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Reading Reviews for In the Mourning
  
12 Reviews Found

Review #1, by celticbard A Gryffindor is Not a Morning Person

25th August 2016:
Hello Bex!
Boy, you sure do know how to draw readers into a story! This was a wonderful first chapter. I love the premise, and, of course, the interaction between McGonagall and Harry. Minerva is definitely one of my favorite characters and to see her faced with such an emotionally-charged challenge seems to show that while she will never give up, she certainly can feel daunted. I mean, I certainly don't blame her! What a situation to be in, with Harry being watched so closely and yet, as Minerva said, he deserves normalcy. I suppose if Harry weren't in the position he's currently in, the request might be taken a bit more lightly. But with Umbridge and the Ministry and Voldemort looking for any chink in his armor, it seems nearly impossible to help him.

Nonetheless, I applaud Minerva (staunch Gryffindor that she is) for standing up for Harry and trying her best to fulfill his wish. It was truly touching to see the old lioness having a conversation like this with the young cub. Harry and Minerva make a great pair (as teacher and student, I mean, of course). I know everyone seems to overlook her influence in favor of Dumbledore, although I've always felt that she had a strong soft spot (which sounds like a total contradiction) for the boy, not only because he was ďThe Chosen OneĒ or because he was in her House, but because she genuinely liked him.

As I said, I think this is a great beginning you have here. The dialogue was extremely well-written, the characters spot-on and I really enjoyed your descriptions of the early morning, the coffee, the bitter November day. I almost felt like yawning along with Harry, haha. And may I just say, your banners are to die for! You are obviously both a talented writer and artist. :) Excellent job, all-around. I really liked reading this and will definitely come back for more.

Best,
Lee Anne

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Review #2, by victoria_anne Tea and Sorrow

22nd August 2016:
Hey Bex!

Aw... bless that lioness McGonagall.

The descriptions of James and Lily are so so beautiful. My heart aches for Harry, who is hearing it all and knowing he'll never get to meet them. I think your dialogue flows beautifully, too.

I absolutely love this line: when she looked at her student, she saw two ghosts looking back at her. That's gorgeous.

Ooh I'm very excited for the last instalment, especially if Sirius is in it! ♥

Wonderful work, Bex, make sure to let me know when the next chapter is up!

Love B

Author's Response: Bianca!!!

Writing this has honestly made me look at Harry so differently. Before I used to be like 'ugh, harry to say you're the chosen one you're bloody thick' now it's like, he can be a bit thick, but he's protective of his friends, and overall a very caring person √ʬô¬•

The epilogue should be up soon, I'm just waiting on my wonderful beta to make some well needed changes!!

Tysm bianca, your reviews always manage to make me smile! :D

Bex


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Review #3, by ABlack A Gryffindor is Not a Morning Person

19th August 2016:
Hello Bex, dear! Iím here to do a Slytherin House Hot Seat review!

So straight off from the story summary, you drop a heck of a provocative statement. Harry wanting to see his parents, or at least, their graves. Itís intriguing and yet at the same time, somewhat expected. At this point, heís only seen pictures of them or echoes when he turned his wand against Voldemort.

Mentioning Umbridge in passing was a really nice touch that allowed you to anchor when the story takes place. Well done. And the little bits about McGonagall thoughts about transforming into a Slytherin were amusing. McGonagallís admonishment about his homework at the end was perfect - of course sheíd know about Hermione occasionally helping him out.

Altogether you have the makings for an interesting story here. Iím curious where things will lead to when Harry finally does visit his parentsí grave.

~Alexis

PS - Having a beta isnít a bad thing. I rarely submit anything without it going through a beta first. :p

Author's Response: hey alexis!!!

That story summary was actually the first line I wrote! I was talking to someone over skype and was like, this sound really punch for a summary what do you think??? She liked it and from there I kept it in the fic :D

I had to mention Umbridge, they both have a mutual hate and she was key to the era. The reason harry and McGonagall met up in fifth year was because of Umbridge and Minerva's determination to let Harry follow his dreams to become an auror.

I'll be honest I think everyone who taught Harry knew that Hermione helped him. It's something I've always thought anyway.

About the beta thing, I actually got a beta, TenthWeasley (aka Rachel) she's been so helpful, so yes I would recommend getting a beta to anyone!

Thank you for such a great review!

Bex


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Review #4, by inexplicable Tea and Sorrow

13th August 2016:
So, I have a lot of emotions I kinda saved them for the last review a little bit in the hope that I could give you a nice long one here!

I think this is the first chapter I hadn't actually read before you posted it, so it was really nice to sort of see you go over the last chapter, kind of decompress from it and analyse what just happened after something that was very emotionally charged to begin with.

I really liked that you had them have tea (honestly so much better than coffee, fite me) and you just let them talk calmly, no sort of excessiveness, it was very them, and still incredibly sweet.

I loooved your descriptions of his parents, especially from her POV and how she would have known them as a teacher, whilst also trying to give Harry that sort of brief moment of closure, which he really needed at this time in his life that was very angry and held a lot of pain.

I honestly think you handled this entire story so far brilliantly, you've clearly been thinking about the point of time they've been in, and their characters and it shows and it really pays off in this kind of lost should be canon moment.

You also made me emotion a little bit which is so rude, I can't believe you would do this to me.

I can't wait for the next chapter bexicle, write it immediately I'm very excited to read it!

- hannah

Author's Response: personally offended you like tea more than coffee - I love both equally. I feel like some drinks are just required for certain situations, and for these two I thought - definitely tea.

Describing them from a teachers point of view was so difficult! I had to first of all throw any of my biases away (like wow how could u be so awful to snape both of you), and then I had to throw away Minerva's biases of the brief adults she saw.

The perspective had to be different, but Minerva's a good teacher. What I like about her is you could name any student from the first year she taught to present, and she'd give you a small bio no doubt. Even if they were really quiet, she'd tell you basically what they were good at etc... that's what I love about her.

The last chapter will be the last, for me it was very emotional to write...idk if I discussed it with you?? But given the characters it was very difficult √ʬô¬•

as always, thank you so much for another great review hannah!

Bex


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Review #5, by inexplicable Meeting Before the Storm

13th August 2016:
Ahh. Okay So. I think I really like this because it's kind of almost very Minerva centric for a huge part of the chapter, and it's all very matter of fact, and very much has her voice even in the narrative. Then to sort of dissolve into emotions that way, it's very stark in contrast but it really worked in that transition from Minerva's to Harry's narrative.
I absolutely thought you nailed Dumbledore too - he reminded me very much of like, early movies Dumbledore, I could picture that very soft voice and speech pattern super easily, and I really liked that.
I also really liked how you dealt with Harry's grief, it's not easy to write and emotional monologue of really any kind, and I think you did incredibly well, especially with Harry who isn't the most emotionally aware character at the best of times.
Another excellent chapter, bex my lovely.

- hannah

Author's Response: Hannah!
It's probably minerva centric just bc of all the love i have for her, and that I probs write her better than I do Harry. It's just a lot easier to get inside her head.

I love early movies dumbledore, I think those first two films with Richard Harris were perfect. I've realised I use the films for inspiration a lot more than the books, that's probably a bad thing aha.

a perfect review from you as always :D

Bex


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Review #6, by inexplicable A Gryffindor is Not a Morning Person

13th August 2016:
Bex my darling, I want you to know very much that you know I adore this story. I think, you're just very good at emulating a very JKR style of writing, and through that you nail the characters and speech patterns so perfectly that it really ends up being very much like reading the books.
I think my favourite part of this is that you weren't afraid to shy away from the hardest parts of Harry and Minvera, his sass and her abruptness, you don't pretend their relationship is more than how it was ever presented. I adore that I think it makes their connection in this chapter so much nicer to read, and shows just how much you love and understand their characters.
This was a wonderful first chapter, and even though I've already read it several times, it still makes me giggle and gives me the emotions, so well done my sweet friend.

- hannah

Author's Response: Hannah!!!
I know its fanfiction so we can do whatever we want, but i always feel like the style and characters have to be ic, so im glad you think so (and comparing me to jk excuse me while i have a heart attack).

I think the two of them have their flaws and its best to bring those out as well, as much as i love minerva she definitely has her faults.

My aim in life is to make you giggle hannah obviously so im glad i succeeded :D



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Review #7, by victoria_anne Meeting Before the Storm

9th August 2016:
Okay so now I should review what you actually requested.

McGonagall is totally in character here (she was in the first chapter too, but I forgot to mention it, whoops). The way she doesn't feel like she comforts students properly, and would rather leave it to Dumbledore, but she's still trying her hardest ♥

And Dumbledore still referring to Voldemort as Tom! That's something I always forget about. Seriously, the little details you put in are incredible.

More on McGonagall's character: "He couldíve gone to Remus, or gods forbid Sirius Black". Perfect! That is such a realistic thought for her to have of Sirius.

"I daresay he will Dolores, with your excellent reporting skills." I LOVE SASSY DUMBLEDORE.

I love how McGonagall won't take any nonsense from Umbridge (grr that woman really is a devil) but you've shown us the fierceness in McGonagall's character. I love it.

My heart really goes out to Harry in this! You've done a wonderful job in evoking emotions, especially with Harry wanting to go into the house for anything that might have been left there. That pull is so strong and natural and realistic, you've done such a great job with it. And him wondering about the traditions of normal families! *curls up in a ball and sobs*

Aw Snape leaving flowers for Lily! That's something I've never thought of him doing but surely he must have at least once!

Again, I thought Harry was in character, and I truly believe he would have had these thoughts, looking around Godric's Hollow at the life he may have had. The chapter never lagged, either.

As for whether what you're doing is right - as far as an AU fic goes, I think it's pretty perfect, and you've definitely got me hooked on what's going to happen next! I've enjoyed what you have here so far, I hope you request more in the future, once they're up!

♥ Bianca

Author's Response: hey :D
I was discussing with someone /how/ Minerva would comfort someone - because I don't see it very ic of her to hug someone, or if she did it would be about as awks as the voldie/draco hug in DH. That's why I wanted her to talk to Dumbledore about it, though I knew he'd persuade her.

I'm not sure what Minerva thought of Sirius, but she knows he's a very reckless gryffindor, and Harry is definitely reckless enough to go and ask him to go with him. She was just relieved that he had enough sense not to go to a wanted criminal and blow the entire thing. I did consider this being a Remus and Harry fic, but honestly - I'd have no idea where to start with Remus, I don't remember him much in the books and I'd be basing him entirely on the film portrayal (I mean David Thewlis is amazing with him, but I feel like I'd need to do more research.)...Minerva just seemed like the right person to go with Harry.

Ahhh sassy Dumbledore, I love it when lines/dialogue like that happens - I feel like I can be too cautious about being IC and then lines like that don't happen but as soon as I thought it, I had to keep it in. It was so Dumbledore, sassy without him being blatantly sassy.

Throughout the chapter I just wanted to hug Harry, and I've never even liked him that much - but this was just so sad I can't believe I wrote so much angst.

The Snape leaving flowers idea was something, again - I was unsure about. I think it was probably the most un-slytherin thing he'd ever do, but it's Lily and she's worth it to him (even though I don't ship them - I do believe that when Severus loves, he loves completely and truly - he's very passionate and strong with his emotions. When he hates, he really makes your life hell, but on the rare occasion that he loves, he'd probably die, or kill for that person.)

I'm so glad that you think I'm on the right track, and I'm glad I have you hooked! The next chapter wraps things up a little and is a bit more...chilled. It was my least favourite to write, but my beta is an amazing person and went over it for me, so I think it should be okay. I'm definitely going to request again if you have spaces free though - you've left two amazing reviews!!!

Bex


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Review #8, by victoria_anne A Gryffindor is Not a Morning Person

9th August 2016:
Hello you beautiful talented person!

I know you really only wanted chapter 2 reviewed, but, er, surprise!

I have a little confession to make. I actually came across this story just the other day when I was doing a shameless creep of your profile for any pretties that you make. Seriously, they're amazing!

Anywho.

Can she write as good as she arts? She can, ladies and gentlemen! She can!

Yon chapter here is a good 'un.

(And I totally believe that not being a morning person is a Gryffindor trait)

Hahaha oh Umbridge! I like how that little mention has also given us a sense of time in the story (because I couldn't remember when Harry started talking about becoming an Auror. I'm a horrible fan *hides*). Also the mentions of Dumbledore avoiding him. Poor Harry is in a really awful headspace :(

*cuddles him, strokes his hair and whispers, it gets better, it gets better... in two and a half more books.*

I believe 100% that Harry would have wanted to visit his parents grave before Book 7, or at least have thought about it. Especially since, in this, Harry is at a time in his life where he's especially scared and angry and feels incredibly alone.

Haha I love McGonagall's little tangent about turning into a Slytherin! I think she needs more coffee.

"I shanít be giving you the location now in case you get any foolish ideas of going by yourself." - Hahaha she knows Harry well!

Okay, let's get technical.
I have a habit of writing a review, and then going back to the thread to read your concerns. My first thoughts in the first paragraph were, "Yep, Harry and Ron are pretty in character!" without looking for it, so I don't think you need to concern yourself with that :) I was even picking up the tiny details, like Harry not liking coffee. My boy is definitely a tea drinker ♥

I know your major concerns were for chapter 2, which I'm about to hop over to now, but this was definitely a good first chapter. You've introduced us smoothly into what the story will be about (though I can't pick what to expect, and that's exciting!) and I really love the fact that it's set in Harry's fifth year. McGonagall has a point; leaving Hogwarts with Voldemort back and Umbridge in charge is surely going to have it's complications!

You have one or two grammar mistakes, but they're nothing major at all.

Wonderful to meet you, Bex :)

♥ Bianca

Author's Response: hey Bianca! This really is an amazing surprise, thank you so much for taking the time to review /both/ chapters.

Thank you!! Graphics are definitely more my thing, so I always worry that when I make a banner for a story, people might like that but then read the fic and be disappointed by my terrible writing aha.

I'm the same with never remembering when little tidbits took place, I have to check the books or check HP wikia for answers. Umbridge is mentioned more in chapter two, so I thought I'd give her a good introduction before she got stuck in *smirks*

Minerva definitely needs more coffee, I think I took that as inspiration from me - before coffee my head is all over the place and I can't function. I like to think that Minerva, and the majority of Gryffindors are the same (even though I'm a snake at heart):D

Harry's characterisation was something I was a little nervous about, seeing as the entire series is based around him, so standards are set pretty high, and it's a lot easier to spot OOCness if it's the main character of the saga haha.

I thought it'd be best for Minerva to be the voice of reason and basically mention every concern that I had when writing this fic - because with AU you can do what you want, but I kind of wanted it to make sense too. So I literally wrote out every problem with Harry going, and then solved it. It took me an hour to do - there were so many problems!

Thank you so much again Bianca


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Review #9, by MuggleMaybe A Gryffindor is Not a Morning Person

7th August 2016:
Hi Bex! I'm here with a review for gift tag. ♥

I've never read a story about Harry visiting his parents' graves prior to book 7 before and I think it's a really nice idea. It seems completely in character to me for Harry to be up early to make a request like this, because he's always restless and obsessive when his emotions are high.

You developed the conversation really nicely. At first, there's some mystery about what Harry wants. The description of Umbridge is SO good, too! hahaha!

Now, let's talk about McGonagall. I love her. You've captured the odd combination of passion and pragmatism that makes her so wonderful. There is a great dynamic between Harry and McGonagall here, too. It's like, undercover fondness. SO , on characterization, really well done. Harry too!

The dialogue was really fun. "Potter, I doubt it has escaped your notice but your parents are-Ē ďDead. Yeah, I know."

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reviewing :)
It was something that I thought was really plausible, and I wondered why JK hadn't put it in - I mean there's lots of implications, but maybe before GoF, there was definitely no reason not to go.

I love to hate Umbridge, it was so easy to write about her and give off that sense of dislike, because, well I'm yet to meet a person who says they like her.

Honestly, it makes me so happy that people have liked my characterisation of Minerva. She's my favourite character, when I was younger I had a teacher who was just like her so I draw a lot of inspiration for McGonagall from her.

That was honestly my favourite line to write, which sounds a bit tactless haha - but it was. A lot of the time dialogue comes before the plot, and that was one of the first lines that came to me. After that all the inspiration for the first three chapters came flooding in.

Thank you so much for such a great review!

Bex


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Review #10, by 1917farmgirl A Gryffindor is Not a Morning Person

1st August 2016:
Tagging you for Review Tag on HPFT.

This is a really cool concept for a story! I have honestly wondered why it took Harry so long to wonder about his parents' graves. I would have thought that would be one of the first things he wondered about.

I love how you have him going to McGonagall for help. Don't get me wrong, I'm one of those few folks that still manages to love Dumbledore even though I think he didn't make the best decisions in Book 5, but I really do think McGonagall cares a ton about her Gryffindor charges, Harry in particular. It's nice to see her being able to help him out.

I really enjoyed the picture of McGonagall that early in the morning. Somehow I feel better knowing she isn't a morning person ever. (Oh, and for the record, the play on words for your title is very nice!) And of course she would know he was pacing outside her office before he even knocked. :)

The line about driving the portraits crazy was great!

Nice start here! I hope Harry gets his wish to go to his parents' grave without too much hassle! Thanks for sharing!

Author's Response: hey!
I honestly thought the same thing, which is how this story came about. I was talking to someone about it, and she was like - why don't you write it...and so I have!

Since finding out more about him he's not my favourite anymore (but hey he's not so bad.) but in the next chapter there's more reasoning about why Dumbledore doesn't go. In the films and books Minerva always seemed to care about Harry a lot, and I love writing her, so I thought she'd fit the bill pretty well! :D

I thought it'd be a nice little intro to the story, like she has to wake up early every day, but she isn't happy about it! That moment of her knowing he was there before he even knocked was the kind of magic that I loved about the HP series...I can't describe it, but it's little fluffy things I wanted to get in now before the next few chapters.

Thanks so much for reviewing and I hope you stick around to find out if Harry gets to go see his parents'.

Bex


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Review #11, by Foggy A Gryffindor is Not a Morning Person

30th July 2016:
Hi Bex!

First of all, I think this is a great starting chapter- I really enjoy the clarity in your writing and how all your sentences flow nicely into each other. The summary doesn't give much away so i'm interested into which direction you'll take this story, especially since it's been labelled as 'AU'

The only mistake I noticed, and this is just me being extremely nit picky but at one point McGonagall refers to Harry as 'the chosen one' and since this is set in his fifth year- he hasn't been given that name yet?

But overall I think you wrote all the characters well, personally I find it hard to emulate HP character dialogue in general, which is why I stick to Next Gen whenever I attempt my own fanfic (it never gets posted online because it's so crap lol) but you nailed both Harry and McGonagall, so good job with that :)

Mia x

Author's Response: hey Mia!

Well I think if anything it's slight AU - I mean it doesn't change things massively, but it does change things a little. I just wonder why he never got curious about wanting to visit their graves.

Ahhh yes, I just realised that mistake myself, although in the next chapter there's a line where I mention him being the chosen one. It's my favourite line in the entire piece, so I think I'm gonna have to keep it. Let's call it AU privilege??? Idk, it's a silly mistake I'm sorry I hope it didn't break it up too much.

Thank you again for such a lovely review!

Bex


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Review #12, by SilverMoonFairy A Gryffindor is Not a Morning Person

30th July 2016:
Tag! *salute*

I am excited to catch a new person in Tag, and this story was just updated today, what a treat! So, hi Bex! I'm Liz! Nice to meet you! *shakes hand vigorously*

I love McGonagall! You have her voice written so on point! She is a character I don't get to see done justice very often, so this is another treat!

I can identify so much with Harry in this story you're creating. I have my parents still, but I don't go to them for advice and the people I do go to are no longer with me. It's very comforting to be able to talk to something, even if it doesn't talk back. There is a feeling of peace along with the sadness when you're sitting at a loved one's graveside. There is also an anxiety, like maybe you're doing everything wrong and they wouldn't approve.

I'm going to cry just thinking about it!

So, a rather nice start for your story! I'm interested to see where all you will be taking it and what will happen. Am I going to cry? No, don't tell me... (Okay, tell me!)

Getting a Beta is a personal decision- they can be great for proof reading or bouncing around ideas, but you don't need one unless you think you do and if you're having trouble or need a second opinion on a chapter or one-shot, you can always ask for a quick beta! I think you're pretty good as is- I only found a couple of things (listed below). There might be more, but I try to only find mistakes in passing otherwise I can't enjoy the story. ^_^

Technicals! (Things that I find spelling/grammar/structure wise that may need fixed.)

He couldnít speak to the Headmaster, who had turned into a ghost over the last few months. Professor Dumbledore refused to speak to the Gryffindor, which gave him no other option to speak to his head of house.
These sentences seem rather redundant as the Headmaster and Professor Dumbledore are the same person.

(and the Dursleys though when did they ever seem to be interested.)
I feel like that period should be a question mark as it sort of turns into a question.

That's all! I hope to see you in tag again!
-Liz

Author's Response: hey liz, it's nice to meet you as well! Thank you for reviewing! Minerva is my /favourite/ character in the entire series, so that really is a compliment of the highest order!!

I think for me, this period in the series Harry would've needed his parents the most, so it's kind of sad/confusing for him that he's missing people he never even knew.

Well it does get quite angsty in the next chapter (no more spoilers after that!) ...and I cried when I wrote some of it! So we'll see, but I hope it tugs on a few heartstrings.

I spoke to someone about beta-ing, I mean grammar is very important for reading, but as well I really value characterisation and plot legitimacy so I just want someone to go over and check that mainly! Also, thank you for looking over for technical faults!! It's really useful!

Again thank you for the review, and I most likely will be in the review tag thread again soon!

Bex


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