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Reading Reviews for Storge
  
11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Dojh167 Storge

24th April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

Your title and summary are super perfect.

Wow, I am so entranced by this. It was disorienting at first, but it is clearly meant to be, and you do a really wonderful job of capturing Ariana.

I loved everything about colors and eyes, and particularly “we’re all the same hue of numb regret.”

Oooh, I really like referring to Grindelwald as Albus’ shadow/reflection!

I like that Ariana can see that Albus uses words as a weapon. That really cuts to the essential and sometimes harsh depths of Albus.

I like “But oh brother while your heart weakens for this rude German boy his only grows stronger – he feeds off you like a starving parasite.” I dislike the idea that Gellert didn’t return Albus’ feelings (in part because that reduces the only canon queer relationship to one sided), but whether or not that is true here, I really like how this line expresses the very different effects an intimate relationship can have on the different people involved.

There are such fascinating disparities in the way Ariana thinks - she goes from saying things that are very eloquent to things that are disjointed and simplistic, and I really like that. It seems more appropriate than the obvious temptation to make her altogether simplistic. She was raised a Dumledore and she is surrounded by Albus and Gellert’s eloquence, it makes sense that she would mirror some of it, regardless of how much sense it makes to her. This actually makes her a really fascinating middle ground between Albus and Aberforth.

Omg “wouldn’t the world be better if we sewed our ears together. No more rubbish, no more poison” is everything that is perfect about this story. The poetry, the eloquence, the disjointedness, the sadness. ♥ I am so into it.

“What on earth is an Ariana?” No comment necessary, it’s just perfect.

What really struck me about this was how calm the transition seemed, from Ariana being alone and as peaceful as typical to being in the middle of the fight. Everything in this story had a strange calmness to it, which worked really well with Ariana’s detached state, and kept her that way even as things became more intense around her.

Wow, and she kind of deliberately did what she did. OF course she wasn’t totally conscious of the consequences, but she knew there would be consequences and she chose to act accordingly.

This was simply stunning, and definitely the best thing on Ariana that I’ve read. Excellent work!

Sam.

Author's Response: Hi Sam! Thank you so much for the review. Usually I'm the least poetic person in the world - nothing ever flows - but I think that's because that's how *I* am. Like you said, Ariana is a Dumbledore, and she's been surrounded by these eloquent people - and she thinks completely differently to anyone I've ever known, which is probably why I was able to do this! Thank you so so much for the compliments, they've made my week!

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Review #2, by Felpata Lupin Storge

24th April 2017:
Hello, here for CTF!
Oh, this was really beautiful. Sad, heartbreaking, but beautiful. Your writing was so powerful and so poetic, I really loved it.

I loved the comparison with the goats, silent, quiet, observant. I loved that you used that to show the deep bond between Ariana and Aberforth as well. I loved the theme of the eyes as well, the contrast between Albus' wild fire and Aberforth's kindness. All your descriptions are so vivid and evocative and just wonderfully done.

The bit about Kendra... that's so sad, too... there's something endearing about her thoughts of her mother in hiding, I'm not sure if it's actual naivety or not, but I still find it sweet. *hugs for Ariana*

Grindelwald's presence really is like a plague in their family and I think it is so interesting that Ariana could see him for what he was. I like that she is so wise in her own way.

The fear of magic is another theme that come across very strong in this story. Especially in the last section, during the fight. I could see how she felt that magic was a illness that was devouring them all, it was actually happening in that moment, I believe.

This was such good writing and such a lovely story, and I know I didn't make it justice with my review but I really think it was so incredibly good!

I'll leave now, but thank you for the wonderful read.
Lots of love,
Chiara

Author's Response: Hi Chiara!

Thank you so much for all your kind words, I'm blushing!! Writing about Grindewald was really quite a challenge for me. Because I wanted dumbledore/gellert to work so much but I knew deep down that even if she was wrong, Ariana would never trust him.

Some people confuse Ariana being ill with Ariana being stupid, and she definitely wasn't that. I think she just had a different thought process to other people, magic brought her pain as a child - therefore in her eyes it's obvious that she should repress it. I think she herself feels a lot of guilt deep down, but there is a little bit of that child like naivety still there in her.

Again, thank you so much - your review really made me smile!

Bex


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Review #3, by krazyboutharryginny Storge

4th April 2017:
Hey Bex, here for CTF.

Wow! This was amazing. It was such a smart choice to write this in first person and follow Ariana's train of thought like that. All the run-on sentences and funny little metaphors served perfectly as a window into Ariana's damaged mind, her personality, and the way she understood the world around her.

One of the most effective things, I think, for demonstrating Ariana's perspective was how she didn't understand where her mother was gone. The reader understands based on canon and Ariana's description of events that Ariana has accidentally killed her, but Ariana doesn't understand that and is innocently wondering where her mother has gone. It also seemed that she was not upset about her missing mother, rather sort of curious/puzzled, which I think was also a smart choice, because it highlighted how she's only really upset about magic/words/noise, rather than being upset by or having a real understanding of the things that are going on around her.

Another really effective moment was when she heard Grindelwald say "Ariana" and thought "What on earth is an Ariana?" - just kind of showed how she couldn't retain things and was sort of lost in her own head, idk how to describe it but yeah :P

I thought the ending was absolutely brilliant, I loved how the eyes kept coming up and that was such a powerful last sentence. Despite her shaky grasp on the world around her, Ariana had an awareness that something had been stolen from her even if she didn't understand exactly what, and that was such a brilliant way to communicate that.

Great work with this piece!

-Kayla

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Review #4, by MadiMalfoy Storge

6th January 2017:
Hi Bex! You requested this ages ago in my HPFT review thread but I'm finally here! :)

You were mainly concerned with your writing style and the flow of the story, but I want to touch on a few other things first. In your author's note, you mentioned that this is your first time writing Ariana Dumbledore and in this type of point of view. I also am rather unfamiliar with Ariana's character (partially due to my continued extended absences from fanfic) but I think you've done her justice! What we get from canon is so minimal and also from the POV of Aberforth. The way you've styled this is conducive to the way she is portrayed in canon as well--an unstable, quiet, odd girl with a strong mind. First person POV can be challenging to write, especially if you forget to stay in it (I've done it multiple times only to go back and read through my words and realize it then), but it truly fits the theme of this story. If you had written this from third person POV, it would have seemed lacking in character traits for Ariana because her battle is waged in her mind. The first person point of view allows for these battles to be seen more visually and their complexity and briefness illustrated. Your way of jumping between thought trains with each paragraph is really neat and helps keep the flow smooth while still transitioning through each different "scene" with ease.

You really have done a wonderful job with this sad story. I do hope you branch out again and write another minor character soon!! Please feel free to hop in my review thread again for another story :)
~MadiMalfoy x

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Review #5, by marauderfan Storge

22nd August 2016:
Hi Bex! This is for Gift Tag!

I love stories about Ariana, so I was really excited to read this. And what a great POV you've used here. It can be hard to write characters in first-person who are a little out of touch with what's going on around them, because they don't really see themselves as out of touch with their surroundings. They just see their surroundings in a different way. And that's what you've done here, in a way that says a lot about Ariana.

It feels very appropriate that you chose to write kind of a stream-of-consciousness pattern to this. It jumps around a lot, focusing repeatedly on certain themes such as goats and eyes, and she says very little out loud compared to all that's going on in her head. In her head, this flow of thoughts makes perfect sense to her, but to an outsider who only hears what she says out loud, she would seem to be not entirely there, hence the pity she gets from Gellert and from her brothers - but unlike how they assume she is, she knows that they pity her and she doesn't like it. She knows she's sick, at the end. But she sees a lot more than everyone else gives her credit for.

I also like the way you gave an insight into how Ariana felt. Among other things it's plain she suffers from anxiety, what with how she has to remind herself to breathe. I really liked the way you showed that so clearly without having to 'tell' anything. The whole story really is a great example of 'showing rather than telling', you did a great job with that.

This is really lovely! I'm so glad I stopped by to read it!

Author's Response: hey!

I don't see Ariana as having anything 'wrong' with her, and I'm sure Ariana wouldn't either, which is why I wrote her as any 'normal' person, but just with a different outlook. I knew third person wouldn't do for this kind of story, because it might distance her too much. I'm glad you think it worked!

I've done a few stream-of-consciousness exercises before at uni, but they were more for drama based stuff, but it made it a lot easier and fun to write rather than just straight 1st or 3rd person.

I think she would've had anxiety, I mean she's aware that she can't control her magic, and I think the effects of that would be a lot of panic attacks afterwards. But in that period anxiety definitely wasn't really known of or spoken about (v early 1900s??? I don't think people acknowledged mental health, i may be wrong.), and i suspect that the wizarding world would be the same.

Such a lovely review, it's nice to see someone who loves Ariana just as much as I do!! Thank you :D

Bex


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Review #6, by inexplicable Storge

30th July 2016:
Bex my sweet love look at you writing now I'm so proud just for that. But even better, you started off your writing with a bang, well... a very soft, gentle, poetic bang, but a bang nonetheless.

I think I said to you when I first read this, and it still stands now, I love this like gentle flow you have going on. Writing in this way is very hard to do, but adding the stream of consciousness, the thoughtfulness to the metaphors you were trying to put across and making it flow quickly but not frantically, made this perfect. It captured Ariana wonderfully, it made the story as beautiful as it was tragic, and now you must write fifty more things as pretty as this no exceptions.

Also the eye metaphors, a++ would metaphor again.

Thank u for the shout out my sweet friend, now go write some more things immediately so I can read them all!

- Hannah

Author's Response: ahhh hannah banana!

I think it probably worked because I read a lot of monologues, and I like working with these kinds of character - so it was a good match for me.

You know how much your opinion means to me so tysm banana for all your lovely comments


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Review #7, by ABlack Storge

28th July 2016:
Hello Bex!

I found your gem of a dark one-shot via the Slytherin Review Tag. Just wow! It's a rare tale in which someone tackles the challenge of writing from a debilitated character's POV, and you handled it so deftly. There is a sense of frustration and aching mental anguish that comes across so vividly.

I love how she likens herself to the goats and the point she makes about their eyes. Oh, and how she instinctively doesn't trust Albus or Gellert - what painfully sharp insights of those two that everyone else who is “normal” seem to be blind to.

Overall, you did a fantastic job bringing Ariana to life. I look forward to reading more of your stories!

~Alexis

Author's Response: hi alexis!
I like that we're seeing more fics on mental illness, but I felt like a first person perspective on Ariana was needed. I'm not sure how many people have done this, but I haven't seen it around.

I wanted to write it in the sense that Ariana didn't know she was ill, and thought she was fine. She knew something was wrong and she questioned herself a lot, but she didn't think she was unstable, just unsure of herself. I imagine her to still be really aware of what's going on around her and perceptive of everyone, just not herself. I hope that's what came across!

Ariana doesn't see the famous Headmaster of Hogwarts who has these kind twinkling eyes, instead she sees a boy who grew up with pain, a vast intelligence and wanted to do things for the 'greater good'. I know she loved him, but she didn't trust him - and in a way (in regards to Gellert) he was just too naive. She saw Albus Dumbledore the child/teenager who hadn't grown up. Ariana's death, in my mind at least, was the catalyst that sparked his maturity.

I had a lot of fun writing about the goats, I mean the story got darker as it went on so I thought we needed a slightly humourous starting point.

Again, thank you so much for taking the time to review and I'm glad you liked it!

Bex


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Review #8, by Anonymous Muggle Storge

27th July 2016:
This was moving. Poor old Ariana. Wonderful choices of character and focus.

I liked the subtlety of Gellert's treatment, and the way Ariana thinks of Albus and Aberworth puts a whole new dimension to those characters in just a few sentences.

This deserves a Dobby for wielding a canon character.

Author's Response: hi, thanks so much for reviewing! I've always thought that Ariana's story hasn't been explored, especially towards the end.

I really wasn't sure how Ariana would react to Gellert, but given that I think she's so much more insightful than she lets on I doubt it would've been positive and I'm glad you liked it.

A dobby?! Wow thank you so much, that's really made my day!

Again, such a lovely review - thank you!

Bex


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Review #9, by Anon Storge

27th July 2016:
Beautifully written, and I love the 'eyes' theme- very creative!

Author's Response: thank you so much!!

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Review #10, by TenthWeasley Storge

27th July 2016:
Bex! I was so excited to come here and read this, ever since I saw your pretty banner -- but you know what the best thing about this one-shot was? The words were just as pretty. ♥ I love that you've done this about Ariana, and what's more, you really kept to that sort of not-quite-there element that we get a vague sense of in canon. I think writing this in a bit of a stream of consciousness style was a really brilliant artistic move, actually. And you did it very well!

But for me, the best line was this:

It’s consumed Aberforth too I will not let it take my brother – magic will not drown him.

This sort of made my heart hurt, and that's a good thing (promise!) because all of a sudden it hit me just how sucky it must have been for her, hidden away, repressing all this magic that she didn't know what to do with -- and she probably was terrified of it, you're absolutely right. And then there's this fear of Albus, which is spot on -- because he's nothing like the saint that some people make him out to be -- and this love of Aberforth, who doesn't get enough credit in canon. And it all just sort of hit me with that line, and I think that's amazing, that so few words can pack such an emotional punch.

I'm so glad you're writing again, because you need to write more stuff. ♥ Although you're quickly turning into one of those people who's a threat because of their artistic prowess, graphics and writing and all -- SO STOP IT.

(But don't.)

I seriously loved this, Bex! More please!

Author's Response: Rachel! This review has honestly made my day! I know words have a lot of power but I didn't know mine could at all. I mean that line meant a lot to me, because it was one of few thoughts that were clear in Ariana's head. As well, what I don't think she realised is that people grow up. I don't think she did properly, she just refused to advance in any way because of what happened. But Aberforth became tormented by her actions, as did Albus, but he learned from it. I think Aberforth did too, because he was pretty brilliant but never wanted to outshine his brother and knew he would never match up to him in fame so he went the opposite way. I mean running a pub and running a school are two completely different things.

I'm glad I finally got back into writing, I'm having a lot of fun! But honestly I'm not a threat at all, I still have a lot to learn!

Again, thank you so much lovely


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Review #11, by ImaRavenclaw Storge

27th July 2016:
Hello! Lily here with review tag.

Let me just start by saying, I never read stories in this era, so this is my first one. I'm glad I did, it was really good. I never really understood Ariana, or her story, but she's still such an interesting character.

Your descriptions are so vivid, I can see everything happening in my head. I love how she has this theory about her mother giving her eyes to Albus, and all her theories in general.

I never saw a person having anything in common with goats...

I liked your introduction/explaination of Gellert. It intrigues you, but doesn't give you the information you long for, leaving you begging for more. It could've been nice if you'd made the one-shot longer and had a deep story (not that this wasn't!). I'd love to see what you would do with this if you ever did a re-write.

This is dark, you should write more like this.

-ImaRavenclaw

P.S. You did Ariana justice, more then you perhaps thought.

Author's Response: hi Lily, firstly i'd just like to say thanks for taking the time to review! I'm so glad you liked Ariana's theory, it was my favourite bit to write! I really wanted to show people that these ideas she has are ridiculous but she has so much conviction with what she says!

I never thought anyone could have anything in common with them either, but I felt like I needed something peculiar to start the story to give people a strong sense of Ariana's personality. I hope it worked!

I didn't even think of looking into Gellert's character more, thanks so much for suggesting it!!

Again thank you so much!

Bex


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