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Reading Reviews for Broken
  
8 Reviews Found

Review #1, by SUM Broken

14th June 2016:
Mr.Penn
This manuscript is awesome.
Molly Weasley has always been an inspiration and I liked your writing style from a mother-sided view. I would also appreciate further if you get out from your maternal radar of protecting Molly's family and write more about the three rants - Harry, Hermione and Ron (no matter how much we have seen them in the books, we still want to read a lot about them too)

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Review #2, by MadiMalfoy Broken

23rd May 2016:
Hi! I'm here with the review you requested a couple of weeks ago :)

When I saw this challenge pop up in the story challenges section, I knew that there were going to be some very talented writers out there who would manipulate their skill in a form they may not have worked with yet but who would still create something unbelievable. Your piece is absolutely stunning and I bow down to your creativity and prowess with your craft.

Not only have you managed to show us Molly's perspective of the final final battle of Hogwarts, you've weaved in some Celtic legend with the main theme of the painting overarching as well. It all flows so nicely, I don't even know how you managed to do all of this in 3300 words! I read up a bit on the piece you were given - "Broken Column" by Frida Kahlo and all of the pain and despair and resolve she must have been feeling when she painted that really shine through here. You made it clear that this piece was very strongly based in the painting without focusing on the painting itself.

Your words themselves paint such a beautiful yet horrible picture as Molly must endure the torture and death of her dearest family members and "extended" family one by one after another. Even with this extensive amount of heartbreak and horror thrown in her face for what must feel like days, Molly still refuses to break, and only strengthens her resolve to defeat Bellatrix and save all those that she can. You make the horror present without submitting us to all of the nitty gritty details, which is good--it's obvious this story is dark but we don't need the full visual to get the impact it has on the characters, so that's very well done on your part.

In general, this is a rather phenomenal piece and I would be happy to read something else of yours sometime if you want to re-request from me anytime. :)
~MadiMalfoy x

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Review #3, by adluvshp Broken

17th May 2016:
Hey Kshitij! I finally got the time to stop by and check your new one-shot!

As always, your writing amazes me. It's really well done! I loved how you took Morrigan the war goddess and painted her as a witch here. The concept of Molly being transported to her realm and subjected to all that Morrigan tried to show her and break her and get her to not fight Bellatrix, was unique, intricate, and beautifully written.

Molly's characterisation was perfect too. You showed us the fierce mother she is and the lengths she'd go to protect her own. Despite seeing so much pain and despair, she still found the strength in herself to fight and prove Morrigan wrong. And she won. That was poetic and profound.

Your descriptions throughout were beautiful, and I really liked how you described Morrigan, as well as her realm and how she showed Molly the things that'd cause her pain. Fred's death, Tonks' death, and Ginny's deaths all were especially moving - and well at least am glad Ginny's wasn't true.

All in all, this was a great one-shot with the right amount of emotion, action, and concept. I really liked it. Great work!

Cheers
Angie
(Lost Muse)

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Review #4, by victoria_anne Broken

16th May 2016:
YES. MOLLY. GO MOLLY.

Hi there! I'm here with a review for you! ♥

Of course, as soon as I finished this story and read your author note, I hurried along to Google to check out 'Broken Column', and I must say, knowing that you wrote this from that inspiration, it made me enjoy it much more.

(I also love all things Celtic)

You've done a fantastic job with Molly. Like truly fantastic. I know you asked about the horror aspect, so you answer your question - yes, that is certainly coming through, especially in the part with Fabian, that was truly awful to read.

I was hooked on every word, desperate to see how it ended, and really afraid for Molly too! But you didn't disappoint me, nor did Molly break, which is amazing ♥ At first I thought she had died and was at her own little afterlife version of Kings Cross! Morrigan was such a cool character to bring in, no matter how much she tested Molly.

Molly truly is the woman in 'Broken Column' here. She's been through so much hardship, especially in the war, as we saw, yet remains strong and stands straight and looks death straight in the eye. I truly love it.

Well done on this piece, you've done a fantastic job, and good luck with the challenge!

♥ Bianca

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Review #5, by PaulaTheProkaryote Broken

15th May 2016:
Hello there!

Before I begin my essay (prepare for incoherent rambling), I have to say that the thing that grabbed me most of all was your characterization of Molly. Those first few paragraphs just felt so Mollyish. I could feel her heart breaking at the sight of Harry's limp body. I felt her heart breaking at all of the deaths. Most of all, I felt her fierceness. She loves fiercely and battles fiercely and I'm quite certain that I'd be terrified to be on the other side of her wand during this battle. I really think that facing Mórrígan really emphasized the Gryffindor characteristics of Molly.

I also really liked the Mórrígan scenes because at first I was thinking maybe she was at her own "Kings Cross" like Harry, but then when I realized what was going on and the way you tied in legends that would make sense for the region, it just really improved the story in a way I wouldn't have expected it to if I hadn't read it myself. It was really quite well done. Even when she should have broken, she was still resilient. She channeled it to save her sweet baby and win. You're seriously the master of characterization.

As for the horror aspect, the entire scene of Fabian being tortured was undeniably horrific. I think you did a really excellent job with it. It was perfectly cruel and savage, exactly as I would expect from someone like her. It's easy to make scenes like that almost tawdry (like half the horror movies I watch on a regular basis), but you kept it realistic and avoided cheesing it up (that's a real phrase, don't judge me).

Overall, I think you're really talented with characterization. I think this story is the kind of story that I'll be digesting for weeks. One of those stories I analyze in the shower. The chaos of the battle really shines through, but it wasn't chaotic to read. I'm not even sure if that makes sense.

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Review #6, by Felpata Lupin Broken

14th May 2016:
Hi, Penn!
Here with your requested review! :)

Well... this was surely unusual. I must confess that I was a bit confused by what was going on at first... Still, I couldn't draw my eyes off of your brilliant writing... and once I figured it out I found it awesome!

I love what you did with Molly's character here. We all know her strenght and courage. And we all know that she would do anything to keep her family together. Still, seeing her reviving all that hardship, and being so broken, and yet finding the strenght to transform that suffering and fear in rage and will to fight... It was incredible!

What horrified me the most was Fabian's torture. That was so hard to read (and yet, I couldn't tear my eyes away... really, how do you write so beautifully?) You really showed the cruelty and brutality of the Death Eaters. I could feel the pain of it.

Great job. And lovely touch to close the story on that particular line. Wonderful portrayal of one of the strongest women in the saga.

Much love, as always.
Chiara

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Review #7, by Gabriella Hunter Broken

14th May 2016:
Hello!

Surprise! This is Gabbie from the forums here with your review. :D

It's always nice delving into your work and I'm so happy that you put this in my review thread but I was actually going to check it out the same day you sent me your message. Real life got in the way though but I'm so happy that I'm here now! :D

This is so good! I'm honestly just blown away by the uniqueness of this story. I don't think I've ever read anything like it before and I was absorbed the entire time.

You've chosen to write during a very chaotic time and I was actually really tense reading the first few paragraphs. The Battle of Hogwarts is really difficult to write but I think you've done a great job here.

You've captured the panic, pain and all of those powerful emotions so well. Molly as a main character is the perfect person to show this perspective from too. We know that she's strong but through her eyes, there's this gut wrenching depth to it that I love.

A mother who lost two of her sons, it seems and it losing her will to go on. I think you balanced out her strengths and weaknesses so well. Molly isn't a character that I'm familiar with writing much but she felt so real here, you just gave her so many layers.

I was really scared for a minute that she had been killed but instead, she's transported to an entirely different realm! Very interesting twist here and I think the entire conversation with Mórrígan was so well done. You've given such a broad history with her character and even though this is just a one-shot, I get the feeling that she's always been around.

The way that she breaks Molly down was kind of cruel, I suppose but I think it was the only way to get Molly to become so fearless. The possible death of Ginny and the way Molly had to watch Fred and her brothers die was just so painful.

Beautifully written but so hurtful, you really packed in the emotions! I'm a little sad that Molly won't remember her experience with Mórrígan but at the same time, I hope that she won't see her again. Hahaha.

You ended this wonderfully and there's this great action. It's dramatic and a powerful way to show how far Molly has come. This was a really great read!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #8, by TheEmotionalTeaspoon Broken

9th May 2016:
Hello, Kate here from the forums!

This was a really interesting read, especially as you used such an iconic scene to tie it together. I was waiting for the famous line, and I really like that you put it at the end, it definitely rounded the piece off nicely!

There were a few sentences that were a bit wordy, and in one or two instances you repeated words, where perhaps a synonym might have worked better. That said, it's nothing a quick edit couldn't fix, just keep your eyes open for sentences that could be made simpler. I think maybe the first 'sand' in this sentence was supposed to be 'mist': "As she came to her senses, she realized it wasn’t sand before her eyes, it was sand"

On the other hand, I really loved this line: "No clouds littered the heavens and no birds flew." Quite poetic!

The horror aspect definitely came through, most prominently with Fabian's torture. I think the emotional nature of the entire story, and the scene it was taken from also worked well to convey the sort of fear and emotion you're going for too. The only thing that occurred to me here was that, if I was witnessing what Molly was seeing, I think I'd feel quite sick and physically uncomfortable, and perhaps a description of Molly's physical reaction would help to hit it home to readers how it would feel to be in that situation.

Generally, I thought this was a really intriguing read, and I was definitely kept interested as I wondered whether Molly was going to succeed or not! I also like the realm you created, it seemed quite realistic because it reminded me of the train station Harry experienced when he died, so we know that those sort of in between places exist.

Great work!

-Kate xx

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