characters come to life. I also just love reading these great stories ^-^

Author's Response: yooo boi silent readers are my favorite thank you so much for taking the time to review!! i'm so glad that you looked forward to the chapter because it motivates me to write more!

to be honest, same. I look forward to how they react as well, mostly bc my characters are written with the flow of the story. i didn't plan on fred being a side character, much less a character. we'll see, yeah?

lol the classes part of this story is the only thing fully developed that i know for a fact will stay the same.

you think my story is great? thank you so much, that makes my whole week!

thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #3, by HarryGinnyLove88 { a brave new world not unlike fiction }

12th September 2017:
Was it Dean Thomas whi saved her life?
Oh and Al. Loved to read about Wotters 🤗

Author's Response: Yes! He wasn't supposed to be much a mystery man anyways. The Wotters are always a thrill to read about. For me anyways; its fun seeing everyone's portrayal of them.

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Review #4, by Lunastellacat { a brave new world not unlike fiction }

15th August 2017:
This chapter is better because it is written stronger. There are things here and there that I want to address. You should've dn't be worried about word count. I find that laughable when people say that because I actually count word count in books and have come to respect that as a guideline. I guess people worry about that because of formatting. Rowling writes chapters that are about 4000 words in length, did you know that? If a story is good enough, itís worth sitting down and escaping into the world. You have to build that foundation, even if itís fan fiction you have to build that.

So it takes more than five minutes to read in our world of instant gratification! So what? You as the writer want to grab me and want me to take that time. You took the time to draft it. Right? Am I right? Itís an interesting idea. You want you say through your words, ďHey, you, read this.Ē Hasane don't apologize. We all get 24 hours in a day and the control of what the hell to do with it. Just saying. Stepping off soapbox.

The introduction of the friendship is nice. When you mention something don't dwell on it and keep retracing your steps with unnecessary detail. You move on. You mention the introduction of Leiko twice. Do not do that. Dropping a name and covering something in a piece, especially an OC makes then two dimensional and rather flat. Breathe life into them. You can't just mention a name pr an adjective or two. Build it.

You broke the Statue of Secrecy and Iím not sure why. It wasn't mentionedÖI went back and looked. The piece is nice but the voice doesn't match that of a child to me. Itís not realistic dialogue. You have to think 11. The first HP book is written in a watered down childish perspective for this very reason. The books grow with Harry and he sees this world gradually. That's why I said read aloud. Does she really sound 11 to the ear? Her mind, her mannerisms, her perspective and the 11 year olds gone 30 around her. That was funny.

The second half was written at a better structured pace. When you pick up off the introduction its stronger with George and the books. Again, dropping a name does nothing. You want to build to sound that you aren't filling a circle into a square and forcing something into the HP world. Why is it important she's meeting George, your interpretation of him with meat on the bones and not Aratbella Figg or Verity or whoever? See? That's where determination of detail to move the plot is essential and can help you!

Just something to think about. Hope this helps.


Author's Response: I feel it needs to be mentioned: Marissa is not eleven, she is eighteen. So, naturally, I would have written her with a more mature voice than an eleven year old.

Word count has always been a problem with me; I am never sure of whether I should write long chapters, or write short ones. But I get carried away sometimes.

I would assume that this chapter was written better, mostly because I have this outlined in more detail, not to mention that I was in a good place when writing this. Our emotional states affect us more than we think.

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Review #5, by LunaStellaCat { it starts at the beginning }

9th August 2017:
Review for Sunshine #1

Before I start, I am very detailed. I tend to write a book as a review.

Marissa looks like an interesting character going off the gif. I like the thing that you mention about meeting her friends. Itís an interesting idea. I want to mention if that idea, or that scene is so pivotal as to the friendship, you may want to consider actually drafting and illustrating that scene. Sometimes an idea, a plot bunny, comes in a few sentences. Maybe you don't want to pack it in those two sentences. That would have given strength to the bond or the friendship.

Also, and I tell people this all the time, OCs are strong not because they are unique and every small thing is special to them; they are special because they fit into the world the JKR created. They fit in seamlessly. Itís not jamming a circle into aa square, and thatís very easy to do. Think, okay, how and why did Mr. Newt Scamander fit into ďFantastic Beasts and Where To Find ThemĒ? Because Rowling worked with the Legos she already had to build a structure.

ďHere in comes the day diverges from the plan.Ē

Oh, syntax. This sentence makes no sense, and maybe I need to reread. Be careful about word choice. I can tell your first language isn't English, and thatís okay. Hey, I can beta for you if needed. Often when a reader reads, they don't want to do too much work to wrap their head around what youíre saying. I have that flaw, too, which is why I suggest you get a second pair to read for you. Read, when you proofread, dear, read out loud as you would poetry to hear and see with senses.

Your scenes are interesting. Thatís why I am saying, you need to take the time to build and illustrate! Do, please do, because you have good bones. Take what you have. Structure it and build your world around that. The thing with Dean? Don't just drop a HP name, insert it. Slow. Don't tell. Donít just say this happened, this happened, and this happened. Itís in your head. You have a reason as to why thatís on paper - show your audience. When you write, okay? Imagine you are sitting down and telling a kid a story. Paint that.

Be Tolkien. Tolkien never would have created the Hobbit If he didn't sit down and tell his kids bedtime stories. He was an Oxford linguist. He created language, culture, and life. Why? Because he struck a match.

You also switch between present and past tense. Careful.

The new student goes to Hogwarts has been written a hundred thousand times. YOU have to make that special with flowing, intricate details to make that stick. I am not saying I don't like this because I do. Iím dropping advice. Legally, a headmistress, who would be ďProfessorĒ not ďMissĒ, would know she would have to speak to an eleven year oldís parents. Thereís more I can do to elaborate on that as to why, but thereís a reason.

Make Marissa shine. You have good bones. Use them. Again, I can help you.

Hope this helps. I know I am detailed.


Author's Response: Thank you, thank you so much for doing this for me. Your thoughts for this piece is really on point, and I think your advice is helpful.

Your thoughts on OCs are very introspective and now that I think about it, fitting into the world that JKR made is what would make OCs interesting. But for this story to work out, I think, Marissa has to stand out. To a certain degree, she will fit in, but I intend for the differences between Marissa and the Wizarding World to be her... fall, let's say.

Thank you for pointing out that detail; its true that reading something over and over again makes you blind to your mistakes, which is why it's important to change things up a little. Yes, English is not my first language, but I have been practicing it for a very long time. Of course, mistakes will happen.

Show don't tell and tenses are my bane. I will have to find someone to help me, or look it up online. But may I also say that show don't tell shouldn't be used sparingly but... there is a point where one should stop. Personally, I think show don't tell should be used to bring attention to something important, not things unimportant. There are certain details in her that are preferable to just be told, or the chapter would become long winded, and the point of it would be lost.

New student goes to Hogwarts is the first cliche in the book, but I have some ideas that could subvert it. I don't know if you noticed, but despite being third P.O.V, it still very much stays in Marissa's thoughts. It's why she calls her Miss Chang. It's all Marissa is used to. I can see why you'd think it isn't because I make the mistake of switching into omniscient third P.O.V.

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Review #6, by Violet Potter 434 { a brave new world not unlike fiction }

2nd July 2017:
this looks like its going to be sooo interesting!!!

i'm a lil bit confused about her age and what year she'll be in when she gets to Hogwarts

but I'm sure it'll get mentioned-its probs me just being stupid

this was great though!!!
and I can not wait for more!

from me xx

Author's Response: ahhh thank you so much! i'm not sure i'll be able to live up to your expectations but i'll sure as hell try my best!!

apologies for the confusion! but if you go back to the first chapter, you'll see that her age is mentioned when we skip forward a few years from the accident, "it was long past the events of the car crash, when she was eighteen."

so there's that!

and when she got her acceptance letter, there comes a list of things she needs, and she lists a few, namely, The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 5 by Miranda Goshawk. she's going to be in year 5, O.W.L year, because she won't know what N.E.W.Ts she's qualified for until she's taken her O.W.Ls.

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Review #7, by BBHP { it starts at the beginning }

14th June 2017:
Interesting concept! I'm looking forward to reading more of this.

Author's Response: thank you! i am currently working on the second chapter!

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