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4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MargaretLane The Hogwarts Express

30th October 2016:
Hmmm, this stuff about her finding a way to teach herself elemental manipulation could get ominous. A 1st year trying to learn complicated magic by themselves is unlikely to end well. She DEFINITELY seems a pretty headstrong character and I bet she'll have a pretty tough time once school starts. She seems way too used to being able to do things her own way. If there are any teachers like Snape, she's in for a really tough time.

Poor Albus. He really DOES have a lot to live up to. His father is a war hero. His aunt and uncle are war heroes. Presumably his aunt is also a high-ranking Ministry official who is rumoured to be a possible future Minister of Magic. His mother is a famous Quidditch player. His dad was the youngest Quidditch player on a Hogwarts team in something like a hundred years. He must feel like whatever he does, he's going to fall short.

"Hazing" is a pretty American term for James to use. I've never heard it outside American college stories.

One of your characters describes something as a "bias statement" when it should be "biased statement."

Also, this is all one sentence: ""What a ridiculously bias statement." A female's voice broke in." So there shouldn't be a full stop in the middle of it. It should be "'What a ridiculously biased statement,' a female's voice broke in."

*grins* Rose really seems like Hermione all over again. I suspect the other kids are going to get rather irritated with her on occasion.

*laughs* Albus doesn't have that many cousins - only 9. That's probably below average as most people have cousins on both sides of the family. Say both parents were one of three and each of the siblings had three kids, that would be six cousins on each side, which would be 12, three more than Albus has. And that's assuming all small to average families. Having no cousins on his father's side sort of makes up for having a biggish family on his mother's. And even that isn't THAT big. Despite the Weasleys' reputation for big families, it seems like all of Ron's generation had small to medium ones. It probably seems like more when they are all attending the same school though.

*laughs at him blaming Slytherin for GRINDLEWALD* Your portrayal of James really seems to fit with how he appears in the epilogue.

Hmm, this part about her father attending Hogwarts but "not being able to" finish makes things even more intriguing. Perhaps his parents pulled him out when Voldemort started to rise.

"Candy" is an American term. I rather doubt Hogwarts students would use it. Albus would ask for "a sweet" or "a bar of chocolate" or "a cake" depending on what he wanted, not "a piece of candy."

Okay, this teacher seems interesting. Even his name sounds like it has some dark meaning.

And it sounds like the Headmaster wasn't even a teacher beforehand. That's interesting. Maybe none of the teachers wanted it. Or maybe this person was promoted over their heads for a reason - the Ministry interfering in Hogwarts again?

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Review #2, by MargaretLane Diagon Alley

30th October 2016:
She's a parselmouth? Hmm, I wasn't expecting that. I don't suppose she can have any connection to the Slytherin family, since Voldemort was supposed to be the last heir. Probably just a coincidence. There are probably other families that have the same talent.

Scorpius seems to take after his dad. I always find it interesting how people portray him because I've seen everything from Draco Mark II to Draco's complete opposite. He's an interesting character, having been raised by a father who experienced so much trauma and growing up in a family that has by that point learnt that so many of their ideals were wrong.

"Aye" is more of a Scottish word than an Irish one. I think it might be used in Northern Ireland, not sure, but I have certainly never heard anybody use it.

Hmm, that comment about wanting to be extraordinary sounds somewhat Slytherin, though the strength could fit with Gryffindor.

Yikes, that wand sounds a bit creepy. I wonder what is in store for Aileen.

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Review #3, by MargaretLane New Beginning

30th October 2016:
Had to read this between the indication of a next generation mystery and the Irish setting.

If her father has the same accent as her then she wouldn't see him as having an accent. A thick accent would be one that differed greatly from her own like an American accent or something. It's unlikely she'd consider her father's accent thick unless he had a very different accent from her for some reason, like he wasn't Irish and hadn't raised her.

"Oughta" doesn't sound quite right. I get teased about "sounding English" when I use the word "ought" - result of reading too many old fashioned English books growing up. "Should have" would be more usual.

Hmm, I wonder why the father didn't have the opportunity to get an education - political reasons, perhaps. There was a time when going to school in the UK might not have been too popular. Or perhaps he grew up in the era of Voldemort and his parents didn't consider Hogwarts safe. Or maybe it has something to do with the mystery.

I think it's very interesting that she grew up in a carnival and I like the way you've highlighted how difficult it will be for her to conform to the restrictions of school.

Hmm, her parents' names sound kind of American. Not of course that there aren't people in Ireland with British or American names, but it would be less common among her parents' generation than hers and she has a very common name.

The father sounds pretty stern. Of course he's quite right that 11 is too young to make your own decisions about your future, but the way he says it sounds almost threatening.

A dirt road is called a boreen in Ireland.

*laughs at her not liking to be bossed around* She's going to have a rough time at Hogwarts in the beginning, I reckon, considering all its strict rules.

I don't blame her for being horrified at the idea of attending Hogwarts. Living away from your family for months on end at the age of 11, six weeks' summer holidays instead of the three months normal in Ireland. It can't be easy and I like that you addressed that. A lot of authors have the characters as positive about Hogwarts as Harry was despite those characters having much closer relationships with their families and being far more likely to miss them.

I'm looking forward to seeing what house Aileen ends up in - she seems like a Gryffindor so far - and what new teachers Hogwarts will now have.

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Review #4, by whatsthetimemrwolf The Hogwarts Express

30th October 2016:
I really like this story so far! It's got some very interesting additions that I haven't read before (e.g. her dad being a carnie, and bringing a snake as a familiar). Can't wait to see where this story goes!

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