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1 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MargaretLane The Story Begins

1st August 2016:
This story does sound interesting. The title is intriguing as is the comment about the foe being both new and ancient.

And I totally agree that you don't need to include everything revealed in an interview. They change so often anyway. I stick as close as possible but if things don't fit with what I need - or I just hate them - I ignore them.

This is a bit nitpicky and it's one of those things a beta reader will sort out anyway, but you really need some commas and a question mark in this sentence: '“Um Lily I need to change and get ready. Could you tell mum I’ll be down in a moment please” asked Albus as he grabbed a clean shirt and jeans from his drawer.' You should have a comma after Lily's name and you also need punctuation at the end of what Albus says. In this case it would be a question mark, as it's a question. If it wasn't a question it would be a comma.

There really must be a lot of pressure on Albus and his siblings. Being the children of a national hero can't be easy.

I'm looking forward to meeting James and seeing how you portray him.

Oooh, that comment about getting "you know what" out of the vault in Gringott's is intriguing. Wonder what's going on here.

This is a dramatic opening to the story. A load of Death Eaters escaping! I think Harry's reaction is very realistic too. He really wouldn't want to return to the days of the war that blighted his entire childhood.

Considering the Dementors supported Voldemort in the war, I'm surprised they'd be trusted to guard Azkaban again. I wonder if they did this deliberately in order to aid the escape.

Hmm, I wonder if Herpo the Foul is in some way connected to the ancient evil.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading! I am posting on another site as well and actually got that same dementor question/statement.Not all left for Voldemort.some of the older ones stayed for an easy meal.they could either still be those older ones or bred new ones that are still loyal or to lazy to search for its own food :p

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